r/KetamineTherapy

After decades of therapy, SSRIs and all the usual suspects to cope with depression and CPTSD, I finally landed on assisted IV ketamine therapy. It took ages to get here. I found the most highly-regarded clinic in my city and began my journey Monday with my first infusion. Then, that night and the following morning, I experienced s***idal ideation. I am no stranger to it as I have PMDD, a neural/hormonal disorder which I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, it can flare up randomly for me, but regardless, the timing is off, and when I arrived today for my second infusion, they informed me they wouldn’t be doing it. The standard protocol around here is 6 sessions over 3 weeks with integrative therapy after each one.

I completely understand they’re covering their asses. They don’t want me to do something stupid. But this is why I came for help in the first place. They no longer believe 6 sessions is good for me and are scaling back my program. I can’t tell you how badly I need help. I’m really upset. What would you do?

I've dealth with TRD for as long as I can remember. I've watched several of my family members lose the battle over the years. Thankfully my mom is still alive, but some of my earliest memories are of finding her in the throws of suicide attempts at a very young age. My own personal coping skill has been to try to outrun depression itself. I thought that if I was successful enough, the feelings of not being good enough would go away. That if I just succeeded enough I could convnice myself that I'm not a failure. Over the years, when things would get unmanageable, I would try different anti-depressants, but none worked. I'm now 46 and "outrunning" depression doesn't feel like a viable option anymore. My therapist recomended ketamine therapy. Last night was the first session using troches. I have to admit, I feel hopeful. It was just the starting microdose so I can't say that I felt any life altering effects, but I did feel small waves of a calming feeling, and for some short moments, peace. It gave me hope and I haven't felt hopeful in a long time. Again, I don't want to oversell the experience, but I can definitely see this working. I'm assuming when the wave of peace came through, it was when the Ketamine was peeking. I can't tell you whether it was for 1 minute or 10 minutes, but I didn't want it to go away. What pulled me out was feeling a tear drop land on my cheek. I'm not a crier and I wasn't sad. It was just a much needed break. So anyways, that's how it felt for me. I'm cautiously optomistic to see how tonight goes.

Hello!

I am currently running a study on set and setting within psychedelic experiences.

Often in psychedelic research there is not much in terms of ketamine users being present, I am hoping to find some representation for the group.

So if you've had any stand out psychedelic experience with ketamine, please come share your thoughts!

Obviously there is quite a few aspect to explore on the topic, though in particular I am interested in:

• How intention, environment, and social setting shape psychedelic experiences
• Differences between clinical and non-clinical use
• How these experiences relate to psychological outcomes

Most of the research on set and setting in the psychedelic field comes from more clinically orientated trials, which can be lacking in terms of nuance and real lived experiences. So it would be great to reach out further in the communities surrounding these substances!

🔗 Survey link

Fully anonymous

Takes around 15-20 minutes to complete

There's also an optional follow-up interview if you'd like to share your experience in more depth

Full study details and ethics information are provided in the info sheet at the start of the survey

Requirements: 18+, have had a psychedelic experience in a clinical or non-clinical setting

If you have anything you feel is important to say about psychedelics, this is your chance!

I'm happy to answer any questions about the study. You can reach us at:

Warren - plks55@durham.ac.uk

Dr Marco Bocchio - Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk

Thank you for your time and support! 🙏

This survey has been approved by the moderators

Hello!
My current psychiatrist has recommended that I do some form of Ketamine treatment as I have tried most medications for treatment of my mental health.

I have schizoaffective disorder depressive type (which I thought was just schizophrenia up until about a week ago), PTSD, MDD, and Anxiety.

When it comes to treatment she explains that her hands are tied since I am on the maximum strength medications all across the board.

Although I’ve read that schizoaffective is contraindicated, I have spoken to her a couple times about the benefits and have found a clinic willing to treat me.

I guess what I’m wanting is any testimonies from anyone with similar mental health symptoms that have gone through this treatment. What was it like?

I have done 4 sessions so far (two a week, three/four days apart, my 5th session is tomorrow) and I have yet to see any results. I’m still holding out hope because I’ve seen on here that some have results after the 5th or 6th session, but I have to admit I’m getting worried that this isn’t going to work for me.

