r/romanceunfiltered

Alr, so there are so many romance books I love but I hate these scenes that give me instant Ick and I cannot continue anymore

- When the MMC is jealous if the FMC spends time with literally anyone else even if they're her blood relatives, best friends or mentors. Like that's genuinely disgusting to me. So many romances where the MMC is jealous of their son cuz the FMC spends time with him and I'm like– bro what?

- MCs who've failed grade 5 biology. I once read a book where the MMC ties her to the bed and chokes her and he's like "Her heart is beating from our proximity". NO SIR! it's beating cuz she's fucking chained! Oh and don't even get me started on "I hate him but my body wants him" - you want school and he needs therapy sweetheart.

- Misogyny. Need no explanation but romanticizing anything that puts women down and downplays their struggle is a no for me.

I have a handful of authors that I could ALWAYS count on. The kind where I automatically knew it was going to be a 5-star read with ALL the emotions and amazing storylines!!!

Lately, though... I've been so disappointed.

I've DNF'd so many romances this year because they legit all feel the same. They're so spicy with little to no storyline.

Now even my go-to authors are changing.

It feels like every new release has to be spicier than the last, throw in random tropes that don't add to the story, or spend chapters making sure they're being inclusive. It almost feels like there's a checklist they HAVE to complete, even when it doesn't make sense for the story.

I just miss when romance was... romance.

Give me the longing. Give me the butterflies. Give me the "they're almost together" moments that have you kicking your feet. Give me the emotional payoff instead of endless spice.

We already live in such a lustful world, and reading is supposed to be an escape from all of that. Instead, it feels exhausting having to research. Every. Single. Book. just to find one that focuses on the romance instead of the spice.

Maybe it's just me, but romance books just don't hit the same anymore, and it honestly makes me sad because reading used to be my favorite hobby.

Has anyone else experienced this with authors they used to absolutely love?

I don't dislike romance without explicit scenes, I actually love emotional intimacy and character-driven relationships. But I often finish these books feeling like something is missing, even when I really enjoyed them. I really want to like it without feeling this sensation, so if someone could help me I would appreciate it

who’s your most favorite and least favorite author and why?

Quel est le cliché que vous détestez et qui vous fait soupirer, ou que vous trouvez surutilisé, problématique ou ennuyeux ? Faux couple

Des ennemis à amants

Bully romance

Romance avec un tyran

Couple à développement lent

Proche forcée

Grognon x Rayonnant

Âmes sœurs

Mariage de convenance

Seconde chance

Amour interdit

Différence d'âge

Le frère du meilleur ami

La toucher, c'est mourir

Héros moralement ambigu

Un seul lit

Il tombe amoureux Première

Petite ville

Romance sportive

Milliardaire / PDG

Qui t'a fait ça ?

(Pour moi, c'est peut-être une fausse relation amoureuse 💀)

Content Warning: I will be discussing sexual assault and rape, including some of the involuntary physiological responses people have during sexual assault.

As romance readers, we spend a lot of time using specialized vocabulary. I have been in the middle of excitedly describing a book, only to have my friends interrupt and ask questions like, "wait, what do you mean by FMC?"

Oops. 😅

The RomanceBooks subreddit has an extensive glossary that is very useful, but today I want to take some time to focus on the language we use when we talk about consent and non-consent.

Rape is sex without consent.

Consent is when everyone agrees, and everyone involved is a sober adult in their right state of mind, who is capable of saying no, and who is fully informed of all relevant information. Consent isn't just for sex. Every time you go to sign paperwork and have to check a box saying you read all the disclaimers, that's intended to establish informed consent. For another example, many religions consider forced conversion to be invalid.

Non-Consent (or non-con) is a nice way of saying rape.

Within the context of romance books, non-con specifically refers to rape by a love interest, which automatically means it is within the context of an HEA.

