The problem with asking for fucked up movies on Reddit is that’s it’s always the same suggestions
I don’t want the obvious ones like:
•Serbian film
•martyrs
•kids
I want something truly messed up and will fuck me up just not the same basic suggestions I see on here everytime
I have been struggling lately with my 15 year old son. I recently got primary custody a few months ago after 50/50 his whole life. My fiance and I moved to Texas from Arizona. I completely understand there's a lot of change, grief and big feelings that come with that. However, my son was already struggling before this. He's unbelievably disrespectful, defiant and, I'm just going to say it, lazy.
A few days ago, things got really heated and he made me cry. He showed zero empathy then basically told me I cry to much and was crying for attention. For the first time in his life, I told him I hated him. I felt immediate guilt. I'm not an angry or hateful person. I was on several days of very little sleep with a 15 month old and financial challenges. It's just myself, my fiance and the kids. No friends. No family. We didn't have anyone to help in Arizona either. I hit a limit with the disrespect.
The next day I wrote a note and left it on his bedroom door. I told him I was sorry. No excuses or justifications. Full stop. I told him I could never hate him. I told him that I saw how much we were both affected by the behavior of my ex husband (his former step dad). And I told him the repairs I am making: the note/apology itself, getting rid of my evening wine to improve sleep and mood and downloading an app to help regulate my emotions.
We were both in therapy (we both have ADHD and I have anxiety) before moving and it didn't help either of us in the slightest. Medications made everything worse for both of us. We'd been trying and adjusting and even seeking second and third opinions for quite some time. Now, I've spent at least six hours on the phone with my insurance and providers and can't even find someone who will take our state insurance. We can't afford out of pocket sessions. Again, they didn't ever help anyway. So that's a situation in and of itself.
Every day since our fight I have been leaving something small at his bedroom door. A joke book. A picture. A treat. He hasn't brought up the note, but I know he sent a picture of it to his girlfriend, so he did see it. I messed up and am reacting with kindness and action and accountability to try to make it right. He has completely ignored hurting me and is continuing to be hurtful, disrespectful and defiant.
Right now, I just need to be heard. I need a hug. I need to know I'm not the awful mom he makes me feel like. My only real outlet is my YouTube community, but I can't post about this there because my son and his father occassionally watch the content.
Classes have been cancelled due to extreme weather conditions at our area, and the local government has implemented alternative learning modes.
That means worksheets and online classes.
Online classes are not for every kid, and definitely not for my almost 6-year-old kid with a language impairment.
So I end up reteaching everything to him.
That’s where everything breaks down. After several repetitions, he still can’t fully grasp the lessons. I fear he might fall behind in class. Unfortunately, I end up getting frustrated and yelling at him - which of course doesn’t help at all.
This has happened for a week now since classes have been suspended. I apologize to him without excuses for my behavior only to have it happen again in the morning when we work on his worksheets.
My heart just breaks for my kid. He doesn’t deserve any of this. He doesn’t deserve me.
I hate myself for doing this. I hate myself for not knowing how to teach him in a way that accommodates his needs.
What should I do? How do I rebuild his confidence? I fear that I may have created a dislike for learning.
NOTE: He undergoes private speech therapy and OT. He gets private tutoring as well, but that too has been suspended due to weather conditions.
I keep finding myself getting upset over the life I chose. I love my son more than anything in this world—he is my everything—but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling emotionally with how different my life turned out from what I imagined.
I’m technically with my son’s dad, but we don’t live together. My son is already 10 months old, and some days I get so frustrated because it doesn’t seem like his dad has any real intention of building a proper life with us. I feel lonely, sad, and sometimes wish I hadn’t chosen this situation for myself. We fight constantly and can never seem to see eye to eye. What makes it worse is that he tries to control me, yet at the same time, he doesn’t seem willing to fully commit to building a life together.
I’ve had countless conversations with him about it. He always blames his financial problems, losing jobs, being broke, or making bad financial decisions. But I’ve known him for three years, and nothing ever seems to change. It’s always the same story.
It’s gotten to the point where every time he tries to tell me something about our son, I immediately get triggered and snap at him. For example, he’ll call me and tell me what I should or shouldn’t be doing with our son, acting like he knows better than I do. I end up having a complete emotional meltdown—I curse him out, cry, lose my temper, and completely fall apart.
