r/drivinganxiety

I (30) got my UK licence a while back but only really started driving regularly 2 weeks ago. Yesterday I was driving with a friend in the passenger seat, we were chatting, and I got distracted for a couple seconds. I looked at a bird a moment too long, was close the left, caught the kerb, slashed both tyres on the left side. No injuries, no other cars involved, car's gone off for repair.

I know this could've been worse, and I'm not trying to downplay it. A moment of distraction like that is genuinely dangerous, and it's made me realise how easily something small can turn into something much bigger. I need to be more vigilant, full stop, and I know that's on me to actually change going forward.

That said, it's also knocked my confidence more than I expected. I'm feeling pretty uncertain about getting back behind the wheel — second-guessing myself, worried about doing this again, not sure how to trust myself the way I did before.

My friend was in the car and even though she's told me she's fine and not bothered by it, I feel embarrassed, ashamed and like I'll come across as a reckless or incompetent driver.

Genuinely looking for honest input:

How common is a moment of distraction like this, realistically, versus how seriously should I be treating it?

How did you rebuild confidence after a similar moment, especially if it shook you more than the actual damage warranted?

Any concrete habits you use to keep passenger conversation from pulling your focus?

Did this kind of experience make you a noticeably safer/more careful driver going forward, or did the confidence dip cause its own problems (overcorrecting, anxious driving, etc.)?

Appreciate any honest perspective, including if you think I'm overthinking this or underthinking it.

Not gonna sugarcoat it: I have driver license, but I don't actually feel confident driving without FSD on. (to be frank, I still don't know how to drive lol) Merging, lane changes, judging gaps in traffic.... I just don't have the reps other people seem to have built up. FSD has been the thing letting me actually use my car day to day.

I know the disclaimers.. it's a driver-assist system, not a complete robot chauffeur yet, and I'm supposed to be ready to take over any second. I do stay alert and keep my hands ready. But if I'm honest, I lean on it way more than "assist" implies, because my actual driving skills are pretty thin.

Curious if anyone else got here the same way. Used FSD so much early on that it kind of became a crutch instead of a supplement? And if so, did you ever go back and deliberately build up your own driving skills, or find a good way to practice that isn't just "wing it in traffic"? Would rather fix this properly than just keep depending on the software........

I’ve had crippling driving anxiety my whole life and avoided driving into my 30s. This isn’t even my first attempt. I took a few lessons in about 12 years ago, then got so anxious I never got behind the wheel again until now. So this fear runs deep.

I only started lessons again this month and got my license two weeks ago. The only reason I finally pushed myself is that I got a job I need to drive for, so there’s a lot of outside pressure on top of the fear.

I bought a used a week ago. Since then:

It went into limp mode on a busy 55mph street and the car wouldn’t go past 40. Terrifying, but I got myself safely off the road. A mechanic looked at it and turns out I just need to replace the purge valve, which is a cheap fix.

Weirdly, the limp mode incident didn’t spike my anxiety as badly as what came next. I think it’s because the limp mode was something that happened TO me, out of my control, so I could just focus on handling it.

I set out to get a wrench to do that purge valve myself. Earlier that day I drove to get the part and to get groceries and I was doing totally fine. Familiar routes, calm, no problems. But then I had to take an unknown route to a Walmart I’d never been to, and that’s where it all fell apart. Lost, GPS not helping, unfamiliar curvy road, curb right up against the lane. I got overwhelmed, drifted, and blew my tire on the curb. $300 later. Because it was my own driving that caused it, it made me doubt myself in a way the limp mode never did.

Just this morning I went to pick up my car (I’d left it overnight where the tire got fixed because of the anxiety) and a five minute drive turned into forty minutes because I was having so much anxiety and panic attacks.

The pattern I’ve noticed is that I’m okay on routes I know. The second it’s an unfamiliar route I get overloaded and everything falls apart, especially lane positioning. With my instructor in the car it’s fine because she catches my drift. Alone I can’t feel my own drift yet, so I over-monitor, panic, and it gets worse.

