u/yikkoe

My mother’s friend died and of course her mortality is back in the forefront of my mind. She’s still young but you know. She’s at that age where people around her are starting to die.

The only person I know of her entourage is my godmother. I know no one from my father’s entourage. So first parent to die, my other parent will be announcing it and inviting people. But once my second parent goes, who would I call? Assuming my godmother would be gone by then too. I am extremely isolated. I’m not close with my parents either.

Just something that’s bothering me.

I just got hired at a small family business where the bulk of their orders are by email. We are 4 people working out of a shared inbox, though 9-5 it’s mostly 2 of us. My coworkers are great but the shared inbox is a headache and a half. The other person who spends their regular hours handling the inbox is sometimes not readily available so I can’t be like, hey I take care of this and that. Right now is the slow season but it’s starting to get busy again. We sometimes reply to the same people.

What can we do to avoid this further? I don’t think categories will stick unfortunately. Is there any secret Outlook feature that could someway somehow help? We also have personal email addresses.

Thank you 🥹

My kid doesn’t do routine. It means nothing. He obviously likes knowing what’s happening, he likes predictability. But not in the form of a routine. At least not an adult-led one.

I’ve been out of work for 6 weeks and my kid is CHILL. He is so calm. Hasn’t had a meltdown in so long I can’t remember the last one. He goes to bed without a fight (though he drags his feet). He seems aware of being tired for the first time in his entire life (almost 5). He wakes up when his body tells him to and not from an arbitrary time that leads to 20 minutes of me going “wake uuuup~~” I mean it can take us 15 minutes to get ready in the morning now, compared to an hour when we had a schedule.

I haven’t had time to research PDA parenting, mostly because I’m dumb as hell and can’t figure it out but I’ll try. It’s just not a good time with outside stressors and all.

Anyways. Just wanted to say this somewhere. My kid doesn’t do routine. He needs flexibility and to exist like a leaf in the wind. Wherever life and vibes take him is where he’s most comfortable going.

I literally just ended an interview, where they told me that they will give me an answer later today. One thing I learned during the interview (it was not advertised as such) is that sometimes we will be asked to show up at 6:30. I have a child, I'm a single parent. My co-parent is unfortunately not reliable (I asked them if they could help, they said "maybe") and I have no other help. My kid's daycare opens at 7. And to be honest the pay is way too low to be able to afford a babysitter lol.

During the interview I was on auto-mod and I just said yes to everything. It's my fault. But if I were to get the offer, how can I say that it won't be possible anymore in a way that doesn't sound like I'm just backtracking, and wasted their time?

I feel bad, but perhaps I naively thought I could get help.

Il y a de beaux prénoms de nature astronomique/spatiale pour filles (Nova, Soleil, Ariel, Luna et j’en passe), mais pour garçons, ça passe moins en français je trouve.

En connaissez-vous? Sinon, que pensez-vous de Cosmo ou Atlas? Ça passe mieux en anglais mais bon.

Clocking into yet another life crisis. I love Montreal. But my soul is telling me that being able to see many stars on a semi regular basis would help. Somehow. I feel like urban sprawl is especially nasty in the entirety of Québec. Everything is built like a suburb with the light pollution in tow. What am I missing lol? Where do people who love Montreal but need out, go to? (I don't drive, but I'm at a point where I'm considering it)

I am looking for work and of course the question of, what's your interest in the position, comes up. My interest? Keeping a roof over my head. I genuinely am not someone who cares for what I do for work. Especially when I am applying for assistant, customer service or admin work. I can do those jobs, and I don't care for what company I work for. So what should I say without sounding so dishonest? Because I had an interview last week for an insurance company, and I said I am curious about that field especially since my mother is currently dealing with this very specific type of insurance coverage. Which is true. But the HR person laughed.

So wtf lol.

I like little doodle tattoos, but rarely see them on brown or dark skinned people. If I ever have tattoos, that's what I'd like on me, I just need some inspiration, and to see what it looks like.