I started at 38mg for the first two sessions, then we upped to 45mg for the third, and then 50mg (.65ml) for the fourth. My provider told me this is the highest I can go (although I’ve seen others go higher in this subreddit so I’m not sure why she says that). This clinic is the only IV clinic in my area, there’s one other clinic but they only do Esketamine. This clinic also just opened, so she may just be uncomfortable going higher, I’m not sure.

I’ve already paid for all 6 sessions, so I’m obviously going to see it through, but if I don’t see results in these first 6 I’m not planning on continuing with IV. I may switch to Esketemine with the other clinic, but honestly I don’t even know if it’ll be worth it.

My doctor thinks I just am on so many medications that my “synapses are fried” and that’s why I’m not feeling it yet. A friend who did IV ketamine (in an unorthodox fashion, long story but his doctor ended up going to jail for basically drugging her clients with too much ketamine) thinks I just have WAY too low of a dose.

My body reacts very weirdly with drugs, many drugs (prescription and recreational) have no effect on me or require a very high dose to have an effect. This is why my friend thinks my dose is too low. I personally just think, like with the antidepressants, I’m treatment resistant to this as well. I feel the effects of the ketamine during the administration, but as soon as it’s over I go back to normal.

I’m actually worse off now than before I started the treatments due to it not working and causing me to feel more depressed and hopeless. I just wanted to get some feedback i suppose from those who have gone through the process, to give me hope or give me a reality check, I don’t know honestly. Truthfully, it feels like everyone wants to blame everything BUT the ketamine for these results. Like.. Occam’s razor y’know? If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck..

I'm taking a very small dose 0.3-0.4mg/kg. I don't want to go up because I'm afraid of dissociation (i have tried it before). I'm taking it as IM. While on it, i don't feel, anesthetic, i can still move my body and even walk, but i will feel a bit drunk. Is this ok? Should I feel completely anesthetic in order to have effects? I think i can go up to 0.5-0.6 but no more.

When people say they only felt the effect after session 8, does that mean, the effect will happen suddenly on session 8? Or it builds up slowly? This is my third session and i don't feel anything at all. I'm depressed and anxious just the way I am.

Hello, I’m ready to move from at home troches to a clinical IV setting. I know it is more expensive and less convenient, but my main concern is my mental health. I just don’t feel like I’m getting the full benefit with at home troches. I still struggle with intense anxiety, fears, and even SI at times. Anybody have tips or input on making the switch?

I have been doing research into ketamine-assisted psychotherapy and while it is not available to me, I think I can just do it myself. It sounds very promising and I honestly don't see any other options. I cannot wait 3+ months for this to sort out on its own. And honestly at this points, I do not care about the risks. That doesn't mean that I wont be careful, I am going to set a routine and follow it. I will keep the dose the same. I will follow the steps that the clinics follow as best as I can on my own.

When you are in burnout your amygdala is constantly stuck in the on position and the connection between your prefrontal cortex and amygdala physically weaken. You completely lose the ability to turn off the amygdala.

In the short term ketamine mutes the signals from the amygdala, finally allowing it to turn off. but that is not the main thing I am interested in. With the right dose, ketamine releases a large amount of glutamate and BDNF which causes the brain to rapidly regrow the neural pathways connecting the amygdala and prefrontal cortex.

The main thing that I am concerned about is the dose. Because I am not getting the medication from a clinic I do not know the purity. and because I will have to snort it, there is only a 35% - 50% bioavailability. The dosage required for getting the glutamate and BDNF release works in an inverted U shape. So taking to little or too much will result in a lesser/no release of the chemicals required. So idk how I can make sure I am taking the correct amount.

Just for some context I am no stranger to ket and I can get extremely pure stuff.

Joyous does not have a live person only texts, and you will get a million texts a day that contradict the last. They billed my credit card and canceled my appt each time, 30 min before the appointment. I canceled my card, disputed the charge. Joyous is CHEAP for a reason. My appt with Shaun was very uncomfortable and I requested a new provider. The old provider (Shaun) purposely canceled any new appts that were not with him. If this saves one person from a nightmare then I have not wasted my time.. Texts for reference - These went on from 8/7 until 8/13.

[Joyous, San Jose, CA]

I’ve been on and off K, this is my 3rd time of being on it again. I had an interesting experience this time.

