u/AcceptableAd5907

For context, my boyfriend has a more anxious attachment style, while I lean fearful-avoidant. We’ve been together for almost a year, and we both struggle with fears of abandonment, but those fears show up in very different ways.

For the most part, our relationship has been loving and healthy, but our bigger conflicts usually stem from emotional regulation and communication issues on both sides. Early on, my boyfriend was dealing heavily with anxiety and depression. He would often cry and sob to me about life stressors and worries, and over time I started feeling emotionally overwhelmed and avoidant because it felt like there was always something making him anxious or unhappy. Eventually, that emotional exhaustion started affecting my libido and emotional connection.

As a result, his anxiety around the relationship intensified. He would frequently ask questions like, “Do you still love me?”, “Are you still attracted to me?”, or “Please never leave me.” He kept trying to understand why my libido had changed, and eventually I tried to explain as gently as I could that I was feeling emotionally drained and struggling with the dynamic because it felt like i had to "mother" him. I told him that while I absolutely had no issue with him being vulnerable or crying to me sometimes, it had started to feel emotionally consuming for me. Unfortunately, I think what I said hurt him deeply, and since then I feel like he suppresses a lot of his depression instead of expressing it openly.

Another major issue in our relationship involved cigarettes. Early in our relationship, he promised me he would quit smoking. Later, at a party, I found him smoking after telling me he wouldn’t, which felt like a breach of trust to me. That was the first time I ever threatened to leave the relationship. He promised he would seek counseling afterward, but it never really happened. Eventually I tried to move forward and trust him again regardless.

At the same time, I fully recognize that I also contribute to our unhealthy patterns. I struggle to apologize first, I have unresolved trauma from childhood as well as past relationships where I was cheated on, and when conflict happens I tend to become reactive, aggressive, and defensive. I curse during arguments and engage in protest behaviors like threatening to leave or implying a breakup when I feel hurt, abandoned, or emotionally unsafe. I have never insulted him personally but I do say "fuck you" when heated.

My boyfriend had communicated to me multiple times that the cursing and breakup threats were deeply triggering for him. He specifically warned me that if I threatened to leave again, he would eventually take it seriously and walk away. Recently, we had another major conflict after he went to a college house he claims he doesn’t even enjoy being at because people there do coke. When I saw he was there while I was on a trip I immediately became reactive and spiraled emotionally. I lashed out at him, and for the first time he seemed emotionally exhausted enough to accept the idea of the relationship ending instead of fighting against it. After a long and emotional conversation, we ultimately agreed to take a one-month break instead of fully breaking up.

In the past, I had suggested taking a break in the relationship, but he guilted me out of it. Then, last March, he suggested taking a break for himself, and I rejected the idea partly because he had denied me the same space before. This time, though, I agreed to the break because I truly do not want to lose him, and I genuinely want to work on myself and become healthier in how I handle conflict and emotional regulation.

At the same time, the situation has left me feeling like I’m entirely at fault and that I’ll be the only one doing personal work during this break. He was extremely hurt and angry over me threatening to leave again, which I understand because he had warned me before that he would eventually take those threats seriously. I fully acknowledge that my reaction was unhealthy and disproportionate, even though I still feel that the underlying reason I was upset was valid. I just handled those feelings in a very destructive way.

When we discussed the conditions of the break, he told me he would not be making himself available to other women and that he did not want me talking to other men either. That gives me some reassurance that this break is not simply about him wanting to move on or punish me, but rather about trying to create space for both of us to reflect and improve.

Even so, I keep spiraling emotionally. I constantly wonder whether he misses me, whether he’s already emotionally checked out, or whether he plans to leave once the month is over. At the same time, I also feel resentment over certain promises and changes he said he would make in the relationship that never fully happened. So I feel caught between guilt for my own behavior, fear of abandonment, hope that we can repair things, and unresolved hurt toward him as well.

He told me therapy is imperative for us to be together so I'm going back to therapy, but he never went to counseling when he said he would. I want to share these hurts but we are no contact for another 3 weeks. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.

