r/WouldIBeTheAhole

I’m a single mom of two young kids. My kids have a sleepover with my parents every week.

A friend of mine is married and has twins. She asked if she and the kids could come over for dinner because her husband is being deployed and will be gone for six weeks. She’s having a really hard time solo parenting the twins.

Would I be the asshole if I said no to the night she asked to hang out? I really need a break, but she told me she’s feeling awful and depressed. She doesn’t have family nearby or anyone else to help.

I feel for her, and I know she’s struggling, but I also feel like because I’m always parenting my own kids alone, I don’t want to spend my one night off co-parenting someone else’s kids.

On the other hand, she and her husband have us over for dinner once a month, specifically so I don’t have to cook or do anything. They’ve been part of my support system, and I know they would help me if I needed it.

I know American culture can be pretty individualistic, with a lot of emphasis on boundaries and looking out for yourself rather than relying on a community. I’m struggling with where to draw the line between setting a reasonable boundary and actually being part of a village. I don’t think I can expect to have a village around me if I’m never willing to sacrifice anything for the people in it.

So, WIBTA if I said no because I really need my night off?

Burner account because my fiancé is on Reddit.

I (25 F) am marrying J (28M) after five years together. He is the absolute love of my life, funny, supportive, kind, loving, and emotionally intelligent. I've met the majority of his family, as they're all spread out across the USA, and so far they all seem to really like me and are excited for us to be wed.

All except for one: My future FIL. For context, my FIL (54M) is chronically ill, has had multiple intense surgeries and organ transplants, and has to have a stent changed on a regular basis. My fiancé has been his primary caregiver ever since he became an adult, even moving in with him in 2020.

But in 2022, I had to move in with the two of them because of roommate issues, and it was what I could only describe as hell on earth.

My FIL decided that I was the worst person in the world. He constantly yelled at me, broke things to scare me, and even threatened my personal safety once while my fiancé was out of state. He's even accused me of faking my own SA for sympathy. He's threatened to hurt our cats, doesn't like the fact that I'm not religious, and has even set up dates with other women that my FIL approved of with my fiancé (Fiancé never went on any, thank God). He constantly complained that he's a good person if I just 'gave him the chance', but he has called me every bad name under the sun. When I told him that I treat him like any other adult his age, he retorted, "Well, maybe I should treat you like my ex-wife." (fiancé's mom; they're divorced)

When J told him over lunch recently that he was planning to buy a ring for me, he snorted and said, "Well, she's never going to be a wife. You're more of a wife than she'll ever be." Admittedly, that one stung. I struggle a lot with mental health/chronic pain, so I can't do a lot of chores/tasks in one day, or I'll get a pain flare-up. When the three of us were living together, I mainly took care of the dishes, laundry, light cleaning, and feeding/caring for the colony of barn cats we had while my fiancé and FIL were working during the day. But to him, that wasn't enough, even when I was doing those things AND managing a full-time job for a hot minute. He even started charging only me rent because "Well, we don't charge for family, and you're obviously not family and never will be."

Soon after that, my fiancé came to my defense, which led to an all-out argument about our relationship, and my fiancé proclaimed his love for me there and then in front of his dad and me. His dad then said my fiancé had lost his moral compass because of me, and he stormed away. That incident was too much for my fiancé and me; we moved out together and into a house about an hour away. It has been a blissful year since then, and I've improved a lot mentally now that I'm out of that house. I'm on medication for my mental illnesses, and I'm planning on going back to school sometime in the fall. I'm a lot happier.

But now that we're engaged and beginning the wedding-planning stages, I worry that FIL will say/do something about me during the reception that could cause a commotion or ruin the event as a whole. I'm also hesitant to have him there just because I want to be happy and not walk on eggshells the entire time. I briefly mentioned my worries to my fiancé, but he assured me he wouldn't do anything at a big event like a wedding reception. I want to believe him, but my fiancé also said his dad would never do half the things he did in the paragraphs above.

So I'm torn between wanting to have my FIL there because he's my soon-to-be-husband's father, or protecting my peace and not having someone who obviously doesn't like me there on one of the most important days of my life. I've asked my best friend about this, and she said if FIL does/says something at the reception, she'll be the one to intervene (and I fully believe her).