For anyone who started driving later in life, or had real driving anxiety and pushed through:

Does it actually get better? How did you build lane positioning and handle unfamiliar routes without someone in the car? How did you manage panic attacks while driving? Was it worth it?

I feel really alone in this and like nobody around me gets how hard it actually is. Anything would mean a lot.

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some advice after my behind-the-wheel test yesterday because I’m honestly confused about what happened.

My examiner failed me, claiming she had to intervene during the test. However, there is nothing on the score sheet indicating that an intervention or disqualifying action (DQ) occurred. I ended up with a score of 89/100, but still received a failing result.

From the moment she called my name, I felt her attitude toward me was negative. Before we even started, she looked at my instructor’s car (which was clean but had some peeling leather on the seats) and said, “Eww, there’s no way I’m getting into this car. You better clean this out now, or else…” That immediately made me feel uncomfortable. I felt like I was beneath her, the same feeling I got from my husband. I will not go into the ethnicity of them.. but it felt like they were the best.

During the test, she repeatedly gave directions at the last possible second, such as “turn left” or “turn right,” leaving very little time to react. She also had me perform the pull-over and backing maneuver three separate times. When she told me to pull forward, I asked where she wanted me to stop, and her response was, “I don’t know. That’s for you to decide.”

At one point she said, “Emergency lights” twice. I asked, “Did you mean emergency brake?” She replied, “Just listen,” and later marked me down. The communication throughout the test felt confusing.
By that stage, I had completely lost my confidence. She rolled her eyes several times and looked at me with what felt like disgust. My instructor, who is a former California DMV examiner, told me afterward that from the beginning something seemed off and that he didn’t believe I should have failed based on what he observed.
This wasn’t my first difficult experience either.

On a previous test at Fontana, the examiner appeared angry before we even got into the car, made comments that I believed were directed at my ethnicity, and ended the test almost immediately. On another attempt, the examiner fell asleep during the drive and, when I asked for directions because she wasn’t responding, she woke up, said it had been a long day, and failed me.

I’m not saying I’m a perfect driver, and I’m open to the possibility that I made mistakes I didn’t recognize. I’m genuinely trying to improve and have worked very hard to prepare. I’m also not looking for sympathy.
I’m simply asking: Has anyone experienced something similar, or have any advice on what I should do next? Is it worth filing a complaint or requesting a review, or should I just focus on taking the test again?

I appreciate any constructive advice. Thanks for reading.

Hi, so as the title states I passed the driving test a few months ago. It was my 5th attempt and to this day I have no idea how I did it. The examiner I had was extremely rude and I could tell he was irritated with me. I'm very sensitive to other people's emotions and usually find it hard to focus when I know someone's mad at me. So I consider this pass some sort of divine

intervention and I'm not even religious. Now the amount of times I have been behind the wheel since then is less than the amount of fingers I have on one hand. I just can't bring myself to. It scares the shit out of me. I am not confdent in my abilties despite having passed the exam.

Before I started my driving lessons my dad would take me to rarely attended roads so I can practice starting and stopping the car, changing gears. So the basics really. It took me a long time to learn how to even start a car. I would either add too much gas or I would stall. My dad has a short temper so he would end up yelling and cussing at me. And then I would spend the night crying because at that point I was already signed to a driving school, awaiting my first class and was afraid of wasting my parents money. I finally learned how to do it after watching a youtube tutorial.

And then came my driving classes and lo and behold my driving instructor has a short temper too :D Hurray for me... I was a slow learner and found a lot of things difficult (still do). Sometimes I would make a mistake which would irritate my instructor and because I could feel he was irritated with me I would not be able to focus and I'd make five more mistakes in a span of the next 10 minutes. The driving school that I was attending did not have a lot of instructors so I knew that most likely switching to a different one will not be possible. My last lesson was a practice exam after which I was told by my instructor that he can't say one good thing about my driving.