TL;DR: My boyfriend (anxious attachment) and I (fearful avoidant) have been together almost a year and both struggle with abandonment issues that show up in opposite ways. He became emotionally dependent and constantly sought reassurance due to anxiety/depression, while I became emotionally overwhelmed and reactive. We both developed unhealthy patterns- he suppressed his feelings and broke promises at times, while I handled conflict badly by cursing, threatening to leave, and acting out of fear/insecurity. After a recent argument involving him being at a college house I was uncomfortable with, he finally took my breakup threats seriously and suggested a one month break. We agreed not to pursue other people during it, and I genuinely want to work on myself and repair things, but I’m spiraling over whether he misses me, whether he’ll leave when the break ends, and whether I’m unfairly taking all the blame for our relationship issues.

For context, my boyfriend has a more anxious attachment style, while I lean fearful-avoidant. We’ve been together for almost a year, and we both struggle with fears of abandonment, but those fears show up in very different ways.

For the most part, our relationship has been loving and healthy, but our bigger conflicts usually stem from emotional regulation and communication issues on both sides. Early on, my boyfriend was dealing heavily with anxiety and depression. He would often cry and sob to me about life stressors and worries, and over time I started feeling emotionally overwhelmed and avoidant because it felt like there was always something making him anxious or unhappy. Eventually, that emotional exhaustion started affecting my libido and emotional connection.

As a result, his anxiety around the relationship intensified. He would frequently ask questions like, “Do you still love me?”, “Are you still attracted to me?”, or “Please never leave me.” He kept trying to understand why my libido had changed, and eventually I tried to explain as gently as I could that I was feeling emotionally drained and struggling with the dynamic because it felt like i had to "mother" him. I told him that while I absolutely had no issue with him being vulnerable or crying to me sometimes, it had started to feel emotionally consuming for me. Unfortunately, I think what I said hurt him deeply, and since then I feel like he suppresses a lot of his depression instead of expressing it openly.

Another major issue in our relationship involved cigarettes. Early in our relationship, he promised me he would quit smoking. Later, at a party, I found him smoking after telling me he wouldn’t, which felt like a breach of trust to me. That was the first time I ever threatened to leave the relationship. He promised he would seek counseling afterward, but it never really happened. Eventually I tried to move forward and trust him again regardless.

At the same time, I fully recognize that I also contribute to our unhealthy patterns. I struggle to apologize first, I have unresolved trauma from childhood as well as past relationships where I was cheated on, and when conflict happens I tend to become reactive, aggressive, and defensive. I curse during arguments and engage in protest behaviors like threatening to leave or implying a breakup when I feel hurt, abandoned, or emotionally unsafe. I have never insulted him personally but I do say "fuck you" when heated.

My boyfriend had communicated to me multiple times that the cursing and breakup threats were deeply triggering for him. He specifically warned me that if I threatened to leave again, he would eventually take it seriously and walk away. Recently, we had another major conflict after he went to a college house he claims he doesn’t even enjoy being at because people there do coke. When I saw he was there while I was on a trip I immediately became reactive and spiraled emotionally. I lashed out at him, and for the first time he seemed emotionally exhausted enough to accept the idea of the relationship ending instead of fighting against it. After a long and emotional conversation, we ultimately agreed to take a one-month break instead of fully breaking up.

In the past, I had suggested taking a break in the relationship, but he guilted me out of it. Then, last March, he suggested taking a break for himself, and I rejected the idea partly because he had denied me the same space before. This time, though, I agreed to the break because I truly do not want to lose him, and I genuinely want to work on myself and become healthier in how I handle conflict and emotional regulation.

At the same time, the situation has left me feeling like I’m entirely at fault and that I’ll be the only one doing personal work during this break. He was extremely hurt and angry over me threatening to leave again, which I understand because he had warned me before that he would eventually take those threats seriously. I fully acknowledge that my reaction was unhealthy and disproportionate, even though I still feel that the underlying reason I was upset was valid. I just handled those feelings in a very destructive way.

When we discussed the conditions of the break, he told me he would not be making himself available to other women and that he did not want me talking to other men either. That gives me some reassurance that this break is not simply about him wanting to move on or punish me, but rather about trying to create space for both of us to reflect and improve.

