r/dad

Hello fellow people , I’m 23M

My dad has been there when needed him . But lately he s been drinking a lot . To the point where we went to movies , he said he’s going to the washroom and came back drunk .
Infact rn he’s drunk as well , since he knew mum wouldn’t allow him to take another drink . He called up her dad , asking him to give him another drink .
A month ago , from one of his office parties , he came back so drunk , he urinated all over the room on the luggage , we had packed for the trip me and mum were to go next day to meet family .

Mum Cried rn and their marriage isn’t going well , but she doesn’t take divorce coz she has never worked her life and is diabetic .

Wherever we go , coming to finances he check every spending mum does or asking her to take a cheaper meal at food court , but when some random security guard of our gated society asked him money , he gave him 100 dollars . That guard still hasn’t returned the money . It’s been 2 weeks now .

He has uric acid problem as well , causing joint pains and swollen foot for quite some time , but never leaves alcohol .

Idk what to do .

Couple of months ago , my dad visited a spa massage , I brushed it off saying maybe ‘‘twas a genuine spa but now it raises concerns . Coz mom wasn’t happy about him going to spa .

One day while coming back from work trip , he told mom he’s still on the way but his phone location showed on mums find my iPhone app at same complex the spa parlour are located .

My child did well with letter names, but when we started working on rhyming, blending, and segmenting, I realized those skills were much harder than I expected. I'm curious—what was the biggest challenge for your child, and what finally helped them "click"? I'd love to hear what worked for other families.

Being a dad is a full time job, and you’re practically on duty (even with support from mom) every waking moment. How do you find time to relax, and what do you do?
Myself, I like to play video games. I get maybe an hour or so a few times a week, and a bit longer on weekends when I stay up. I feel guilty sometimes when I’m not spending time with my kids every waking moment.
What’s your experience?

I am sure this will piss people off, but as the title says. I was never a huge fan of them, like okay cool big things blow up, it's time to grow up. The city ordinance is til 11:45 and people are waiting until 11 to even start theirs. Great thanks, now I have a 2 year old that was just woken up shaking like crazy because they are so scared.

I opened his window and pulled the curtains back to try and show him it's okay and that was worse.

My biggest hot take on the subject isn't even necessarily about me though. For a country that prides itself on how much they love their veterans and man's best friends, sure love throwing them into disarray for an entire week.

If you absolutely need your fix, go to a planned and professional show that's away from people's homes. Don't shake my windows because you had to buy the daddy of all fireworks to stroke your ego.

Here's to all the dads struggling right now.

Good luck and God speed.

I know every guy complains about this. And every person has their justification for what they spend their money on. But I'm struggling here.

It seems every time we get a check coming in, my wife can't wait to get out the door and spend it. Today she went to target for some little fireworks / smoke bombs for the kids, what should have been a $25.00 shopping trip and ended up spending $300.00.

We're in the midst of battling credit card debt, keeping up with the household bills, the ever increasing cost of groceries, etc... She quit her job 7 years ago when we had our first kid, making me the sole income, and as of lately, it's starting to feel relentless. Why bother trying to keep up? Why bother busting my balls at work every day? She's just going to make it disappear anyway. I try to be positive and push through and justify the purchases she makes, but is this what the rest of my life is going to be? Is she not fulfilled somewhere and copes by shopping? Part of me wants to have a nice sit down discussion and run numbers. Another part of me wants to tell her to stop spending all of my f*cking money on pointless home decor.

Anyone else in a similar spot? What did you do to get out of it?

I’m a dad. I do all the school things. I plan the play dates. I’m involved. I put them and their happiness first. I clean and cook. I work so I can give them what they want and need.

But I have a secret and that is, I’m addicted to porn and jerking off.

Any other dudes can relate to this? It’s hard to talk about this topic.

Everyone who works in childcare, at any level knows this (check out r/teachers, they blame it on parents wanting to be friends with their kids and lack of discipline overall). Scores way down across the board since 2010s. Independence keeps moving up later and later. Since 2010s mental health among young adults has declined significantly.

Yes technology is partly to blame. But don't you think the lax parenting practices have something to do with it? Kids in traditional countries have the same technology but are at not brats and are becoming more independent.

I know not everyone embraces the traditional role of the father as the ultimate disciplinarian. But it seems like the most natural role for the father, especially when kids get older and especially for teenage boys. It seems like father's are failing in fulfilling their roles.

