the trans fems around me say im either "agp" or a "dude with boobs". i'm 6'3 and 240. I'm a fairly big girl with a monotone voice, i'm confident im a woman in a man's body. i've been on hrt for 3 years, had ffs, but still, the lack of any validation just kinda shreds me. have any other butch women here felt kinda of like...forced into a NB box due to not being "hyperfem"?
Cis people don't respect me, trans people don't view me as a sister. I'm constantly called a autogynophile, incel, etc. Nobody has validated me outside of myself. Local support groups, etc.
I'm at my wits end. I've tried to face all opposition. It's so hard.
For clarity, i'm just a EMT that works in a ER and has since about 2023, however i've been thinking alot about this. I'm a MTF but look and sound very much male (I'm 6'3). The amount of times that during a EKG a women will voice discomfort (which I respect) and request a "female" (their words not mine, again I respect their pov), is probably about half. The only problem is that they seem to think there will always be a female readily available due to nursing being historically "women's work". That's not always the case and even if it is, the women they are asking for are just as busy as the males, so now they're even busier. This usually delays the EKG by i'd say 5-7 minutes, which might not seem like alot, but is alot in regards to ruling out what could be an acute cardiac event, as well as puts the lions share of labor on the women in triage.
Her mom is completely indoctrinated into this cult who's leader is currently in prison. They live streamed this weird "special service" that the leader apparently was adamant about throwing her. I need help. I went there and this is so obviously a cult it hurts to see. She's being actively groomed.
Fucking why. I'm getting owned by a wind ranger so after getting relic i make the decision to start building blademail for her ult.....im locked in on a team fight when suddenly I see i have a nullifier...wait wh? Okay, no biggie let's dismantle the combining items, I CANT?!??!
Basically this. I'm unfortunately male, a 6'3 trans fem. Been on hrt for 4 years, got ffs three months ago. I do not pass. Not one bit. I'm also butch so.....
About two days ago I noticed a trans masc joined our ER. Patients read him as trans and say transphobic stuff about him to me. Which means....i'm not even being read as trans. I'm just...a normal dude? I quit wearing a bra, my nips are aggressive so I figured fuck it if i'm going to look like a guy to you all i'm not wearing a bra. I'm kind of jealous of the fact that he's visibly trans at the very least and to everyone i'm visibly cis. I make female patients uncomfortable if they're younger which I empathize with but...it hurts. I feel like I failed transitioning, everyone just assumes i'm gay or something.
Not even voice training can fix my build. My ffs is healing and helped alot but i'm still stuck in this ogre of a man body scaring everyone around me and having to bro it up with jerks.
I can't refuse female patients so I have to ask if they're comfortable with me doing things like EKGs and all of that and everytime they go "i'd actually like a female to do it." I die a little inside. The nurses don't care, don't empathize. I hate it.
Edit: If you check my post history you should see a picture of me I posted to transpassing. Just for reference. Idc if I pass or not. I'm still healing from FFS.