r/MenGetRapedToo

He just walked up and was like you a widdo you gone eat that d*c*k I was shocked no body ever came at me that I was like huh he was like suck my d*** I was like no he was like you gone do it you don't have a choice I was like yea ok whatever he keep asking asking I knew he was going to be a problem long story sort i gave in worst mistake he told me i belong to him now I was like do I have i choice he said no and I don't have to tell you he had his way I should of got help but he had me trapped i think about it every day this wasn't the first time this happened it just keep happening idk why I keep ending up in these situations

I'm an adult now. I was 13 when my mom's exbf moved in. He was a prevert. I was a normal straight boy at the time, but he got to do everything over time. I never told mom. I want to vent about it to someone.

I know im gonna get hate for this, and my post will probably get removed, but I have no one in my real life i can talk to about this. I feel like im becoming a terrible hateful person, cause last year a mtf person raped me (and I later found out 3 other friends) and now I have this fucking pit of hatred in my heart for people like them. I cry myself to sleep the nights I don’t let myself just be angry. 

I don’t want to a hateful or “bad” person, but that person ruined my fucking life and I can’t imagine ever being able to forget this and not feel like a disgusting worthless piece of shit til the day I die, all cause they thought I was “pretty”, which fucking grosses me out more than anything. (Im a guy but im only about 5’8” and I have really long hair) I thought we were friends. I thought I could trust them. I never in a million years thought something like this could happen to me. I was high and weak and it was all something i couldve and shouldve prevented if I was smarter. I can see that now. God I feel fucking sick just writing this shit. 

I just don’t know how to feel anymore. What happened changed me. Im bitter and angry and honestly a horribly hateful person all cause of one thing that happened. I don’t know if I can ever go back to being happy and accepting of others like I was before I met this person. I miss my old self. I wanna die Sometimes.

CW:graphic explanation of as and rape

so basically my dad had this friend that had a daughter and I was BEST friends with that girl, I was 11. she was about a year older than me but we were locked in then once we were rly close she showed me... Stuff and told me "we should recreate ts" I didn't know what was wrong with it I was just curious, I didn't rly say no or yes. Then one day I was playing the game then she went under the blanket and started s..cking my .... unprompted I was rly uncomfortable bc at the time I was young and thought she was js being weird like she always does, then made me eat her if ykwim , a couple days after she str8 up made me fing.r her, have ... with her and suc.ed my .... again I thought it was js a rly weird game. this was years ago tho b4 I even hit puberty now that I have it rly fucks my head. I'm now 14 years old and wanted to get this off my chest. I now have hypersexuality bc of this sick fuck

Trigger Warning: quite detailed (maybe?), might be uncomfortable, and messed up...

I am only having the courage to open up about this now. Ever since I was a kid, I remember being hypersexual. I don't know if it was due to unfiltered media exposure or peer influence. Maybe both. But I remember sharing inappropriate touches with a classmate back in elementary school. I also have a very hazy memory of my younger uncle dry humping me on the bed but, I don't know if it was real. The memories are all hazy I don't know if I can trust them. I wonder if he remembers. He was also just an adolescent that time (maybe 16 or someone before his 20s) I'm not sure. I still see this uncle, he's married now, and I am in good terms with him even though sometimes I wonder about that memory. There are no physiological/emotional responses when I remember or see him. I've no interest in bringing it up with him and if ever that was real, I have already forgiven him.

I also have memories of when my parents talked to me about questionable searches in our family computer before. NSFW material and all that sort, they talked some sense into me (they were patient and kind about it) and for a while I stopped.

By the time I reached a certain age (not sure if it was the age of 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, or 13) I had an experience that still perplexes me until this day. There came a time when I was reintroduced to porn. Classmates of mine borrowed my phone and downloaded porn on it. Maybe since then, that's what re-triggered my hypersexuality again. But that was not the only concerning part...

One night I shared a bed with a relative and their hired help who was much older than me. I believe he ( the help) was either in college (20s) or someone just about to be college. I was a mischievous and curious kid. I'd test boundaries and rules such as hiding, peeking, stealing, and other "minor" rule breaking behaviors behind adults' backs.