My kid is 4 years old and wants the phone or tablet basically all day. Mornings are the worst, asking for it before breakfast's even done, and by the third time we say no, it turns into a whole thing.

Tried timers, bribery, hiding the iPad, none of it really stuck for more than a few days. Either find where it's hidden or ask so many times we cave out of exhaustion. Feels like whatever system we set up works great for like a week and then quietly falls apart.

Starting to wonder if it's less about finding the one thing that fixes it and more about just being consistent, but that's hard some days too, especially when you're tired and it's easier to just hand it over for twenty minutes of peace.

What's actually worked for you guys, if anything? Curious if it's more about specific alternatives or just sticking to rules even when it's inconvenient. Or are we all just riding it out until they're old enough to reason with?

What makes a father a good father ?
Is it providing and giving anything what his Child and wife wants?
My father is a retired government servant and he is a complete douche. If anything doesn’t go his way he would just start yelling and cussing my mother even calling her a slut even though she is a housewife and doesn’t go out of the house.
If i could i would have even punched him in his face for saying stuff to my mom but i have to keep my calm somehow.
He doesn’t do shit in the house, My mom does all the chores and i help her a bit with everything, Since i go to work in the morning and come back in the evening.
According to him a father is only there to provide money for their family and not to be emotionally available or to even talk right to others in the family.

I AM SO FRUSTRATED MAN.

Main thing, I am an Indian, and Indian fathers are literal douchbags, Specially if you are coming from a middle class family.
My Father, He doesn’t drink or smoke or do any Nasha but yet he just yells at my mother for literally the simplest things that happen which i completely hate.

If anything in this world, I know i dont to be like my father ever and if i end up being like him, I would rather wish death upon myself.

So What Makes a father, a good father ?

Title

I am overseas with my wife and she is pregnant with our first child. Upon dealing with problems and uncertainty with what's going on here, we both came to the conclusion that it is best for her to go home to give birth that way at least there is no risl of being stuck in a country where she is not too familiar with or not know many people. I will go home for the birth, but then my wife will be home alone and will shoulder all the burden with raising a baby. Without going into too much detail, we will be getting an apartment so that she is far from family drama, I know it kinda sounds contradicting to what I said, but at least there is some sort of safety being back in her country.

I want to quit my job to stay with her and help her out, but I also do not want to stress with any financial problems as shit can happen and need the money.

As our first child (girl), I know she will only be a baby once, she will walk her first steps once, she will speak her first word once and miss alot of unforgettable moments, but I am willing to sacrifice those so they can have a happy and well off life. My wife says that I do not need to provide alot and my precense is more important than the money, but I do not want to see them struggle. From my savings, we can live a comfortable life for several years, but I do not want to stress about it later on

Dads, what would your advice be? As a first time dad, I do not want to miss moments with my daughter, but I also do not want them to struggle.

I'm genuinely curious about this — not looking for sugarcoating. Did any of you go through a period where you seriously wondered if you made the right call becoming a stepparent? Not just "it's hard" but actual regret, questioning everything?

repost so I accidentally deleted

Does anyone else have this issue?

To preface I get I'm a SAHM to a 6m old and am home alone a TON (hub works like 50 hr weeks) and I have the mental space to think or overthink.

I feel like my husbands just hardly interested in sex. I sometimes have to ask for days before he isnt too tired, or busy or have a task that needs doing first. And even then it feels like he is just humoring me to get me to stfu.

We used to do more, try more etc. Sex has gotten so samey and vanilla- like he even if he does one of the things we used to he stops it pretty quick, like handcuffs come off decently fast and he just seems a bit disinterested. After he is a little quiet and has felt off but I could be projecting.

I read some old messages from way back of his to an ex and it was sexting, which we did too at the start (together 5 yrs), and he was talking like he used to with me cant wait to have you type shit.

I sent him a dirty text today and his response was to come show me his phone and ask whats a tounge because I dont proof read and misspelled tongue. I just feel dumb, unsexy and like crying now and I feel bad cuz he is now thinking we will have sex a bit later after we eat and such but I want nothing to do with it now.

I told him he has a special skill for making me feel dumb and unsexy and he said he was flirting, which we usuallly tease alot to be fair, but I explained how when its his only response, he contested he had been after talking about having sex and in my head im like yea cuz I got visablly upset. We dont sext anymore and dont do "fun" sex, I cant turn him on like I used to, like I tried to do a sexy kiss and he laughed lastnight and said he is funny idky i missed it, maybe he made a face idk.

