u/13371359

I wrote this before doing it:

'My entire being would just explode into the million beings it is and all become one at the same time whilst feeling everything and nothing and embracing all that is and all that isn't and in that single most heaviest moment of my life I would be as light as a feather and wake up just feeling

normal.

edit: holy shit I have a dmt cart with a few drags left.'

Nothing happened.

It was 3 hits on a cart with some liquid left.

The only thing that happened is afterwards my dog came running over (she detected a smell either from me or the DMT cus she knows what DMT is from a canines PoV);

I realized that all that truly matters is her.

People think I care about something else besides her and they're wrong. People can say and think alot of things about a person but you never truly know what makes somebody tick, what's keeping their gears moving, what's making them function within the system of society.

But for me it's her and it means alot because I could very easily become homeless it's always been like this and if I do i'm expected to give the dog away in order to be accepted into a different rental property.

How many rental properties will I move from and to before I realize what TRULY matters in this life.

It's love.

Nobody wants to sit in the rain with their dog homeless and hungry in chronic pain.

You just do it anyway.

I didn't want to wake up today - but I fucking did it anyway.

I will think about this everyday for a long time perhaps untill she dies.

I've had enough now <removed>

Is there a reason a bank would remove 3 years of statements without telling me?

Even though I can't view them would they still have the data stored privately?

This sub is torture.

I get paid between now and the 10th could be any day.

Holy shit I need a kebab.

LAPTOP QUESTIONNAIRE

Country: UK

Budget: £400-500

Are you open to refurbs/used options? No

Screen size: Any

Weight limit: Any

Purpose: World of Warcraft mythic raiding and high end PvP (i'm a top 100 PvPer and raider)

Intended usage: I currently play at 50 fps and sometimes I get lag so i'm trying to avoid this but even if that's not possible I need a new laptop anyway.

Desired battery life: As long as possible.

Please list, in order of most important to least important, the priority between Size, Weight, Performance, Battery life: Any

Info/Requirements: See above.

It is from sobriety (and a combination of eating a balanced diet and having somebody care about you).

How i've felt today, happy and full of energy - is the exact thing DMT does for me and was always the exact reason I would use it.

This got me thinking because before I tried DMT for the first time I lived for 4 years on £2 food budget a month and an 8th of weed.

So every month i'd buy a bag of potatoes for £1, a bag of sausages for £1 and i'd buy an 8th of weed (Cannabis smoker for 10 years~ at this point).

So surely during those 4 years I would of been sober for roughly 3 weeks 3 days every month - so why did I never feel how I do today - then.

The answer is obvious to me - That DMT is a permanent change to the brain or at least it was for me i've noticed it a thousand times that once I inhaled that substance there was no going back to who I was no matter how hard I tried and to give you an idea of my transition -- I only had one drag of a vape when I first tried it (two, sorry, I had 1 drag, curled up into a ball, told myself 'I thought you were stronger than this' and inhaled another drag).

I didn't know it was DMT, I thought it was a THC vape.

But after that I had panic attacks consistently for a week, constantly losing my breathe and unable to breath.

One day I rushed to my window for air (was becoming consistent) and as i'm gasping for air I say to myself outloud 'GOD WHEN IS THIS DRUG GONNA WEAR OFF??'

And that's when it hit me.

It never wears off. Or atleast for me, it never wore off.

Permanent change to the brain, can't go back to who you were.

Who was I before DMT?

No different than what we call a roadman in the UK, I was a very anxious, depressed drug addicted british person.

It's not just weed though - when I was 15, another 15 year old came to our group of friends and said hey, take this-

And handed us a bag of cathinone. We didn't know what a cathinone was - and I didn't learn what one was untill.. 17 years later.

Why are children in my hometown giving other children cathinones and basicly ruining their lives? I have alot of theories but it all comes down to money and gangs.

If you create an addict at a young age you have a customer for life.

It's very sad. Medicinally this substance is for people like that -- those damaged through 15 years of drugs from a young age not knowing any better living a life of crime.

