u/1VeryGenericUser

Every time I go down the aviation rabbit hole, I read/hear about this again… apparently JFK Air Traffic Control is known to be intimidating, dismissive, sometimes outright rude.

1. Is this true?

2. If true, how is this possible? Shouldn’t air traffic communication be regulated to an extent that doesn’t leave room for this? It sounds like a safety gap if pilots are afraid to ask for something they might need from air traffic control.

TLDR I fully support my friend identifying as a woman and transitioning, but I cannot support that she has simultaneously turned into a very dislikable person. I need advice on how to handle this. Tbh I don’t even know whether this really is as trans-related as other questions in the subreddit, but I feared that putting it anywhere else could just fuel some people’s transphobia.

A few years ago I (F) made a friend who I thought was a guy. For reference, we met at the end of our twenties and are now in our mid-thirties. When we became friends, we had a lot in common and it was always great fun spending time together as we could talk for hours about anything and everything. I moved away from our hometown in early 2024 and encouraged my friend to come visit me in the city. Little did I know that my friend identifies as a woman, at that time she was still closeted. She came out as trans about two years ago now and has progressed with both her physical/medical transition and also has started to discover her personality as a woman. When she came out to me, I embraced her as she is and said again that she is welcome anywhere I am, and encouraged her to come visit me. That visit just happened, she was here last week for a few days - and it turns out I am more than uncomfortable with her new personality.

I want to make this very clear now for those reading: I have always been, am, and will continue to be an ally of all LGBTQIA+ people. Whether someone is a personal friend of mine or not, it is fundamentally important to me to ensure that they are safe and free to be themselves.

The problem is that my friend’s personality has changed in a way that I can’t really feel any friendship chemistry with anymore. I also struggle seeing how some of these changes would even relate to her transition. She used to be emotionally intelligent, sensitive, someone who made me and other people feel seen and who truly cared for their friends (I thought). Of course I understand and support her becoming more feminine in any way she wishes to, e.g. I was excited to find out that she has taken up some new hobbies as well. What bothers me is that in her everyday life, she seems to put on a bratty character that feels like it has been copied straight out of some Nickelodeon teenage show. It seems like her view of how a typical woman behaves is not in any sense inspired by how women really are, but rather by some extremely exaggerated media view.

She had, during the last two years, messaged me a few times saying that some old friends of hers had cut her off because they were transphobic. I was surprised that this happened because I met her other friend group two times before I moved, and there was already a trans woman in the group back then. So I was definitely confused why they would be friends with another trans woman but then not with my friend. After her visit now, I think I might know the actual reason… She used to be a kind and considerate person, but has now become rude and inconsiderate. Some examples

- We went shopping and she would in an extremely loud tone comment on anything she didn’t like, including in small stores where the owner was right in earshot - multiple times, other people would actually turn around at the sheer noise of her unending comments. I tried to make her aware of it one time and her answer was, literally, an even louder “Aw c’mon they know I’m right!” followed by a strange move where she first stretched her hand above her head and snapped her fingers and then pulled her hand down, struck a pose, and snapped her fingers again. It was, for a lack of more professional vocabulary on my side, absolutely cringe. I wanted to disappear in the floor of the store.

- She has started dance as a hobby, which is great. Except when we went to the park for a chill afternoon picnicking and reading, she pulled out a loud bluetooth box and started dancing. People around us were trying to chill, sunbathe, read their books,… and she was disrupting all of them. Everyone stared, and no one stared happily. It also didn’t help that the particular dance moves were not exactly appropriate for the situation either. I decreased the music volume, she came back to our blanket and took the box and put it up again. I gestured at her to come and tried telling her that this isn’t the time and place, and she responded by very loudly saying that if someone didn’t like the music they should just leave. I was, well, flabbergasted. Eventually I faked a headache to get her to leave.