That means there is the implication that there will be some sort of cathartic or redemptive arc that provides closure for the sexual assault. This may or may not be the case, but a romance—even a dark romance—is supposed to have an HEA.

Some people read non-con specifically because they are looking for that closure. It is still rape, but from a reader perspective, it is rape within a certain context, so you can't just call anything "non-con."

The phrase "non-con" refers to fiction only. We're either talking about a book or we're talking about role-play. We are never talking about real sexual assault.

Consensual Non-Consent (or CNC) is kinky rape role-play.

To be very clear, consensual non-consent is something you agree upon in advance. There is always mutual consent before the interaction even begins. There is never a moment where consent is truly violated. It is entirely pretend.

{Hot Blooded by Heather Guarre} and {Captivated by Tessa Bailey} both feature negotiated CNC.

{Choosing Theo by Victoria Aveline} has a scene that is CNC with less negotiation. The FMC baits the alien MMC into chasing her and leads him to a soft, comfy patch of moss where she lets him catch her. I don’t remember exactly what words were exchanged, but I categorize that scene as CNC because they were clearly playing and she planned to be caught.

If a character is assaulted, but then they start to enjoy it, that is not CNC. I cannot stress this enough. CNC is a kink term for consensual role play. There is never any actual non-consent involved in CNC.

Body Betrayal Syndrome is when a character is raped or assaulted, but then they start to enjoy it.

Body betrayal syndrome was common in old school bodice-ripper style historical romances. The MMC would literally tear the bodice of the virginal FMC and have his way with her, but after she got over her initial fear, she would start to enjoy herself. There’s plenty of interesting discourse about bodice rippers that I am not going to get into right now.

Some people feel that because a body betrayal scene ends with consent, the whole thing becomes consensual or at least dub-con. I disagree. You cannot apply consent retroactively.

I think it’s also important to mention that the body will often protect itself during rape by producing lubrication, and nerve endings can be stimulated without desire or permission. People who have been raped sometimes feel shame because of the way their body reacted. They feel as though their body betrayed them by simulating arousal, but the truth is, there is no reason to feel ashamed. It does not mean you wanted it. A body cannot consent. Only a person can consent.

Romance novels often get this wrong. You see men grabbing their erections, saying things like “you think I don’t want you? This is proof of how much I want you!”

Actually, it’s not. It’s just a boner. An erection does not automatically equal desire or consent; it’s just the body reacting to stimulus. The same is true for hard nipples, vaginal lubrication, blushing, or any other sign of physiological arousal. You can't know what a person wants just based on what their body is doing.

Dubious-Consent (or dub-con)  is sex that occurs in a gray area regarding consent.

From a feminist standpoint, “dub-con” does not exist. Consent must be freely given, sober, and fully informed. Sex without consent is rape. Dub-con is rape.

Personally, I am a feminist, but I think that’s too rigid. I think a gray area does exist. Most of the time, I would use dub-con to describe a risky situation where the consent was questionable, but fortunately, nobody felt violated.

Here are a few examples of what I would call dub-con:

1. Drunk (or drugged) sex between enthusiastic participants. This is dub-con because consent needs to be sober. In real life you are absolutely playing with fire if you do this. If you have sex while drunk, you risk misunderstanding signals and assaulting your partner. If you have sex with a drunk person, there is a chance that they don't really understand what’s happening, and they wouldn’t agree if they did understand. There is also a chance that something will change during the act and cross a line, but you won't be able to tell. People should be able to withdraw consent at any time, but having impaired cognition makes that more difficult. In romance novels, everything is almost always just fine, but it's still dub-con because the conditions of consent were not properly met.
2. Sex under false pretenses. This is dub-con because consent needs to be fully informed. Let’s say that one of the characters is secretly a spy on assignment, and they’re not who they claim to be when sex occurs. Maybe it’s fine, because maybe the spy thing is kind of irrelevant. But what if the MMC is secretly the very agent who killed the FMCs late husband? The bigger the secret, the more dubious the consent.
3. Fuck or Die. This is dubcon because consent needs to be freely given. "Fuck or die" is when there's some absurd scenario where one or both of the characters simply must have sex or else they'll die. Imagine a magical spell or alien plant pollen or something. It's usually deeply unserious, but it can also show up in more serious ways in dark romance. The thing is, it's not really consent if your life is on the line, now is it? However, in most of these scenarios, the need for sex is being caused by some external factor and the person having sex with them is doing them a favor. The person in need may or may not feel violated by the exchange. In a romance, they usually don't feel violated by the other person, though they might be upset by the situation. That's why this is more dub-con rather than non-con.