So, do I push to keep him from being there, or do I suck it up for one day? I love my fiancé; He loves me, and I'm in awe of everything he's done for his dad, but I can't help but fear what might happen.

My (24f) sil (20f) wants to homeschool. She barely passed high school, and finished doing online homeschool.

I know that the schooling system doesn’t work for everyone. I know how beneficial and harmful both public school, and homeschooling can be.

I know I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I know the basics. I Aced all my classes, and genuinely loved school. I would like to homeschool, I’m going to continue doing all the research I can, before I make my decision.

My sil wants to homeschool my nieces. She constantly tells me how “exited” she is to homeschool. At first I thought it was a typo. Then she continued using exited instead of excited. This isn’t the only word she misspells, but the most frequently used one.

Her toddler (3f) watches tv all day. If she’s awake, she’s watching tv. When I used to watch her, she had such an amazing vocabulary. Now that my sil is a stay at home mom, I need to ask her 5 times to repeat herself because I can’t understand what she’s saying.

She used to love reading with me, and playing outside. Now she throws a huge tantrum if she can’t watch tv.

I get so worried about my sil wanting to homeschool, just because I mentioned I would like to. She also had her second baby, only because she found out I was pregnant.

I know I sound jealous or a little crazy. But I’m serious, they only had their second because I told them I was pregnant. Originally they were going to try for baby #2 after they got married. Then last June I told them I was pregnant, they weren’t even engaged at this point. They looked at me and said oh we should start trying!

I don’t want my nieces to be stunted because of their dumb parents. My little brother thinks “daughter” is spelled “dotter” and it’s not in a fun quirky way. He is just genuinely stupid.

They have little to no math skills. They use the calculator for everything, and my little brother can’t even read an analog clock.

ETA: When we were talking about it today, she mentioned how she doesn’t want them in a classroom all day. And she plans on going up to my dad’s farm, to teach them about the cows.

Edit 2: I wouldn’t outright call her dumb. Just advise she’s probably not the best equipped to homeschool.

So would I be the asshole, if I told them I don’t think they should homeschool? And if I’m not how should I go about it? I was thinking during the next conversation about homeschooling. I would say something along the lines of, do you really think you are equipped to homeschool? I personally don’t believe that you are.

My dad died in early 2024 and he left me his car. It wasn't in the will as such, he just said it to me a few times in the last year and my mom and my brother both heard him say it, so when it came to it nobody argued and the title went into my name. It's a 2019 Civic, nothing special, but he bought it new and he was very particular about it and it still has the little air freshener thing he liked in the glovebox. About 4 months after the funeral my brother's car finally died on him and he asked if he could borrow Dad's until he figured something out. I said yes without really thinking about it because I had my own car and it was just sitting on my mom's driveway making everybody sad every time they walked past it.

That was over 2 years ago. He has it insured in his own name now, he's the only one who drives it, and last Christmas he referred to it as "my car" in front of everyone and nobody blinked.

To be fair to him he has looked after it. New tires last spring, he does the servicing on time, he's put maybe 1,200 into it over the 2 years and he's never once asked me to chip in for any of that.

Here's where I'm at. My partner and I are trying to buy and we're about 6 grand short of where we need to be, and the Civic is worth roughly 9. I've been going around in circles about it for weeks.

If I tell him I'm selling it I know exactly what happens. He'll say he's been maintaining it, my mom will get upset about Dad's car going to a stranger, and my aunt will find out within the hour. He also genuinely cannot afford to replace it right now, he's not in a great spot financially, and I know that.

I haven't said anything to anyone yet. WIBTA?

I went on a vacation to New York recently. I was focused of hanging out with my best friend and having fun. Now I have a bunch of people asking me what I brought back for them.
I didn’t buy anyone that’s asking anything.
I still care about them, but I <3 NY things are tacky and everything is expensive and trying to bring home a bunch of stuff that I didn’t have room to pack wasn’t the move I wanted to make.
Would I be the asshole if I ordered a couple souvenirs for cheap and just told them I bought it on vacation for them?