I don’t mind him giving me his input if he speaks to me respectfully. But it’s different when he calls acting like Father of the Year when he only sees our son once a week. When he was laid off, we spent every other week with him, but even then, it still didn’t feel like real commitment to me.
I think a huge part of my anxiety comes from the fact that I live with my mom, who is 72, and right now we share expenses, which helps me tremendously. But I can’t afford rent on my own. I constantly worry about what would happen to me and my son if something happened to my mother. I asked my son's dad directly if he would step up and help us if anything ever happened to her, because I'm extremely stressed and currently unemployed while on maternity leave until March of next year. He didn't even answer me. That told me everything I needed to know.
He also doesn't want me putting our son in daycare because he thinks our son should stay home, but I honestly feel like he has very little say in that when I'm the one who needs to figure out how to support us. What am I supposed to do for money until my son is in school full-time?
I've told him that I'm going to do what I need to do. Our son will likely have to go to daycare because I need to find employment, and I want to save as much money as possible while I still have a safety net.
My anxiety and depression have been hitting me really hard because I feel like, for lack of a better word, I completely screwed my life up. The life I imagined for myself isn't my reality, and I'm grieving that. But I also know I need to stop waiting for someone else to fix things and start figuring out how to create a stable future for myself and my son.
Please tell me I'm not crazy for feeling this way. I feel completely lost, disappointed, heartbroken, anxious, and incredibly sad.
I’m coming close to 40, and I’m just so done. The back talk, the constant excuses, and the victim blaming is just getting so old. To having to remind them that you can’t do this, that this is bad, that you can’t say that specifically at your age. I spent my whole life trying to avoid this. Yet I’m forced to do it till either I pass or they do. I don’t want to do it. I’m done.
I can’t get it through their thick skull. All the gentle talking and all the ways of showing them it’s wrong , just makes me a bad guy time and time again. No one ever prepped me for this. I wasn’t ever told I’d have to do this. I never wanted this is the first place. It wasn’t like this when I was growing up. I never saw my parents doing what I’ve had to do.
I want to quit, go for a gallon of milk and never look back.
Though. I love my mother, she would be homeless and dead with out me. I chose a childless life just to be saddled with and take care of the biggest child I know. My mom. I hate this woman man, and love her.
I can’t imagine how many Millennials are facing what I am cause their parents did nothing but fuck all to depend on their kid.
Something I keep sitting with as a parent: how much of my own childhood do I actually deal with, versus carry straight into how I raise my kids.
Not the big obvious stuff. The small reactions. The moment I snap and it’s really about something that happened to me thirty years ago, not what my kid just did in front of me.
Do you talk about this with your kids? Are you even aware, in the moment, when it’s an old story running the show instead of what’s actually happening right now?
Curious how people here hold this.
Thank God he is fine not even a scratch. Police and ems came anyway. This happened a few hours ago and he's back to being a kid like nothing happened.
I'm a single father and have sole custody...I'm still in shock and trying to process everything. I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown.
Has anyone else been through anything similar? I just don't know what to do with myself. I want to lock him in his room until he's 40 but I know I can't do that.
If anyone has any advice or kind words I could really use themwell.
EDIT : I just want to thank everyone for their kind words and concern. It's amazing how sometimes it's complete strangers who are there for you and show more concern than some people you know more intimately.
Hey guys. My husband and I have had issues related to sex and intimacy for the majority of our marriage due to many things he’s done and ways he’s treated me. He just admitted to me (which I kind of already had an idea) that he takes his frustration out on the kids when he feels he is not getting his sexual and intimacy needs met by me. I understand this is wrong in so many ways but I want to hear others’ thoughts, especially from men/husbands. Yes, we’ve been to marriage counseling multiple times over the last 5 years.
Hey all. Some of you are familiar with my story, but to keep it super short my brother killed himself after finally being served a warrant for child sexual abuse that my parents coddled him with leaving me estranged with everyone.
I’m knee deep in grief and just trying to stay alive most of the time. My kid is 4, and she’s going to preschool 3 days a week starting next month so I’m really hoping that gives me some space to grieve, do my own online college, etc. but as of right now it’s me and her 24/7 and it’s traumatizing me honestly. I used to be a preschool teacher and wanted to keep her home for this age to do all the fun things I would do with my students and I feel like a horrible parent because I don’t have capacity for any of that shit anymore after everything that’s happened. Screen time is out the ass just to get by and it makes me feel bad.
