r/MenGetRapedToo

I had a female friend who I have know for years over for a swim. She gave me some shit wine and told me I had to finish it because she didn’t like it and then we shared another bottle I’d say 80% me. She was saying things like “you seem unhappy” and “you font seem like you” She then tried to get close to me and I got a weird feeling, she leant in to try to kiss me and I ducked under the water and pushed away swimming to the other end of the pool. I said to her that she knows I have a girlfriend and I don’t want anything like that to happen. I said we should get out as it was getting cold as a reason to get out. When we got back into my house I said that I was going to shower and that she should get dressed and leave, that I would see her next time. When I was in the shower rather drunk I heard the door go and when I turned around she was entering the shower. I said she needed to get out and that I didn’t want to do anything. She then shoved me into the wall and said “I’m making an executive decision” then kissed me and grabbed my dick. I pushed her back and she turned and pressed her ass into me while pulling my dick towards her. She backed up into me as I went around her and out of the shower. I grabbed some shorts and told her to get out of my house. She then said we needed to talk about what had just happened at which point I started throwing up violently. And she got dressed and left at that point. Since then I have just felt dread and violated and blaming myself for inviting her over. I kept saying no and telling her to leave but can’t stop blaming myself and thinking that I have ruined my relationship. I feel the need to tell my girlfriend but I pressed it down and it has been 3 weeks now (we don’t live together) so I feel like that makes it look dodgy. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to say anything. I feel anxiety all day as I am scared my girlfriend will leave me. I feel as tho all the choice I had has been ripped away and although I said no I am still guilty. I don’t know how to tell her or how she will react and it terrifies me. I have been writing how I feel down which seems to help a bit, a help line I called has told me to focus on how it was not my fault and I didn’t consent but it doesn’t seem to have eased my feelings. My girl friend is my support network and I feel lost without her but scared that if I speak up she will leave me for cheating. I am embarrassed to speak to my friends so I thought I’d ask here. The help line lady asked what I would do if it was the other way around and my answer was hug my partner and cry but I need to know if other people would leave stay or not say anything in my case. I feel so lost and isolated please help.

Back when I was 18, I enjoyed clubbing til early hours of the morning in my hometown. One particular night, I spotted a pretty woman. She had hugee breasts and a huge ass. 28 years old. Caucasian. It was always my dream at that age to experience a woman like that. So I went up to her and told her exactly that.

She had a twinkle in her eye, told me she was high off MDMA and wanted me to come back to her house. We got into the taxi and went back to her place. A large house that seemed very lived in.

I was very drunk. Barely remember but i remember being amazed by her proportions. And crazy curved, especially for a white woman. As i went downstairs that morning, I saw pictures of her and another guy, and met her pet cat and dog.

The next week I went out again. Got blackout drunk. I must have texted her daying this. Anyways the next morning i woke up in her bed. My white boxers were covered in blood for some reason. Anyways i think she was sober and picked me up and I have 0 memory of what happened. It was a weird feeling snd i felt used.

6 months later i see that she’s given birth and see pics of her and her husband celebrating. I think she was just alone and horny and felt like taking advantage of a drunk 18 year old for her pleasure?

The first time was OK. The second time i left feeling used and confused.

Imagine if the genders where switched?

Thanks for hearing my story!

Everyone has different ways of healing from past pain.  Maybe that way would involve diving deep into the situation that caused the pain to clean it up, like rubbing alcohol on a wound.  It will sting for a moment, but it eventually helps prevent any worsening or infection.  This, I assume, is widely done through therapy/counselling.  Others may seek ways to distract from the pain, which can be healthy when done well.  An adage we all know and love says laughter is the best medicine, and that's not wrong in any way!  Finding some positivity to buffer the negativity can help, whether it's pursuing a hobby or helping others with their issues.  These are probably only two ways out of a whole variety of ways to heal.