I awoke that night and made advances furtively up until I reached inside his shorts in the guise of being asleep and shifting my hands and position. I knew he was awake and he made no action to stop me nor to admonish me. He even returned a few touches down there to me. We woke up the next morning like nothing happened and he only patted my back casually as he served breakfast.

As a child, perhaps I took that as an invitation. There would be times where I'd see him in his room and he would be asleep. I would pull his shorts down halfway and put his member in my mouth temporarily. It happened a few times, the touching, groping, and pulling his shorts down.

Looking back, I knew he was really awake and knew what was happening. But I never once was stopped by him nor did he "awaken." As the hired help, he was someone who was woken easily. But everytime it came to what I would do, he wouldn't wake up easily. After those instances we'd go on about our day pretending nothing has happened. He was someone who later also had rumors with taking young male stutdents to his quarters.

Years have passed. He's far away now. Last time he saw me once again was in highschool before he moved away for work.

I'm left wondering... I don't know if I was the one who triggered his probelmatic behavior of inviting young male students, and if he was the victim of what I have done.

Or was I the victim as a minor? And was he supposed to be responsible for stopping me since he was the adult?

What I am sure about though, is that it has left me messed up in ways I may be less aware of and care to admit. I felt guilt and shame about what happened. Although I am able to function generally fine. I haven't told anyone about this. I've accepted what happened and it will be something I'll be carrying by myself.... I sometimes wish I made better choices as a kid though.

(I posted the full story awhile ago but) My therapist has said multiple times that the fawn response is a natural thing that happens. I grew up in a pretty abusive household both physically and emotionally by my mom. She assures me that the fawn response isn’t me betraying anyone but my body acting on its own to survive. But not only as a married man but as a person who was assaulted by a woman I feel like that’s a cop out. Like that’s just an excuse to hide that I couldn’t be more aggressive or assertive with my nos. I do tell her to leave me alone and I did try to put space. The whole nine yard but I still feel like it was my fault and the fawn response is just me saying it. Idk does anyone else get this feeling? Like it was your fault and this “natural body response” thing is just a big rug to hide under.

Bon, d'accord, je pense que certains d'entre vous l'ont vu passer. https://www.reddit.com/r/rape/comments/1rmezv9/mon_histoire_cest_un_peu_long/ Eh bien, les choses ont évoluées depuis. Déjà, j'ai appris que je ne POURRAIS PAS aller voir de psychologue en aout. Coup dur. Je suis énervé.

Ensuite, j'ai pu - Hallelujah ! (Tehillim) - garder mon prépuce. Finalement je n'aurai qu'une fente dorsale, donc je pense sincèrement que c'est mieux que de graver ce que l'on a découvert dans un état de stress post-viol dans sa chair. Je n'ai TOUJOURS rien dit à ma famille pour le viol. Maintenant, ils sont tous au courant pour les agressions sexuelles mineures, mais étant donné leurs réactions, je n'ose vraiment pas dire plus. Ils me dénigreraient, et ça non merci.

Enfin, à présent, mon hypersexualité est définitivement ancrée. Dieu merci, elle ne s'exprime pas dans la vraie vie, mais uniquement en ligne. Donc ça va, je me tiens et je n'ennuie pas les gens en DM. Rassurez-vous !

BIEN, donc nous avons passé en revue les nouvelles pas sympa. MAINTENANT, ce qui va mieux.

Depuis le mois de mars, je ne suis plus du tout dissocié ou fatigué. J'ai un état physique normal hormis mon anus, donc je ne me suis jamais senti aussi bien depuis des années. J'ai repris confiance en moi, je fais des projets, plein de petites actions qui me paraissaient insurmontables me paraissent désormais normales et fluides. Vous ne pouvez pas imaginer la différence pour moi. Après quelques mois de réflexion, j'ai décidé de faire un ménage total dans mes comptes en ligne pour éviter que T et S ne me harcèlent, car elles ont continué à le faire après ces évènements. Depuis quelques jours j'en suis débarrassé, et ça aussi ça a bien amélioré mon état encore. Je progresse un peu chaque jour, je me sens renaitre en direct, et ça fait un bien fou. Je vous en supplie, tous les gens du sub, c'est possible de s'en sortir, j'en suis la preuve. Ne perdez pas courage, nous sommes des survivants forts et nous avons déjà gagné. Par ailleurs, j'ai à présent d'excellentes performances sportives car je me suis entrainé comme une brute pour les épreuves de sport du baccalauréat. Je suis arrivé premier de ma session, j'étais devant tous les autres au 800 mètres course à pied. Voilà un évènement objectivement positif.