We technically gentle parent but I call it authoritative or intentional parenting because it’s not like she always gets her way. However I was raised emotionally neglected and abused and was called a bitch from a very young age by my mom. I remember feeling like I was an annoyance to her and she’d be happier without the stress of a kid and the impact that had on my psyche even today. I want to protect my kid so bad from this but I feel like I’m constantly being a bitch to her. I’m at capacity anyways and then big little-kid feelings are just a lot for me and I don’t yell or call names obviously but my tone is just so much more bothered than it usually would be when I had more capacity.
Basically I’m just asking for help to get my shit together in the moment because it feels like my own speaking bring up cptsd reactions from hearing my own mom talk to me and I don’t know if I’m actually being cruel to her or if I’m just having emotional flashbacks to my own childhood but either way it’s a vicious cycle that makes everything so much worse.
Hello everyone, I’m a mother of 2 children. I have a 4 year old and 8 year old, both beautiful girls. I feel like I’ve been a great parent to my babies up until 6 months ago. My 8 year old had a hard time with school and we pulled her out; I also had a bunch of mental health struggles last year with bipolar, depression and anxiety, and some psychosis. I’ve always been an extremely involved mother , always “gentle parenting”.. but when we pulled my daughter out in the middle of my chaos, and then my husbands chaos (in December he was hospitalized for mental health, he’s a Disabled Veteran).. my daughter (8) just started to have an extremely hard time with listening and talking back- we even brought her to the doctor and they diagnosed her with ADHD (the psychiatrist). Since then she’s been super spicy, talking back, being rude and disrespectful, screaming at me.. we fight all the time, scream at each other. I hate it!! Seems like my husband is her preferred parent and it breaks my heart.. I also lose it with my 4 year old too.. I wish I could have more patience like I used to.. I hope I haven’t ruined their whole life.. I also have severe health anxiety, so I feel like all I’m doing is giving them trauma
I’m really curious about people’s childhood experiences and how much parenting/environment actually played into the kind of kid they were.
If you were considered a “good kid” growing up what did that actually look like? Were you responsible, quiet, empathetic, motivated, easygoing, etc.? And what do you think your parents did that helped you become that way?
And if you were considered a “bad kid” what did that look like? Were you getting in trouble, lying, stealing, fighting, skipping school, being defiant, struggling emotionally, constantly pushing boundaries, etc.? Looking back as an adult, do you think your parents’ parenting contributed to it? Or were there other things going on that had more to do with who you were naturally, your environment, friends, school, trauma, personality, neurodivergence, etc.?
I’m especially interested in people who have changed a lot from childhood to adulthood. Were you a difficult kid who grew into a pretty responsible adult? Or were you a “perfect” kid who struggled later in life?
Basically, what were you like as a kid, what were your parents/guardians like, and what do you think the connection was if any?
No judgment toward anyone’s parents or childhood. I’m genuinely curious about the nature vs. nurture side of this and what other people’s experiences have been.
As a parent I always sit and wonder what I can do to nurture my children and also guide them towards the best possible outcome.
Of course I know they are their own people and I can only do so much.
My mother was very flippant and let me do a lot I never should have. On the other hand being too authoritarian with me as a kid wouldn’t have worked either.
I always looked at the “good kids” and wondered how/why/what made us different. Things changed dramatically for me as an adult, and I just wish it would’ve happened sooner!
Thanks in advance for your input 😊
Is it just me, or what? Need thoughts.
I don’t really get mothers who get extremely worried when their child is in danger, but the moment the child is finally safe, they immediately start scolding them.
Like… I understand being scared, angry, or frustrated because you were worried. But if your child was just in a situation where something could’ve seriously happened to them, wouldn’t the first reaction be relief that they’re okay?
Maybe I’m looking at it differently, so I genuinely want to hear other people’s thoughts. Is this just a normal parent reaction, or is there a reason behind it that I’m not understanding?
Is it just me or what? 😭
Hello, I am going to just jump right in as I am looking for sound advice.
I am a mother of twins, boy- girl. They will be 20 in December.
I did not know anything about "mothering" and never planned to have children so I was very inexperienced. I raised them as a single mother. My primary model of parenting was to raise them in real life. My children were never protected from financial hardships I was having, pouring into them I believed things I needed and did not receive as a child, loosening the control over their choices as they grew up so they would not be 20 and as naive as I was. I have made mistakes, I have let them down, but I never abandoned them or neglected them. I made a conclusion effort to be present. I stopped my life to give them everything.
