r/PolyFidelity

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Hello throuple community! I've just wanted to ask you guys something I've always wondered about throuples? How exactly do they form?

Because it's already a hassle to have two unpredictable autonomous human beings to be compatible enough to share intimacy

But then to wanna add more than that can make chances seem significantly less plausible

So therefore, I wanna know your thoughts, opinions, and perspectives on how throuples form

I'm aware that it forms probably the same way as any other relationship. But it seems much more difficult to find and maintain. Especially in a monogamous society

Posted this in the polyamory subreddit and it was brutal, got banned after I reported a user for calling me a manipulative man baby lol. If this isnt the right place to ask about this just tell me and Ill delete it. I dont need people attacking me over age differences and throwing out accusations. If this is a stupid idea just tell me and Ill respect it. Heres the story

Throwaway account here to keep things anonymous. My wife met another woman ealier this year and they quickly became good friends. She started hanging out with her and her husband a lot. My wife is 26 and im 35, she still likes going out to clubs, drinking, dancing, things im not so into so I thought it was good she had someone to do that with.

They started spending a lot of time together and suddenly they threw this question out there. My wife told me at first she was attracted to the wife and always was curious about other women and thats part of the appeal but as they all became friends I guess they all started having feelings for each other. They want more than sex with her, they want another partner for dates, trips, romance too. My wife is interested but we havent had much experience with this besides one hookup she had with my permission.

I want her to be happy and there isnt anything wrong with our marriage, its been great so this isnt to replace me. Part of the appeal for her is doing things with a couple who is more her age. Im fine with her hooking up with and having fun but the relationship part has me nervous a bit. We have talked about it together and she wont do it if i say no but I can see shes interested. If it was just sex I probably would have told her to go for it but this is different. Im conflicted here, I do find it exciting to think about but I dont know it seems complicated. Is this just a bad idea all around? anyone have experience?

Hello I’m a newbie here and kinda getting into the poly world unexpectedly and looking for some advice if anyone has any. Me and my partner have been open in the past but it has been mostly just sex related we have allowed some one off partners and be involved in threesomes before. Our most recent threesome hookup was with an old friend we haven’t seen in a while. I ran into her and told her she should come by and hang out sometime. She did and after a couple times hanging out it happened. The difference with this interaction is it has continued and seems to have involved into something more than just a hook up or two. We have all discussed with each other separately (me and my partner, her and my partner, and me and her) and plan to talk all together this weekend about what we would like this to be moving forward. It has all happened very organically nothing was pushed or forced on anyone. This definitely was not a case of “unicorn hunting ” it was just friends spending time together and getting closer and it developed into something more. The thing is none of us have ever been involved in anything like this and we are all just a little unsure of how things should develop from here. Would love any tips on helping us navigate this situation as we move forward with this.

I'd like to book a "couple" activity to do with my two other partners as a romantic date, but I don't know how.

Like, I know there are "couple spa-pack" specifically where you can book for few romantic days at a spa with you s/o, but I've always wonder how to ask for it while explaining we are 3 people, not 2.

I'm new at this stuff and maybe (I hope so) I'm overthinking it. How were your experiences? Do people usually accommodate those kind of requests?

Long post, just sharing. Last year, on the first, our now shorter-term girlfriend, then friend/hookup buddy, was informed she needed to move out of her place by the end of December. We'd all been spending a ton of time together, and of course had been intimate, but besides some "joking" from her, a triad wasn't something we realistically considered. With the crisis of crazy rent costs and a reality of our "friend" not finding a place to live nearby, my girlfriend said something I'd silently been thinking: what if we invited her to live with us, and made this a combined relationship?

It took a lot of discussion about our boundaries and plans before we even took this to our now-girlfriend. Days, almost a week, really. And then the discussion with her still had to happen, whether or not she was really interested, and what her boundaries or interests were. Thankfully, enthusiastically, it's what she'd wanted and hadn't felt comfortable asking for, and we all wanted a closed relationship.

What I'm happy we didn't do is race to Reddit for opinions or thoughts. Honestly, we didn't do a ton of reading or understanding of the "rules" in a poly relationship. We solved our own issues. This community is amazing, but I think we would have run into one of the other subs that would have scared us away.

The one thing I'll say, is that thankfully, instead of leaning too heavily into the excitement of turning this into an official relationship, we very much took an approach of "what can go wrong?" and "let's explore the tough subjects." Thankfully, it's led to a very non-dramatic relationship so far, with one small fight and some mild discomforts here or there, but it's going great.

So, here's some of the good, to be followed by the challenges:

- Having the space to share romance and not be 100% of the focus all of the time is so relieving. If someone needs their distance, and the other needs attention, it's easy to rotate. That said, there's also a bunch of extra love.

- Splitting hobbies and interests has opened our eyes to new things, or helps us all have some kind of overlap in things a monogamous couple might not enjoy.

- Intimacy is great. All of our sexual needs seem to be fulfilled, and if someone's not in the mood or unavailable, there's generally someone to turn to.

- The house is vibrant and energetic.

- Especially for my girlfriends, I'm happy they get to embrace their sexuality and fill that void.

Challenges:

- It can be crowded. Only my shorter-term girlfriend, the newest to the house, has her own space. We all mostly share a bed every night. My office is also the home gym. It's not like we don't all have space to be in different rooms, but not having one's own space is tough. All of the bathrooms are filled with makeup and beauty products... ha.

- Financial equity is weird. I'm the only one working full-time, they both don't really have jobs... but they do have some money. I still pay for most of the key things though, and it can be rough having to work all day while they get to chill together. But we're working on it.

- Building off of that, I simply have less time, so it's hard to build as strong of a connection with our shorter-term girlfriend, or split our time equitably. So much of our time is spent as a trio when I'm around, but they get all day together. Date nights are more frequent with my longer-term girlfriend.

All in all, it's been great, and I just felt like killing an hour while I'm sitting here waiting for the day to end, so thanks for reading if you did!