My fiancé (27M) and I (29F) got engaged a few months ago. His father leads a large religious center in a very expensive beach town and offered to host an engagement luncheon for us.

I asked if I could say a few words at the luncheon. I’m a lawyer and public speaker for a living, and I just wanted to introduce myself and my family to the congregation, thank my future in-laws, and say something about how my fiancé and I met. His father said no. When my mom asked him about it, he responded, “No, and when I say no, it means no.”

His reasoning was that if he lets me speak, he’d have to let anyone who sponsors an event there speak.
Then, a few weeks before the engagement, I found out he invited 40 clergymen and that one of them will be speaking at the luncheon. Apparently someone else can speak at my engagement but I can’t. (Nothing to do with gender, he hosts female speakers all the time).

My friends think I should just stand up, quiet everyone down, and give my 2–3 minute speech anyway. There’s no microphone because of religious observance, so realistically, once I start, he can’t really stop me.

The complication is my fiancé’s relationship with his dad. They’ve historically been distant, and I can tell this event is making my fiancé feel loved and included by his father in a way he hasn’t in a long time. My fiancé’s parents divorced when he was little, his father remarried and has multiple children with his new wife. I don’t want to jeopardize the relationship my fiancé is rekindling.

Part of me wants to respect his wishes out of love and respect for my future husband. Another part of me really wants to stick it to his father, especially now that he’s having someone else speak.

WIBTA if I stood up and gave the speech anyway?

Throwaway account so personal details have been changed.

I (32F) posted a series of photos on my Instagram story from a recent vacation to Fiji that I took with my son (10M). I’m not typically the type of person to post pictures or stories during the vacation, I usually do “photo dumps” once I’m done with the trip. Well during one of my “dumps” one of the pictures I posted was of a native Fijian man performing a traditional torch‑lighting ceremony. It was part of a cultural event, and the man was wearing traditional attire which includes being shirtless, a grass skirt. To me, it wasn’t sexual, flirty, or suggestive. It was just a cool cultural moment of him standing with a flaming torch, in front of the sunset.

My boyfriend (37M) saw it and immediately got upset. He texted me saying the post was “crazy,” and that I shouldn’t be posting “a shirtless man on your story while you have a boyfriend” and that he was “so proud to be my boyfriend, fucking disgusting” -his exact words. Boyfriend stated that it was disrespectful to him, and that we should “take some space.” He said it was inappropriate and embarrassing, and that he was glad his family didn’t follow me because he’d “be fucking embarrassed.”

I tried explaining the cultural context, but he wouldn’t listen to what I had to say. Eventually I told him I understood he was upset and would give him space.

Now I’m wondering if I genuinely messed up. From my perspective, it was just a cultural photo. From his perspective, it was disrespectful.

So… AITAH for posting a picture like that while being in a relationship?

My husband has a large german shepherd who is highly neurotic and sheds like no other. I am not joking when I say there are tumbleweeds of hair all around our house. As someone who loves a tidy, clean home, it has gotten to the point at times where I have delayed coming home from work because I can't decompress knowing that no matter what I do, hair will be all over everything no matter what. I have found hair in my underwear, in the shower, in food, stuck in my crochet projects, in notebooks, even in my deoderant, and I don't even touch this dog.

I've asked my husband to do a better job cleaning up after his dog, and he always does for a day or two, and then the house returns to chaos. I do a majority of the cleaning in the house anyway, despite being the only one working full time (he does schooling remotely) and it takes twice as long to clean as it should, because I have to lint roll everything before I wipe it down. The house needs to be vaccummed every day, and it seems that no matter what I say or do, that responsibility will always fall on me. I even got a roomba, and I still had to vacuum.

The dog spends the majority of the day outside, and when inside stays in my husbands office, and the hair is still horrendously bad. I don't have a single outfit that isn't covered in it, and even when I use a roller, I still feel super self-consious because its impossible to get all the hair out.

I love my husband, and I know he loves his dog, so I've put up with it, even at the cost of my comfort and sanity. But the final straw came last month, and I've reached my breaking point.