I know comparing is my big issue, Im working on it, my therapist has been on "vaca" (switching practices) so has been off for like 3 weeks.

to add, not to sound like a prick but I look great, I look just like I did before a baby (baby is 6m)

4yo son, level 2, nonverbal. His meltdowns are killing me. Need an app or YouTube channel that explains what's happening in his brain

UPDATE: Found one. Autism 360. Their AI (VARA) helped me see patterns I was missing. Google it.

The title says punched but it’s PINCHED (won’t let me change the title)

I woke up to my son screaming upstairs. He was with his sister and his father, so I felt that he was safe. I heard both my children fighting and assumed their father was handling it. I put my clothes on and did quiet time, then headed upstairs. His father was on the phone in the kitchen when I headed to the living room to check on my son. My son was curled in a ball on the couch and I assumed he was spanked so I went to console him, but he immediately looked up at me and told me to look at what his dad did. There was a bruise on his right leg. I asked him what happened and he said his Dad “did like this” as he proceeded to show me the pinching motion. So I asked him if his dad pinched him and he said yes. After his dad got off the phone I asked why he bruised our son. He said that our son was talking back, saying no and screaming. I explained to him that there’s no excuse for him to be pinched so hard that he becomes bruised. I then explained to him the importance of regulation and that when our son is acting in such a way that it is his job as a father to help our son learn to regular his emotions whether it’s giving him two minutes alone to calm down, hugging him or rubbing his arms or chest to calm down his nervous system or helping him with breathing techniques. His father no then proceeded to say he was screaming to be a butt, shook his head and rolled his eyes. I then explained to him that 4 year olds don’t act out on purpose. They don’t know how to regulate yet so they’re going to do what they think is best and that it’s our job to help them learn how to handle their emotions. I also brought to his attention how hard he had to have pinched him to bruise his skin and that it is abuse. So instead of helping our son he just tried to forcefully shut him up. His father remained quiet and just said okay. I then told him not to do it again and to do his research on how to parent better. I then left to grab my daughter a diaper. For the remainder of the day, the kids and I stayed upstairs while their father was downstairs. 

He’s never done this before and I think I am in shock. I know from family history that this is the start to something worse, but we live with his family and I cut my family off so I have no where to go. I don’t even know what to do. He also was in therapy for cyclothymia but recently stopped going because it was conflicting with his work schedule. So I don’t know if him going back to therapy would make it better or if I should even give him the chance. I don’t know.

Man in 40s looking for a female to make a baby I will support be in the child’s life let’s talk

I’m not a great writer but really think this can help many dads (husbands). When I was becoming a dad, my biggest worry was how do i change a diaper lol

Three kids in, and I can tell you the diapers and the sleep stuff sorted themselves out faster than I expected. The part that nearly took me out was my marriage.

“You never do anything around here” 
“Everything falls on me” 

Have you heard those sentences while doing your best to juggle work, taking care of the kids, and being a supportive partner? I used to get so freaking frustrated when my wife would say this because I felt like I was doing plenty. I would wake up first with the kids, play with them, get ready for work,  work, play with them after dinner, and then I get yelled at how I wasn’t helping.

At first I thought that was an unfair criticism towards me and that resulted in both of us being defensive, not listening to each other, and just telling our side of the story.

We got to the truth after one sleepless night of arguing and I realized that she meant I wasn’t helping with the things SHE ACTUALLY WANTED help with, not the things I wanted to help. She wanted to have time with the kids and have me put in a load of laundry, she wanted to take 30 minutes and go shopping alone instead of me bringing the things home. 

To go further into this, look up the 5 love languages and figure out what your and her love language are. everyone has a love language and my love language is affection. My wife’s love language is acts of service. I needed to be there for her the way she needs it. Once i figured that out, everything got a lot easier. I couldn’t do everything but i would find time in mg day to wash the dishes or clean up the toys, anything that could help alleviate her load.

My wife will be giving birth to our baby boy in a few months time. As the one in charge of naming him, it is challenging. I named our daughter quite easily but I cannot seem to find the right name for our soon to be boy. I want his name to be unique, powerful, brave and honest, while also being kind and benevolent.

P.S. should be 2 names. First name starting in M, second name starting in E.