r/ParentingThruTrauma

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I need advice on breaking a heavy cycle. I have ADHD and baggage from a restrictive upbringing where emotional expression wasn't safe. It’s causing me to constantly overreact to my partner's kids just being normal, healthy, loud kids.

My ADHD gives me instant sensory overwhelm from sudden noises, and my lack of impulse control means I huff, look annoyed, and react before I can process. Psychologically, my brain subconsciously views their freedom to be kids as "unfair" and interprets everything as a negative or critical threat. I’m treating everyday domestic noise like a crisis, which drains my mental capacity to handle actual difficulties.

I’m already mitigating what I can:

I use Loop earbuds to dampen sudden noises.

I see a counselor so I don't offload this onto my partner.

I know my trauma has created deeply rutted, reinforced neural pathways—it's the road my brain defaults to traveling. I want to build a new path by deliberately choosing a different response when adult intervention isn't actually required. I'm not looking to tolerate everything or drop my boundaries; I just want to stop treating normal behavior as a personal slight.

To do this, I need a "circuit breaker" or an external/physical fuse that forces a one-second pause between the trigger and my physical reaction, giving my higher brain functions time to catch up, I'm looking at a ratchet ring at the minute.

Has anyone with ADHD/trauma successfully used a physical anchor or stimulus to interrupt that instant, bodily reaction? What worked to buy you that one second of processing time?

as mentioned… she ripped out hair and left bruises. later she felt sorry and apologised, but when i cried she said i was ‘too much’ and should just be normal.
anyhow she’s been apologising for a day or so, acting very sweet. But this happens ever few months, she gets really angry, cries, and then shoves an apology down my throat until the cycle continues again.

I just want to leave the house, but my dad is a serial cheater and he has given my mom some obvious trauma. I’m scared they’ll end up fighting and may even get separated or smth if i make a big deal out of this. I have a younger brother. I cannot let that happen if i can prevent it.

I don’t really have anywhere to go either cuz we just shifted to a completely new state and i have no friends whatsoever. A pair of grandparents are dead and the other lives in a very joint family like situation, where two cousins of mine will be studying for Re-NEET so obviously i won’t be appreciated there.
Although worst case scenario i will end up going there. i leave for college soon anyway.

just looking for advice on what to do. thanks for reading.

We have talked enough for me to know I don’t fit in her upper class world. I told her I felt the only way for her to find peace was to move away from me. She agreed she’s moving next spring. She said “if she had to live my life she would have ended it years ago”. I was in a car accident when she was 10: the person I was, the mother she knew abandoned her, I could barely take care of myself-coma had to learn to walk. It was horrible for both of us. Her father did awful things while I was bed ridden. So I failed her as a parent. I can’t eat I can’t sleep I’m trying to pick up the pieces of a failed life. My therapist said there isn’t “ enough time to work thru this I need you to learn to walk beside it. “. Im not a clingy parent. I text her stupid silly things. I don’t call her I wait she will call when she has time. I’ve asked her once in 7 months to go with me for treatments. If you are a daughter of an aging parent I would appreciate your comments. What am failing to understand?

You know it’s going to happen, one day you are your child’s whole world the next they treat you like a stranger. You become invisible and you are suppose to act like it doesn’t matter.

How are you suppose to act? Like you are fine, suppress the gut wreaking sadness?

I feel very emotionally attached to how people perceive my kids. I’m sure it somehow comes from my traumatic childhood.

They are 13(girl) & 11(boy) I feel very strongly about how people will react to them. My daughter not as much, but my son can be a lot and I care very very deeply about how people view him. So much so that in group settings, If I can see a situation ( kids playing to rowdy etc.) I’ll completely remove him from the situation for fear of him being involved. This week he was at a party with my husband and the exact scenario I am terrified of happened and a lil boy fell after they were being rowdy and he has a hairline fracture. I made my son apologize, I myself and my husband all separately apologized. But I cannot even sleep over worried soo much about the scenario. I’m at a loss on how to “care less” or let things go. I’ve become obsessed over this accident, like can’t eat can’t sleep.

Hello, I am a PhD candidate at the University of Strathclyde where I am conducting research to further support parents, children and families affected by intergenerational trauma. Research has shown that in Scotland, 71% of adults have experienced one form of trauma. Despite this, it is unclear how these experiences affect the wider family system.

As such, I am conducting a study to explore how parent positive and negative experiences affect emotions and parenting, and in turn, affect their children. This research is important for the development of interventions that prevent trauma from being passed down from one generation to the next, as well as interventions that help families thrive.

I am looking for parents and caregivers of children aged 3 to 17 years to complete an
online questionnaire. The questionnaire will take approximately 10-15 minutes to complete and is completely anonymous. This means any answers given cannot be traced back to you.

Please be aware this questionnaire will ask some challenging questions, therefore, please only participate if you feel able to do so.

To access the questionnaire, please click on the link below.
If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to get in touch with me Miriam.Nichol@strath.ac.uk.

Thank you for your time!

https://hass.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_29aYXIqyE1KMWuq

I’m asking for help from those who know what it’s like to be an anxious kid. Please be kind in your responses. I want to do the best for her, but I was never an anxious kid and so I need help.

My 10 year old daughter just started swim team and is doing great. She loves learning the strokes and I can tell there is potential for her to really love it and do well in the sport.

She just had her first meet and although she did really well for a beginner, she wants to quit because she said the meet was “too scary.”

She is very worried about doing the strokes wrong, embarrassing herself, and doesn’t like that nervous energy right before the race.

My main question is: should I push her through it or should I let her quit?

On the one hand, I want her to have fun and enjoy it.
On the other hand, I know that it’s a way to push through anxiety in a controlled environment where I can be at her side to walk her through it. Life will be full of moments that make her anxious. At what point do I just try to help her get through instead of let her quit?

Any insight? Thanks everyone!

My mom literally told me: go die if u want go k***ll urself if u want I don’t give a fuck i will put in the grave and rest

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Not sure if this belongs here, but here we go. I recently came across a post from a parent asking how to help a child stop "saving"/hoarding toys? The young child was "saving" toys and refusing to play with them for fear of damaging them. When I read that it was like being kicked in the face and I suddenly remembered how much stuff *I* hoarded/saved when I was a kid/through young teen. I had all these stickers and temporary tattoos that I was scared to actually use for fear I'd want them in the future and not have them. I hoarded like 3 years worth of holiday candy without eating it so I could "have some later." My dad ended up throwing it all away when my family moved overseas when I was 16. I did end up living in a hoarding house a few years ago and thankfully I was able to just move out and leave it all behind. I was in therapy for other stuff for about 10 years but stopped going regularly because I kept having to change therapists and it just got overwhelming (just unlucky, I was not therapist shopping: one therapist sexually harassed me, the next one started going through a divorce and needed time off, next one started having health issues and had to take time off, and the last one ended up moving out of state). I'm now pregnant and know I'm at increased risk for post-partum depression. Should I go ahead and try to get back into therapy now, or wait and see? Ftr I do have diagnoses of OCD and bipolar II, but my symptoms are being well controlled by medication.