My husband got into a great program in another city with a high cost of living. We would go from renting a spacious home with a backyard to only being able to afford a one bedroom apartment. Not only would this be detrimental to me and my mental health, I also think this would be damaging to the dog's. He is rather large, used to playing outside, and prone to anxiety fits. If we wanted to keep the dog, we would have to get an apartment at least twice as large as the ones we can afford, and that would take almost my entire paycheck. We wouldn't be able to afford insurance, let alone groceries.

I would also end up being the sole caretaker of the dog, as the program is very demanding. The little cleaning that my husband did do would fall to me, and I would be responsible for taking the dog out every time he needs it.

I've told my husband that the dog would double our living expenses, and as the sole breadwinner that puts a lot of stress on me. He doesn't care. He would rather tank our finances then even consider getting rid of the dog.

This isn't the first time he has put his dog in front of me or our finances, and I'm starting to hate the dog and resent him for it, which is not like me. I love animals. I have a chunky, friendly cat who I adore endlessly, but if it came down to choosing between my cat and my husband and our future, I would choose the latter every time.

So would I be the a-hole if I flat out asked him to put me before the dog, and get rid of it?

EDIT: I would like to re-emphasize because most people seem to have missed it: The hair isn't the reason I'm asking for the dog to be re-homed. I have lived with the hair for years now, and it bothers me, but I love my husband, and I am willing to put up with it. The breaking point (as I've already stated) is that we have to move, and we won't be able to afford an apartment big enough. I would be miserable, but the dog would definately be miserable too. Having a big dog in a small apartment feels cruel. A dog is a pack animal, but that doesn't mean caging it just to keep it is the right thing to do. An apartment as small as the ones we can afford would be a cage.

EDIT 2: I grew up on a hobby farm. Animals are awesome, and lovely, but they are not people, and its cruel to both them and people to treat them as such. You can love animals and also understand that people come before them, and there are ethical ways to re-home. I would never drop an animal off at a shelter or pound. We would reach out to potential adopters directly and vet them, their home, and their pets. We would also give them our contacts just in case something happens and they can't take care of him anymore so that there is no chance he ends up in a shelter. This would be my first time re-homing an animal (that isn't a farm animal) so any advice on that front or things to look out for would also be appreciated, just in case my husband does decide to rehome. As much as the dog drives me crazy, I am not going to let him go to someone who would hurt him, only to someone who could give him a life better then we currently can.

FINAL EDIT: To everyone giving me grief because I mentioned that I suggested re-homing my cat because of an issue, we thought my husband might have developed an allergy. Luckily, it ended up being something in the wet food we were giving him, so we switched to dry food and just wet it down. Of course the idea of giving up my cat devastated me, but in the end my husband comes first. Your spouse should always come first.

My younger sister regularly complains about having no friends. It’s to the point where, whenever I make plans with my friends, it’s a huge spectacle where she rolls her eyes and has a very obvious “if I can’t have friends, no one can” attitude. However, there have been many, many times where I’ve really wanted to say “how do you not realize why you don’t have friends?”

The reason behind that is the way she treats me and my mom (her family), strangers, and just how she acts overall. She can’t take responsibility or accountability for anything. She refuses to learn from her mistakes and try to act like a better person. She leaves messes all around the house and trash on the ground, then gets mad at anyone who tells her to clean up. Whenever me or my mom is upset or had a rough day, she never does anything to comfort us or even show us she cares. She just sits on the couch and stares at her phone while me and my mom are emotionally and physically there for each other. She’s incredibly judgmental and rude and goes around making comments about strangers to me, calling them “fat” or “cringe“ or “ugly” or anything else. Not to their faces, but nonetheless. She’s incredibly entitled and has no concept of how money works despite having a job. If something is expensive, she’s just like: “yeah, so? Get it for me.” She argues with me and my mom on literally everything and regularly calls us stupid. Most recently, she got into a fight with my mom because my mom said we needed to be eating more leftovers as to not waste food because we have medical bills to pay. My sister‘s argument against this was “I don’t want to.” Emotions are a complete annoyance to her unless they’re her own. She doesn’t care when anyone else is sad, but expects everyone to care when she’s sad.

