u/ThrowawayIsland8

MFF polyfidelitous triad here (meaning the three of us are in a closed relationship).

My longer-term girlfriend's ex-girlfriend is close with us. Most would say way too close, especially considering that early on, she tried to end our relationship (before we were in a triad). Their relationship ended due to borderline abuse, and she once sent me revenge porn, although the ex has turned over a new leaf (got clean from an addiction) and I'm trying to be supportive of her, because I know she still matters to my gf. We just spent the weekend at her cabin, which is fine, she was trying to pay us back for letting her stay with us for a week-ish after a medical procedure.

...But, both my shorter-term girlfriend and I are seeing signs the ex is still in love with her, and our girlfriend isn't doing a great job of setting boundaries. Like, she already committed us all to yet another vacation with her, while the three of us don't have anything scheduled between just us. We have our own relationship group chat... and for some reason also a group chat with the ex. We see her on average at least once a week. Neither my longer-term girlfriend, nor the ex have a lot of other friends, and no family living nearby.

My shorter-term girlfriend and I had a conversation this morning, and while we both feel this is one-sided, and it's almost certain there's no infidelity going on, we're both trying to decide if we should address this and draw a line in the sand about setting firmer boundaries.

But, I'm worried about us piling on and ambushing her. We've only all been living together for 7 and a half months or so, officially in this triad, although this has been some form of a relationship for what's getting closer and closer to two years. My longer-term girlfriend is pretty sensitive, but we really never have had a real fight. I guess I'm not sure if we're picking the right battle, and how to not gang up on her.

The last thing to add is that the ex has told me I'm one of the few people in her life she trusts and that forgave her for being such a shitty person while she was an addict, so I kinda feel like a dick.

Any suggestions here?

I'm realizing people order their designated acronyms a little differently, while mine is kinda slapped together and I never put much thought into it. Does yours designate a hierarchy? Sexual interest? The timing in which the relationship came together? Or, something else.

Just wondering why they show up in different orders.

Sitting here under the weather while everyone else is out, figured I'd post something fun.

What do you all have in common hobby wise and what don't you?

My longer-term girlfriend and I have more in common than I've ever had in a relationship: comics, video games, watching sports... same taste in movies, shows, all that kind of stuff, which is nice.

Shorter-term girlfriend doesn't have as much in common with us on that scale. She enjoys sports, but nowhere near obsessively as us. We all love travel, drinking, and are relative foodies, at least in terms of trying adventurous things. She'll play casual games with us, and enjoys like, the MCU, but not much further than that.

The main thing where I don't match up is that they both have a major passion for fashion and design... I'm more of a jeans and a t-shirt guy unless they get me something specific. They're the types that are rarely dressed down without hair and makeup somewhat done, even if we're not doing anything.

The main individual passions that don't overlap are:

STP's art. I can appreciate it, but she has a deep talent and obsessive interest that none of us can match.

LTP's exercise-obsessed. While the rest of us keep in decent shape, she works out like 1-2 hours a day. Despite being a major girly-girl, she's been a cheerleader all her life and is obsessed with keeping in shape, dance, and all of that.

I'm the social butterfly of us all, in comparison. They keep a very small group of friends/acquaintances, and I'm always managing my group chats, making time to go out with friends, and they almost never want to join.

What about all of you?

Not sure anyone actually cares, but sharing just for the sake of it, since it can be cathartic to post about it all... the conversation between myself and my partners went great last night.

It's so surprising, honestly, that having a 3rd person in the relationship is somehow easier than it was when it was just the two of us. As soon as I brought up that I learned the one particular woman was definitely trying to hit on and go out with my longer term girlfriend, my shorter term girlfriend immediately backed up how much sense that it made, even if my LTG didn't see it (and was a little embarrassed that she didn't recognize it). Especially since Saturday night was a frustrating experience with that group, it wasn't even a difficult or long talk. We honestly spent more time talking about our plans for the remaining NBA/NHL playoff games.

They're planning on having some conversations with the group today, setting boundaries, or just not spending time with the group if there's anything weird still going on. I didn't have to make any messy or grand proclamations about who they can/can't hang out with.

Thanks for letting me vent!

To get this out of the way - I'm a male in a closed triad relationship with two bisexual women. I've been with my longer-term girlfriend for six years, and my shorter-term girlfriend has been with us for about a year and a half, moving in last December. I have an issue I need to address with them, but I don't want to come across as possessive or controlling, so I'm looking for thoughts.

They've been getting involved n the bi/lesbian community, which is awesome for them, no problem. However, in the past few months, they've started to hang out with a specific group of queer people more exclusively. I'm typically invited along, although some women, specifically one, haven't been huge fans of me joining.

Last night helped me understand why. Thanks to a drunken revelation from a guy in the group I've made friends with, I've found that particular woman, and some other in the group, believe that because my girlfriends are "poly," that they're either dateable or our relationship can be broken up pretty easily, so they're fair game. And they don't like me coming around because they see me as hovering and getting in their way of shooting their shot.

