In your eyes
I know it hurts to smile but you try to
You always try to hide the pain
You always know just what to say
I always look the other way … I’m blind I’m blind
In your eyes
You lie but I don’t let it define you .
Love this song
They happen. They are necessary. They are real . Even if the miracle is a collective effort that you try to disprove or yank back the curtain or hat to find what’s hidden . Even if the miracle is to have another chance at going right instead of left . We can’t take away all the pain and even the blessed will have loss. You know or should know that I don’t fear dying because I know that there is more than this . You are only lost if you don’t want to be found or don’t remember where you’ve come from. I understand that forgetting is sometimes the only escape from it all . The burden isn’t to be carried solely but rather bearing the weight equally. Remember the book of Daniel and the three in the furnace . They said they believed their God would save them . And even if they weren’t saved ,they still believed. Just wanted to say that. Thank you for reading
Better to have love and lost to have never loved at all . Cliche. but I’d rather have known love ❤️
Why can’t it be different? Why must I change my passwords ? Delete apps ? You know who I am . You just can’t or won’t be whoever you are because that makes it real and we know that can be a buzzkill . Goodnight
I’ve had many dreams even visions . So many . But one that left a huge mark and feel I could express it here was one where I had gone to bed and then woke up really hungry I went and got a ramen . I opened it but poured some lemon lime dressing I made as well as Tajin in the package shook it around and ate the raw ramen concoction which hit the spot for some reason and laid back down , I felt myself in a position of the crucifixion. I then fell through my bed as I went to “sleep” I was then in my basement that my mother lived in as an apartment. It was a nice mother daughter home . The thing was the color of Everything was black and shades of red . I had just opened my eyes when I felt someone behind me . They swiftly and easily slit my throat. I felt the life pouring out of me and started to fall towards the floor . I recognized the small oriental rug that my oldest brother had brought home from Saudia Arabia when he was there during Desert Storm or shield . I then went through that rug and floor and was shot into some sort of channel of stars I can’t describe the feeling I had of going through these channels I was then on a rock where I met with someone , I felt like I knew him my entire life and he told me that he never forgotten me and loved me. He took my hands and when he did I saw that I had the holes from the nails of being crucified he traced them with his fingers and I basically had an explosion of ecstasy with each one . He said something to the effect of forgive them for they know not what they do and we embraced I felt pure joy and then I woke up .someone posted in the dream sub and I felt the need to tell this dream . I’ve felt a sadness of missing them and have felt connection since but the reason I don’t talk about it is because I’ve remembered other instances since and dreams of music and the artists being with me in my old house . I could ask for interpretation but I saw this as clear instance or happening but metaphorically being a sacrifice or dying for someone .
I have children. I have nieces and nephews. I have young cousins. Young second cousins etc. right now there are many young adults and children that need or want guidance or parenting support. I wouldn’t want to infringe upon anyone else’s parenting and their family dynamic. That being said . If it were a possibility to help those young adults or kids I absolutely would. But I would be reluctant without formal agreement. I have noticed that what I raised or thought I was instilling in my kids I may not be what is being reflected and I don’t really know what to say about this situation because my ability to go out into the workplace and earn was really important to me and I also knew it would create a sense of security. Im trying to be my own boss but that’s a long road and it has many obstacles. It also doesn’t always have the tangible results that keep people going. I hope that I’ll someday get to this level where I experience success fully and in the present. That’s all
I have to put this out here or my goal to create a better understanding for parents and children will probably be pushed away while I focus on my own.We as parents and children are not going to be the _____ that we always dream of. Because that’s basically what love bombing or what narcissistic people do to lure people back to their BS . Though I can’t speak for everyone I can speak for myself. I can only keep the energy that is received and reciprocated. A mother being the mother someone always wanted may not be what you really want or need . Your mom and dad can work on things and improve themselves, but it’s a family unit that takes all involved. Not putting the responsibility on a child but really ? How much do you think can be thrown at you before you stop swatting it away or turning your back before you decide you want no parts ? Parents do have choice, contrary to popular belief . They just most often than not choose to be there . We need OUR children. We need OUR mom or dad . If that’s not possible because they are gone then allow us to mourn them . Allow them peace . My kids are not perfect and I would never expect them to be . Would I like them to stop leaving wet towels on the floor! ? Yes !!! But I wouldn’t want someone who will hang their towels up over my kid that just needs to pay attention and start being a part of their own success in life. Would I want my kids to fear telling the truth because they worry I’ll be disappointed or angry ? In a way I would like them to think twice about how their actions will impact their lives as well as others . Yes ! But only in that sense to avoid carrying that burden that eats you from the inside. A kid that doesn’t say the sky’s green because I say it’s blue . I’m told I think I’m always right and I may not be. I agree . I never wanted to avoid saying I told you so, so much . than I do now. That really was never my intention. A mother or father would give themselves up for their child in a heartbeat if it meant that they wouldn’t lose them . But to do that and have them return like an entitled child is not how anything would work out .
I download dating apps to find a particular group of people. I don’t date anyone . I can’t seem to get someone to just be themselves with me . is that their fault ? Because they would rather be everyone else? I don’t know anymore .
Time to get off here . All the ways that people will infiltrate your life when they could just be honest . But I’m just ready to no longer say anything
I’ve been separated for almost 7 years now I wonder what I can do to get my divorce settled because the avoidance has been so much worse than I could imagine. I was married in 2017 and since then he and I have lived apart. I’ve been through every way that I have been able to get my life back on solid ground but that just doesn’t happen. I’m told to do this or to do that as if it will actually help and it doesn’t. I know that you have to take action but I why do I feel that I can’t when I am that person. I go out get it . I need work I find a job . I needed a career I went to classes . I’ve done this more than once in my life and always felt like I could get up and do it again. But that isn’t like that anymore because things changed