Photo below is one of the few that match the "little doodle" type of tattoos I like (screenshot from google)

https://preview.redd.it/zbfnbi0qdteh1.png?width=459&format=png&auto=webp&s=eeb0c82a2c105957deebb5c08cea40c7da39671f

I’m having a hard time accepting that I was let go of my job. I’m trying to cling to the fact that it was amicable, my boss isn’t upset about my work but it just wasn’t a good match especially schedule wise. HR has been so kind and supportive through this, we’re even friends on LinkedIn lol. But my brain can’t help but feel abandoned. I think what’s hurting me more is the fact that my team knew when my last day was so for the last couple days, they were so randomly cold and lowkey ignoring me. I’m trying to remind myself that it’s probably just awkward for them knowing something so big and anyway I wasn’t close to any of them so I’m not losing anything. I might even be gaining something by not having to be a round a coworker I felt really uneasy about. I’m too old to care about the inevitable gossip, and I remind myself that 1) I’ll never see them ever again and 2) People talk, it’s normal and they don’t have much to say about me anyway.

And yet, I am so hurt. I feel abandoned and it triggers my inner child. I have no friends or close family, I have no one to turn to. I’m trying to remind myself of the facts but I’m struggle with feeling rejected and abandoned. And in some odd way, what’s making me even more sad is the kindness of HR. People are generally kind to me, but no one crosses a boundary to enter “care” territory. If that makes sense? I’m so thankful to have kindness in my life but it never becomes personal and that hurts. It’s like I’m not worth anyone investing any time for me. And that’s okay but it hurts.

What helps you in moderately distressful situations like this?

Silly question, I don't know. I'm feeling stressed.

I started a new job 4 months ago. HR has been incredibly kind and flexible with me so far, but unfortunately it seems like my life requires more flexibility I simply can't expect them to give me. I have a child who gets sick quite often. He is not immunocompromised, it's behavioural as he's autistic and still puts things in his mouth. I've worked remotely his entire life (and before) up until 4 months ago, because I "needed" this job to graduate school on time, long story.

I was absent Monday, needed to go see a doctor for him last Friday, and I just put him to bed (Saturday night) and ... he's sick again. I'm a single parent with no help. I can't afford extra childcare. And I've had to cancel his therapy because of my work schedule and it's just unsustainable and unfair to him.

I want to find a remote job again. It won't be easy since they're rare nowadays, but I don't really know what else to do. My job, objectively, can be done remotely, but my specific team refuses to do things virtually. Still pen and paper, while many of our colleagues are almost 100% online.

HR has told me if there's anything, please let them know. And I don't want to just surprise abandon them, and only be able to give them a 2 week notice. I know they're not my friends but I want to show them that I am not just doing this for funsies. I was wondering if I could tell them my plans to find a job, but kind of staying employed until I find something (I know! Sounds ridiculous! But I don't know!)

I'm of course open to any suggestions. Thank you.

It wasn’t just that that made me cry, it was more of a “straw that broke the camel’s back” situation.

My kid doesn’t have major challenges I’d say. Like objectively. He is level 2, if that’s a fair way of discussing his support needs. Behaviour wise he’s okay but would definitely benefit from OT. We can handle the big feelings just fine. He’s not prone to long meltdowns, they tend to be quite short probably because we’re lucky that most of his environment is adaptable. Some developmental delays but nothing stressful imo. Social delays but I don’t think it’s the worst thing (thankfully he has people support him as he learns to exist amongst his peers). Pretty advanced academically. Language and speech delay, comprehension delays as well but he can talk and does talk or babble most of the time. Also he’s a really cool and sweet kid that everyone loves.

Today was a hard day. We’re both tired and I wanted to just sit in silence on the couch. He can talk, but not conversationally. He can ask for most things, can express some needs, but he is not conversational, can’t answer non “hard facts” questions, or he doesn’t understand non-tangible things and has a slight comprehension delay. Soon as you say something he doesn’t understand, you can see in his eyes he’s disconnected. Fine. He uses his language for what he needs and vocabulary/grammar wise he’s improving, so it’s all good.

But after the 4839273th demand, I told him to please give me some quiet time because I’m tired. He didn’t understand that. Fair enough.

Bedtime routine happens and he’s on the verge of a meltdown because demand number 4839274 isn’t being fulfilled. He selects random objects to go to bed every single night. No pattern, no comfort object, often toys but sometimes not and it’s always something new. Couldn’t find what he needed tonight. I was about to give up but I told him I’m gonna do one last thorough search.

And while doing the thorough search, I just start crying. Is this really what our exchanges will be like forever? Demands? He can talk like I said, and we do exchange. But our exchanges are either simple math, word play or spelling words for fun, very short sentences about facts he knows (never new ones, the same ones for the last 2 years because he doesn’t actually enjoy learning new things?) and that’s it. Can’t ask him “How was your day?” or “What’s your favourite colour?” or random chatter while we do things. He’s almost 5. I don’t know his favourite colour, favourite toy. You know how some kids have themes for their birthday they choose? My kid barely has a concept of birthdays as a whole. To him, a birthday is cake with a number 4. No “What toy do you want for your birthday?” or “Where do you want to go?”

