u/19years2months12days

So, back in March 2024, my boyfriend and I met through Reddit. I was 18 at the time, and he was 21. We spent hours talking every day, eventually moved from Reddit to WhatsApp, then to calls, and even discussed meeting in person.

A little background about me:

• I'm a naturally introverted person.
• I was the "nerdy kid" growing up and rarely went out.
• I never really brought friends home.
• My father passed away when I was 8, so I was raised by my mother.
• I had almost always obeyed whatever my mom asked. I wouldn't even go out with friends unless she approved or accompanied me.

Things became more complicated in January 2025 when my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a severe manic episode. My family has also always had a lot of dysfunction—constant fights, property disputes, unhealthy relationships, etc. On the other hand, my boyfriend comes from what I'd consider a relatively stable and normal family.

We finally met in person in August 2024 after I started college (he was in his 4th year then). Since my college is quite far from home, we managed to meet by:

• Me occasionally skipping classes.
• Telling my mom I was meeting female friends on weekends.

This worked for almost a year.

Then in 2025, he graduated and got a full-time job. He now works roughly 9 AM to 7 PM, six days a week, which made meeting much harder.

Our only options became:

• I leave home early saying I have college, while he occasionally tells his family he has early office training sessions.
• I make excuses about project work, birthdays, or college activities.

The problem is that these excuses are becoming harder to maintain. The timings don't always work, and my mom has become much more suspicious and controlling.

She says things like:

• "Now that you've found a stranger, you like being with him more than me."
• "You've found people outside and forgotten about me."
• "Don't expect me to pay your college fees or help you financially if this is how you're going to behave."

These comments aren't daily, but they come up often enough to really affect me.

On top of that:

• I basically have no privacy at home. We live in a single-floor house, and she often tries to overhear my conversations.
• Even trying to meet my boyfriend once or twice a week becomes a huge issue because of all the questioning.

Meanwhile, his parents have figured out that we're together. He never formally told them, but they realized it on their own and seem okay with the relationship.

My mother has absolutely no idea.

The reason neither of us has introduced each other to our families yet is because we're Indian, and relationships here often become family matters very quickly. We're genuinely worried that too much family interference could negatively affect our relationship. There are also concerns about judgment, reputation, questions about marriage timelines, assumptions about premarital sex, and the general scrutiny that many Indian couples face.

All of this is starting to take a serious toll on me.

• I can't comfortably talk to my boyfriend from home because there's almost no privacy.
• Meeting him has become stressful instead of something I look forward to.
• I constantly feel guilty no matter what I do.
• At the same time, I'm 21 years old now. I don't think it's unreasonable to have my own life, relationship, and independence, but I also don't want to completely destroy my relationship with my mother.

I'm financially dependent on her because I'm still in college, so simply moving out isn't an option right now.

My questions are:

1. How do I manage this situation without constantly lying?
2. How can I slowly establish healthier boundaries with an overprotective (and mentally ill) parent while I'm still financially dependent?
3. For those from India or similar cultures, how did you balance your relationship and family expectations?
4. Is there a healthier long-term approach that we're missing?

I'd really appreciate advice from people who've been through something similar.

Need advice on managing an Indian relationship while living with an overprotective mother

So, back in March 2024, my boyfriend and I met through Reddit. I was 18 at the time, and he was 21. We spent hours talking every day, eventually moved from Reddit to WhatsApp, then to calls, and even discussed meeting in person.

A little background about me:

• I'm a naturally introverted person.
• I was the "nerdy kid" growing up and rarely went out.
• I never really brought friends home.
• My father passed away when I was 8, so I was raised by my mother.
• I had almost always obeyed whatever my mom asked. I wouldn't even go out with friends unless she approved or accompanied me.

Things became more complicated in January 2025 when my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a severe manic episode. My family has also always had a lot of dysfunction—constant fights, property disputes, unhealthy relationships, etc. On the other hand, my boyfriend comes from what I'd consider a relatively stable and normal family.

We finally met in person in August 2024 after I started college (he was in his 4th year then). Since my college is quite far from home, we managed to meet by:

• Me occasionally skipping classes.
• Telling my mom I was meeting female friends on weekends.

This worked for almost a year.

Then in 2025, he graduated and got a full-time job. He now works roughly 9 AM to 7 PM, six days a week, which made meeting much harder.

Our only options became:

• I leave home early saying I have college, while he occasionally tells his family he has early office training sessions.
• I make excuses about project work, birthdays, or college activities.

The problem is that these excuses are becoming harder to maintain. The timings don't always work, and my mom has become much more suspicious and controlling.

She says things like:

• "Now that you've found a stranger, you like being with him more than me."
• "You've found people outside and forgotten about me."
• "Don't expect me to pay your college fees or help you financially if this is how you're going to behave."

