u/whatisitargonian

So I grew up with ADHD (hence why this is needlessly long and I'm so sorry), could never sit down and read, then I read Walden after watching Into The Wild bc I loved the Chris McCandless story so much. I loved Walden and it kindled a love for reading for the first time in my life. Then I hit 2-3 I couldn't get into at all and it killed it for me a bit.* I don't want to start and abandon a third book because I feel like I'm already not allowed to start another if there's two I didn't finish which I know is silly.

But I just really want some books to bring that passion back because it's been over a year.

Since Walden, then I've read and enjoyed these books:

Game of Thrones 1, 2, 3 (but I think I have to start over because I forgot what happened so far)

Call of the wild

White Fang

The Grizzly King

Lost connections

Education of a wandering man

Nomadland

Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance

The sailor who fell from grace with the sea (this one was just ok)

A sand county almanac

Wild

I also have Braiding Sweetgrass, Chop Wood Carry Water, a River Runs Through It, and Self Reliance (Emerson) on my list.

• I started reading the power of now, it sounded cool but I felt like 80% of it was guff and 20% was super useful, so getting to the good parts eventually felt less worth it. Then Circe sounded super interesting, a retelling of a myth and her learning what it meant to be mortal, but it just felt too focussed on the character rather than the overarching themes and a little heavy on the Girl Power narrative. Also was intrigued by Vanity Fair but I couldn't get into it.

ETA I also started Industrial Society and it's future and a Theodore Roosevelt treasury and was enjoying them but haven't finished them.

Thank you in advance ❤️

Hi! I'm looking for book recommendations for anything and everything related to the baby and toddler stages, books for kids, and books for me to read for leisure too.

I'm trying to get back into reading regularly, I want a deeper understanding on development, psychology, behaviour, etc. I can see it's not easy being a baby and being a toddler obviously will come with struggles, so I want to really understand her. Also, I want her to be a little bookworm so I'm trying form the habits now and cut down on screen time to one hour a day and start building up a little library for her :)

If you have a suggestion or two could you leave a brief description of what its about? Thanks ❤️

Hi! I'm looking for book recommendations for anything and everything related to the baby and toddler stages, books for kids, and books for me to read for leisure too.

I'm trying to get back into reading regularly, I want a deeper understanding on development, psychology, behaviour, etc. I can see it's not easy being a baby and being a toddler obviously will come with struggles, so I want to really understand her. Also, I want her to be a little bookworm so I'm trying form the habits now and cut down on screen time to one hour a day and start building up a little library for her :)

If you have a suggestion or two could you leave a brief description of what its about? Thanks ❤️

Tried googling but the dadada's are not matching up.

There's a very simple melody I'm thinking of possibly with no words or or maybe even just says the dadada's, it goes like this:

Da, __

Da da,

Dadadadadadadadada,

Da, __

Da da,

Dadadadadadadadada,

And just repeats like that with that rough timing. I've been singing it to my baby and it's been bugging the hell out of me trying to figure out where it even came from.

Not sure how difficult these ones are to identify. Thanks in advance if anyone has any suggestions 🤞🏻🧡

ETA recording of humming it: https://voca.ro/17dW0KlAfhXk

Hi! Completely out of curiosity, since so many rabbit holes I've gone into claim some degree of genetic factors on almost everything and without much available research I'm looking for anecdotal evidence for funsies.

From what you know, how similar were things like stretch marks, experience of labour, whether c-section was needed, baby size, length of pregnancy, tears, how you felt postpartum, weight gain/loss during and after? And anything else not listed??

My mum is absolutely adamant she didn't have any tears for 3 babies, has no stretch marks, never had any PPD, her belly went down fast after birth, and she was apparently up and vacuuming the day after giving birth.

I am very skeptical however I've never once known her to lie, she's very honest and an all around great person but perhaps misremembering. She also says she had back labour with all three of us and I know none of us were late. I'm very curious about how similar my experience will be because I find it reassuring she had it pretty easy it seems despite the fact there's no guarantee mine will be anything like that.

I'm 41+2 right now with my first, so this is where I'm at with my baby research since I've run out of important things to learn 😂

I love her and miss her so much. I had to have her put down two days ago so she wouldn't suffer. I know it's still early. It feels so long ago and I hate it. I feel like I haven't seen her in months already and that makes me feel worse. She was 15 and I got 7.5 years with her. I wish she could have been my dog from day 1.

I'd give anything to go back and relive a day​ with her even a year ago when she was 14 ​and I'd hug her so tight and take her out for McDonald's and feed her so much watermelon and veggies, throw her ball for her until she was exhausted, smell her all over especially her paws, give her so many ear rubs and take her to an amazing sunbathing spot and just lay with her. Even if I ​got one more day when she was 15 before she got sick and I could just hold her tight ​and walk her and nap with her again listening to her big ol​ snores. See her do her kibble dance for her f​ood one more time before the kidney disease started to make her pickier.

I just don't know what to do with myself.