I would personally suggest finding a passion you’re extremely into.  For me, that was art and writing.  I would make art and write literature such as poetry that conveyed how I felt, or included tidbits of the latest research I did.  If there’s any demand, I’d be overjoyed to share more of my poetry, writing, and/or art projects.  I also love music and am still playing the clarinet and bagpipes, both of which I’ve been playing since middle school.  I’m also trying a bit of piano and bassoon as well.  I’ve been trying to compose songs lately, though I’m still working on writing sheet music down for different instruments’ keys.  I take time for physical activities as well by aiming for ten sets of twenty push-ups daily, going on a golf outing every once in a while, and keeping up with taekwondo.  I also have an exceptionally busy life outside of those hobbies, so I am usually satisfied at the end of the day and much too busy to worry about anything other than the present and immediate future.  Most importantly, I founded this community and will continue working in order for it to keep running.  Each one of you has a special place in my heart, and keeping that to myself is something I know I cannot do.  I had to make sure I could reach out to some of you, even if behind a screen.  However small we are, even one person’s positive feedback means the world to me.  I’m wishing for a bigger, brighter future for us!

I’m sure each of you has your own paths of healing; no two survivors are the same!  I’m anticipating your testimonies and any advice you may have for any of your surviving brothers.  If you had any positive experiences with therapy/counselling, be sure to check out my previous post, where I asked for advice.  I’ve never tried quality therapy/counselling, and am wondering if I should try it out alongside my hobbies to ensure a quality healing experience.  I am especially excited to hear about all the different hobbies each of you enjoy; there are too many to list.  Hobby combos will be especially interesting to know.  Whether you love music, pursue an athletic career, or participate in philanthropy, you’re guaranteed a spot here with us in this community.

I'm not sure how to feel, after a night out when I was drunk I went home with a man. Just for another drink in my opinion.. unfortunately after the first drink I don't remember much just some flashes of him being on top of me. I just shrugged it off the next day and went on with my life.

It's just that lately I'm starting to realize wtf happened and its making my stomach turn. I have no one to talk to and am to ashamed to tell my wife.

I don't know what to do and just felt like venting here as I am clueless what to do...

Hi all! I made a similar post to this about a year ago but I unfortunately still need help.

I, given my presence in this sub, was abused a lot by an older boy when I was in middle school. I never had an ounce of interest in romance or sex ever since that period of my life. The last year, however, I have been putting myself out there in the dating scene. I've met lots of good people and whatever in this time but nothing ever gets too far since I am still unable to fully let go of my trust problems relating to intimacy. Any kind of intimacy. But obviously physical intimacy has been especially hard to allow myself. I guess my question for the members of this sub is: do you have any advice on how to overcome sexual and emotional trust barriers your nervous system has long become used to?

I was with this guy 6 months ago, we were perfect for each other, then when we got intimate, I felt sick, I was reminded of the horrers of what my brother did to me, when I got home I resented him, I texted him explaing everything, and told him I can't do this. Im so fucking pissed off because I loved him, he was perfect, how is it fair that everyone leaves me life, and when I find someone good, we can't be together intimately, how is this fucking fair, how can my brother still ruin everything for me, I loved the guy I was with I still do, its so fucking unfair, im all alone again.

This is my first post here. Thanks to the mods and fellow survivors. I hate to connect under these bleek circumstances. But I guess that finding this community is the silver lining.

I was raped in 5th grade by male classmate. I told my mom when I was 19. I was blissfully happy for a few days, I thought I was over it.

Fast forward to today, I’m in my 30s. I work but I’m a hermit confined to my bedroom, laundry list of other problems, and a crippling porn addiction.

I’ve been in therapy on and off for decades. My current therapist connected my porn addiction to sexual trauma. And emotional neglect from my parents, other abuse and traumas.

Last month, I had a 9 day sober streak, the longest in 1 full year. I realized how lighter I felt, genuinely more happy, more emotionally & mentally stable. Much less brain fog and dissociating.

I relapsed and those things all intensified. I want and desperately need to kick this habit. I want to be free but I’m constrained and subjugated by porn addiction.

QUESTIONS:

1/ Can anyone relate?

2/ Have you become sober from porn or sex addiction?