Specifically, my longer term girlfriend is the main target of that one woman (and I don't think she's at all my girlfriend's type).

I don't suspect any cheating or think they would cheat, but I have to admit I'm a little uncomfortable with them hanging around with people who actively have feelings for them. Would you ask them to stop spending time with this group, or would there be other solutions? Or should I just point out what I learned tomorrow and let them decide?

I'll be hanging with this whole group again tonight.

Well, we've hit a bit of a snag. My girlfriends have been doing more stuff in the bi/lesbian community, which is awesome for them, no problem. However, in the past few months, they've started to hang out with a specific group of queer people more exclusively. I'm typically invited along, although some women, specifically one, haven't been huge fans of me joining.

Last night helped me understand why. Thanks to a drunken revelation from a guy in the group I've made friends with, I've found that a particular woman, and some others in the group, believe that because my girlfriends are "poly," that they're either dateable or our relationship can be broken up pretty easily, so they're fair game. And they don't like me coming around because they see me as hovering and getting in their way of shooting their shot.

I have no reason to believe any cheating has gone on, and that this is one-way, but admittedly I'm pretty frustrated with this.

Has anyone else dealt with this? What did you do?

I'm possibly overthinking it. I'm in a triad with two bisexual women, and they're going to a gay bar tonight with some friends that's throwing a Pride event. It's a smaller venue, so I feel like I'm going to be crowding people, and maybe invading someone's space that just wants to celebrate queer things without having straight guys around.

Am I overthinking it? I'm an ally but don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

Just being transparent, I'm in a poly relationship and am a straight male in a closed triad with two women. We're not fully transparent about this with everyone in our lives (well, my longer term girlfriend is), and my shorter term girlfriend has never come out as bisexual to their family, because they're very culturally conservative.

This weekend, her brother came into town and she intended to at least introduce him to me, but was unsure if she was going to reveal she was also seeing another woman, and was poly. The thought was he'd be reasonably okay with bisexuality, but probably see the poly thing as uncomfortable.

So I went out with them yesterday. No real problems, although I got the vibe he didn't really like me a lot.

Apparently, today, she decided to tell him she's bisexual since Pride starts tomorrow. He went off on her, saying their family would feel disgraced and such. He said he wouldn't tell them, but not to talk to him for a while, and left in the middle of their day out to go to the airport early. Totally unexpected. She's been crying in her room for a while now and just wants to be left alone.

I (and my other girlfriend) don't know what to do next. Should I just leave her be? Get in touch with him and try to smooth it over? Just do something nice for her?

I'm both mad and feel terrible for her.

Right now I'm in a closed triad relationship as a straight male with two women. We date each other and no one else. For that, I've fit in at r/PolyFidelity. Along with understanding queer terminology as Pride comes up, I'm trying to learn the right lexicon and my place in everything.

But what I don't understand is that maybe terming this as "polyamorous," or interacting in some of those subs is often seen differently than I mean to come across as, and gives the wrong impression... most importantly, I feel I've been hit with being told I'm doing something unethically with what happened in my particular relationship.

Six years ago or so, I met my longer-term girlfriend, who was more or less exclusively in lesbian relationships in adulthood before dating me. Functionally, she was briefly my roommate first, and as we felt romantic feelings developing, we had a frank conversation. It was important to her to be able to occasionally sexually engage with women. Maybe with me involved, maybe without me involved. However... not romantically, if that makes sense, so I've called it "semi-open." The discussion never happened, but it was clear that if I felt my needs weren't being met, we'd have a talk about it.

One thing is, my hard limit was her getting with other men, mainly due to a worry about STDs and pregnancy.

I simply personally wasn't interested in active sex with anyone else (or dating) solo, so I guess that's not "true" polyamory, but if I had wanted to, I'm sure it would have been something we could have figured out in a discussion. It's never like I was told I couldn't. Also, to some degree, I had what I've heard called "veto power," but not that strong, just if I needed to see her or something, or could use some support that night, she'd check in with me and would skip out on fooling around if I wasn't comfortable.

We never ran into any issues. That only came up once.

I see it as two adults having mature conversations and setting boundaries, but I feel like it's getting misrepresented as either unethical or unicorn hunting. Eventually we did end up in a shared relationship with another woman, but it was never the goal.

Is there a good set of subreddits for me to discuss our experience where I wouldn't offend anyone? Better terms for what we were going through?

Sorry if this isn't appropriate here. I'm in a closed triad with two women, although we don't really consider ourselves as truly practicing polyamory as a lifestyle, we kind of just fell into this. My longer term partner of ~6 years primarily has been in sapphic relationships since college outside of me, and we had a semi-open arrangement for her to continue to hook up with women on occasion. My shorter term partner started connecting with us roughly a year and a half ago, and has lived with us in a committed relationship for 6 months. This is her first sapphic relationship.

Neither were particularly engaged in the queer community until relatively recently, with the current administration being so awful. As they've gotten a bit more involved, they've built up a friend group of mainly fellow lesbians, some bisexual/queer women, and a smaller amount of gay men.

