u/wildrumor

It's like these lingering thoughts we all universally share, but never discuss, only ponder to ourselves. My roommates will go to the bathroom and there is like a smudge on the back of the seat constantly. At first I was like omg is that me. I've been super vigilent in monitoring lol. So I'm not sure how to approach. A conversastion like this makes me feel really uncomfortable and I think my delivery would be distrastrious because I would be nervous. I'm not sure why it's happening. Any advice?

It's like these lingering thoughts we all universally share, but never discuss, only ponder to ourselves. My roommates will go to the bathroom and there is like a smudge on the back of the seat constantly. At first I was like omg is that me. I've been super vigilent in monitoring lol. So I'm not sure how to approach. A conversastion like this makes me feel really uncomfortable and I think my delivery would be distrastrious because I would be nervous. I'm not sure why it's happening. Any advice?

Okay, if you have time, would you be willing to offer some insight into how an ISFP man might show that he is interested in someone? Below are the main points and why I am struggling to decipher his behavior. I know personality type cannot provide a definitive answer, but I would appreciate an ISFP perspective.

• I worked with an ISFP man at a company where personal or romantic relationships between us were professionally prohibited.

• He was always very encouraging and would text me asking to meet before meetings so we could talk. However, he did not share much about himself.

• Sometimes he would text me at night, still in a professional manner, to explain something he had said or apologize for it. I always kept the conversation professional because I did not know how to change the subject. His messages sounded professional, but I was never sure why he cared so much about making sure I understood him.

• We had a workplace recognition platform where coworkers could award points to recognize someone for going above and beyond. He arranged special approval for me to receive a substantial financial reward. I did not see him do anything comparable for anyone else.

• Several months after I quit, he found me on social media and followed my public account. I sent him a request to follow his account in return, but my request remained pending.

• He has never liked anything I have posted or messaged me through the platform.

• I later found a different public social media account belonging to him and followed it. He did not remove me. On that account, I see a much more unfiltered and intense side of him. It feels like I can see his internal emotions through what he writes, and honestly, it makes me feel even more drawn to him. He only has about ten followers, so my presence is probably noticeable. He follows around a thousand people, though, most of whom appear to be celebrities. I admit I did not exactly conduct a deep investigation. Lol.

• After leaving my request pending for four months, he denied it on the original platform, even though he still follows my public account there. I messagd to inquire noticing the follow mismatch and asked to follow him in return. He read my message immediately. He did not respond - but maybe I made him feel awkward? 

• About ten months later, after overthinking everything, I sent him a text saying that he did not need to respond, but that I missed him and his humor. He reacted with a heart emoji but did not reply. I cannot tell whether he remained silent because I specifically told him he did not need to respond, or because he is not interested in me that way. Is reacting with a heart but not replying a typical ISFP response?

• At work, I sometimes felt that he was protective of me or my feelings. Once, he defended me during a meeting. There was no confrontation, though. It was only a suggestion from another teammate, so I did not understand why he felt the need to step in.

• I felt a connection with him. He could get me out of my head and make me feel completely present. I also felt no need to perform around him. I could simply be myself. He made me feel very safe, possibly for the first time in my life. I cannot fully explain it, but knowing him had a huge impact on me personally.

• Now that it feels so emotionally significant, I feel almost paralyzed. I am unsure what to do because acknowledging how much he affected me has left me feeling very vulnerable. I most definitely do not have the courage to reach out again.

What I want to know is whether you think it is possible that he is interested in me. Do you think he will ever reach out? My heart feels heavy, and I care deeply for him.

Curious what other ENFPs think.

Have any of you ever fallen for an ISFP where, because of the circumstances, nothing could happen in the present moment?

I met the only ISFP I have ever really known through a professional relationship, so nothing in the present could happen between us. I developed very strong feelings for him, and he knew I was deeply attached.

He is incredibly high achieving, adventurous, grounded, intelligent, well traveled, and very values driven. I am an ENFP, so this is basically my bread and butter, baby. A hot, adventurous man who makes me laugh insanely hard while still being grounded without being controlling? I am absolutely enamored.

A few things have left me genuinely confused.

He would have me come in about 30 minutes before our meetings and even came outside to walk me in. He would text me later in the evening to apologize and over explain things that really did not require an apology. We were also able to text about sports.

After our professional relationship ended, he looked up my public Instagram on his birthday, then followed me about a month later. This was only four months after we stopped seeing each other. He also waived a bill in the thousands without ever mentioning it.

I once texted him telling him how much I missed him and the qualities I missed about him, with a heart emoji. I explicitly said, "Please do not respond." He hearted the message anyway.