Yes, it’s SILLY. My problems are TINY! But I guess it made me cry because it’s just the two of us. We don’t have a large family and I’m a single parent, and his grandparents (my parents, he only has them 2) are not close. I don’t have friends. That’s not his problem AT ALL! But it made me sad that I might never have a conversation with my kid. And that’s not his problem AT ALL! He doesn’t owe me shit especially not a conversation. He’s doing amazing. He’s such a cool kid and so smart. He is advanced and self taught so many things like math, reading and writing. He’s living his life authentically and what a privilege it is to be in his world. It was just a silly sad feeling.

Anyways. Had a big cry then found what he wanted, went back to the room and he was asleep. He needs melatonin to fall asleep so he was on a timer lol.

Thank you for reading this novel. Just being ridiculous and sad on a Tuesday night.

Just wondering if anyone can relate, or if anyone has been able to work through that.

I'm not a traveller, I'm not an explorer. But sometimes, I watch those white men hopping on a random train in the middle of nowhere Pakistan, and they get to see the most beautiful landscapes this world has never created, just like that. Because they're white men.

Sometimes, I see these white people running down grassy fields in the middle of Central Asia, being invited over by locals, enjoying the most serene natural phenomena this world has come up with, just like that. Because they're white.

They can wake up tomorrow and decide they want to move to Albania. Norway. Latvia. Russia. Kazakstan. And sure, if they're not locals, they will be seen as such. But they can just ... do that. And they know they'll be safe.

Why can't we? And that feels incredibly unfair. The planet I call home, so many parts of it I am simply not able to experience, beyond financial barriers. I can't help but exhale a deep, heavy sigh.

I can't help it, my brain chemistry has made it so I yearn for places that happen to be cold, grassy, remote, or mountainous. Add in the fact that I don't wish to drive, options are even more limited. People like us do not naturally spawn anywhere like that, and the inhabitants of those places don't see enough of us to naturally be kind (or safe).

How to get over it?

I'm having a really strange situation at work but also in my personal (kind of) life and it's really bugging me.

I am not a sociable, talkative, outgoing person. It's just not who I am naturally. I am now 30 years old and I spent the first 20 or so of those years trying to be someone I am not. I went through A LOT of shit, my mental health tanked so bad, I mean I will spare the details, but I think at 27-28 I completely accepted my very boring, sometimes contradictory and somehow uncomfortable, but very much true personality. It is what it is.

Yet, I feel like no one wants me to just accept who I am. At work, I had a conversation with HR (yes) because I am not sociable enough. They are all very kind people, but they can't get over me being solitary, and are convinced that it'll make my life better if I just hang out with them. I also talk to someone from here (not this subreddit, just the app in general) and told her that I don't like socializing like that irl, and I have no interest to at work especially. But because I am also lonely (hence the contradiction), she keeps insisting that I must go talk to my coworkers. Because "You need it". "You will love it" after I said that I would not, because I have never enjoyed that in 30 damn years of life! I have never been an outgoing person, I tried for so long, it's not me!

Why can't I just, be? Why am I always "wrong" in how I view and assess myself? I feel like being neurodivergent (and visibly, at the very least, "different"), people simply never take me seriously no matter what. And I'm sure being a youngish looking black woman, it's worse.

They seem to have infinite money. How come? Professor Inkling is rich sure, but it's giving shady billionaire rich. Then you have "polar bear strength" Barnacles, obviously he's had bloody paws in his past. Kwazii obviously was a thief, and Peso probably did petty crimes and was recruited because he knew one of them in prison (I'm thinking Kwazii, since they seem to be the "newest" Octonauts). Tweak? She's too good at building just about everything. It's like she used to be the one making gadgets for a crime group. Maybe her daddy was a professional criminal who had to go hide in the Everglades, and she grew up helping him with her knowledge of engineering.

The only two I don't see as criminals are Dashi and Shellington. Honestly they seem to be PhD students. Maybe Professor Inkling promised them something academically, in exchange of them joining their crime family. Now that I think about it, Shellington definitely is trafficking the Vegemals, so ... only Dashi doesn't have a criminal past but maybe Professor Inkling is paying for her prestigious education so she'll turn a blind eye to everything.