Je me suis accroché autant que faire se peut pour tout ce qui appartient au scolaire, donc je vous dirai prochainement si j'ai effectivement le mention Très Bien au bac, comme je l'espère de tout mon coeur.

Enfin, j'ai aussi prévu de repasser mes concours de musique, de rattraper mon retard, j'ai recommencé à composer et j'ai presque fini mon projet, dans quelques semaines je pourrais me revendiquer comme l'héritier spirituel de mon idole absolue SR. Et dès la rentrée, je vais étudier en distanciel la musicologie à la Sorbonne, tout en préparant mes concours d'instrument.

Voilà donc pour mon update, j'espère que vous aurez apprécié d'avoir de mes nouvelles.

Je voulais aussi TOUS VOUS REMERCIER, vous avez été tellement incroyables. J'ai supprimé mon ancien compte par honte, mais je n'ai jamais cessé de lire et de participer à ce sub sous différentes identités. Maintenant j'assume totalement. MERCI, vous comptez pour moi. Tous les meilleurs sentiments.

Hey Reddit
I’ll keep this short

I’m a 30M my gf is 28F

We are a fairly new couple, but pretty open when it comes to sex. At least I’ve been told I’m more open than most men
I have a prostate, I know where it is, and sometimes I like to use it.
Most of the time just through massaging the areas, but I do try penetration sometimes with small toys (rings with a small vibrator, prostate massager, etc)

We use toys all the time, only once or twice have I actually inserted a toy while engaging with her
TLDR, I’m familiar with the area

But yesterday, she texted me asking if I liked her rubbing my hole in the morning while I was asleep and that really through me for a loop

I have no memory of it, and I know for 100% certainty I would not have allowed it or even wanted it if I were awake or alert

I can see how she might think I would, or why she might assume it’s okay, but honestly it’s just not lol
I’m the only one I want touching that area

Anyways, I’m just really struggling with how to feel about it. In some ways I do feel really angry or uncomfortable or violated, but in other ways like I really get it and I don’t think it was malicious

I’m really just not sure how to feel about it

I keep coming back to 1) I just would never do that to her while she’s asleep, or even if I thought she was awake 2) I know had I been awake I would’ve immediately recoiled

Any tips, advice, or suggestions? I really don’t know how to feel right now

The worst part is, I feel like I’m implanting fake memories of it and not knowing if that’s real or not is upsetting m

Whether it's a good or a bad thing, this sub has been growing substantially -- in particular over the past year or so. Until fairly recently, 60,000-70,000 pageviews each month was typical for us. We're now regularly above the 100,000 mark.

Partly that's a function of our having more subscribers than ever before; partly it's because we're getting more posts and comments. But neither of those things fully explains the extent of the upward trend. It seems that a large number of people are checking in here regularly, even if they're not directly taking part in the discussions as yet.

i recently recalled an event of CSA that was really brutal and i can't push it out and it's killing me. idk what to do. my mind did back in december when it tried to resurface and i forgot but was completely off and my panic attacks got bad again. i didn't know why and that frustrated me. knowing now, it's no better 🤦‍♂️ worse really. i binge drank but that doesn't last forever. trying my best not do relapse on worse stuff. i just want to forget again

No one takes it seriously. In 30+ years of life only one person I've ever told has ever taken the fact that a girlfriend I had at 14 (who was almost 18) physically forced me to do it when I verbally said no as something serious that might be harmful to me.

Setting aside the emotional abuse and the cheating and the belittling, it literally happened that I said NO and she put me inside her anyway... And just literally almost no one cares.