After that I signed up for a few additonal classes in a school that was recommended to me by a classmate. I had lessons with two different instructors during that time and found myself performing much better. Both of these instructors were a lot more patient and understanding. There was only one time that one of them raised his voice at me and I can't even blame him for it because I made a really dangerous mistake. However, both of them also told me that it's clear to them that I need more time to learn. That was not possible for me because my dad would not allow it. He was already irritated with me for having the few extra classes I had.

Now that I passed I can't bring myself to get behind the wheel. I don't feel confident in my abilities, I honesly believe I was just lucky the day of that exam and it freaks me out that there isn't a second person in the car who can press the brake pedal anymore. That was the one comforting thing during the classes or the exam. That the instructor/examiner had their own brake. And now because I kept putting off the driving, my abilites have regressed. Today I was driving with my parents and brother in the car and at some point they told me at once like 3 different things that I had to do and my brain malfunctioned (I'm aware how stupid that makes me sound). My dad ended up yelling at me for this and I have not been able to stop thinking about it since.

Anyways, I apologize for this post being so long.

Man i really want to drive a car I have the car But the problem is when I get into the driver seat suddenly I panick I can't even put the gear into 2

I have my license for a few years now but am too anxious to drive. We own a small twingo and most streets in my city are pretty narrow. I am someone who is easily overwhelmed so the thought of coming acorss another car on a narrow street stresses me really out. I also lack orientation. I dislike maps and so on because i dont realize that i gotta get onto another lane till its too late (I also fear changibg lanes but i started working on that by watching the mirrors when others drive) I also was never on a highway since i got my license but that is partially becausw of the car. Feels like that small thing my be blown away if i just makw a wrong move ngl. Parking? A horror. I dont feel fear if i think about driving to my old workplace tho since i know that road and its wide and has many easy parking lots.

I am not a bad driver. Even my friends told me so its just that my anxiety holds me back and makes me make small mistakes at times....

Does anyone had similar fears and managed to lessen them?

I'm 36 and only started driving in the US about 2 months ago. I moved from Japan, where I didn't really need a car, so I'm learning later than many people.

I've actually made a lot of progress. I can drive on highways, merge, change lanes, drive to work, and even drive to busy places like Arundel Mills.

The problem is my husband teaching me.

Whenever I make a mistake, he asks me "why?" over and over again.

"Why didn't you see that sign?"
"Why did you brake there?"
"Why didn't you notice the blue pole?"

He says he wants to understand my thinking, but the way he asks feels like an interrogation. He asks question after question in an intense tone and it has made me cry three times now.

I don't mind feedback. My driving instructor gives me corrections and advice and I never feel bad. She'll say things like, "Next time try this," or "Watch for this." I actually appreciate her feedback.

But with my husband, I end up feeling judged and stupid, like I'm a child being scolded or a criminal being questioned.

Tonight I drove in a very busy area with lots of traffic and unfamiliar roads. I got confused because he gave me a direction based on a "blue pole," which I didn't notice while trying to focus on driving safely. Then I got questioned afterward and ended up crying again.

I feel like my confidence is dropping because I'm starting to expect criticism every time I drive with him.

Am I overreacting? Has anyone else had a spouse or family member whose teaching style just didn't work for them?

For the last 6 years I get what I can describe as lightheaded spells that happen at the snap of a finger with almost no trigger. I have never passed out and have went to the doctor and they came back with nothing. I haven’t had driving anxiety over this but I had a little spell happen to me on the freeway and now I almost can’t go on the freeway or highway anymore without having full blown panic attacks. Anyone else have this issue or know how to help? It’s exhausting.

To preface, I was in multiple accidents that ended in totaled vehicles and the situations were pretty terrifying, and since I already have anxiety, I avoided driving for a long time. Then, once I started driving again, I still tried to avoid it as much as possible and let myself totally freak out all the time.