The most ironic thing is that she regularly tells me how I should act around other people. She insults me and says things like: “nobody will want to be friends with you if you do that. Why do people want to hang out with you?” The things I’m doing when she says that? Trying to teach my mom the Cotton Eye Joe dance or having harmless fun in public that, yes, some people might call cringe. Now I don’t deny that I have flaws too and it contributes to how she treats me. I can be controlling and demanding and act like the parent when I shouldn’t, especially since my dad’s passing. But personally, I’ve been working on it in therapy (among other things), and I feel I’ve really improved. My sister, meanwhile, refuses to work on her own behavior and has to be forced to by my mom. I’m also aware that people can act very differently around their family vs. their friends. However, if someone treats their caring family and strangers in public this badly and also happens to have no friends, is it really just a coincidence?

In so many of these moments (they come up pretty often), I feel the urge to say “you treat us like this and you wonder why you don’t have any friends.” I haven’t yet because it feels like it’d be out of line for me to say (that would be my mom’s job or someone else’s), but I’ve been thinking it more and more often. Would I be the asshole if I told her that she shouldn’t wonder why she doesn’t have any friends when she treats the people who are around her so badly?

TLDR; My sister is a judgmental asshole to strangers and her own family and then wonders why she has no friends. Would I be the asshole if I told her that she shouldn’t wonder why she doesn’t have any friends when she treats the people who are around her so badly?

My ex (32M) and I (30F) broke up a couple of months ago, but I recently found out I was pregnant while I was experiencing a miscarriage. The baby obviously would have been his, but we have been no contact for quite some time now. WIBTA if I didn't tell him? WIBTA if I did? He has opened up to me in the past about friends and an ex having miscarriages and how it upset him that the men in those situations weren't really there for them. We had a pretty nasty breakup, and I don't care to mend the relationship. I'm just torn on whether he should know or not.

TLDR - my partner dropped a bomb on me a couple days before going on a roadtrip. When stuff like this happens, I typically want take some space to calm down and collect my thoughts before having a conversation. WIBTA if I asked them not to go on the road trip, full well knowing that I may want to spend a good chunk of that time apart?

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My partner & I have been together (on & off) for four years. We love each other very very much, and while there are some things that cause conflict/separation, we tend to come back together on the basis of love and mutual respect & care. We recently opened our relationship, primarily based on their needs, which I supported. Being open is challenging for me, but one I was willing to work through with my partner's and my therapist's support - because I knew in order to be together, this was the compromise I needed to make.

About one week into being open, my partner told me that they were now sleeping with my best friend's most significant ex, which for so so many reasons is not okay with me. Sleeping with people we mutually know wasn't an explicit boundary, but I have reason to believe they were already communicating with this person before we officially opened & they chose not to tell me. This, along with several other violations to our relationship agreement, was an absolute bomb - I am currently crushed with heartbreak.

They dropped this bomb on me two days ago & now are getting ready to go on a roadtrip with their mom for two weeks in a couple days. Right now, I am so angry and sad and I've retreated into self defense and we haven't really spoken since they told me. I know that I will be ready to talk (or honestly, fight) in a few days, but they will be gone by that point. It's totally possible that even if we have a conversation, I will need more space to continue processing. WIBTA to ask them not to go on the trip, to stay home so they can reckon with the consequences of their actions? Or do I let them go, and wait til they get back to talk it through?

Talking over the phone/texting about it not an option.

This is a throwaway account because he knows my actual account.

A little context on why I want to do this. A around a year age my father had passed away and during that time I was dating this guy and another guy. Lets call them tom and nick I was with tom for almost a year at the point of my father’s passing and nick less then a month. Things with nick weren’t really working out so around a week after finding out my father had passed me and tom both decided things weren’t going to work with nick so we broke up. Me and tom weren’t doing well either but that’s because of stuff with nick so he decided we should go on a break. I agree and we give each other space. A week goes by and it’s the day before my father funeral. He asked me to call and I agreed because I wanted to know if he would be joining me that day. Instead he decided we should break up. I was devastated and cried all night and at the funeral I could only think about the conversation we had about why he wanted to break up. After the funeral I went to my cast read through for the play I was in because I wanted to detract myself from my dad and him. That night I decided to text him and we called to talk more about the break up. I told him why his points didn’t make sense and how a lot of the problems were because we were dating nick. He agreed I made good points and took me back that night. So we only broke up for around 24 hours

Fast forward two months. I started to notice the shift in the way he did and said things to me. It was never bad things it was more disinterested in me and I decided in October we should break up and he agreed.

