u/zerorats

i spent the past few days robotically affirming that i keep seeing green horses everywhere, i picked something ridiculous that i thought theres no way im going to see a green horse, i didnt believe i would but i kept affirming it anyway

today i reached a point where i didnt really care if i see one or not, i stopped looking for it and whenever i randomly thought about it i just kept repeating i always see green horses

then just now i was scrolling through reddit randomly not thinking about it and i came across a post of a horse being painted green, and in the comments people posting pictures of horses photoshopped green

also yesterday i was outside and i decided to say to myself that i always find four leaf clovers, and i looked down and immediately saw one

i just want to share my story here and give some hope to people going through it, i promise things get better ❤️

i used to post here a lot, my cat pepper died in december 2022, and i was stuck in my grief, absolutely devastated, crying almost every day for over a year and unable to function. i never thought i would be able to get over it. she was my whole world, my only source of comfort, the one constant in my life

the thing is, i almost didnt want to stop grieving. i felt like i would be betraying her if i didnt cry one day, i wanted to keep crying forever if it meant she knew i still loved her. but over time i cried less and began to accept her death

i havent cried about her for quite a while, but just now, i was talking about her and started tearing up, only for the first time i wasnt crying out of devastation, it was a happy cry. an outpour of all the love we have for eachother

i cried because i trust that she's okay, and that i'm okay, and i will be okay not seeing her again because i know the love i have for her and the love she has for me transcends death. the love never leaves, and so she is always with me. i cried with love and with gratitude and peace. im so grateful for the love and memories we shared in the time we had together ❤️