3/ Can anyone recommend books or other resources? I’ll take anything

Starting when I was 15 my dad raped me for almost 2 years. It started out very gradually. He would touch me, like my touch my butt or rub his body against me when we were alone. And it progressed from there. When we were alone he would talk to me about sex and masturbating, and then he would show me his penis and have my show him mine. He showed me how to masturbate and then he asked me to his penis in my mouth, and I did. From there, later on he put it in my butt. This lasted for almost 2 years. It was only when we were alone at home. The thing is that I never tried to stop it and I feel like so bad that I never did try to stop it. I never once did and I always went along with it when he asked me to do something. Most of the time I didn't like it. I felt so embarrassed and felt so exposed and when we had sex it really hurt a lot at first at least. But sometimes when he did these things to me it would feel good and I didn't want him to stop. So I feel gross about the fact that I never tried to stop or say anything at all about it and that I sometimes liked it. I now just feel so dirty about it and even back then I felt so dirty about it. Physically I felt dirty from like the actual part of it, like have his 'stuff' in me or on me and feeling like in a cold sweat, but mentally I felt so dirty also. I don't see my father often now. I saw him at the begining of the summer and I felt so many mixed feelings when I saw him. It would take too long to write it all out and this has already turned into a much longer post than I meant. I guess I just needed to vent. I just feel so conflicted about all of it. Sometimes I hate my dad, sometimes I miss him, sometimes I feel excited about what he did to me, sometimes it makes me so disgusted, and just like everything in between. I want a girlfriend but I feel like a freak because if a girl knew what I did with my own father then she would probably never want to be with me or at least would think it was very weird. I dont really know why Im posting this now, but does anybody have any advice. Like what do I do or how am I supposed to feel towards my dad now, or should I avoid not ever seeing him in person again?

My mom's bf would walk around the house naked. I was 13, he moved in. I blame myself because I didn't tell my mom. I want to talk about it. I feel confused.

​

Along my healing journey I keep seeing stories of sa and I start to crave for it to happen again. It's like 1 step forward 2 steps back. Just recently I remember seeing a man in a Spider-Man suit get sa'd and I started spiraling and completely destroyed my mental health.

Ya he contado mi historia antes pero últimamente siento que lo extraño, el me violo cuando era pequeño, pero siempre fue muy lindo conmigo y nunca me trato mal, lo hacía ver cómo si me amara, ahorita tengo 23 y últimamente que volví a contar lo que me ocurrió siento que lo extraño y eso me atormenta ya que recuerdo cómo me lo hacía y ya no lo recuerdo cómo algo feo si no como algo lindo en su tiempo, se que está mal y no se qué hacer (soy hombre)

From 7-12 I lived with “foster parents” (for lack of a better term). They were really into bondage stuff. Had all sorts of different bondage furniture in their basement and devices along with ropes, various types of cuffs, tape, zip ties, etc. Whenever they wanted to use me I would be restrained in some way. Many times they would touch me and make me feel good during this and I just ended up associating sexual feelings with being restrained. They would also use pain or discomfort while also making me feel good at the same time. We’d also watch a lot of bondage porn or I would be made to watch them together while they did bondage things to each other or one of the other kids.

I now have a very difficult time doing anything sexual without that aspect. I have trouble taking the lead and even if I’m taking a more passive role during sex it’s difficult to be able to stay hard or get into it unless I am tied up or “forced” in some way.

Has anyone experienced anything similar and been able to move past that? I have a partner right now that has been ok partaking in that, but I also know they’d wish for “regular” sex sometimes but anytime we try I just can’t get into it. It’s making me feel kind of bad but I just can’t seem to stay turned on enough if I’m not restrained. As if that is a necessity. It’s fun but also just frustrating that I seem to need/require that

I’m older now (24M) but when I was 16 I was very suicidal and depressed and went to see a psychologist and realized this dude fully SAd me. He wanted me to relax before sessions so we would tell me to do breathing techniques to try to calm my nerves before talking. Honestly I feel extremely uncomfortable talking about what happened even over text but tldr he did something which lead me to orgasm under the gauze of some new relaxation technique using a massage gun on my genitals.

I was not thinking straight given my suicidal tendencies and also figured I’d help the field of science and this only ever happened once and never again. To be honest I never even really thought of it as sexual assault because I was like huh this would aim to help research so who cares. Well later on a couple years afterwards I was talking to a girl who got SAd and realized holy shit that psychologist was a predator what the hell. Idk afterwards I just talked about it to her and never again after that and never really even thought about it at all.