1. Read your state's driving manual. I know this might seem excessive, but it helped me ensure I know exactly what is allowed and that I should be doing. Watch videos with driving tips, research things you are maybe unsure about, or take more driving classes if possible.

2. Tell yourself that you're being silly, and what else are you going to do? Avoid driving forever? Obviously, I know it can be really hard to drive again and it's not as easy as saying this, but telling yourself this and other positive affirmations can really help shift your mindset. Convincing yourself that this is just another normal part of life that most adults have to go through can help make it seem like a smaller part of your day rather than a huge event to freak out about.

3. Practice. Even if you just go for a small drive in the neighborhood. Drive with a friend or family member too, if possible. Start small and go longer, but don't feel the need to rush yourself. Avoiding it will just make your anxiety worse, even if it feels better for a while.

4. Study routes on google maps before you leave. Or whatever maps you like to use. It can help prepare you for when you'll need to change lanes and make turns, but I also recommend not doing this forever, since if you have a long drive it'll be pretty difficult to try to remember all the turns.

5. Have water and snacks ready, and make sure you're taking regular breaths. Or try other breathing and relaxation techniques the internet has to offer.

6. Minimize distractions as much as possible. Put your maps on and put the phone on do not disturb or on silent. Don't like your song and need to change it? Nope. Not unless you can do it with one of those buttons on the wheel. Don't touch your phone, and stay focused.

7. WAIT. Please, wait until you know you can go. If someone behind you is honking and super angry and flipping you off, just wait to make a turn or maneuver. Better to be safe than sorry. They'll survive.

8. Do things that make you uncomfortable, within reason. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone when it comes to driving. If you wait until you're 100% ready, you might be waiting forever.

9. Sit in your car, and picture where you can go. What would you love to go and do today? Go shopping? Go to the beach? Imagine what the driving might be like and recognize the amount of freedom you have with the car (assuming it's yours).

10. Get a newer car with lots of safety features, if possible. Things like pre-collision systems, lane departure assist, etc. It's absolutely not a replacement for you as the driver to pay attention, however.

11. Reward yourself after driving. Have an extra piece of candy or grab a coffee drink or whatever floats your boat. Something you'll be happy or excited for --- so its something you can look forward to.

12. Don't catastrophize. If you worry about every little thing that could happen when you're driving, you'll never be comfortable driving. Anything can go wrong for anyone at any moment no matter what they are doing, but I'm assuming you're not catastrophizing about your house randomly exploding either. Maybe you are. But know that a life where you're worried all the time is not a life worth living. It'll take time and effort to change your mindset, but it's worth it.

Good luck to everyone!

I’m 26 and have never had a license. I’ve driven before, I just can’t seem to get over the fear of failing the test itself. Any advice?

I was driving this afternoon and came to an amber left turn light. I couldn’t quite judge whether it was safe to turn yet, so I stopped for a second to see if my turn would be clear. Within milliseconds, the car behind me gave 2 honks. The road was clear so I took my turn. My mom said it’s better to wait, and I’m planning on asking my dad as well too. I’m just unsure about this.

If I’m in the wrong, then I will get better, but please don’t be unnecessarily rude.

Hi everyone!

I’m a 34-year-old man from Europe. I passed both my driving test and the theory exam on my first attempt, and I got the maximum possible score on the theory test.

In about a month, I’ll have to drive about 600 km (373 miles) on the motorway from one European country to another for a scheduled vehicle inspection.

The problem is that I have almost no real driving experience. And, thanks to my overthinking brain, I keep scaring myself with all the “what if” scenarios, so I end up avoiding practice altogether.

What advice would you give someone in my situation? I’m especially interested in tips for both preparing before the trip and staying calm and safe during the drive.

I’d really appreciate any advice or personal experiences. Thank you!

I’m (35M) worried when I start dating girls will find my anxiety weak or too annoying they’ll lose interest when they find out. Anyone experienced that?