These comments aren't daily, but they come up often enough to really affect me.

On top of that:

• I basically have no privacy at home. We live in a single-floor house, and she often tries to overhear my conversations.
• Even trying to meet my boyfriend once or twice a week becomes a huge issue because of all the questioning.

Meanwhile, his parents have figured out that we're together. He never formally told them, but they realized it on their own and seem okay with the relationship.

My mother has absolutely no idea.

The reason neither of us has introduced each other to our families yet is because we're Indian, and relationships here often become family matters very quickly. We're genuinely worried that too much family interference could negatively affect our relationship. There are also concerns about judgment, reputation, questions about marriage timelines, assumptions about premarital sex, and the general scrutiny that many Indian couples face.

All of this is starting to take a serious toll on me.

• I can't comfortably talk to my boyfriend from home because there's almost no privacy.
• Meeting him has become stressful instead of something I look forward to.
• I constantly feel guilty no matter what I do.
• At the same time, I'm 21 years old now. I don't think it's unreasonable to have my own life, relationship, and independence, but I also don't want to completely destroy my relationship with my mother.

I'm financially dependent on her because I'm still in college, so simply moving out isn't an option right now.

My questions are:

1. How do I manage this situation without constantly lying?
2. How can I slowly establish healthier boundaries with an overprotective (and mentally ill) parent while I'm still financially dependent?
3. For those from India or similar cultures, how did you balance your relationship and family expectations?
4. Is there a healthier long-term approach that we're missing?

I'd really appreciate advice from people who've been through something similar.

So, back in March 2024, my boyfriend and I met through Reddit. I was 18 at the time, and he was 21. We spent hours talking every day, eventually moved from Reddit to WhatsApp, then to calls, and even discussed meeting in person.

A little background about me:

• I'm a naturally introverted person.
• I was the "nerdy kid" growing up and rarely went out.
• I never really brought friends home.
• My father passed away when I was 8, so I was raised by my mother.
• I had almost always obeyed whatever my mom asked. I wouldn't even go out with friends unless she approved or accompanied me.

Things became more complicated in January 2025 when my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a severe manic episode. My family has also always had a lot of dysfunction—constant fights, property disputes, unhealthy relationships, etc. On the other hand, my boyfriend comes from what I'd consider a relatively stable and normal family.

We finally met in person in August 2024 after I started college (he was in his 4th year then). Since my college is quite far from home, we managed to meet by:

• Me occasionally skipping classes.
• Telling my mom I was meeting female friends on weekends.

This worked for almost a year.

Then in 2025, he graduated and got a full-time job. He now works roughly 9 AM to 7 PM, six days a week, which made meeting much harder.

Our only options became:

• I leave home early saying I have college, while he occasionally tells his family he has early office training sessions.
• I make excuses about project work, birthdays, or college activities.

The problem is that these excuses are becoming harder to maintain. The timings don't always work, and my mom has become much more suspicious and controlling.

She says things like:

• "Now that you've found a stranger, you like being with him more than me."
• "You've found people outside and forgotten about me."
• "Don't expect me to pay your college fees or help you financially if this is how you're going to behave."

These comments aren't daily, but they come up often enough to really affect me.

On top of that:

• I basically have no privacy at home. We live in a single-floor house, and she often tries to overhear my conversations.
• Even trying to meet my boyfriend once or twice a week becomes a huge issue because of all the questioning.

Meanwhile, his parents have figured out that we're together. He never formally told them, but they realized it on their own and seem okay with the relationship.

My mother has absolutely no idea.

The reason neither of us has introduced each other to our families yet is because we're Indian, and relationships here often become family matters very quickly. We're genuinely worried that too much family interference could negatively affect our relationship. There are also concerns about judgment, reputation, questions about marriage timelines, assumptions about premarital sex, and the general scrutiny that many Indian couples face.

All of this is starting to take a serious toll on me.

• I can't comfortably talk to my boyfriend from home because there's almost no privacy.
• Meeting him has become stressful instead of something I look forward to.
• I constantly feel guilty no matter what I do.
• At the same time, I'm 21 years old now. I don't think it's unreasonable to have my own life, relationship, and independence, but I also don't want to completely destroy my relationship with my mother.

I'm financially dependent on her because I'm still in college, so simply moving out isn't an option right now.

My questions are:

1. How do I manage this situation without constantly lying?
2. How can I slowly establish healthier boundaries with an overprotective (and mentally ill) parent while I'm still financially dependent?
3. For those from India or similar cultures, how did you balance your relationship and family expectations?
4. Is there a healthier long-term approach that we're missing?

I'd really appreciate advice from people who've been through something similar.

And what would you eat?