u/6lackPrincess

I have been taking lessons probably hundreds and hundreds of hours since before covid, but I don't feel any closer to passing. I feel like every instructor I've had is taking me for a ride (literally), and each lesson we're covering the same stuff like traffic lights, junctions, emerging, meeting traffic. I have not even done roundabouts or dual carriageways yet. To those of you who have passed, how did you ensure you progressed forward with the "syllabus"? It feels like I'm going to have to start turning up to each lesson and tell the instructor exactly what I want to do. I thought that they were supposed to be teaching me, not me telling them what to teach me so that I can actually make progress.The thing is as well, I am pretty good at everything that we have already covered and I do not feel like I'm being challenged with anything different. Does anyone have any tips for this situation so that I can actually make progress and pass this damn test?? It feels like my instructors are just rinsing me for money.

This morning we have been having a bit of a struggle which culminated on him having a tantrum about the clothes I put on him, and me leaving the room to let him calm down because he was just thrashing out and not responding to any verbal reassurance and honestly I'm burned out.

Once he calmed down, he came to me and told me he was upset because he didn't want to wear the tshirt I put on him, ok fair enough. I said are you ready to get ready for nursery, he said yes, then I started listing out his friends names asking if he wanted to go and see them today and then I said the nursery workers name and he jolted up and went to hide behind me. He then said "I don't want [nursery workers name", "I'm scared of [nursery worker]", "[Nursery worker] is a monster ".

I tried to play it cool, because obviously it's jarring to hear this kind of thing from your toddler, and the worst immediately comes to your mind. However, this person is like the main carer in his room who is there every day and I'm pretty sure she's his primary carer. On seeing him interact with her, I don't get the sense that he doesn't like her but I've never really paid attention to it, he does seem to be fine when I leave him with her each day. I'm not sure what to think of this.

I'm a newly single mum and just struggling with the guilt of also kinda just being depressed and subsequently just wanting to have multiple lazy days. My kid goes to daycare in the week but the other 3 days I feel too tired to do anything with him and end up letting him just watch TV all day, and rarely spend time on his tablet (maybe once in 3 weeks or so).

I feel so guilty, I'm depressed, I've had to take a year out of my studies to deal with everything going on, and because I have no friends or family to take my kid so I can get this depression out of my system I feel perpetually stuck in it and I'm terrified that it's going to effect him. If I could just spend a month rotting in bed while someone else that I trust takes care of my kid, I know I could regain my motivation, but that's not an option for me atm.

I'm having to get through this depression while putting a mask on for my kid so he is not affected, and it's really affecting my emotional regulation process. I think it's manifesting in these "lazy days" where I'll literally just sit on my phone scrolling and put him in front of the TV. Even though I do this I have the nagging feeling of guilt and how me just being on my phone is affecting him. I'm also just so fucking over mealtimes, my Gosh.

I'm wasting money I don't have just ordering McDonald's for us every day because I don't have the energy to think about cooking or dinner, even though I have about 2 weeks of hello fresh meals sitting in the fridge going bad. I keep telling myself I'll take 1 day to just prep all of that food for the week, but I can't do it when my kid is at home, and when he's not I just want a break.

What do I do? I just want to stop feeling so low, and I want to make sure my kid will not be permanently traumatised or scarred by this tough period in our lives.

I had all these grand ideas about how I'd finally have time to enjoy life after taking this year away from university, but I just seem to be feeling worse and stuck as a mum with no identify for myself.

I don't even really know where to start with this.

I'm in the midst of divorce trying to get into a routine as a single parent and my 3yo is just breaking my heart

My kids father and I separated in March, he has moved back to my home city to live with my family, while my kid and me are kinda isolated with no community in a city 2.5 hours away. Since he moved out in early April I've been trying to get my kid into a routine, he's now at daycare full time. The routine is pretty rigid, my kid knows exact exactly what to expect every day down to a T, we've been doing the same routine for at least a month now.