I've told partners about it and friends and it's just always been kind of a nothing-burger.

Literally I get more of a reaction to the time a random girl groped me in middle-school (ALSO A PROBLEM OBVIOUSLY).

This woman broke me and laughed at me during a suicide attempt (all later than this specific instance (it's been almost 20 years I'm doing great now)) and damaged my relationships for a very long time.

Seemingly it doesn't matter much because no one can believe a kid got forced by his girlfriend. Apparently it shouldn't matter because she wasn't a stranger and it wasn't our first time. I said "no" and that didn't matter to her, but I'm male so I can just fuck off i guess.

It makes me sad. Cuz I'm doing ok these days and I know my experience was a lot less traumatic than a lot of people here. I just wish it would be taken seriously.

A decent time ago I broke up with an Ex due to her quite aggressively and repeatedly trying to force me to have sex with her when she was drunk. This involved repeated manipulation e.g “is it because you don’t love me”, “you want to cheat on me” etc etc while she got proceedingly angrier with me involving a lot of grabbing and making me kiss her, with me later blacking out and not knowing what happened. Ive been told by my friends that apparently we were very “touchy” during this period.

The thing is before this happened when we would make out I would ask in albeit a respectful manner if I could do anything for her 2-3 timeish over the span of the evening. This was all preposed with only if you want to and we don’t have to if you feel uncomfortable. Ive recently heard that coercion can be done through asking only a few times and im worried that I coerced her and thats why what happened to me happened. I also have OCD which keeps making me worry if I did something worse with false memories which fortunately shes been able to disprove (she kept a diary of all our sexual encounters).

Ive recently reached out to her and she told me that sometimes she did stuff with me when she didn’t want to mainly because she was scared about the relationship although she said she felt a little pressured by me asking more then once.

Im worried that its all my fault and she only did what she did to me because I didn’t do enough to make sure she was comfortable to say no in the relationship, she assures me I did everything right but I feel so unbelievably guilty and that its all my fault.

So I(32yoM) watching the football with my workmate (60yoM) after work at a local hotel bar. 2 pints in, he dissapears. Comes back 15 MINUTES later, (bar is dead, 5 minute max service) with two pints, of a different beer to my order/usual. I drink said pint, 20 minutes later im absolutely smashed (60 minutes ago). Only 3 pints, i regularly drink 5/6. He dissapears off again and comes back with two hotel room keys. I refuse it and say im going home and he gets pissy and annoyed. Call a mate for a lift home and get out quick. Home 30 minutes later and now sat here writing this im stone sober. Was this what i think it was?

Growing up deep down I never felt like I would ever be in a relationship with someone. I don't feel compatible with others. I feel completely disconnected. like I could never be anything anyone would ever want other than to be abused again. I feel like the only relationship I'm fit for is one where I'm powerless. It's the only thing that makes sense to me. there are things I never talk about. I've been losing my mind. pulling myself in multiple directions. trying to be so many things. Even though I want to be nothing. I don't want to be anything. I have dissociated identity disorder or DID for short.

I wasn't born like this. I was made like this. Afraid, hypersexual, many strangers to myselfs. Sometimes, I don't know how I got in the room I'm in. sometimes I wake up and the place seems strange but familiar at the same time. I get confused about where I'm at or where I'm going. Lost in a fog of despair and loneliness. I could never expect anyone to put up with it. I don't want to put up with it. I'm so tired of fighting my need for others and my need to be isolated from them. As soon as I feel close I want to pull away. Not because I fear losing anyone but because it's just too raw. It was 17 years ago but for me it feels like yesterday. I buried the memories and pretended like they weren't real till eventually they didn't seem real. Until I couldn't take it anymore. the things I feel all the time. the patterns I constantly find myself. they're too hard to ignore. they've always been by my side to the point that they seem to normal. the self hatred and the self harm.

the compulsory things I feel I need to do to deserve anything. pain became more than just a teacher it became the answer. an answer to question I didn't even know was being asked. who am I. I never got to answer that. We had to take over, my alts and I. there were so many things I just couldn't take, a part of me could. something I've never even given a proper name. I've called it acceptance, a demon, fight. But really it's the thing that took on the pain. however you want to slice it. That's the piece that it is. It didn't just take pain It enjoyed it. It learned that skill over many many lessons. But it's not the only piece of me. there are other personalities that had its day and still take up an account from time to time. I need someone who can hurt me. or do I want it? or or did my abusers want it and now I'm just echoing it. The problem is I can't tell the difference anymore. completely lost in what they did to me.