UNTIL RECENTLY: My friend tells me he was recently charged with sexual assault of someone young and was released on bail apparently. I don’t know what to do. Only 1 person knows (the girl I was talking to) what happens to me and going to the police won’t help since it happened so long ago + chances are I’ll be in court for so long before anything happens. I don’t even know if I should bring it up to my best friend either. I’m so torn. In all honesty though idk if it’s cope but I’m fine. I’ve had sexual partners since and relationships without so much as a thought but you know, it still makes me uncomfortable talking about it and idk what to do.

I’m a 30yo gay man, and was sexually abused by an uncle and by a babysitter when I was a little kid. Lately I’ve felt like it’s been tough to have positive sexual experiences because things keep reminding me of my childhood. I’m in therapy regularly, but haven’t been able to open up about my childhood experiences with my therapist. I just hate talking about it and never really have.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and overcame them? I just know whatever I’m doing isn’t working right now, so just trying to see what’s worked for others I guess.

I’m posting because I genuinely don't know how to process what happened tonight... It's just weird, i mean... I'm not even sure.

I met a guy on grindr. Wasn't the first time that we talked, and he wanted to come over to my place. We agreed, that i'd give him a BJ but nothing more and he was fine with that. At one point, he became forceful and started pushing my head down and I told him it wasn't okay but he continued holding my head down quite forcefully, to the point where I was struggling to breathe.

After that, he repeatedly asked me to have anal sex. I said I didn't want to. He kept asking and asking even though I'd already said no multiple times.

Eventually he came behind me. Pushed me over and penetrated me without a condom and without any lubrication, without me agreeing to it. I told him it hurt, but he didn't stop just laughed. He continued until i could roll over.

Afterwards, he again pushed my head down. At that point I basically just did what he wanted because I wanted everything to be over as quickly as possible, but tried to go behind me again. I couldn't ask him to stop and leave, because he didn't understand me saying no a 100 times so why would he leave? So i had to think about how to make him finish as quickly as possible without being hurt. I gave him head again, but i used my hands too, so he couldn't push my head down that far to make it hard to breath and fortunately he finished in a few minutes. At the end i questioned him, but he said he is a man and he was horny. He thinks it is completely acceptable.

I dont want to report him, i'm too scared. He is turkish and stuff like that and he knows where i live so i would skip that part. I dont want more trouble.

What is confusing me is that I don't feel traumatised right now, just confused. I don't feel like I'm having a breakdown or anything like that. I feel relatively normal, and part of me is wondering whether I'm exaggerating what happened because I don't feel devastated.

But objectively, I said no multiple times, he ignored me, penetrated me without my consent, continued after I said it hurt, and restrained me in a way that made it difficult to breathe.

So I'm genuinely asking: would this be considered rape/sexual assault? And is it normal that I don't currently feel traumatised or particularly emotional about it?

I'm trying to understand what happened and why my reaction is so different from what I expected it would be.

I'll also contact the nearest sexual health clinic tomorrow to ask for DoxyPEP...

I am a 33yo gay male and after a recent hypnosis video I listened to I have just started contemplating whether me receiving oral sex at a Eurovision party when I was 15 was rape.

I was really close to a girl all evening but had met eyes with another boy who wasn’t really part of our friendship group. He was openly gay so I guess he was of interest to me and we kept on looking at each other through the evening with some joking around. At some point, he takes my hand and guides me to the downstairs toilet. We kiss, and he sits down undoes my jeans and performs oral sex on me. I remember feeling surprised that it had escalated to this. Things were moving fast, there was no asking/suggesting.

Everyone at the party knew because the door seal wasn’t flush so word got out and I was bullied horrifically for the next two years. I am just coming to terms with just how much this has affected me and has held me back. I have absolutely 0 friends now just work colleagues. I am grateful for my long term relationship and that I am still on speaking terms with my family. I understand it was probably confusing for him as well, but I didn’t know that was going to happen and I was so taken a back by it. I’m nervous about talking about to it with my partner as it’s not the “standard idea” of rape.

I just can’t help but wonder what my life would be like, what kind of person would I be like, if that and subsequent years of bullying hadn’t have have happened.

Brace yourself, this is a long one.