Tonight at about 2am or so he woke up. He's been having night terrors and talking in his sleep a lot lately. I find as well that even though I can't get him to speak about how he's feeling about the situation by directly asking him (he will always change the subject or redirect or speak over me when I mention daddy, or speak in a serious tone about what's happening), he will talk to himself before bed time and if he wakes in the night, and he'll say things about his day or what he's feeling.

So tonight he woke up, talking about cars. He's done that a few times this week plus he is obsessed with toy cars atm and has about a million, he'll ask "where's my car" and things like that, but tonight he said "I don't want to go in the car", "I don't want goodbye mummy", "I don't want to go to nursery", "I want to stay here". He said it all in a very sad voice and it just broke my heart. To add to this, since Friday just gone he's been saying that he doesn't want to go to nursery, he wants to stay at home, every day til now. For context, every morning we get in the taxi to go to his nursery and when we get there I give him a kiss goodbye and tell him I love him and will be back later.

As far as I know, he's not having any issues at nursery, they think he's doing really well and are aware of our current situation. He engages with his peers and with activities, but generally just likes to do his own thing. There was a kid who he really got on with who left suddenly last week. There was a night when he mentioned that kids name and I asked if he missed him and he said yeah, I said that's okay to miss your friend but you have other friends at nursery.

So I think my kid is having a really rough time with all of these changes a and my heart is breaking because I don't know how to help him. His dad is a good dad, however I'm not sure what's going on with him atm. We aren't exactly amicable, but yesterday I sent a text telling him that we need to put our issues aside and just focus on our kids wellbeing. He's on board with this, but he doesn't call anymore because my son refuses to speak to him on the phone and when he calls it's just me trying to get him to the phone and him refusing and wanting to go to play. And because ex works nights he can't visit that often. Prior to our separation they were inseparable, I know he misses his dad a lot. But at present he's not seeing him regularly, he doesn't know if his dad is dead or alive really. Yesterday he even called the taxi driver "daddy" and when he drove off he said "daddy's going home now". When he was awake, he asked to not go to nursery today, and I'm not really sure what to do. Myself I am burned tf out, the time he is at nursery is a lifeline for me. The past 2 days I've probably had about 8 hours sleep in total, so I don't think it would be a good idea to keep him home.

Should I just validate his feelings and stick to the routine? He said he doesn't want to say goodbye to me, so I don't want to ship him off to nursery and tell him bye and make him feel not listened to, especially since he does not / cannot usually communicate what he's feeling. I don't want him to think "If I tell mummy how I feel she's going to ignore me" I feel very privileged for him to have told me this tonight. My understanding of what's happening is that he needs help adjusting to this new way of life, but also needs connection from me, hence why he doesn't want to say goodbye. It's incredibly hard for me to not project my own beliefs and thoughts about what's happening (me being a bad mum, my kid being sad, everything being ruined and me not being able to fix things), so I sincerely appreciate any input, interpretation or explanation for what's going on that could help me to understand things from a more neutral solution focused rather than emotional perspective.

Tldr: My 3 year old is struggling to adjust to life with me as a single mum, after his dad who he was very close with, has basically disappeared into thin air as far as he's concerned. How can I help my baby adjust and deal with his feelings of missing his dad? In what ways can I offer him connection, so he doesn't just feel abandoned in nursery every day? Especially when I need this time to maintain my own wellbeing. What do I do when he tells me "I don't want goodbye mummy", "I don't want to go to nursery"?

I don't even really know where to start with this.

I'm in the midst of divorce trying to get into a routine as a single parent and my 3yo is just breaking my heart

My kids father and I separated in March, he has moved back to my home city to live with my family, while my kid and me are kinda isolated with no community in a city 2.5 hours away. Since he moved out in early April I've been trying to get my kid into a routine, he's now at daycare full time. The routine is pretty rigid, my kid knows exact exactly what to expect every day down to a T, we've been doing the same routine for at least a month now.

Tonight at about 2am or so he woke up. He's been having night terrors and talking in his sleep a lot lately. I find as well that even though I can't get him to speak about how he's feeling about the situation by directly asking him (he will always change the subject or redirect or speak over me when I mention daddy, or speak in a serious tone about what's happening), he will talk to himself before bed time and if he wakes in the night, and he'll say things about his day or what he's feeling.

