u/2fucked2know

I live in Sweden, and this Brazilian woman started talking to me on the train the other day - we had great banter, laughed a lot and discussed both smaller and bigger things the half an hour before it was time for me to get off. After just a couple of minutes, she asked me where I'm originally from, and when I responded that I'm a native Swede, she got surprised, saying "but you're so friendly and open!"... which led to a discussion about both Sweden's and Brazil's social cultures, the pros and cons of each of them and why those cultures and norms developed, which was interesting as hell.

She wasn't the first, the second or even the tenth forgeiner to tell me I'm much friendlier and more "generous" with strangers than Swede's normally are... and I generally feel more comfortable and "at home" around people with a warmer and more open social culture (Latinos, Serbians, Kazakhs, Greeks, Italians, Gambians, Eritreans, Nigerians etc etc) than other native Swedes. I may be an introvert, but I'm a *social* introvert, meaning that while I need a lot of alone time, I also love people and view strangers as friends I haven't had the chance to talk to yet lol

I attribute this to my 7th house Sagittarius Venus chart ruler, as Venus is how we view, bond with, treat and relate to other people, Sagittarius energy is warm, open, benevolent and curious, the 7th house rules relationships and one-on-one connections and the chart ruler how we navigate the world. I'm curious to see if other people have similar experiences when it comes to how well their Venus and chart ruler fits their social culture!

Aries: a leap of leopards or a risk of lobsters

Taurus: a snuggle of sloths or a bloom of jellyfish

Gemini: a cackle of hyenas or a chatter of budgies

Cancer: a family of beavers or a crash of rhinos

Leo: a charm of hummingbirds or a pride of lions

Virgo: a shrewdness of apes or a bloat of hippos

Libra: a parliament of owls or a flamboyance of flamingos

Scorpio: a sneak of weasels or a murder of crows

Sagittarius: a mischief of magpies or a journey of giraffes

Capricorn: a watch of nightingales or a business of ferrets

Aquarius: a conspiracy of lemurs or a movement of moles

Pisces: a confusion of wildebeest or a wisdom of wombats

Anyone else had this issue? How do I fix it?

An observation from an autistic who's high masking these days, but used to struggle a LOT with social skills and social anxiety. It's worth noting that this probably only works if you have somewhat decent social skills in general though.

I naturally see the best in everyone, and only dislike those that are being assholes on purpose... and I let this show. I make sure to compliment people on things every chance I get, whether it's their outfit, their achievements, the way they laugh, their ideas, their energy, their makeup etc. If I'm in a room full of strangers and make eye contact with someone, I give them a sincere smile. I am curious about people's thoughts and interests, and what they have to say. I speak kindly about people behind their backs. And so on. It's not a people pleasing thing, but just my mindset and way of functioning. People want to be liked, valued and accepted, and when you clearly show that you like, value and accept them, the majority of them will feel the same way about you.

There are obviously people this doesn't work on, specifically bigots, or people who don't like themselves and cope with it by being hateful, judgemental and negative about other people. But in most cases, it does. I've had multiple friends say that they don't know anyone who gets as much praise and love behind their backs as I do, and I 100% attribute that to this.

Now, this isn't strategic from my part but something I've learned by "accident", but it IS something people can learn to do. The same way we can wire our brains to be hateful, negative and judgemental of others, we can also wire our brains to be loving, positive and accepting of others. My advice would be to start to consciously find things you like about every person you meet, as it will eventually teach your brain to do it automatically.

I wanna note that this should not make you ignore and enable problematic behaviors though, but my "as long as they're not being assholes on purpose"-principle is great. If they've made a mistake or are unconsciously problematic, you should point it out in a clear but respectful way. A pro tip is to call yourself out while doing it if possible, like "I have thought/done/said [something similar/equivalent] too, so I just thought I should let you know". If they, despite having been made aware of it, refuse accountability or change, that means they've now chosen to be assholes on purpose.