I have to say and this should be obvious -- it is so much better to be a normal person who is in control of their own consciousness than the animal those cathinones produce.

If anyone is wondering a cathinone is basicly the same as taking meth or similar - we don't have meth in the UK though.

Sometimes the guy (his name was Leon) would bring ketamine instead of the cathinone and say it's exactly the same (they are completely different they just look the same).

I remember we were taking the ketamine in a friends garage late at night one day and one of us in the group stood up and just said 'Why are we doing this..?'.

Substances like that make you think outside of the box and he was the one who realised it first. Nobody said anything, nobody remembers nobody did anything.

The group slowly split up as we became adults and we all developed a cathinone habit (mine was yearly, every christmas or birthday i'd get some). I remember there was one kid he was probably 16 at the time and he used to sit in his conservatory sniffing cathinones all day everyday for months, or years and his parents knew...

It's not that his parents were bad people i'd wager they didn't know but how can you pay so little attention to your child that you don't notice they're sitting in the room next to your living room, sniffing cathinones, all day every day, they had to know.

My hometown makes me sick.

My mother caught me with it once, I think she didn't take it off me because she was scared but in hindsight I just see shit parenting.

There was no talk the next day, next week, no intervention no sit down nothing.

That's why I didn't see a problem.

I can see now that I did not have the correct upbringing or opportunity as other people do.

---

EDIT: Funnily enough I managed to find Leons real name just (from memory) and his facebook.

Brother is still living it up wearing rolexs and going on holidays (or so his facebook looks like that).

I have to be honest, he's a monster who destroyed childrens lives for no real reason.

He wasn't someone who was from our school, or in our friend group - he was from the next area over where i'm from we had 2 areas - one for white people, one for non-white people. He was from the non-white area.

Don't have a problem with that but speaking from experience - you only go from the non-white area to the white area to cause trouble, or make money, or ruin lives.

What i'm trying to say is I can say for a fact he had zero good intentions when selling those drugs and was probably coerced into it by an older brother or parent but honestly we all kind of knew Leon he knew what he was doing and he didn't care.

I wonder what type of person I would of become had I never touched a cathinone.

I would never have needed DMT that's for sure.

Only the worlds most powerful hallucinogenic is possible of curing someone after cathinones, I say that with confidence -- sobriety on it's own would not fix it -- i'm living proof of that.

Toilet Paper

Toothpaste+Brushes

Washing up liquid

Soap

Deodorant

Bread

Butter

Pasties

Burgers

Cheese

Salad

Sweets

Sausages

Bacon

Sugary drinks

Bottles of water (I don't like tap water)

Bleach wipes

What am I missing.

I have a dog but she doesn't really eat the dog food much and we have about 2 weeks of dog food left so.

I forgot sugary drinks. Adding that in now.

What else. What else. What else. What else. What else.

I didn't work out if I can afford all this with £100 btw, I just made the list first.

Added daily bleach wipes for mouse/keyboard.

I have an appointment with my Dr soon to discuss depression and anxiety.

In the past I used DMT to cure both of these and it works pretty much instantly and continues to work unless I smoke cannabis or cigarettes or similar.

I've lost access to DMT in the recent year and so haven't been able to use it and so my depression and anxiety has gotten really bad.

DMT is illegal in my country.

I have an appointment with my Dr soon to discuss depression and anxiety.

In the past I used DMT to cure both of these and it works pretty much instantly and continues to work unless I smoke cannabis or cigarettes or similar.

I've lost access to DMT in the recent year and so haven't been able to use it and so my depression and anxiety has gotten really bad.

DMT is illegal in my country.

I have an appointment with my Dr soon to discuss depression and anxiety.

In the past I used DMT to cure both of these and it works pretty much instantly and continues to work unless I smoke cannabis or cigarettes or similar.

I've lost access to DMT in the recent year and so haven't been able to use it and so my depression and anxiety has gotten really bad.

DMT is illegal in my country.