Ahh the joys of being a leader of a band…a venting post
My singer, as good of a guy as he can be, isn’t the type of guy to assert himself.
We’ve been together for almost a year and when we started, I made it clear to him that if we have problems with bandmates or with me, while I’m open to him or others venting to me, if it becomes problematic and it continues, I will move to have it on the floor and addressed.
For the first time in this band, we had a bad practice session. Things didn’t sound right, we couldn’t get the sound tweaked in, and while we were tracking a new tune, the guitarist got frustrated and got kinda snappy with the singer for not understanding what he wanted. He is introverted and a closed book. He’s also still grieving over his dad’s passing a few months ago. My singer deals with his own mental hang up, as we all do, but for me, I don’t let it deter me from doing what we need to do.
Singer stepped away which I commended him for and he vented to me and I thought I had diffused the situation until he was posting about his issues with him in social media. Had to put on my leadership at and told him to remove that post and that’s not what we do. He apologized and removed it. He didn’t think anyone would see it. I was patient yet assertive. I told him i understood how he felt but I told him that I expect opennesss and honesty from all of them and myself. That were not going to do this. Signer said he’s going to detach and distance himself from the guitar player to make it work.
I told him I can’t stop him and to do what he feels is best for now to cool things off. But I made myself clear that if this becomes problematic and causes unnecessary tension and friction, I’m going to step in address this and discuss this between those two and I will moderate. He refuses.
So now because of one bad day for the first time in this band. his whole perception of the guitarist changed. I don’t see him in the light that he does. And honestly, I don’t think the guitarist is even aware that the singer is upset with him.
Our guitarist is out of town for two weeks. While I hope things cool off, I’ve made myself clear. He can say he’ll separate himself from him to make it work like his last band, but I’m ready to make a change and cut him loose if I have to.
Being the leader comes with responsibility, I can understand and be empathetic towards everyone’s personal hang ups and such, but I won’t let it destroy what we’ve built so far. I won’t nuke it.
I’m grateful to our singer and his contributions, but I’m not going to have hidden grudges and resentments. If he refuses to work this out with the guitarist simply cause we had the first bad band practice since its inception, then I may have to replace him. I have no issues with the guitarist and I know how to deal with his personality. But in a band, people need to be open and honest about problems and issues with others and myself. I’ve been in too many bands where pent up resentments results in unnecessary blow outs or friction. Yeah it’s a band sure but I have a vision and I intend to see it through. If you refuse to work it out with the person you have issues with, then this band isn’t for you.