So tonight he woke up, talking about cars. He's done that a few times this week plus he is obsessed with toy cars atm and has about a million, he'll ask "where's my car" and things like that, but tonight he said "I don't want to go in the car", "I don't want goodbye mummy", "I don't want to go to nursery", "I want to stay here". He said it all in a very sad voice and it just broke my heart. To add to this, since Friday just gone he's been saying that he doesn't want to go to nursery, he wants to stay at home, every day til now. For context, every morning we get in the taxi to go to his nursery and when we get there I give him a kiss goodbye and tell him I love him and will be back later.

As far as I know, he's not having any issues at nursery, they think he's doing really well and are aware of our current situation. He engages with his peers and with activities, but generally just likes to do his own thing. There was a kid who he really got on with who left suddenly last week. There was a night when he mentioned that kids name and I asked if he missed him and he said yeah, I said that's okay to miss your friend but you have other friends at nursery.

So I think my kid is having a really rough time with all of these changes a and my heart is breaking because I don't know how to help him. His dad is a good dad, however I'm not sure what's going on with him atm. We aren't exactly amicable, but yesterday I sent a text telling him that we need to put our issues aside and just focus on our kids wellbeing. He's on board with this, but he doesn't call anymore because my son refuses to speak to him on the phone and when he calls it's just me trying to get him to the phone and him refusing and wanting to go to play. And because ex works nights he can't visit that often. Prior to our separation they were inseparable, I know he misses his dad a lot. But at present he's not seeing him regularly, he doesn't know if his dad is dead or alive really. Yesterday he even called the taxi driver "daddy" and when he drove off he said "daddy's going home now". When he was awake, he asked to not go to nursery today, and I'm not really sure what to do. Myself I am burned tf out, the time he is at nursery is a lifeline for me. The past 2 days I've probably had about 8 hours sleep in total, so I don't think it would be a good idea to keep him home.

Should I just validate his feelings and stick to the routine? He said he doesn't want to say goodbye to me, so I don't want to ship him off to nursery and tell him bye and make him feel not listened to, especially since he does not / cannot usually communicate what he's feeling. I don't want him to think "If I tell mummy how I feel she's going to ignore me" I feel very privileged for him to have told me this tonight. My understanding of what's happening is that he needs help adjusting to this new way of life, but also needs connection from me, hence why he doesn't want to say goodbye. It's incredibly hard for me to not project my own beliefs and thoughts about what's happening (me being a bad mum, my kid being sad, everything being ruined and me not being able to fix things), so I sincerely appreciate any input, interpretation or explanation for what's going on that could help me to understand things from a more neutral solution focused rather than emotional perspective.

Tldr: My 3 year old is struggling to adjust to life with me as a single mum, after his dad who he was very close with, has basically disappeared into thin air as far as he's concerned. How can I help my baby adjust and deal with his feelings of missing his dad? In what ways can I offer him connection, so he doesn't just feel abandoned in nursery every day? Especially when I need this time to maintain my own wellbeing. What do I do when he tells me "I don't want goodbye mummy", "I don't want to go to nursery"?

Just as the title says, I feel triggered by him insisting that things are the way they are because of ME when that is obviously not the case and is the result of both of our actions. What burns the most is me taking accountability when he cannot?? And what's even worse is the thought of him having this narrative that he's a victim, because his enabling family who hate me telling him things that truly make him believe he did nothing wrong. We share 1 child and if it wasn't for them I'd block this man faster than the speed of lightning. I'm trying so hard to keep it together, he is so ungrateful, I paid for everything in our relationship including his spouse visa, which I could get taken away so he'd have to leave the country and I'd never have to deal with him again. The only reason I don't do this is because of my son I couldn't live with myself if he missed out on a relationship with his dad because of me, which is ironic because they would have never had a relationship if I didn't bust my ass literally doing all the visa paperwork and paying for it for his ungrateful ass.

Anyway I guess I'm just venting but has anyone else dealt with an ex who triggers them when they cannot cut contact due to Sharing a child? How do you deal with this?