r/DesiWeddings

I bought the Adaa lahenga by Mahima Mahajan for reception but now I’m wondering if I should have done a seema gujjral.

SG feels like a very standard typical Indian reception lahenga but now I’m slightly afraid Adaa is not bridaly enough.

Thoughts?

Basically the title.

Hi guys, please don’t come at me for asking. My wedding is in 5 months and happening in Delhi. My dates are also extremely heavy. I have been speaking with wedding photographers for some time now, and all of them have asked for an advance of 40% at least.
The photographer who am engaging with is a very nice one and after much negotiation, he has agreed for a prewed shoot, bridal mehendi small function, haldi, mehendi, sangeet and wedding day coverage at 2.6 lacs with usual deliverables and a wedding album. I have loved him, and so have ALL my friends.

When I told my parents that we must pay 40% of the total amount as a booking advance, they simply flipped saying that why is such a huge sum required from the get go. I did ask him to sort of change the fee structure and he had changed it from an original 50% to now 40%.

All of those who have gotten married, did you also do the same? Help your girl out, thanks!

How common is it for a full large structural mandap to fall down right before the pheras? The wedding was in Phuket 2 days ago! Still reeling in from the disaster that could have been.

I always imagined myself as a maroon bride, I love that colour but my own elder sister wore the same colour for her engagement and also wedding, I don't want to go for other colours. Is it fine if i wear the maroon kanchivaram saree for my wedding also ?

My fiancée and I are getting married in India in 5 months (based in the US). My parents (based in a different state in India) hired a wedding planner based on a referral before really taking our preferences into account. To their credit, they helped us negotiate with the hotel and secure the venue.

The problems started afterward. It took them almost 2 months (despite repeated follow-ups) to provide a basic décor proposal and cost breakdown. During that time, we found another design company whose aesthetic we strongly preferred.

We proposed a compromise: let the original planner handle everything except décor (planning, logistics, transportation, guest management, hotel coordination, AV, vendors, food, execution, etc.) while the new company handled only the creative design and décor.
Instead of discussing it, the planner immediately rejected the idea, became defensive, started calling my parents directly, and later began offering discounts to keep the décor scope. They also implied we owed them additional money for hotel negotiations, despite already having been paid ₹1 lakh.

Now they’ve said they’ll only continue if they handle the décor too. My parents don’t want to sever the relationship and are pressuring us to let them do everything.
The problem is that both my fiancée and I no longer want to work with this planner. My fiancée has been incredibly flexible throughout the wedding planning, is contributing around $60,000 of her own money (despite only 17 of her guests attending), and this is the one issue she’s firmly stood her ground on.

At the end of the day, I feel like preserving a vendor relationship has become more important than what the bride and groom actually want.

Are we being unreasonable for wanting to move on?

Hi, any suggestions for venues in Jaipur for a 2 day wedding with around 200–230 guests? budget is around 1cr all in.

Hi! My partner and I are looking to get married in end Nov - early Dec 2027 , looking for wedding planner to help us coordinate the process. We are NRIs , looking to get married in Mumbai / nearby eg Karjat etc.
approx 200-300 guests , possibly <100 rooms for international guests
4 events (usual Haldi / Mehendi / Sangeet / Wedding)
Would appreciate if anyone has any recommendations for planners you have worked with , or if any planners reach out to us. Thank you!

Hi everyone,

My partner and I are getting married this November, and we're planning to have our wedding in Dehradun. We're just starting the planning process and would really appreciate some advice from people who have planned a wedding there or attended one.

There are so many wedding planners and venues online that it's difficult to know which ones are actually reliable.

I'd love your recommendations on:

• Reliable wedding planners based on your personal experience
• Beautiful wedding venues in and around Dehradun
• The expected budget for a wedding with around 150-250 guests
• Wedding planners or vendors to avoid
• Hotels for guests and transportation arrangements
• Any important tips for planning a November wedding in Dehradun

If you got married in Dehradun or Mussoorie, or attended a wedding there, I'd love to hear about your experience. Which wedding planner did you choose? Was it worth hiring one? Is there anything you wish you had known before planning your wedding?

Thanks in advance! Looking forward to your recommendations and tips.