I have a hard time believing an ISFP would knowingly lead someone on when they are fully aware of how intense another person's feelings are, especially because ISFPs seem so kind, private, and values driven. I have also read that they often keep their feelings hidden.

I know none of these things prove romantic feelings, and I am not asking anyone to tell me they do.

I am really curious how other ENFPs would interpret this. Have you ever experienced an ISFP giving subtle, indirect signals while still honoring circumstances that prevented anything from happening? Do you think an ISFP who developed feelings would quietly express them through small actions while never acknowledging them? Or do you think they would distance themselves completely because maintaining contact would feel wrong?

Mostly, I am interested in hearing from ENFPs who have been drawn to an ISFP. Did you find yourself constantly trying to decode them, or did you eventually realize there was nothing to decode? I'd love to hear your experiences.

Curious what other ISFPs think.

I met the only ISFP I have ever really known through a professional relationship, so nothing in the present could happen between us. I developed very strong feelings for him, and he knew I was deeply attached.

He is incredibly high achieving, adventurous, grounded, intelligent, well traveled, and very values driven. I am an ENFP, so this is basically my bread and butter, baby. A hot, adventurous man who makes me laugh insanely hard while still being grounded without being controlling? I am absolutely enamored.

A few things have left me genuinely confused.

He would have me come in about 30 minutes before our meetings and even came outside to walk me in. He would text me later in the evening to apologize and over explain things that really did not require an apology. We were also able to text about sports.

After our professional relationship ended, he looked up my public Instagram on his birthday, then followed me about a month later. This was only four months after we stopped seeing each other. He also waived a bill in the thousands without ever mentioning it.

I once texted him telling him how much I missed him and the qualities I missed about him, with a heart emoji. I explicitly said, “Please do not respond.” He hearted the message anyway.

I have a hard time believing an ISFP would knowingly lead someone on when they are fully aware of how intense that person’s feelings are, especially because ISFPs seem so kind, private, and values driven. I have also read that ISFPs often do not reveal much when they like someone.

I know none of these things prove romantic feelings, and I am not asking anyone to tell me they do. My question is genuinely about ISFP psychology.

If an ISFP develops feelings for someone they believe they cannot pursue because of professional boundaries and personal values, would they express those feelings through tiny, indirect actions while never acknowledging them? Or would they distance themselves completely because even maintaining contact would feel morally wrong? Is it also possible that their personal values could override professional expectations or social norms if they genuinely believed the connection was meaningful?

I would especially love to hear from ISFPs who have actually been in this position. What would your inner experience be, and how would you behave?

I’m wondering if my husband may have ASPD traits, but I’m not credentialed and I’m not trying to diagnose him.

When we first met, he told me he does not understand what people mean by “chemical love” because he does not experience it. He has also said he has never felt guilt or shame.

Recently, I talked about going to therapy, and he said I could get my needs for empathy and compassion met by my therapist. When I was learning to cook, he told me not to expect compliments because that is not something he does.

I feel like nothing is ever reflected back to me. He can lie directly to my face and show no guilt, discomfort, or indication that he believes he did anything wrong.

He also does not care if I am intimate with other men. In fact, he became angry when I was upset that he suggested it. I am not judging anyone else’s choices, but he knows that is not emotionally gratifying or comfortable for me.

What confuses me is that he does not say these things during arguments. He says them calmly, almost like we are sharing our deepest inner truths.

He says he does not want to divorce me, but I feel emotionally invisible. He talks about himself constantly, while I receive almost no affection, reassurance, encouragement, or positive feedback.

He has also controlled things in the house. He can shut off the internet through the server so only my devices stop working, not his. He has threatened to turn off the air conditioning during heat waves and has followed through before.

He talks to his mother for around four hours every week and appears to have a good relationship with her, yet he has said he would feel nothing if she died. I understand feeling numb toward someone who harmed you, but that does not seem to be their dynamic.

He was academically gifted and started college at thirteen, so I sometimes wonder whether intelligence has allowed him to explain away behavior that feels deeply cold and controlling.

On our honeymoon, he wanted to hire a male sex worker in Las Vegas and suggested sexual activities involving himself and then me. Again, I am not judging other people, but this was not something I wanted, and it made me feel like my emotional reality did not matter.

At home, I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells. I often feel unable to speak freely. When we drive, there cannot even be music. My self esteem is at rock bottom, and I am completely exhausted.

I waited so long to meet the right person, and now I feel like I was duped.

Does this sound like psychopathy, ASPD traits, emotional abuse, coercive control, or something else? I understand that no one online can diagnose him. I am mostly trying to understand what I am experiencing and why I feel so psychologically worn down.

Hello! ENFP here <3 Soooo I have only ever met one ISFP, and I’ve given this test to literally thousands of people. What I learned is that ISFPs might actually be the complete package.