Even so, I keep spiraling emotionally. I constantly wonder whether he misses me, whether he’s already emotionally checked out, or whether he plans to leave once the month is over. At the same time, I also feel resentment over certain promises and changes he said he would make in the relationship that never fully happened. So I feel caught between guilt for my own behavior, fear of abandonment, hope that we can repair things, and unresolved hurt toward him as well.

He told me therapy is imperative for us to be together so I'm going back to therapy, but he never went to counseling when he said he would. I want to share these hurts but we are no contact for another 3 weeks. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.

TL;DR: My boyfriend (anxious attachment) and I (fearful avoidant) have been together almost a year and both struggle with abandonment issues that show up in opposite ways. He became emotionally dependent and constantly sought reassurance due to anxiety/depression, while I became emotionally overwhelmed and reactive. We both developed unhealthy patterns- he suppressed his feelings and broke promises at times, while I handled conflict badly by cursing, threatening to leave, and acting out of fear/insecurity. After a recent argument involving him being at a college house I was uncomfortable with, he finally took my breakup threats seriously and suggested a one month break. We agreed not to pursue other people during it, and I genuinely want to work on myself and repair things, but I’m spiraling over whether he misses me, whether he’ll leave when the break ends, and whether I’m unfairly taking all the blame for our relationship issues.

For context, my boyfriend has a more anxious attachment style, while I lean fearful-avoidant. We’ve been together for almost a year, and we both struggle with fears of abandonment, but those fears show up in very different ways.

For the most part, our relationship has been loving and healthy, but our bigger conflicts usually stem from emotional regulation and communication issues on both sides. Early on, my boyfriend was dealing heavily with anxiety and depression. He would often cry and sob to me about life stressors and worries, and over time I started feeling emotionally overwhelmed and avoidant because it felt like there was always something making him anxious or unhappy. Eventually, that emotional exhaustion started affecting my libido and emotional connection.

As a result, his anxiety around the relationship intensified. He would frequently ask questions like, “Do you still love me?”, “Are you still attracted to me?”, or “Please never leave me.” He kept trying to understand why my libido had changed, and eventually I tried to explain as gently as I could that I was feeling emotionally drained and struggling with the dynamic because it felt like i had to "mother" him. I told him that while I absolutely had no issue with him being vulnerable or crying to me sometimes, it had started to feel emotionally consuming for me. Unfortunately, I think what I said hurt him deeply, and since then I feel like he suppresses a lot of his depression instead of expressing it openly.

Another major issue in our relationship involved cigarettes. Early in our relationship, he promised me he would quit smoking. Later, at a party, I found him smoking after telling me he wouldn’t, which felt like a breach of trust to me. That was the first time I ever threatened to leave the relationship. He promised he would seek counseling afterward, but it never really happened. Eventually I tried to move forward and trust him again regardless.

At the same time, I fully recognize that I also contribute to our unhealthy patterns. I struggle to apologize first, I have unresolved trauma from childhood as well as past relationships where I was cheated on, and when conflict happens I tend to become reactive, aggressive, and defensive. I curse during arguments and engage in protest behaviors like threatening to leave or implying a breakup when I feel hurt, abandoned, or emotionally unsafe. I have never insulted him personally but I do say "fuck you" when heated.

My boyfriend had communicated to me multiple times that the cursing and breakup threats were deeply triggering for him. He specifically warned me that if I threatened to leave again, he would eventually take it seriously and walk away. Recently, we had another major conflict after he went to a college house he claims he doesn’t even enjoy being at because people there do coke. When I saw he was there while I was on a trip I immediately became reactive and spiraled emotionally. I lashed out at him, and for the first time he seemed emotionally exhausted enough to accept the idea of the relationship ending instead of fighting against it. After a long and emotional conversation, we ultimately agreed to take a one-month break instead of fully breaking up.

In the past, I had suggested taking a break in the relationship, but he guilted me out of it. Then, last March, he suggested taking a break for himself, and I rejected the idea partly because he had denied me the same space before. This time, though, I agreed to the break because I truly do not want to lose him, and I genuinely want to work on myself and become healthier in how I handle conflict and emotional regulation.