This isn't my main account, but it's also not a throwaway. I (39 gay man) have been binging and purging for 23 years. My mom, sister, husband and maybe two close friends know about it. I do it pretty much twice a day, and it has gone from needing to feel skinny to just getting a dopamine release or dealing with my addictions.

Before you attack me on this, please understand the pretext. When I was 13, as a kid coming of age, I joined a m4m AOL chat room. There was a guy who was interested in me and I was naive/stupid, curious and h*rny. This man was 35. We lived near each other and we talked on the phone one time, which was of sexual nature. I had never done anything sexual with another person but had "explored" what gay life was like, on the Internet (I.e. I saw photo p*rn, and I even got caught doing that). I come from a fairly religious, but understanding family, if that is important.

Anyway, we talked on the phone about my looks and what not and I told him I had a 'swimmer's build.' I said that because I had been swimming competitively my whole life and didn't know what a swimmer's build was. I weighed probably 200 lbs at the time...

He wanted to meet this young (and yes, he knew my age) handsome boy, so I agreed to meet him at a park next to my house.

When I got there, upon opening his car door, his first remark was "Wow. You're a lot fatter than you said you were." I was surprised, but thought that he was just disappointed I wasn't the boy he expected and that it was just a casual comment. I got in his car and sexual things happened. I won't go into detail, but suffice to say I threw up when I got back home.

I felt incredibly guilty and wrote a letter to my parents, detailed everything that happened, placed it on their bed and fell asleep (they were out for the day when this happened).

When they got home, they immediately sat down with me and very sincerely told me they loved me and that there's nothing that could change that. I cried.

Rightly so, they said we must go to the police, which we did, and we filed a report detailing absolutely everything. I had his handle, his phone number, his license plate and car details. My dad was visibly and rightfully upset, but not at me. We went home and I cried again.

It was maybe two hours before we received a call from the police that they had arrested him. Shout out to CMPD, because they were awesome from the start.

He got off my charge because the FBI wanted him for something apparently more serious... My parents convinced me to agree to his plea bargain because they didn't want me to have to sit before a jury and recount everything, which, in hindsight, I wish I could have done.

After truly realizing I was gay, at the age of 15 or so, I thought that looks were what brought attention, and I wanted/needed that affirmation. At that point, I weighed 262 lbs. I started working out and changed my diet. Then I learned about anorexia and bulimia. I began vomiting in the shower and limiting my food intake. Once I had lost some weight, I figured out that if I combine all of them together, I could really lose the pounds. I lost 110 lbs in 9 months.

I received so much admiration from my classmates and coworkers, and by the time I was 18 and going to gay clubs, I was the one rejecting people who thought I was hot, because I was a bitch and thought I was better than them.

This entire process continued through college where I got all the positive reinforcement and action because guys thought I was cute. I eventually outgrew the desire for affirmation and just wanted to stay skinny. The binging and purging continues, though I still have a healthy, balanced diet outside of that.

Since then, I have continued to binge and purge, not to lose weight, but because I want to taste the foods I desire, but don't want the calories that come with them.

This has become an addiction. And it's not the only one. The addictions started with losing weight, then cigarettes and losing weight, then drinking and cigarettes and binge/purging.

Today I vape and am clinically an alcoholic. I have been to treatment twice, but they've always focused on the alcohol side of it. I have done online ED treatment (during COVID) which helped, but I'm back to my old ways now.

I'm in therapy, but the biggest issue is unpeeling the onion that led me to this point (there's even more than just the molestation that fed into my ED). I can extrapolate later, but my fingers are getting tired atm.

I'm sharing this because I have never told anyone other than the closest people to me and my therapists. I hope others can relate in some way, maybe have some advice or just want to know what it's like, or talk about, to live a life like mine.

Thanks for reading.

Was I raped?

