u/_Rogue_Samurai_

I'm 20M and currently live with my mom( shes 39 or 40) . I'm trying to figure out if I'm being unreasonable because I feel like I don't even have a good sense of what's fair anymore.

For some background, my mom has been unemployed for a while and currently owes me roughly $10,000 from money I've lent her over the years. She's been putting most of her effort into starting an AI-based dog cleanup business, and she gets frustrated with me for not supporting it more.

She also just went on a vacation, which is her second vacation while being unemployed. I wouldn't normally care about someone taking a vacation, but it's hard for me not to be frustrated when I'm still regularly helping her financially.

A few days ago, I paid her $800 again for my rent rent. She just told me she couldn't afford the vet bill for our cat because she had just paid rent and bought groceries. I understand that those expenses are real, but obviously the trip she took is a big part too. I paid the 600$ vet bill directly.

The cat is basically both of ours. We've had him since I was around 16. My living situation with my mom has also been complicated. At different points I've lived with my mom, been kicked out and lived with my grandma, lived in the basement with my mom and my ex, and now I'm living with just my mom again.

While she was on her recent trip, I was working for three weeks straight without a day off and taking care of the animals. I didn't keep up with cleaning the litter box as well as I should have, and now the cat is sick. I don't know if those things are related, but I feel guilty about it.

I'm also currently going through a breakup and have been extremely depressed. My current medication doesn't feel like it's enough anymore, and I'm having a hard time keeping up with normal things. I'm still working, but I'm exhausted.

On top of that, I recently paid my uncle $400 to work on my car and still owe him more, and the car is still having problems. It's been giving me issues since I got into a fender bender that damaged it.

My mom also has a 2022 car that she's had for years. She got it during another period when she didn't have a job. Around that time, the car I was paying for ended up being repossessed because she didn't keep up with the agreement we'd made about the payments, despite money I'd previously lent her.

So with all of that context, here's the actual question:

Would I be an asshole for asking my mom to help me with some basic things around the house, like doing my laundry or cleaning my area?

I know I'm an adult and have responsibilities. I'm not saying that because I've given her money, she automatically owes me chores. I just feel completely overwhelmed right now. I've financially helped her for years, recently paid $800 toward rent and the vet bill, took care of the animals while she was on vacation, and have been working constantly while she's unemployed.

I don't want her to take care of me or become my maid. I just want to be able to say, "I'm really struggling right now. Could you help me with my laundry or clean my area?" without being unreasonable.

I also realize that I may be letting my resentment about the money affect how I see this situation.

AITA for asking my mom for some basic help around the house right now?

Edit: ive gotten some comments already, but i worry maybe there's context missing that would change things. Maybe its all my fault and I get a lot more than I think or im better off. I'll answer any questions about context i can if anyone has any, I appreciate it.