Those are the big three examples, but they often show up with slight alterations. An alternative to "fuck or die" might be a scenario where a King and Queen marry in order to save their kingdoms, but they need to consummate the marriage in front of a bunch of sleazy aristocrats. They barely know each other, and neither of them is an exhibitionist, but they both do the best they can under the circumstances. A variant of "drunk" might be a shifter romance where it's not really clear whether the human or the wolf was in control. A variant of "false pretenses" might be where a human bonds with an alien for plot reasons without knowing that it's actually kind of a sexual thing.

This is my perspective on things as an "elder millennial" who reads a lot of smut, including the occasional dark romance, but who has also volunteered in rape crisis advocacy in the past.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with reading dark romance, having rape fantasies, or engaging in consensual non-consent, but I think we should be really clear about the language of consent, and we shouldn't be afraid to call something "rape" or "non-consent" (which means rape) if that's what it is.

I think the phrase "non-consent" is mostly fine because of the useful context it carries with it, though sometimes I wish people would just say "rape" because it feels more honest.

What do you all think? How do you feel about the phrase "non-con," and what kinds of scenarios would you consider "dub-con?"

Do you have any questions?

I am consistently running into the idea that "BookTok" is why xyz is popular. It's most often aimed at something the speaker doesn't like, be it a trope or spice level or genre.

But here's the thing: if people don't like a thing, all the free advertising in the world isn't going to make it popular. BookTok is not a magic wand. It does not grant wishes.

The only thing BookTok can be accused of is potentially exposing people to things they already want to read, or would want to read if they knew it existed. And if a trope or genre falls out of popularity, it won't because BookTok drove it to suicide. It'll be because that trope or genre stopped selling, making some authors abandon it.

The things that you prefer just not being popular compared to the things you hate is just the case of you being out of step with a majority of readers. And sure, that can be a little frustrating, digging through a comparably handful of authors for what you want versus the deluge that whatever is popular has (ask me how this feels as a sci-fi romance lover). But deciding that the popularity of X thing is not actually popular because of "BookTok" is just eye-rollingly ridiculous. It screams, "Well, the football quarterback wouldn't like her so much if she weren't pretty and a cheerleader!"

15m and I realized part of the reason I like ylia so much is because of the female lead and her personality. Im wondering does watching romance anime shift how you view real love and fictional one. Because when I see love irl it is vastly different to things like romance anime’s etc. Is it unhealthy to watch these unrealistic stories if you let them swap how you view things. One thing that I know that works is making sure you know the difference between fiction and reality. Even with that can people subconsciously dull down how they see the true uniqueness of their partner due to romance writing?

I am going to be making a detailed post about it once I get a few perspectives.

About me : I always loved reading books and wanted to write even when my grammar was weak as a 6 year old. As I grew older , I still loved reading books and would buy fairy tale-ish books , books like Alice in Wonderland, The girl who drank the moon etc.. Years later , when I bought my first ever smutty novel... I chose the most it was {Haunting Adeline}. I absolutely loved it at that time because it was scandalous and I liked that... (Not my most proudest moment.) I really acted like typical pinterest girl. I did not know CNC or non-con. My older friends would criticize Zade Meadows and the stupid plot I would jump into his defence and I didn't acknowledge it as assault.. and now 5 years later I hate the plot and the fact that fans don't really acknowledge it as non-con and insists on calling it CNC. I really believe we should educate ourselves about stuff before picking up a book to read. I my case I had to give the books to my friend.