At the same time, the situation has left me feeling like I’m entirely at fault and that I’ll be the only one doing personal work during this break. He was extremely hurt and angry over me threatening to leave again, which I understand because he had warned me before that he would eventually take those threats seriously. I fully acknowledge that my reaction was unhealthy and disproportionate, even though I still feel that the underlying reason I was upset was valid. I just handled those feelings in a very destructive way.

When we discussed the conditions of the break, he told me he would not be making himself available to other women and that he did not want me talking to other men either. That gives me some reassurance that this break is not simply about him wanting to move on or punish me, but rather about trying to create space for both of us to reflect and improve.

Even so, I keep spiraling emotionally. I constantly wonder whether he misses me, whether he’s already emotionally checked out, or whether he plans to leave once the month is over. At the same time, I also feel resentment over certain promises and changes he said he would make in the relationship that never fully happened. So I feel caught between guilt for my own behavior, fear of abandonment, hope that we can repair things, and unresolved hurt toward him as well.

He told me therapy is imperative for us to be together so I'm going back to therapy, but he never went to counseling when he said he would. I want to share these hurts but we are no contact for another 3 weeks. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.

TL;DR: My boyfriend (anxious attachment) and I (fearful avoidant) have been together almost a year and both struggle with abandonment issues that show up in opposite ways. He became emotionally dependent and constantly sought reassurance due to anxiety/depression, while I became emotionally overwhelmed and reactive. We both developed unhealthy patterns- he suppressed his feelings and broke promises at times, while I handled conflict badly by cursing, threatening to leave, and acting out of fear/insecurity. After a recent argument involving him being at a college house I was uncomfortable with, he finally took my breakup threats seriously and suggested a one month break. We agreed not to pursue other people during it, and I genuinely want to work on myself and repair things, but I’m spiraling over whether he misses me, whether he’ll leave when the break ends, and whether I’m unfairly taking all the blame for our relationship issues.

For context, my boyfriend has a more anxious attachment style, while I lean fearful-avoidant. We’ve been together for almost a year, and we both struggle with fears of abandonment, but those fears show up in very different ways.

For the most part, our relationship has been loving and healthy, but our bigger conflicts usually stem from emotional regulation and communication issues on both sides. Early on, my boyfriend was dealing heavily with anxiety and depression. He would often cry and sob to me about life stressors and worries, and over time I started feeling emotionally overwhelmed and avoidant because it felt like there was always something making him anxious or unhappy. Eventually, that emotional exhaustion started affecting my libido and emotional connection.

As a result, his anxiety around the relationship intensified. He would frequently ask questions like, “Do you still love me?”, “Are you still attracted to me?”, or “Please never leave me.” He kept trying to understand why my libido had changed, and eventually I tried to explain as gently as I could that I was feeling emotionally drained and struggling with the dynamic because it felt like i had to "mother" him. I told him that while I absolutely had no issue with him being vulnerable or crying to me sometimes, it had started to feel emotionally consuming for me. Unfortunately, I think what I said hurt him deeply, and since then I feel like he suppresses a lot of his depression instead of expressing it openly.

Another major issue in our relationship involved cigarettes. Early in our relationship, he promised me he would quit smoking. Later, at a party, I found him smoking after telling me he wouldn’t, which felt like a breach of trust to me. That was the first time I ever threatened to leave the relationship. He promised he would seek counseling afterward, but it never really happened. Eventually I tried to move forward and trust him again regardless.

At the same time, I fully recognize that I also contribute to our unhealthy patterns. I struggle to apologize first, I have unresolved trauma from childhood as well as past relationships where I was cheated on, and when conflict happens I tend to become reactive, aggressive, and defensive. I curse during arguments and engage in protest behaviors like threatening to leave or implying a breakup when I feel hurt, abandoned, or emotionally unsafe. I have never insulted him personally but I do say "fuck you" when heated.