I dont know what happend and its realy scaring me.

so a few weeks back I went out with a friend to a party that sold cocktails for very cheap. I stupidly drank very much because of this like 12-14 cocktails. Last thing I remember is sitting alone outisde the bar the next I am 1,2 km away from where I blacked out in the entrance of an appartement (the part where you need to buzz someone to be lett in, I was here because I tought it was my appartement) but why I tought that and how I got there is unknow to me. I stood there for maby 2 hours or longer leaned akwardly against a wall (might have put pressure on my asshole) After a few hours i soberd up a bit (still very drunk but sober enough to realise that was not my dorm) I noticed my phone was stolen but nothing else. Clothes were dirty but fine none missing. I also didnt feel any pain in my butt it was kind of numb and had a swollen feeling tho (when i checked i felt no swelling)

I walk back home (15km) and still dont feel any pain. I check on the toilet and also take a shit and still no pain so I tought i was good (checked because i tought something might have happend) so i went to sleep and after 4 hours i wake up and now i feel a sore/bruised like feeling when I squeeze my ass. Now I know this could be because of the checking but the pain was so unusual it was mainly when i squeezed my asshole and not the type of pain I normally have when I wipe too much (like the itching burning pain) it was just pain (like the pain you have when you press a bruise).

The following days I was realy stressing and checked a lott and also squeezed my ass a lot to check if the pain went away, looking back at this this might not have been the smartest. The pain lasted 4 days and went away after I took a hot bad. I didnt have any weird bruises only on my knees and handpalms probably from falling forward. If I had to give the sore pain a score I would say around a 4 or a 5 on 10. There were no signs of lube or bleeding and the pain was only when squeezing not when wipping or going to the toilet.

I asked chatGPT and he says its probably from falling or leaning against the wall for so long but I just cant wrap my head around that leaning against the wall would cause such noticable pain

Now my questions is do yall think anything happend based on what i said or not? This is stressing me out bad so thanks for responding in advance.

Sorry if this seems poorly written, but english is not my first language and I used AI.

She started grooming me when I was 6, My father had been dead for less than a month.

At first, she just used me for her own pleasure; she forced me to lick her pussy and finger her.

Then she started doing more and more; basically, from the time I was six until I was ten, she kept me at home completely naked and at her beck and call.

She would summon me whenever she wanted, and if I didn't obey, she would beat me.

She always had a lot of kinks and fetishes, usually involving my humiliation—things like peeing on me, spitting, and sitting on my face.

When I was ten, she started doing sexual things to me—handjobs, blowjobs, minor penetration—and even began inviting her complicit friends over to use me.

We did it several times a day, and when I was twelve, the big thing happened: she wanted to take my virginity and have full intercourse.

At the same time, she asked me for a favor: a friend of hers had a husband with fertility issues, but they desperately wanted a child.

She forced me to have sex with and impregnate her friend; the husband knew everything and would even come to watch.

From then on, I started having sex with her and her friends.

Like many others, I enjoyed it; I felt like a porn star who was constantly having sex—unlike my friends, who were still virgins. They also took photos and videos that were published online; I actually saw them on other social media sites.

At fourteen, I was forced to father a second child with another one of her friends.

Bear in mind that both this woman and the previous one kept seeing me even while pregnant or after having the babies.

Also at fourteen, I became a sort of *hikikomori*; I stayed shut up in the house all day playing computer games or reading, stopping only when she or one of her friends came over to have sex.

I’m 16 now; it’s all spiraling out of control, and I don’t think I have any intention of stopping it.

I know it’s wrong, but at the same time, I can’t seem to change. All the fetishes they’ve imposed on me have ruined my sexuality; I hardly know anyone and have no friends.

Even though I’m bigger and stronger than my mother and her friends, I let them beat me up anyway—and I actually enjoy it while it’s happening. So far, everyone I’ve spoken to online (anonymously) calls me lucky and says I should just let them carry on, but maybe it would do me good to hear some opposing views, too.

P.S. I’ve never had any sexual experiences other than with my mother and her friends.

I want to talk about an incident that happened while I was severely intoxicated. I called a man that I had sexual relations with before over to where I was at. He said that I may be too drunk but still had sexual relations with me again. I even did something I said I’d never do.

The next day I felt awful and like he knowingly took advantage of me. I even seem to remember him mentioning rape as a form of intimidation. That would make it cross the line over into full blown rape. Then, afterwords he claimed gang affiliation. I felt disgusted with myself and went back inside and self harmed the same night.

Some people believe a very intoxicated person can’t meaningfully consent.

Does it sound like to you that he took advantage of me?