Even if I deserve peace and deserve someone that can show me a better way. no one else deserves to have to do that for me. I don't know that I lack the strength, I don't know that I want to change. I don't want someone to play with my mind again and change me. But it's also all I want. but not for the better. I do want someone to use me. I don't know what to do with that. It makes me feel horrible. But I can't help it. they did change me. And there's no going back. I can't get back that innocence. It's gone. replaced with me. I don't even know what that is.

If all that wasn't enough I also I'm just ugly. I also have physical ailments that make me pretty much useless. I have joint problems at 24. Even if I had a girlfriend or a boyfriend I wouldn't even be able move well enough to please them. I'm nothing but dead weight. I don't even know why I survived. I wish I didn't. they kept me alive so that they could keep doing whatever they wanted. now that they're gone I'm hollow. nothing but fragments of myself Left behind. I almost miss what they did to me. really I miss that they didn't end it. It would have been so much easier. instead I live. And I have to deal with the consequences of what they did to me and what I let them turn me into. slave. a good slut, It's literally branded in my leg. no matter what I do I feel like I can't escape it. I truly do feel worthless unless I'm used. That's the only way I feel any kind of happiness. my abusers have been gone for a long time. I don't know what to do without them. they destroyed my body and left me no one but them. But they're gone. I don't know what that means for me going forward. I'm not sure if it's grief or shame or both.

I asked on some other survivor subs but nothing pertaining to men specifically. I'd like to know if anything can be different or unique for male survivors.

I've heard the weird habits can vary person to person.

Some people get bowel or bladder issues, some people numb themselves with drugs,

In my experience, it's taking long showers because it's the place I feel the most safe. I also really hate briefs because and how it sticks to my body. They can reminds me that certain parts exist when I dont want to think about them. I prefer boxers a lot more, but sometimes even those are too much.

I also feel like self harm is the only way I can stop focusing on feeling hands sometimes.

What weird habits did you pick up?

I'm asking because I wonder if there's more things that I do that aren't seen as normal or things I just never noticed I do. Maybe people will be able to get that too from this thread

​

I posted this in a comment of another post and a redditor reached out to me and said really letting this out might help me understand how I should feel about this.

This happened when I was around 6 years old and he was around 16 or 17.

"Nick" (the babysitter) was the son of a family friend and would play videogames with me a lot when he'd come over and he kind of became a big brother figure to me

One day my parents decided he could babysit me.

And once we were alone his demeanor changed and he wouldn't hang out or play with me anymore for some reason

I didn't understand why and I remember asking him "please could we play the ps2 together I'll do anything"

And he said "anything at all in the world?"

I said yes

Then he pulled his pants down and told me if I suck on it until he tells me to stop he'll play with me

So I did.

I don't remember many details besides thinking it was weird

At one point he told me to go faster and be careful with my teeth

Eventually he held onto my head so I wouldn't pull away and finished in my mouth.

He told me to swallow it and I did

After that I immediately went to the bathroom and washed my mouth out and brushed my teeth

He never did babysit me again after that and I don't remember seeing him that much again.

My parents and the family friend stopped talking not long afterwards too.

Subconsciously I knew what happened was wrong in a way but I never said anything to my parents or anyone else about it.

And i feel weird for not feeling traumatized about this

I wish it didn't happen because no child should ever have to do that

I personally feel nothing about it though. Whenever i think about it I just think "oh yeah that happened to me" but I don't feel scared ashamed or disgusted and I feel like I should.

I think part of the reason I don't feel traumatized is because I willingly did it

He didn't force me (until the very end)

I just..don't really know how I should feel about it

Maybe actually putting it out there will resolve this i don't know.