- We went to a restaurant and I ended up claiming I wasn’t hungry anymore just after starters because she wouldn’t stop extremely loudly telling me about all the details of her breasts developing and which kind of bottom surgery she wanted to get, including very detailed descriptions of surgical procedures. I am more than happy to listen/talk about these matters with any trans or non-binary individual in an appropriate setting (if the person wishes to discuss it), but in that situation a whole lot of people were basically bombarded with personal information that they never consented to hearing. Especially in that moment, since her loud monologue was directly connected to her being trans, I felt bad because I kept thinking that such behavior is not at all accurately representing trans people and is basically a disservice to all those who just want to live in peace. On the way home from the restaurant, I tried to have a conversation with her about this. I started by saying I’m happy she trusts me with these things but that conversations related to anyone’s genitals, cis or trans, did not belong in a restaurant. She kept insisting that this was a normal conversation and that my lack of comfort with the situation was rooted in some internalized transphobia.

There were several smaller situations and things that happened, but I think these examples should be enough to give you an idea. I feel so helpless because I do know that I will need to end this friendship, but at the same time I keep wondering if her kind and warm personality is still somewhere in there. I am not sure if I’m ready to give up.

I (32) have a friend of a few years (34), we live in different countries and the last time we met was a year ago. When we met, she was living as a gay man, but since then, she has come out as a transgender woman and has started her transition. Next month she will come visit me and my partner (37) for a few days and it’s the first time that I’m meeting her as a woman. It’s also my partner’s first time ever meeting her.

I am an ally and care about making her feel safe and assuring her that she is fully accepted as herself in my home. But at the same time I worry that there might be some things that I’m not even thinking about which could negatively affect her experience visiting me. There is also one matter on her side that worries me.

Some relevant points:
- We are both from trans-accepting countries where gender entries and names can be changed and where trans people can receive transition help through the healthcare systems, so I’m not worried about any legal issues.
- My friend group is very supportive and LGBTQIA+ friendly, and she is excited to meet them during her visit. They know I have a friend visiting, but they don’t know she is trans. For the unlikely event that someone there is secretly transphobic, I have definitely wondered whether that is something I should mention before, so that such a person could decide to stay away, and it might spare her a bad experience. But I don’t want to reinforce the idea that trans people need some kind of ”warning”, and also this scenario is extremely unlikely. I’m probably massively overthinking this point.
- In our house we have a guest room with an own bathroom, so she has a private space to retrieve to.
- Her coming out has, of course, not only affected her appearance. There are entire sides of her personality that are blooming for the first time. I am trying to balance the standing friendship we have with the experience of getting to know someone ”new”.
- This one worries me: She has had quite a few people leave from her life for issues that I didn’t really understand due to only getting her account of things. This was already something that was happening before her transition, when she was still presenting as a gay man. E.g. (pre transition) her former friend and roommate moved out and ended their friendship due to being ”uncomfortable”, even though they had been fine for years. Other people just ghost her for apparently no reason… I get that some people ghost others and that sucks, but at the same time it has happened to her quite a lot. Like enough times within a few years of knowing her, that I have to wonder if there is some issue on her side. On the one hand I want to believe that these people just harbored some transphobic (or previously homophobic) resentment. On the other hand those people were in her life for a long time and knew that she was trans (or previously gay). In addition: I am very much not a prude, but she has posted a few videos that have made me feel somewhat uneasy, where she was barely dressed and behaving towards the camera in a very sexualized way. Those videos, coming from any person of any identity or orientation, did not feel like something that should be on someone’s public TikTok. I worry that there might be a side of her that is overly sexual (again, regardless of identity or orientation) and that might not be understanding of others’ boundaries. I really hope that I’m wrong, but I want to be prepared for sensibly setting boundaries if necessary.

Any experiences/thoughts/advice are welcome. Thank you

I understand this is a very emotional and personal matter to some people and can also turn into a polarized debate. I’m just looking for real accounts of personal experiences, and I am not trying to prove any particular point.

I do crochet for a hobby and have over ten years of experience under my hook, and it continues to be one of my favorite activities. I have mass-made bracelets for a charity event before as a volunteer, and that was the first time that people brought up the idea that I should consider selling.

I am based in Northern Europe and with my country currently facing a significant employment crisis, I have been unemployed for over a year despite holding a graduate degree and having industry experience. And it’s likely not going to get better.