I’ve done ketamine before, a bunch really, with two different providers. They give different advice and instruction, so it’s hard to tell what’s best. Usually, I try to find the happy medium when taking it. I don’t want to ever see my walls flowing like liquid again and I don’t want to be trapped in geometry. If you’ve tripped before, you know what I’m talking about. At least with ketamine, everything can start to sound like industrial equipment working away. A quiet ceiling fan will start to sound overwhelmingly loud, like I’m sitting on the other side of a wall that has a gas generator running or something. Or maybe a huge water pump, without the water sounds.

This go around I started with a conservative dose of 100mg. Nothing unexpected happened, but it didn’t seem to help much. A few days later anxiety overtook me and I went crazy. The ketamine helped me realize what I am depressed about. I mean, I knew, but it brought a level of clarity to the issues that are causing me pain. Maybe it’s a bit backwards, but I thought it’s for the better. Honing in on my problems was the opposite of what I have been doing. I’ve been trying to escape or dilute them, pushing them as far back in my brain as possible really. It’s a helpful approach when coping with something short term, but my issues are ongoing. So did ketamine hurt at first? Kind of. But I’m confident it will help in the long run.

My second dose was 150 mg, 50% more. My doctor wants to get me to 300, which I don’t know if I can handle, but I moved towards that goal regardless. This time I felt it was working better. I was in a good place and was writing my friend about it when it became overwhelming. I tried calling, but he didn’t pick up. So I asked AI who I can call and it really only gave me 988, which… usually isn’t too helpful. They want to make sure you’re not about to kill yourself, mostly. So I didn’t call.

I started to freak out a bit. I didn’t want to k-hole again. I usually try to stop it by staying alert and present, but it’s hard, very hard. I did just voluntarily take a larger dose of horse tranquilizer after all. I remembered that the doctor said they have YouTube videos that can guide me, so I looked. I couldn’t find anything useful, so I put on one from their integration specialist about the stages of the journey. It wasn’t very helpful. So I put on another that is a guided meditation about building gratitude. It started as a grounding exercise, and admittedly, I didn’t follow the instructions very well.

The video encouraged me to relax nonetheless. The instructive voice told me to close my eyes, which I was desperate to avoid, but my doctor also gave me this advice. So I did and I started to relax. I could tell my breathing was much more calm and productive.

Then I leaned into it.

I pulled my covers over my head and just watched what my brain was projecting on to the back of my eyelids. If you do this when you’re falling asleep you will see blobs and shapes and things moving around in a very liquid-type fashion. I saw purple. They weren’t just blobs, but I could make out details. I saw animals and buildings. I saw small cities being built and destroyed. It was a bit choppy, like a video with a very low frame rate — far less lofty than when not on ketamine. There were other colors too, some green some red, but they were infrequent.

I can’t say the images carried any significance to my somewhat conscious mind, but I noticed a few things. One was that I could see out of my eyes with all of their imperfections. The lines, the squiggles, the imperfections or texture was visible to me. And in a way, it mapped to the universe. Not literally, it wasn’t a recreation of it, but it was a universe nonetheless. The purple images I saw would often lead me to the universe again. A few animations would play and I’d find myself looking at stars from the middle of space, essentially. I’m not all that into space, so it probably would have been cooler for someone else who is.

I continued to embrace it and just observe, while trying to take note of what was going on and any patterns. Surprisingly, it was calming. I thought about some of my problems and they felt meaningless to a degree. It wasn’t like they washed away and I felt a wave of relief, it was very gentile. I’d notice the light that was let in from my blanket interfered with the experience to a degree, so I shifted and adjusted a few times. I wanted darkness, so I could see.

During all of this I felt I had an exit plan for my situation, which was completely valid, but it faded away as time went on. I felt a very basic psychological need for shelter, but it disappeared. I no longer felt like I needed to seek shelter, despite my attempts to burry myself under my covers. The covers were superficial, the bigger desire or desperation to seek shelter had vanished.

Eventually, the visual effects started to wear off, even though I was still high. I tried to find the purple images again, but there wasn’t much to be seen. I checked if I was ready to resume life, but I was still too disoriented, so I waited. There was no boredom or rush; I was just waiting and being present.

That brings me to my last observation. As I stopped trying to fight it and started to embrace it, I couldn’t help to think I was practicing mindfulness — the same thing apps like Headspace and Calm teach you to do. And when I was waiting, just being present as it wore off, it felt very similar as well. You can still be present when hiding on covers to block out all light it seems. So maybe mindfulness is what I need to start practicing again.