I'm 46 and drove on my own for the first time today. It has been a long journey with starting and stopping many times, several lapsed learners permits (G1 for my fellow Ontarians), three bad to mediocre driving instructors and one very life changing one, several years of therapy with a therapist who is always in my corner, a daily low dose SSRI, and a supportive (but at times, understandably impatient) husband. And a thing that finally made me get into the car without another driver - a sick kitty that needed vet attention while my husband was at work.

If you're struggling, anxious, scared or think you can never do it - I see you. I was you. I'm now a driver. I'm still a work in progress, but now with a huge milestone under my belt.

So basically what happened was, the first time I got flipped off today, I was driving down the street. My dad was arguing on the phone with my mom. I was really confused about directions. My dad literally took my GPS and put it down, and also because he was giving late directions (not blaming him though). I’m just saying at that moment I was a little confused, and I went to change lanes because I could tell this way went right. You can’t go straight, so I accidentally cut someone off really badly. I didn’t know that when I put the stuff away in the trunk, it blocked off the back window completely, so I did not see their car and got flipped off.
Then everything for the most part went fine. I got honked at because a truck in front of me like not a semi truck, but I would say a really big U-Haul was trying to get into the turn lane, and I didn’t want to just go past him. I got a little scared because I didn’t want to hit the U-Haul while he was trying to get into the turn lane, and this dude behind me kept honking until I had to speed up.
And then I made a really, really big unsafe mistake. We were going to the hospital, and I was making my way there, but it’s very busy in this area where I live, and there’s this big roundabout. So I entered into a turn lane. There’s a straight lane and a turn lane right next to this roundabout you’re supposed to go into, and I was gonna try to change lanes into the straight one, but there was a car so I couldn’t. I was like, “Dad, I have to go right, I cannot go straight in this roundabout.”
Of course, you can’t technically go straight—you’re not going to go over the center divider—but I’m probably just going to have to take the next turn basically because it’s a turn lane. I could be wrong.
So I’m so focused on that, like an idiot, I don’t see this BMW going 25 miles per hour in this roundabout. I had to slam on my brakes and the dude had to slam on his brakes too. He rolled down his window, flipped me off, and drove away. I was so shaken up I pulled out of the roundabout, tried to park where you obviously couldn’t park because there were cars driving there not in the middle of the lane, it was like a parking area so I had to find a parking spot, park, and let my dad drive.
I feel miserable. I feel like I’m never going to get driving. I keep making stupid mistakes like this, like I keep making dangerous mistakes. I’ll drive fine one day and then the next I don’t know what I’m doing.
I got out of the car and had a whole breakdown inside the hospital because that’s where we were going. My mom is in the hospital right now. I feel like an idiot.
I’ve been considering giving up driving since I started back a month and a half ago.
When I can, I’m going to figure out how to ride a bike because I have no idea how to right now. I think that will be an easier way to get around. It’s just hot here, man it gets up to 110.

Anybody else's driving anxiety like this? I get a sudden surge of physical, buzzy adrenaline. When I’m stuck at a red light or on a high bridge, I feel trapped by the situation because I can’t immediately pull over to discharge the energy. My fear isn't about crashing; it's the fear of getting entirely overwhelmed by the physical sensation itself while being unable to escape.

Being the first car at a red light (while driving to work) or moving very slowly on a high up freeway are what exacerbate it.

I just feel like I'm in high-alert and I'm afraid I'll lose control of my own body/brain and have to pull over/get out of the car.

Anybody else?

i started full time work, at a government dept

im an asian woman and i feel like a failure. I rarely go to parking garages and this is my first time at one. My entire cohort (all men) and trainer saw me hit the curb on the way out towards the exit; and not only that, I cant even park on an incline leaning to the underground parking garage. I parked within the lines but it’s a bit wobbly, but not obstructing anyone

This is probably their first impression of me. Im not making any friends here

I wish parking was on the surface. I just wanna tell my parents I dont wanna do this anymore, and have them drive me to work. But I need a car to see clients eventually, so I cant just skip using a car while Im training and lose even more aura. I dont want this job anymore