I’m getting married next year and I don’t know if I’m making the right choice. I grew up wanting a partnership where my husband and I were a team first. I don’t believe marriage means the woman should naturally sacrifice more or that our lives should revolve around our families forever. I know in marriage and life there should be elements of compromise and sacrifice however I feel like I’m being expected to change my values and who I am as a person which isn’t authentic to me. I always imagined we’d create our own little family unit while still loving and respecting our parents. The problem is that sometimes I feel like everyone else has a different expectation and it’s exhausting.
There seems to be this idea that after marriage, family opinions should still carry huge weight, that parents are heavily involved in decisions, and that certain traditions should be followed simply because “that’s how it’s always been.” Nobody cares about what the bride and groom wants. Everyone has an opinion. If I express what’s important to me or a boundary, it is met with criticism. I really struggle with that particularly as I feel my partner doesn’t have my back when around his family. It’s very intimidating for me. I am really independent, I know what I want in life and I want my day to go the way I want to. I don’t want to disrespect anyone, but I also don’t want to spend my married life feeling like I need permission to make my own decisions. Another thing is that I don’t really care about appearances or doing things because other people expect them. If something is meaningful, I’ll happily do it. But if it’s purely to avoid gossip or because “people will talk,” I find it really difficult to get on board. I am happy to respect culture and traditions as long as it’s mutual but I feel very much like what I want is not important and there’s always pushback. I feel really overwhelmed because my partner comes from a large traditional family where women are in the kitchen whereas in my family we are quite modern and for me, both men and women should be in the kitchen. We should look after each other. There’s the expectation that after marriage I will attend all these family functions, which I don’t want to do- I work 5 days a week and have a busy social/active life and need time to unwind. I’m happy to go to some things but won’t be going to everything and as they have a large family it is quite frequent. Expectations to dress a certain way- don’t show arms or wear a specific sari to every religious function even though I don’t like or wear sari’s. Expectations to do this and that when pregnant and give birth, do this function or this ceremony. It’s too much for me. Whenever I express this to my partner, he argues with me and for me a partner should be able to respect my choices and my decisions and make me feel supported, it’s really difficult adjusting into a new family especially in a traditional one, it takes time but I feel quite suffocated. I don’t want to lose myself or change who I am. I fear that if my partner cannot protect me now, how is he going to protect me in our marriage and when we have kids?
The family dynamics are starting to take a toll on our relationship. Everytime we discuss the wedding, it ends up with me feeling unheard. They want things they way they want or say we do it this way and nobody is listening to what I want. Multiple times, I’ve had to speak up for myself and it’s really uncomfortable and I’m beginning to feel uncomfortable around them. It’s always why can’t you do it this way or why here or why this date or just comments like some things you have to do- who made those rules up?. Why can’t you respect what I’m saying in the first place? It’s so upsetting.
I don’t want to spend the next 40 years feeling like our marriage has lots of people in it instead of just the two of us.

I’m not even married yet and it’s already so painful. It’s really sad because I love my partner and I really wanted it to work out for us. I want to be a team together. If it’s just me and him, we have a great relationship and I’m so happy. But as soon as you add pressure from my side; his side and then I on top get his pressure I can’t. It’s draining me mentally and physically. How do you overcome this situation?

I’m getting married next year and I don’t know if I’m making the right choice. I grew up wanting a partnership where my husband and I were a team first. I don’t believe marriage means the woman should naturally sacrifice more or that our lives should revolve around our families forever. I know in marriage and life there should be elements of compromise and sacrifice however I feel like I’m being expected to change my values and who I am as a person which isn’t authentic to me. I always imagined we’d create our own little family unit while still loving and respecting our parents. The problem is that sometimes I feel like everyone else has a different expectation and it’s exhausting.
There seems to be this idea that after marriage, family opinions should still carry huge weight, that parents are heavily involved in decisions, and that certain traditions should be followed simply because “that’s how it’s always been.” Nobody cares about what the bride and groom wants. Everyone has an opinion. If I express what’s important to me or a boundary, it is met with criticism. I really struggle with that particularly as I feel my partner doesn’t have my back when around his family. It’s very intimidating for me. I am really independent, I know what I want in life and I want my day to go the way I want to. I don’t want to disrespect anyone, but I also don’t want to spend my married life feeling like I need permission to make decisions with my own husband. Another thing is that I don’t really care about appearances or doing things because other people expect them. If something is meaningful, I’ll happily do it. But if it’s purely to avoid gossip or because “people will talk,” I find it really difficult to get on board. I am happy to respect culture and traditions as long as it’s mutual but I feel very much like what I want is not important and there’s always pushback. I feel really overwhelmed because my partner comes from a large traditional family where women are in the kitchen whereas in my family we are quite modern and for me, both men and women should be in the kitchen. We should look after each other. There’s the expectation that after marriage I will attend all these family functions, which I don’t want to do- I work 5 days a week and have a busy social/active life and need time to unwind. I’m happy to go to some things but won’t be going to everything and as they have a large family it is quite frequent. Expectations to dress a certain way. I Expectations to do this and that when pregnant and give birth. It’s too much for me. Whenever I express this to my partner, he argues with me and for me a partner should be able to respect my choices and my decisions and make me feel supported, it’s really difficult adjusting into a new family especially in a traditional one. I feel quite suffocated. I don’t want to lose myself or change who I am. I fear that if my partner cannot protect me now, how is he going to protect me in our marriage and when we have kids?
The family dynamics are starting to take a toll on our relationship. Everytime we discuss the wedding, it ends up with me feeling unheard. They want things they way they want and nobody is listening to what I want. Multiple times, I’ve had to speak up for myself and it’s really uncomfortable and I’m beginning to feel uncomfortable around them. It’s always why can’t you do it this way or why here or why this date. Why can’t you respect what I’m saying in the first place? It’s so upsetting.
I don’t want to spend the next 40 years feeling like our marriage has lots of people in it instead of just the two of us.