I started sick leave before maternity leave at the start of the month and the next day she got the UTI which led to whatever the hell happened for her to get so sick she would barely​ eat for her last week ​despite my best efforts,​ 6-7 vet visits, fluids, meds, 2-3 hours on the floor with her trying different foods, combinations, hours and hours scouring the internet and even trying AI, etc. Antibiotics which worked and then didn't despite clean urine samples both times after the UTI cleared? Constant questioning, doubting, what if's. Going to the store returning and buying different dog and cat foods, human foods. She wouldn't eat the same thing twice in a row most of the time. ​Four weeks straight I barely left her side, if I sat to play a game it wasn't long before I'd turn around to look at her and she'd be staring at me so I'd go lay with her again. Couple times every night I'd wake up because she'd be restless and ​have to pee, I'd take her out, for that last month she'd go and sniff all over the property's huge driveway and front yard areas for ages every single morning nice and slowly. That last month, every morning she was my first thought and every day revolved around her. I had to do her fluids, then meds, then try food, then we'd go on a Maisie-led walk​ where she'd sniff wherever she wanted for as long as she wanted. Then have a nap together and just spent every moment together all day every day. A blessing I know.

But n​ow she's gone and all I can do is lay in bed with her collar and blanket. A blanket which has already almost completely lost her smell on day 2. I kept fur in ziplocks and other places but the smell has just left all of it. Soon I'll never smell her again.

It's like I have no purpose now. Even though I have a remaining dog and a cat. Everything I've been wired to do is gone. Which sounds bad but they have no health issues and I can't help it but we were so strongly bonded.​ She's not here for me to look after and love​ and worry about. My baby is due in two weeks so I won't have to worry about what to do anymore but​ now I have no desire to do anything. And I'm scared of the joy being somewhat dampened by grief.

​Each day feels like a month. And I feel I have no space or time to grieve because there are still baby ​essentials we need, I cancelled appointments for myself and I really need to see a doctor soon.

My partner lost his mum years back and he's suggesting I get out of the house. But I can't bring myself to get into my car and see the empty passenger seat. My passenger princess missing from that spot. He's gotten me out a few times and I have to take her ashes with me or I feel like I'm leaving her home alone. My remaining dog is understandably depressed, I need to get him out on a walk but I can't bring myself to do that either. How can I just walk one dog? How can I go on that trail without her trotting along with that spring she had in her steps and her little tail wags? Her zooming through the trails jumping over roots and surprising the crap out of anyone who asked her age. She was doing so so good.

We were watching a movie in the other room yesterday and every 20 minutes or so my mind would ping to the bedroom like I had to go in there. Knowing she's not in there I just have this instinct constantly to check in a dog who isn't here anymore. When all of us are in one room I get the same feeling, like someone is just in the other room who I have to go and ​get.

I​ feel terrible I didn't take her out as much as I should ​the last few months. Yes I was working and pregnant and tired but there's a trail literally a 2 minute walk from my front door. There was no excuse to not take her there most days in a week even if it was for 5 minutes. She could have had her sniffs every day. We w​ent so many places together which gives me some solace.

​But we had a "last week" I thought we were going to have before she rallied and we got 2 more, we were out every day those weeks, she started going on little walkies in her dreams. It'd been a while since I saw her do that, it was like she was enjoying them so much she was dreaming of them. If I had gotten her out more she would have had so many more happy walkies dreams like that.

I just want to know where she is. I believe in heaven I guess, I'm Christian or trying to pursue that, but the thought of her being up there where she can't find me, or unable to visit is killing me. I just want her little spirit to stay with me forever until I go too. I want to know she's still here. Then I get sad thinking that if she is still here, if she wonders why I'm not petting and cuddling her and spoiling her. And I feel sad knowing she can't run after our other dog anymore or come with us on all these adventures and car rides. I cremated her with her squeaky tennis ball so my grandma up there can throw it for her too. She loved black dogs and met her a couple times.

I was comfort planning for a while on adopting another dog. When I'm ready. But idk if I'll ever be. People say to do it in their honour but my sassy lady ​​would not be impressed with any dog. Especially a dog taking her place on the passenger seat or in my lap when I was sitting there (the only time she was a lap ​dog) But she would have ended up in a shelter if I didn't adopt from my uncle. ​I opened a couple websites, obviously not looking to adopt at this point. But if I'm ever ready I'll know when I'm not looking for a sassy, belligerent, food obsessed, funny, side eyeing, clumsy, ​aloof, stubborn, ​secretly the sweetest dog who never listened a day in her life.

Rip to an absolutely legendary dog. She really was the best and brought me so much joy. She went so peacefully, like she was ready and tired. Even though she had been fighting that. She chased a rabbit the morning before that day. She loved life. But that day itself she kept stopping on the walk and just staring out. I think she was starting to acknowledge that she was done. I take some comfort in knowing I didn't let her get to the point of vomiting, collapsing, panicking, or being in obvious pain though I suspect she was in some and hiding it. She went outside on a hot, sunny day, in a little orchard, with me petting her, on me. And her last moments were snoring super loudly, free of pain.

I just can't get over the fact that she's gone. I used to say it's Maisies world and we're just living in it. Now her little light is gone.