I’ve been in therapy for 15 years on and off mostly on, and nothing really helps ME. It helps how I’m seen in society and frankly I don’t care. IFS therapy sounded perfect for what I am trying to achieve.

I shared this in a fb group and someone said they don’t think it’s a good idea. They suggested either in patient care or not doing it at all because I have a child who “shouldn’t have to see me like that” while I process the sessions. But I have no support or help.

Should I really not try at all?

In remission with bpd blah blah blah but I cannot, CANNOT move on emotionally from my mommy issues. Yes all the coping mechanisms are there great great but they don’t function long term. Sure I am not gonna kill myself again but I am still emotionally plagued by the same shit every fucking day every fucking morning every fucking night. I wish I had a loving mother I wish I had a loving mother. I wish I was hugged as a child. I wish my mother cared about me. I wish she didn’t abuse me. I wish I was a child born from love. I wish my parents liked me. I wish I was adopted by loving parents. I wish I didn’t fucking cling to every single teacher I’ve ever had to the point of behaving like a weirdo like I can’t believe I never got in trouble for this shit. I wish my brain didn’t construct elaborate ass daydreams I have zero control over where I am adopted by whoever my celebrity/famous person of the month is (shoutout r/maladaptivedreaming). I wish it wasn’t 9 in the fucking morning and I am already at work crying. I AM THIRTY YEARS OLD!!!!! WTF!!! I feel genuine rage about this. I WAS ENTITLED TO LOVE AND SAFETY AS A BABY. And I’ll just never fucking get it. Ever. Ever ever. Because giving me abusive parents wasn’t enough. No. Every single one of my relationships must fail because no one loves me but I have absolutely no backbone so people who want to use me, do it. No shame because I have no backbone! Lonely people flock to me then drop me like a piece of shit when they don’t need me! That’s my value as a human being! I’m to be used!

ALL OF THIS because I didn’t experience maternal love. I don’t even cry about the lack of paternal love. I don’t cry about the lack of friends (as often). I don’t cry about the lack of romantic relationships. Nah. Because my emotionally stunted fucking brain is stuck at age 2. I am a 2 year old in the body of a 30 year old. I want a mommy. I am crying at my big girl job because I’m actually not a big girl and I want a mommy. I will never be a child with a mommy. I am 30 fucking years old. Pathetic.

Anyways I’m looking into IFS therapy next wish me luck :)))))

I’m lonely. I have no friends, am not close with family and of course not in a relationship. And of course not seeking romantic relationships. I’m a yapper complainer so you will see me in relevant subreddits going boohoo woe is me about it.

What’s frustrating though is that those spaces are full of people for whom the definition is loneliness is being single. And many of those people have been single for less than a year. I’m sitting here having to simulate conversations with myself, recording myself talking to listen back as if I had someone talking to me. Talking to myself out loud. Writing notes in my phones as I’m texting myself. You know, real loser shit. Meanwhile, 99% of people in subreddits for lonely people have friends, loving parents, close siblings …. but oh nooo they’re single. Oh nooo their last relationship which ended like in January, will never be replicated and therefore they’re doomed for life. Meanwhile their phone is ringing every few minutes because their friends want to hang out, weekend plans with mom, siblings group chat.

I’m at a point where my empathy is just slowly chipping away because it fucking hurts. I don’t show it to the few people I’ve tried talking to (I made a post a few days ago and got chat requests I am slowly going through) but it’s the same story every time. Someone I met on here that I tried to befriend was also so lonely. But has best friends they see every few days. Has a group chat for the girls in her family and they talk daily. Last relationship was recent and guess what. She’s already in a new one. Lonely? For the couple months you were single you’re throwing around the word lonely?

It hurts of course because I’m lonely but it also hurts because it’s proof that people do not value any other relationships but romantic ones. They don’t value the love and time they have with family and friends. I know it’s not like a choice somewhat because I mean romantic and sexual attraction is natural and wanting it is normal etc but gosh. Lonely? You have a dozen people who love you and cherish you and that you see daily but you’re lonely? I also understand the whole, being in a room full of people and feeling lonely but I don’t think that’s that for many of them. They have fulfilling relationships. They just wish they also had romance, and without romance apparently nothing matters. They’re “lonely”.

I’m sorry. I’m just really fucking hurt. I have never, and seems like I will never have a fulfilling friendship/relationship with a peer because it’s not gonna be romantic or sexual (I’m saying “with a peer” because I know some people like to suggest pets or think having children is the same, it’s not).