After we broke up I didn’t a lot of things I’m not proud of and made lots of mistakes because of grief. I did try to get back with him twice but looking back I just wanted to talk to someone who would care about what I said like he did before.

In February we stop being around each other and I stop hanging around people he does.

Fast forward to May I start dating his great guy he makes me feel like I’m being seen, heard and respected. But I recently found out he was talking to tom about me because people were dming me random and rude stuff then blocked me after they send their message. For a long period of time I was scared to leave my house and go to the store because he lives really close to me and I didn’t know what would happen to me if him or others who talk to him would do or say to me. I told my boyfriend all of this and then a few days later he told me that what was ever going on I shouldn’t be this scared about it and it seems that something are just being over exaggerated. Him reassuring me a lot about it helped and I forgot about until my boyfriend asked me how my play addiction went. I didn’t tell him I was going to it became I found out the same day the audition were so I didn’t have a chance to tell him. I asked how he knew and he told me everything about taking to him about me and letting him talk about me to him. He told me that he only did it to found out what they’re telling people about me. He reassured me that he still thinks a lot of it is over exaggerated and he still love me. I didn’t know what to do because I don’t see him because we don’t have any classes together anymore and I forgot his face so it’s really hard to know if he’s listening to me when I’m talking with friends.

Now the reason why I want to sign him up for the Book of Mormon is because I heard they hand deliver it to you and they wouldn’t leave you alone unless you move or something. I don’t want to look like a crazy ex by doing this but after him telling stuff about me to my boyfriend before I can and still upset about my father funeral. I just want to know if this is out of line for me to do or if I’m ok doing this because people have gave me worse idea(some illegal). I don’t want to talk to him and I asked my boyfriend to stop talking to him so I hope he leave at least my boyfriend alone.

I will take any advice that is helpful and not illegal but that will inconvenience him.

Edit thank you for the people telling this is a really bad idea. I found out how to edit I was just clicking the wrong three dots. This helped me realize I should probably break up with my new boyfriend because of some of the stuff he was saying about me to him it did seem like he was telling the truth about something ether so I think for the rest of my 2 year on campus I’m just going to be single or go back to women. People did worn me about the gay ploycule turning bad. I should have listened but thank you for all the advice

I (29M) and my brother (34M) recently learned from a cousin (46F) that at a cousin's wedding 17 years ago, our aunt (72F) instructed the wedding photographer to leave us out of pictures as she only wanted "real family" to be included. She even asked our mother to hold onto us so we didn't "accidently" end up in too many photos and "ruin them." This isn't shocking to hear, especially as this particular aunt is truly a terrible person and has never liked or even tolerated my brother and I for a whole host of shallow reasons, one of the biggest being my brother and I are adopted. So to her, we will never be "real family" but I'm wondering if I'd be the ahole if I confronted her for what she did all those years ago and exposing her to the extended family or if I should leave well enough alone.       

I (20F) was dating Chris (19M) (all fake names) for about 4 months, we never made it official but we were exclusively seeing eachother. This was both of our first time really dating anyone so things were of course awkward in the start but everything felt very sweet and innocent still. eventually he stopped putting in any real effort and I started noticing he would never ask me on dates or open doors for me just little things like that. Even though I knew it wasn't that big of a deal it still bothered me alot since I would always do a lot of romantic things for him, (like surprising him with little gifts or letters) yet I wouldn't get it in return. I would bring it up and he would be completely understanding saying I deserved all that I was asking for if not more, he would promise he'd put in more effort but no matter how many times he would promise it never changed. We were eachothers first kiss, first date, first everything, and we had said I love you even if it was too fast it just felt right in the moment as I really believed I loved him.