This is long. But I just need to write it all out somewhere.

​My 15 year old dog ​has Chronic Kidney Disease. Diagnosed just over a year ago and we were managing it pretty well until this month. I've had her for 7.5 years. Totally don't have a favourite but 1000% she is my favourite out of both dogs and the cat and all the family pets I had growing up​. She's just the best. So funny. Always brought me so much joy. Never did anything wrong in her life even though she has the biggest attitude, side eye, and never listened a day in her little life. I love her so much. My family and those I've lived with all have their own funny memories of her. And oh my god that little face. I cannot handle it​ sometimes just how fricking cute she is. I can't bear the thought of looking​ over at my car and not seeing her little face through the windscreen, or her post old lady nap bedhead blinking at me from her spot on the bed when I ​come home. Fuck.

She got a bad UTI the start of April, ​her levels shot up bad and she was on an emergency IV for 5 hours. We cleared the UTI but levels stayed high so treated for a kidney infection with different antibiotics and fluids.

I was told I'd see an improvement within 3 days if she was going to ​and I didn't, so knowing she would just feel worse and worse I booked her in for at-home euthanasia. She was scraping minimum calories, slow on walks but still daily tail wags and deep sleeps which she's always loved. I didn't want her to get to a point she was vomiting, collapsing, or suffering. Still I was conflicted.

One day before​, she had an insanely good day. Out for 2 hours on a slow walk, ate dog food again, spring ​in her step, jumping into the house​...

I knew it was her last rally but to remove just one what if from my brain I had to get her bloods rechecked to reassure myself I was doing the right thing.

Her levels HALVED. The vet encouraged me to cancel the appointment because this was a dramatic improvement. Basically levels had gone back a stage in kidney disease. Said to stop fluids because I'd said she was drinking more. Continued antibiotics scheduled ​to recheck in a week. At this point I'd been grieving her for a week, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and incredibly tired.

Two days before the recheck she's energetic again, running! For the first time in weeks! And ate dog food again! Over the week it hasn't been easy getting the calories in her, mostly a few "safe" ​high value human foods late at night. Only eats a couple types of treats now and over all but one flavour of cat food.

We recheck and they're high again, basically back to where they were after the IV which is bad. I ask what could cause them to go so low then so high and the vet doesn't know. She can refer me to a specialist. Started doing sub cutaneous fluids at home again for her and increase the baytril. she said specialists furthere diagnostics is where it starts to get expensive and said ​it's already been expensive.

That was last Friday. Today is Wednesday.

The day after the recheck she stopped eating. Just a few licks of food. Its killing me. She looks at me begging for food and I know she's hungry but everything I give her she can't bring herself to eat. She must wonder why I'm giving her inedible food that smells so bad to her 🥲

Yesterday I syringe fed her with a baster. Slowly. ​Which I swore I would never do but holding out for these levels and giving her a chance to stabilise again​ ​made it inevitable. The alternative would have been either euthanise when the vet genuinely thought she was turning a corner or give up on the last ditch effort by recreating what worked once before. She didn't love it but kind of accepted it but it just felt so cruel.

It's so hard ​because I saw them bounce back once and it took a week. I feel I have to give her that last chance. I know a week early is better than a day late but what if it's 3 months early if she bounced back again? She's an incredibly hardy dog and you'd never have known she was 15 until this month. Everyone was always so surprised when I told them on walks.

​At this point I'm $3000 CAD in the hole between two ​emergency vet trips, an ultrasound, fluids, IV, two urine samples, consultations, blood tests, etc.

I paid $9k for her two years ago in a dire and sudden situation and she made a miraculous recovery. No questions asked despite her odds being incredibly small (under 5%) ​because I would have felt like I killed her if I didn't and I ​had to try. I don't​ regret it but in my current situation I look at that figure and think damn...

In one more day I'm rebooking her in for at home euthanasia this Saturday. I'm trying to give her that little bit of time if she's going to pull another miracle but not extend her suffering by too long. Part of me feels even that's too long. She must feel hungry. I just can't bring myself to do it a day earlier.

Now I'm about to have my first child. And there's more savings but how can I string her along any further? She's not eating. I don't know if she's enjoying herself. She loves being outside and sniffing, running downhill (very slow otherwise), socialising with other dogs, ​we're cuddling and napping together large portions of the day, she's snoring like she always has, she settles so fast when I cuddle her.

it just feels like we ran out of time before finding out why and if there was any hope for recovery.

My mind keeps flicking between "I'm doing this too early" and "Saturday is too late if she's not eating". The vet has put my details in for a specialist. I just wanted a second opinion or to check they haven't seen this happen before because the vet hasn't. They haven't got in touch yet. I'm terrified of putting her down and then the specialist finally calls to say "don't euthanise her! We know exactly what caused this"

But realistically I know it'll be weeks of more tests, expenses, etc. I know it's better to do it now while some of ​that spark is still in her eyes, she's still settling to sleep. She can't go on not eating while I run test ​after test. Just for me to have an answer. Me never having an answer on how this could happen is not her problem. I know it'll always be conflicting. I've never had to do this before.