Not trying to shove everyone into one little personality bucket, but the masculinity mixed with empathy, humor, and intelligence has completely rocked my world.

The problem is I’m dying in the land of ambiguity.

Because of professional reasons, nothing could happen between us at the time. He was always really protective and kind toward me and would text to check in. I was nervous about crossing any professional lines, so I always kept things appropriate, and so did he.

About four months after I was no longer his account rep, he followed me on social media. Technically that is still a no no under our rules. Then around five months later, I finally messaged him and said something like, “I noticed the follow mismatch. Can I follow you too? No worries if not.” It honestly wasn’t a huge deal because he never posts anyway.

He read it immediately and didn’t respond.

There are other little things my intuition picks up on too. I’m pretty sure he was looking at my account on his birthday before he followed me, and I’m also fairly certain he watches my stories in airplane mode. I won’t get into all the reasons why, but yeah, I feel pretty confident about that part.

Everything I read says ISFPs are incredibly hard to read, tend to quietly lurk, and can like someone without anyone being able to tell.

I know I’m working with crumbs here, but does any of this sound like typical ISFP behavior when they like someone? Or am I just desperately creating a storyline because I am completely over the moon about him?

I definitely will not be reaching out again, so that option is off the table.

I had a phone session on better help. I could tell the therapist was eating and texting. okay fine .... whatever but my appointment was to process the loss of my job I had for 15 years since I was in my 20s and expected to retire. she responded by saying "oh you a forever child." it's like she dissed me and I really wanted to be like ...how would you feel if all of a sudden you couldn't practice therapy any longer. my question..... what's a forever child. didn't sound like a compliment and I can't find anything when I search online. yeah and I had like only a few sentences out of my mouth before she judged me.

I am curious how therapists view social media connections with former clients when the client had a strong attachment or transference, even if it was never directly discussed.

I have always understood that my feelings were transference. I was not confused about the professional nature of the relationship, and I never believed there was secretly something romantic or inappropriate happening. Still, the attachment was intense, persistent, and probably fairly obvious.

There were moments during the professional relationship that felt warmer or more personal than I expected, although everything remained within a professional context. After the therapeutic relationship had ended, this person connected with me on social media.

That has been surprisingly complicated. I now see parts of their personality and personal life that were never visible within the professional relationship. On one hand, I enjoy seeing them as a full human being. On the other, it gives my mind more material to interpret. I notice myself filling in gaps, assigning meaning to ordinary interactions, and creating a narrative around something that would feel completely insignificant if it involved almost anyone else.

I am not suggesting that following someone on social media automatically means anything. Logically, I understand how low stakes it may be. Emotionally, though, I keep wondering why a therapist would initiate or accept that connection when they likely understood the intensity of the former client’s attachment.

Part of me appreciates the connection, while another part wishes the boundary had remained clearer. Mostly, I am tired of caring so much and annoyed that the attachment still has this much energy. It is finally beginning to loosen, and I can feel myself breathing again.

From a therapist’s perspective, is connecting with a former client on social media appropriate when strong transference was apparent? Does the therapist have a greater responsibility to consider how even a casual online connection might affect that particular client? Or maybe it's this person cares and wants to see me do well. I just keep trying to figure out the why and it'll be awkard if the question is asked.

I am curious how therapists view social media connections with former clients when the client had a strong attachment or transference, even if it was never directly discussed.

I have always understood that my feelings were transference. I was not confused about the professional nature of the relationship, and I never believed there was secretly something romantic or inappropriate happening. Still, the attachment was intense, persistent, and probably fairly obvious.

There were moments during the professional relationship that felt warmer or more personal than I expected, although everything remained within a professional context. After the therapeutic relationship had ended, this person connected with me on social media.

That has been surprisingly complicated. I now see parts of their personality and personal life that were never visible within the professional relationship. On one hand, I enjoy seeing them as a full human being. On the other, it gives my mind more material to interpret. I notice myself filling in gaps, assigning meaning to ordinary interactions, and creating a narrative around something that would feel completely insignificant if it involved almost anyone else.

I am not suggesting that following someone on social media automatically means anything. Logically, I understand how low stakes it may be. Emotionally, though, I keep wondering why a therapist would initiate or accept that connection when they likely understood the intensity of the former client’s attachment.

Part of me appreciates the connection, while another part wishes the boundary had remained clearer. Mostly, I am tired of caring so much and annoyed that the attachment still has this much energy. It is finally beginning to loosen, and I can feel myself breathing again.

From a therapist’s perspective, is connecting with a former client on social media appropriate when strong transference was apparent? Does the therapist have a greater responsibility to consider how even a casual online connection might affect that particular client? Or maybe we just had a real connection? LOL