Playing rugby has been my favourite thing ever. But after I was raped by another man I just can’t.
I played for the first time since it happened yesterday and I was so bad.
In the changing rooms I felt so nervous and on edge around the other guys getting changed. And then when I was playing I got tackled and freaked out and made a huge fool of myself and I just left. I don’t think I can go back now.

I have always felt fear or disgust towards physical contact; I rarely let my mother or my friends hug me.But that really pisses me off when it comes to getting medical tests done or letting a doctor examine me.I don't like doctors' offices, I hate them. I don't know if it's related to the abuse I suffered, but the person who raped me when I was a child owned a pharmacy and a doctor's office. My memories of the event itself aren't very clear because I was very young and it was very traumatic for me, but I do remember the sensations.

And well, now in my adult life that causes me a lot of problems I've had an ingrown toenail for almost a year and I haven't been able to treat it because that means going to a doctor's office. I know it's not as invasive a procedure as others, but the last time I went for the same reason I ended up in a very bad crisis He almost kicked the person who was serving me, I felt so sorry for him, I feel like a child throwing a tantrum but I'm almost a 20 year old man

I don't know what to do. I know I need treatment as soon as possible because I can't walk properly anymore due to the pain. I've bought lidocaine to ease the pain, but I know that won't always help.I've thought about buying valerian pills to calm myself during the procedure, but I'm scared.

Positive (for the most part) post I promise, but will still be spoilering it.

Even after I accepted what happened to me was rape, I had a hard time feeling anything about it. I guess I'm just a tough guy and I'm good at bottling it up or further dissociating to avoid feeling further pain. It's pretty hard to trigger me even though I do have at least one major flashback a year. This will be important later.

But there was a bit of a debate lately about whether or not it's okay to say that men are raped "too". And someone began kinda talking down to me about it, and I kinda just began lashing out. What I didn't realize is that I think that lashing out was something I needed. I went on about how men and boys don't report their rape, and then I went into all the stuff I get like how I should have been able to fight him off and how I wish I didn't have to constantly keep validating myself just to be taken seriously. And then... I just kinda had a wave of emotion rush over me and I began crying for a good 5 or so minutes. And I haven't had a genuinely good cry like that in years.

Let me tell you, it felt good. I mean, REAL good. It kinda felt like I was letting out all this bottled up pain and anger I didn't even know I had. And then it kinda dawned on me: that's what I was missing. I had been asked in the last out loud if I've been a victim of sexual violence in the past and I said yes. But that's not really the same thing as saying out loud you were raped. It's partly why I have been putting off therapy and chickening out of the crisis center because of the intake, and honestly... I'm glad now that I feel more ready to take it on than ever.

The only downside is I'm going on vacation so I'll have to wait until I get back to do the crisis center part (I've booked an intake). But now I feel ready, and I've also realized, I'm ready to start opening up to people I know about it. Well, sort of. Select people I can trust. But best of all, I feel like I'm finally starting to actually heal.

So yeah, I guess my advice is: try saying it out loud. To no one or two some one. Get it all out. It's very liberating.

Just had to share. Hope you're all having a great weekend and I hope your summer is pretty great.

Hi everyone. 21M here.

I was a victim of csa, and perhaps because of that, I constantly put myself in risky situations and struggled with boundaries during my adolescence. I had very bad experiences with both genders at a young age.

One of those experiences happened when I was around 13. I was raped by an older boy. Tied up, raped, and then tormented with blackmail and physical violence for a year.

The problem is... at the time, I had a fixation on that guy, i was kinda curious and attracted to him, and that caused me to convince to myself for a long time that I was actually "looking for it". I still grapple with those feelings, even though I know how serious it was and how fucked up it left me, to the point where it took a very long time for me to trust anyone at all again.

A year after it happened, he moved to another city, and I never saw him again.

However, when I think about the situation, I feel nothing toward that person, neither anger nor disgust, and that disturbs me because I know the anger is still inside me.

Music and combat sports help me cope with that repressed rage, and recently i opened up about it to my partner, but I wanted to ask if anyone has gone through something similar and how you dealt with the repressed anger. I don't want to keep it inside any longer.