Ok, so now, after a very bad year, I had to move from my home and find other accommodation. My children no longer live with me and I honestly believe do not want to.
I see my daughter weekly for dinner and ever time we are out I feel depressed. I see how happy she is and how wonderful she feels and I know it is because she is not in my home and with me. She has never come right and said this, but it is obvious.
I feel insignificant, my daughter has been going to her Farthers house for dinner multiple times a week and cant express how wonderful it is. FYI: this man was given the opportunity to be in their lives since birth and chose not too. He did nothing, an I mean literally nothing with them or for them.
What I need to know is why I can not be with my children without feeling severe depression for more than 24 hours after im with them. How was i such a shitty person and parent to them when all I did was for them. Honestly I feel like I am worthless and my absence in their lives have given them joy. Please help me process these emotions.
If I struggle with 2, should I even have 3?
I have always thought that parents of 3 are a special kind of person. The kind of person that can roll with the punches, not take things too seriously, be ok with chaos, noise, and mess. The kind of person who says: this is a circus but I love my monkeys (or however that saying goes).
I don’t think I am that kind of person.
I deal with CPTSD. I often feel anxious and overstimulated as a mom of two (6yo and 1.5yo). I have to work so hard to stay calm when my 6yo is demanding me to read him something, my husband and I are packing lunches, and my 1.5yo is crying for more breakfast. I love them so much but there are times when I want to (and actually do) scream. I know this is normal but I also hate it about myself.
I never thought of having 3 (I am an older sister to 1 brother and my husband is an only child, so it was never our dream to have 3).
We had to work really hard for our two kids (IVF), I was never able to get pregnant naturally. We thought we were done. But now I’m pregnant. And I’m scared.
Do I terminate out of fear that I can’t handle a 3rd child?
My husband and I are very unsure. He is leaning towards having a 3rd, he is willing to adapt and take on the extra work of a 3rd in favor of growing our family, but also doesn’t want me to get buried by it all. He sees my fear and my hesitation. I feel supported by him.
I feel like we would need to make big changes to get the emotional support I need. Like commit to weekly therapy and taking time to do something to maintain my sense of self. We’d need to tighten up our communication, team work, and parenting skills.
I feel inklings of desire to know who this 3rd child could be.. but those feelings are drowned out by my fear/shame of who I am as an overwhelmed mother. I also am scared to terminate and feel like I gave up out of fear.
Financially it would be a stretch but we can do it.
I have my mom close by and she can offer some help.
I have a close community of mom friends that are also here for emotional support.
But there are moments when I lose my control, I get angry and scared and don’t cope well at all. My oldest sees it. And I just know that having a 3rd will increase the stress and my stress tolerance is already so low.
I know no one can answer this for me. But I just wonder how parents of 3 handle it, especially if you have had a traumatic childhood and/or CPTSD as well.
Edit: Should also add, I am 40.
Hello, I am going to just jump right in as I am looking for sound advice.
I am a mother of twins, boy- girl. They will be 20 in December.
I did not know anything about "mothering" and never planned to have children so I was very inexperienced. I raised them as a single mother. My primary model of parenting was to raise them in real life. My children were never protected from financial hardships I was having, pouring into them I believed things I needed and did not receive as a child, loosening the control over their choices as they grew up so they would not be 20 and as naive as I was. I have made mistakes, I have let them down, but I never abandoned them or neglected them. I made a conclusion effort to be present. I stopped my life to give them everything.
Ok, so now, after a very bad year, I had to move from my home and find other accommodation. My children no longer live with me and I honestly believe do not want to.
I see my daughter weekly for dinner and ever time we are out I feel depressed. I see how happy she is and how wonderful she feels and I know it is because she is not in my home and with me. She has never come right and said this, but it is obvious.
I feel insignificant, my daughter has been going to her Farthers house for dinner multiple times a week and cant express how wonderful it is. FYI: this man was given the opportunity to be in their lives since birth and chose not too. He did nothing, an I mean literally nothing with them or for them.
What I need to know is why I can not be with my children without feeling severe depression for more than 24 hours after im with them. How was i such a shitty person and parent to them when all I did was for them. Honestly I feel like I am worthless and my absence in their lives have given them joy. Please help me process these emotions.
There seems to be endless advice about what parents should and shouldn't do, from sleep and food to screen time and social development. Sometimes it feels like every parenting decision comes with the fear that we're doing something wrong. Do you think modern parenting has become unnecessarily stressful?