Thoughts?

Just a little rant because I'm genuinely wondering if I'm the only one.

I LOVE reading, and what I love most is a good storyline, the slow burn, the yearning, the tension. Have the MMC call the FMC "baby" a few times and I'm happy. 😂

I don't mind skipping smut—that's not really the issue. The problem is when I'm skipping half the book because every other chapter is another sex scene or constant lust. Whatever happened to the actual story? So many books feel exactly the same now because everything revolves around the physical relationship instead of character development.

What's even more frustrating is seeing authors I used to love slowly shift in that direction. Their older books had a great balance, but now it feels like the plot exists just to connect one smut scene to the next.

I've DNF'd so many books this year it's insane. I'm constantly reading reviews beforehand trying to figure out how smutty a book is, but everyone's definition is different. One person's "a little spice" is another person's "every other chapter."

Maybe I'm in the minority, but we already live in such a lust-filled world. Reading used to feel like an escape from that, and lately it feels like I can't escape it anywhere.

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

Okay, so over time, omegaverse and shifter lore has been creatively added to, shifted, etc. But I'm starting to get confused about where it's headed and it what it means to different readers. I'm curious. What is your favorite era of omegaverse / shifter lore, or what is your favorite version of the lore?

Listed below is my understanding of some of this:

1. Right before there was omegaverse, instead of Alphas and Omegas, there was Dominants and Submissives; genetic and biological categories, not BDSM related. Doms were volatile, aggressive, prone to rage and/or shift, and extremely protective! Subs were gentle, super emotionally sensitive, highly regarded, well protected, etc. I typically saw this in either vampire fanfic or werewolf romance. Humans were non shifters and excluded from this.
2. Werewolf and Lycan lore has ALWAYS had Alphas, Betas, and Omegas. It was a pack social rank thing, rather than a biological category. Alphas are the leaders, betas are the warriors/right-hand men, omegas were either the rest of the pack, or omegas were lowly and undervalued members of the pack.
3. Then Omegaverse was created, which is a combo of the above two points, and on MY end, I saw it bloom in shifter romances. I am JUST NOW learning about Dean Winchester on AO3? But I know for a fact there's plenty of us who remember it the other way, being the start of omegaverse.
4. Now, fast forward to today, omegaverse is EXTREMELY saturated with polyamory and reverse harem. And packs are just 3-4 ppl groups of fuck buddies. That's literally not what a pack is. There's nothing wrong with those tropes in general, but for me and some other ov fans, it seems soooo odd compared to how omegaverse started. Because the lore of OV and shifter romances with fated mates doesn't really "allow" for so much poly, due to the nature of the beings. They're super protective, "mine, mine, mine!", blessed by the gods with a one true mate, extremely territorial, etc.

It's hard for me to find a non poly/harem/why choose OV story and I hate that. No shame to the tropes themselves, but within this realm of things, it's so disjointed for me.

I'm curious to hear feedback on this.

Also, please feel free to provide any OV or shifter book suggestions that follow the "original" lore I mentioned above lol I'm craving it really bad! I love Wattpad and KU, still trying to like AO3 lol

What makes romance novels so popular, and can they be in the same category as adult films if you get very aroused reading/listening to them?

Has anyone else ready the book {{Endgame by Willa Gray}} ? I love me a hockey romance but lately they have seemed pretty redundent. I randomly saw this book on some sort of social media post. Was not expecting to love it, but I did!

Tell us about the books you read this month.

No polished reviews required.

This is your space to introduce yourself, share what you love (or hate) about romance, your favorite tropes, and the kind of chaos you bring to the table.

👇 Introduce yourself. Tell us what kind of romance you're into right now!

For me it was red flags and rishtas and too good to be true. Dont.