My boyfriend had communicated to me multiple times that the cursing and breakup threats were deeply triggering for him. He specifically warned me that if I threatened to leave again, he would eventually take it seriously and walk away. Recently, we had another major conflict after he went to a college house he claims he doesn’t even enjoy being at because people there do coke. When I saw he was there while I was on a trip I immediately became reactive and spiraled emotionally. I lashed out at him, and for the first time he seemed emotionally exhausted enough to accept the idea of the relationship ending instead of fighting against it. After a long and emotional conversation, we ultimately agreed to take a one-month break instead of fully breaking up.

In the past, I had suggested taking a break in the relationship, but he guilted me out of it. Then, last March, he suggested taking a break for himself, and I rejected the idea partly because he had denied me the same space before. This time, though, I agreed to the break because I truly do not want to lose him, and I genuinely want to work on myself and become healthier in how I handle conflict and emotional regulation.

At the same time, the situation has left me feeling like I’m entirely at fault and that I’ll be the only one doing personal work during this break. He was extremely hurt and angry over me threatening to leave again, which I understand because he had warned me before that he would eventually take those threats seriously. I fully acknowledge that my reaction was unhealthy and disproportionate, even though I still feel that the underlying reason I was upset was valid. I just handled those feelings in a very destructive way.

When we discussed the conditions of the break, he told me he would not be making himself available to other women and that he did not want me talking to other men either. That gives me some reassurance that this break is not simply about him wanting to move on or punish me, but rather about trying to create space for both of us to reflect and improve.

Even so, I keep spiraling emotionally. I constantly wonder whether he misses me, whether he’s already emotionally checked out, or whether he plans to leave once the month is over. At the same time, I also feel resentment over certain promises and changes he said he would make in the relationship that never fully happened. So I feel caught between guilt for my own behavior, fear of abandonment, hope that we can repair things, and unresolved hurt toward him as well.

He told me therapy is imperative for us to be together so I'm going back to therapy, but he never went to counseling when he said he would. I want to share these hurts but we are no contact for another 3 weeks. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.

TL;DR: My boyfriend (anxious attachment) and I (fearful avoidant) have been together almost a year and both struggle with abandonment issues that show up in opposite ways. He became emotionally dependent and constantly sought reassurance due to anxiety/depression, while I became emotionally overwhelmed and reactive. We both developed unhealthy patterns- he suppressed his feelings and broke promises at times, while I handled conflict badly by cursing, threatening to leave, and acting out of fear/insecurity. After a recent argument involving him being at a college house I was uncomfortable with, he finally took my breakup threats seriously and suggested a one month break. We agreed not to pursue other people during it, and I genuinely want to work on myself and repair things, but I’m spiraling over whether he misses me, whether he’ll leave when the break ends, and whether I’m unfairly taking all the blame for our relationship issues.

20F here looking for a non-corporate owned preferably family owned/local restaurant that is hiring servers right now with decent pay in GR area! My idea of an honest job interview starts something like this: Are you or your managers abusive jerks?

I love restaurant work, but I will not work for another abusive, manipulative owner or manager. I've seen my share of screaming, disrespectful, and even delusional bosses. A few were inappropriate with the younger girls or failed to protect them from customers who hit on them. I'm working for a corporation that treats you as replaceable, no matter how well you do your job. So, independently or family-owned would be nice!

Hello, 20F here and have been consistently practicing to try and get my license for the past 2 months. I've only really practiced parallel a handful of times and guess what- I didn't even get past the parking portion before I miscalculated my angle during the parallel park and hit a cone. It cost too many points readjusting and the problem is, i fixed it quickly and was able to prove i could parallel park as I had all the other steps down. I immediately bawled my eyes out after failing which I did not expect to have that sort of reaction. I guess I've never "failed" any test before and had such high hopes for myself that I've felt depressed all of yesterday and today rotting in bed and crying. My second test is scheduled in 10 days from now and I have crippling anxiety about doing something dumb on that test too and draining another $80 out of my pocket.

Any tips would be much appreciated, I feel so defeated!

I know GR's nightlife isn't great from what I've heard but are there any places that specialize in 70s/80s music? I yearn to experience the classic disco or classic rock nightlife experience! Even 70s themed parties, anything!!