Eventually after me begging for the bare minimum and him always saying i deserved better we ended up breaking up, I've been hurt worse before but this was the first time I had given so much of my heart to someone and gotten hurt. I had started a new job around the time of our breakup and his brother Leo (17M) happened to work there, I absolutely thought Leo was going to be pretty awkward around me since I'm his brothers ex but he is incredibly friendly and is always talking to me. After working there for a bit I realized he doesn't really talk to our other coworkers nearly as much but he's still super friendly to them and a hard worker.

For a bit of context I had never met anyone in Chris's family before starting my new job, they all knew of me and apparently all really wanted to meet me as I was the first girl Chris had ever dated and I would give him small gifts to give to his mother and sister but they never saw what I looked like or spoke with me.

Chris would always bring up how me and Leo should become friends as we are both good people and we would get along great and we have become very good friends. We added eachother online and speak everyday even on our days off and we time our breaks so we can hangout a bit more. Leo is always smiling, he's really funny and laughs at my stupid jokes, anytime I don't feel good he always gets really concerned and is super empathetic and understanding, all around just very kind to everyone. Honestly it's sort of refreshing to not feel like I have to parent someone and beg for basic maturity...

I know that I'm not ready to be in another relationship just yet because I still feel a sinking feeling when I think of Chris, not in an "I miss him" way but just a solemn gut feeling. Another big reason is Leo is 17 and even though I know 20 and 17 isnt technically a crazy age gap especially since he's in college it still just feels icky. He's also just getting out of a relationship so I wouldn't want to rush that for his sake.

So many of our coworkers ship us lol, I dont think he's aware of it since from what I know they've just brought it up directly to me but it's a bit validating knowing it's not all in my head how he completely lights up when he sees me and always tries standing next to me. His native language isn't english and one of our coworkers who also speak his language was teaching me a bit of it and when Leo walked in the room I could feel a tiny bit of jealousy from him. Of course that could just be in my head so I brought it up over text jokingly and he said "haha you noticed that?" so clearly there's something I just dont want to be an asshole by dating my exes brother like what would his family or our friends think... I'm so worried I'm being an idiot and maybe I should just distance myself from all of this idk I'm so new to people liking me back lol any advice is really appreciated 🙏🙏

Edit: I feel like i need to make clear I would not date him anytime soon so we can both heal separately from our breakups and because I would not date a minor💀 im just asking if things were to develop in the future would that be wrong? personally I feel weird about dating my "exs" brother i just needed an outside opinion because ive never been in something like this lol

I (21F) worked at this restaurant with my friend (21F) and her boyfriend (22F). I'll call him Mark. My friend, I'll call her Sidney, left a couple years ago while her boyfriend stayed and the two of us worked together.

A year ago, Sidney tells me that Mark had broken up with her but they're still going out together. He said it was a situationship now, hooking up with her while talking to other girls at his other job.

My friend is one of the kindest people I've ever met and I could see that this was affecting her badly. I've told her to leave him, but she remained loyal to him and stayed waiting until Mark decided he wanted to get back with her. However, in the middle of the situationship, Mark accidentally posted a photo of him hugging another girl and deleted it immediately after. I told her about it and she snapped at me.

I understood that maybe I was getting into their business and didn't tell her anything else. When they got back together, I stayed silent and supported her.

Recently in the past couple months, I caught Mark talk about the girls he's seen and say that he would smash them and talked to the other guys about who was the hottest girl at the restaurant. I didn't say a thing, but he looked at me and told me not to tell Sydney. I didn't tell her, not because he told me, but because my boyfriend told me that I should mind my own business since me and Sydney don't talk as much anymore.

I find out through the discord server while Mark was in a call with the other guys that he was making jokes about everyone cheating on their partners. I stayed silent again.

However, last week we were both talking and Mark stares at me and tells me "Hey, don't tell Sydney. But lowkey, I would smash our boss" (Who is a woman twice our age) And you could see that his face fell when he realized that he shouldn't have said that. I immediately walked away and told my boyfriend, who again told me to mind my own business.

But I feel bad.