I’m not even married yet and it’s already so painful. It’s really sad because I love my partner and I really wanted it to work out for us. I want to be a team together. If it’s just me and him, we have a great relationship and I’m so happy. But as soon as you add pressure from my side; his side and then I on top get his pressure I can’t. How do you overcome this situation?

Hi all,

My fiancée is English and I'm Gujarati, and we're trying to plan a wedding that genuinely blends both cultures instead of feeling like we're doing an English wedding with a few Indian bits tacked on (or vice versa).

At the moment we're thinking something like:

• 2:30pm – Ceremony
• 3:30pm – Drinks reception, Indian canapés, vinyl bar, photos
• 6:30pm – Dinner & speeches
• 8:00pm – Cake & drinks outside
• 9:00pm–3:00am – Dancing, photobooth, late-night food, etc.

Rather than having two ceremonies, we're thinking of doing one shortened Gujarati Hindu ceremony (around 45 minutes). Roughly:

• Baraat – groom's procession
• Antarpaat – bride's entrance
• Jaimala – exchanging flower garlands
• Family blessing (instead of a very traditional Kanya Daan/"giving away the bride")
• Hasta Melap – our garments are tied together to symbolise our union
• Mangal Pheras – walking around the sacred fire
• Saptapadi – seven symbolic steps and vows together
• Sindoor & Mangal Sutra + ring exchange – symbols of marriage
• Kansar – feeding each other sweets
• Ashirwad – blessings from our parents/families

The bit we're really struggling with is what my fiancée should wear.

She's always dreamed of wearing a classic white wedding dress, but she'd also love to wear a lehenga or sari.

Our original idea was:

• White dress for the ceremony.
• Change into Indian outfits before the evening party.

The more I picture it though, the more I'm wondering whether a white wedding dress looks a bit out of place with the mandap, sacred fire, garlands, pheras, etc. On the other hand, I don't want her to miss out on wearing the dress she's always wanted.

Has anyone here done something similar?

I'd love to know:

• How you structured the day.
• When you did outfit changes.
• Whether you had one ceremony or two.
• If the bride wore a white dress, a lehenga, or both.
• Anything you wish you'd done differently.

Would really appreciate hearing what worked (or didn't!) for other mixed British/Indian couples.

I want to wear the classic red saree on my wedding day but I don’t know how to choose the saree type(?)

Like I’ve always liked the banarasi red traditional saree look, it’s timeless and regal but the kanjivaram also intrigues me and as a last option I have a classic red bengali jamdani

My head is already spinning lol!

Hello ladies,

As part of a North Indian wedding ceremony , the maama (my husband) needs to gift gold earrings, gold nose ring, gold chain, silver paayal and silver bichue to the bride. The parents said that 1 gram jewellery should suffice.

In addition to this, as per their tradition, we will need to give sarees and envelopes to 30 ladies and bedsheets and envelopes to 30 gents.

As this is for a distant relative (the bride hasn’t even visited us), we plan to include 10 rupees in Shagun envelopes. However, for the other items to be gifted - especially gold and silver jewellery, sarees and bedsheets, I am looking for budget/inexpensive/economical sources preferably from Delhi NCR or even online sources

I am not looking for advice on how to avoid this situation. I can’t. I am only looking for recommendations on where I can source these items at a low cost.
Thanks in advance for your help/suggestions.