I think I’m a surviver and fighter at heart, so it makes it difficult for me to let myself go. I do not like losing control, at all. Somehow I was able to let go today though. The relaxation helped me experience ketamine totally differently than I ever have and with it I didn’t have to experience the k-hole type side effects, somehow.

Hello!

I’m from Brazil and I’ve been reading experiences in this community for a long time. My English isn’t so good but I need to relate what I’m experiencing lately.

I’m extremely depres* since high school (finished it with 17 years). I tried everything you could possibly imagine to treat this disease and it turned out as a hard type of depression (I don’t know how to say in English but my doctor labeled as Depressão Refratária).

I tested ALL of my medications in the genetics test, none of them ever worked. I got worst, really worst since last year. I was about to com** with my own life but then I hear about Ketamine and ECT. I’m in my fourth session of ketamine (IV) and I’ve never feel so calm and confident in my entire life. It’s not something like mania (for a person with bipolar disorder for example). It’s just peace. I’m feeling like the person I was before everything happened (my 15 year old again).

It’s not something easy to get in my country, I do have more sessions to come and probably will need to do maintenance for a while. But it did save my life.

No more SUI* thoughts, no more rushing feelings, just what and who I as supposed to be.

Disclaimer: therapy it’s essential at this point, I’m doing DBT rn and it’s guiding me trough all of this because - to be fairly sincere - I don’t know/didn’t know what to do with such things, I didn’t thought it would work. I need to take advantage of my new version and guide it through years and years of negligence. It’s hard to pick up your life from shards but life is so much manageable now.

28 yo w/ ADHD-PI, PTSD, OCD, Social Anxiety, Panic Disorder, and MDD.

I've tried many, many medications without much success. SSRI's tend to simply make me feel flat w/o helping anything, while adrenergic compounds like Bupropion, ADHD stimulants, and even SNRI's tend to worsen my panic/somatic symptoms. A2A's somewhat help my anxiety, but worsen my mood/depression.

I'm at a crossroads and don't know what to do. I found an outside provider (out of network) that is open to prescribing an MAOI (Nardil/Parnate), but I also have the option of trying to get TMS/Spravato covered by my insurance (Kaiser).

Obviously, each have their drawback. It may be difficult to get TMS/Spravato covered right away, and MAOI's come with dietary and medication interactions/adjustments.

Thing is, I can't really have two psychiatrists at once (Kaiser vs out-of-network).

Thoughts?

Thank you so much 🙏 🙏

I had been with Joyus and KALM . I just signed up with Mindscape and so far I’m pleased . As a previous user of ketamine I was prescribed 200mg daily . Zoom visit was extremely prompt, informative, and couldn’t have been easier . Saw Dr on Wednesday 12 August and this morning 14 August meds were delivered . Only have to see the Dr every 6 months . Auto refills .
Message me for a code to receive 50.00 off when you’re signing up .

Could I hear which online prescriber you use, cost, and doses prescribed? Would also love to know about how complicated the onboarding process was. Located in GA

I am processing a loss. I do at home troches 500mg. When focusing on it for the first time I chose music that was a bit too ambient and droney and felt “mean”. I am wanting to focus on the loss with music that feels more uplifting but allows for depth if that makes sense.
I enjoy the sublingual sessions by Prati. This is the closest I’ve come to finding uplifting type playlists but I’m curious if anyone has recommendations for grief music.

I've done two rounds of intensive ketamine infusions, and then I've also been getting maintenance Ketamine for a little over a year.

I always "trip" when getting Ketamine, like get completely out of it, join the universal energies, no longer understand the concept of humanity, the whole works. Sometimes this is great, sometimes it is neutral, occasionally it is a bit uncomfortable but that is rare.

This last time, it was terrifying. Like a nightmare. I just wanted it to stop. I've never had that experience before.

However, right before my session, the nurse was talking to the patient next to me about their recent suicide attempt. I was still getting comfortable and hadn't gotten my ear plugs in yet, so I heard everything.

Do you think that "negative" start could have been the cause of this horrible ketamine experience? Or do you think it was just a coincidence?

The last Mindbloom session didn't do anything. Today (with replacement vial) started out rich, then all visuals went grainy.

Anyone else? So weird.