I'm also scared that maybe I might get caught between the two and cause a breakup. I don't want to see her get hurt or get upset with me that I wasn't minding my own business.

WIBTA if I told her?

im debating whether or not to return a present i had gotten for my friend since every time i try to give it to him theres some reason why hes not able to accept the gift and im tired of holding onto it

I wanted to give it to him at his birthday party but i had gotten the dates wrong and was working the night of the actual party so offered to hang out with him the next day to give him his gift but i guess he was mad at me for not coming so he never responded to my offer.

I messaged him a few days later asking if he’d be able to help me get a table off of facebook marketplace and he said yes and i said cool just let me know when you’re free and i’ll give him his present when i pick him up. i messaged him a few more times to see if he was ready to no response and then it got too late and i had to travel back out of state the next day for work so i wasn't able to give it to him then either.

i just went to a birthday party last night and he was there and i left both his and the birthday girls presents at home so i told everyone id be back in thirty minutes to pick things up, even gave people hugs saying id be back, and when i got back, i gave the birthday girl her gift, but my friend had gone home with his ex, even though i spent the time to go grab his present for him.

WIBTA for just returning it? it seems like he doesn’t really even care about it

My boyfriend has been staying with me for the last month or so to see if we would be able to live together. It is going great except one thing … food!

He is picky as F! … I have been trying to eat the way he does but I can’t keep doing it.

I live an hour away from the closest store so I have been freezing food when I find it on deals. I also have been canning food and learning to garden so I always have food in the house. One reason I have started to do this is so I don’t have to go to the store every week during the winter as it is hard to get out of the community I live in due to snow.

He refuses to eat food that has been frozen. He refuses to eat leftovers. He doesn’t eat fruit or vegetables. He only wants food that comes from the store.

So should I asked him to just pay and make his own food? I know it seems silly as there is only 2 of us. But this is getting ridiculous. I have a freezer full of food that I can’t use as he won’t touch it.

Hello Reddit, quick story because I’m having a moral dilemma.

Me (f19) and Kaden (M21) (not real name) have been seeing each other for a couple of months now. We have great chemistry and we match on a lot of points. We do fight some times but we always make it work.
Im a big extrovert with a couple hundreds of followers on instagram. I like to interact with people through posting about my life. On the other hand Kaden doesn’t use instagram much other than sending reels to his friends. (Valid)
The thing is I have been posting him on my instagram from quite a while and I bothers me that he hasn’t. Ive dried to bring it up to him but he nags it down to him not using social media. I don’t want to be rude and get into a fight about this. But I don’t think it’s fair. So would I be the asshole if I took him down from my social media until he accepts to post me too?

Alright so a bit of background, I 21m have been with my girlfriend 21f for about 2 years now. Up untill recently things have been going great. Our personalitys blend well and we share the same interests. We're both in college and working, and both in rural areas.

The problem is that for the past few weeks I've finally noticed a pattern thats been going on since we met. She lives about 20 minutes away but we may see eachother 1 or 2 times a month at the very most. And when we do see eachother for a date it may last two hours then she has to leave for something else, it feels like seeing me is a task or chore for her to get out of the way. And during she dosnt feel present, like she's thinking about how she wants to be off to do something else.

I have an idea of what her upbringing was like and a good idea of the "why" behind what she thinks a healthy relationship is. I dont want to air her dirty laundry, but i believe alot of parentification is involved.

Ive communicated my feelings on this with her 2 weeks ago on this and she said she knows shes not prioritizing the right things and knows im frustrated. But im yet to see any changes to this habit.

I know these things take time and effort to change, but I've been very patient and understanding for a long time. And im tired, I dont know if im strong enough to be in this relationship. Shes always been super independent and hardworking wich is one of the things I love about her, but shes putting work over everything else. I know college is expensive and all, but selfishly id like to see my girlfriend at least a couple times a month. But everytime I ask her if she wants to meet up its always "im working" or "im busy". Ive been thinking on this for about over a month now before posting. Just want to scream into the void and hear what others think.

So would i be the asshole for cutting things here before my frustration turns into resentment. Or should I just keep being patient and keep communicating my feelings.