So I’m starting to seriously consider registering a small company and to start selling items. But at the same time I have a lot of doubts… is it even reasonable for making an income? Will anyone find my shop and order from me, or am I likely wasting my time? Where to sell? Should I make stock or crochet by order/on demand? Which products are most in-demand? I have made trinkets, accessories, clothing,… all of it I liked doing, but I just don’t think that offering “everything” is a good idea.

I feel like currently, with unemployment being high, many people are trying this path. I feel tempted, but I also don’t want to ruin my favorite hobby by making a ton of items and having nobody buy them.

What were your experiences entering the market? Any lessons learned and advice would be more than appreciated.

This is not about the question of me getting married, but about being invited to other people’s wedding celebrations. It isn’t a relationship question, but a friendship struggle.

TLDR, I have almost no long-standing friendships or people I am close enough with that they would invite me to their wedding. I am now at the age where it seems like everyone is getting married, and all my friends are attending multiple weddings per year, being bridesmaids or even maids of honor. Meanwhile I am once again realizing that I am not close enough with anyone to be even considered as a guest. The experience throws me emotionally back to years of social exclusion, and feels almost retraumatizing.

During my high school years (grades 5-12 where I’m from), I was heavily bullied and socially excluded. Up to this day, I’m 29 now, there is only one person I keep in touch with from my high school, and even we are not really close. If she invited me to her wedding one day, there would likely be a lot of people that I never want to see again. I have one other friend who didn’t attend the same school, she is my best friend from daycare times. She got married last year and it was the first wedding I attended in over 10 years. She decided not to have bridesmaids, and her sister was her maid of honor. As her long-term best friend, I understood the special bond they have and wasn’t offended, but I did feel sad about it knowing that I will likely never have either opportunity again in my life.

I moved abroad a few years ago, trying to forget my past in my home country as good as possible, and trying to move on emotionally. I’ve also made some friends here, which is nice… but unlike me, they already had long-standing friendships before - you know, like normal people have at this age. This means two things:

- My new friends constantly seem to attend weddings, which I then hear about and see pictures of. They seem to be so fun, and it sounds so beautiful to celebrate a close friend finding and saying yes to their forever-love, as I got to do on one occasion last year. I feel a very deep kind of emotional pain, knowing what I am missing out on and realizing that so few people want me there for their special day.

- It is a face-on confrontation with the whole extent of my social abnormality. Back in high school, I was never invited to a single party. I just heard they were happening, and got to spend my evenings at home, knowing that everyone was having fun together and that I was unwelcome. Years later, I still don’t have the proper words to accurately describe the emotional pain that this inflicted. I can still feel it, and it is like the current wedding situation brings it all back.

Sometimes, I even regret making friends now, because having them is such a painful reminder of everything I missed and continue to miss out on.

Relevant context: These are European eggs, which, in intact condition, could be safely stored at room temperature until expiration. Their expiration date would have been 17.07. (Giving this info because eggs are handled and stored differently in different regions e.g. in the US)

Two days ago, I dropped a carton of eggs. Some of them cracked in a way that the shell broke, but the inner membrane remained intact. I immediately put those to the fridge then, where they have been since. Do you think the intact membrane and the cold storage provide enough protection, so I can still use them today?

I had Invisalign last year and now wear retainers at night. I clean them thoroughly, using an at-home ultrasound cleaning device as well as a soft-bristle toothbrush.

I have noticed that ever since I started wearing the retainer, I have had more gum bleeding than before in my life. Could the retainers be the cause of this?

My friend recently started working as an Associate in a big consulting firm (well-known prestigious one). The projects she has are absolutely impossible to complete in a normal full-time frame, so like many in her industry she has to work a lot of overtime, often 20 or more extra hours per week.

Yesterday when she mentioned the extra hours, I said “At least overtime pay is good”. Her response: “They don’t pay overtime.” I was shocked and convinced that her employer is violating labor rights. But my friend said that there is some legal exception from the requirement to compensate overtime, and that her work falls under that exception.

I tried to look into it, but only found something about an exception for executives - my friend is in an entry position, so this definitely shouldn’t apply to her. Can anyone provide some insight?

Guess the title says it all… last year I fell into a deep mental health hole and did not proceed at all with writing my thesis. At some point I also changed the topic because my first topic choice was becoming irrelevant.

Whatever tips you have for me, I’d dearly appreciate them.