For simplicity's sake, I know they often don't bring up that they're seeing me, until they get closer to someone. (We're also not fully out to everyone in our lives as a triad, since we know there's a stigma surrounding poly.)

I consider myself an ally, and have attended queer events/parties with them, but sometimes it can get uncomfortable, as either I might get flirted with by another guy and have to explain I'm straight, or we end up having to explain that yes, we're a triad. I've had more than a few women get angry with me for invading their space.

So, that's where the more acute issue comes in. Tomorrow, they've been invited to a Memorial Day pool party (I'm invited by proxy), where as far as I know, everyone will be queer. One of the women there I know specifically hates me, and is someone who angrily told me off.

On top of that, next month is Pride month and there's a lot of stuff going on that I'm happy to attend with my girlfriends, but I don't know if I'm welcome.

Can I get some perspectives on this, or even advice about how to present myself so my presence is more palatable?

Edit: Why am I getting downvoted? Can anyone explain?

So, I don't think there's any real trouble in paradise, but for those unfamiliar, we had my girlfriend's ex-gf here for a week recovering from an injury, so 4 people in a house without that much space. Couldn't walk without bumping into someone. Even though she's gone, it feels like there's still a lingering feeling that we all feel a bit crowded, both in the house and not having a lot of time to ourselves.

Both my longer-term girlfriend and shorter-term girlfriend have alluded to it to me in private, but I don't think have discussed it.

Our house is a 3 bedroom, 3 bath, with the master obviously shared between all of us, one room operating as my office/a workout space for all of us (but used most by LTP), and then STP is the only one with her own room and dedicated space. Sure, there's the kitchen, dining room, living room, and laundry room... but all shared spaces.

It's not just physical space, but getting time to yourself to clear your mind. I have dibs on my office from roughly 9-5 daily, more friends I spend time with, and family here, so I get more alone time, and don't feel as crowded.

STP and LTP seemingly have different issues. Since STP and LTP don't traditionally work, LTP is always up in her (all of our) space for attention. I think LTP might be a little slightly bothered she doesn't have her own space.

We still mostly sleep together almost every night and spend lots of nights together. We haven't done a perfect job of keeping up our solo date nights at the moment.

I'm trying to think of something I can do to give everyone some space... like renting nice rooms at the nearby resort? A vacation for at least a change of scenery, maybe with adjoining rooms?

Any ideas?

Just sitting around on this lazy Sunday, trying to fill some time while we all have the day to ourselves, I got to wondering - do you consider yourselves to be relatively traditional? Do you engage in other kinks, lifestyles, or communities that are off the beaten path? Do you dress differently than the norm and such?

None of it's a judgement on anyone, I'm just realizing how much my group doesn't look like anyone you'd consider poly. I'm your standard 9-5, suit and tie business guy. Both of my girlfriends are very traditional, femme girls, one's even reasonably religious (goes to church semi-regularly, nothing nuts). The craziest one of them gets is some very mild artificial hair highlights that mostly blend in to her hair, but fits her aesthetic as an artsy person.

We mess around with a little bit of kink, but nothing more intense than you'd see on a standard HBO show or movie. We're not part of any alt-communities, although they spend some time with other bisexuals/lesbians occasionally.

What about you? Happy Sunday.

Recently I've been way overheating in bed at night, typically something I notice just as I'm finally dozing off, and then I'll end up drenched in sweat. While I do share the bed, we keep it very cold in the bedroom (house A/C, fan, AND in-window A/C set to 62), I can split off if I need to, and even go into another room if I'm feeling too close. But the overheating happens in my own space too.

We've noticed it mostly happens if I'm stirring in the early morning, up for a bit, and then going back to sleep. But sometimes it'll come in the middle of the night without warning.

I know women get menopause and get hot flashes, which is what this kind of feels like. Is this just a normal thing for men that I should get used to?

We're coming into possession of a collection that we simply don't have the space for in the house for too long... like, hundreds of dolls. The vast majority are unclothed Barbies that were poached for their outfits, but are otherwise completely clean and unused. Some are unboxed collector dolls. Some are boxed dolls ranging from semi-playline to Signature/Black Label. (Let's say 20-30 I'll part with.)

I'm from a family of collectors, so I have an understanding that some of these have value to people, and one box is full of more rare dolls (like, I can quickly identify a Gigi Hadid Barbie, City Chic Barbie, Marvel Phoenix Barbie, without outfits in one bin). I don't have the time to individually catalog each doll for their price, especially because I know plenty will be worthless.

While I'd like to make a bit of money, my main priority is that these get into the hands of people that will really appreciate them and take care of them, more than maximizing profit, in respect of their original owner. I'm happy to donate the rest to kids who might not get a clean, unused doll normally.

I just don't know where to start. I live in the US Southwest. Do I take them to a toy shop? A convention? Sell in lots on eBay?

Any advice is appreciated.

Edit: The collection began around 2013 so is mostly anything after the Life in the Dreamhouse era.