u/tiny_hamburglar

I am expecting #3 but I'm super unsure and anxious. I'm honestly intimidated by being outnumbered.

For those of you who made the jump: what changed about how you parent once you hit 3?

Specifically I'd love to hear:

• What do you do when all three need you at once and you're at your limit?
• What systems, routines, or mental shifts actually made a difference?
• What did you have to let go of (standards, habits, expectations)?

I'd love to hear any and all advice. Practical hacks, mindset shifts, mantras, or the completely unhinged stuff that just works. I know a lot of people say "it's chaos but worth it", but I'm hoping for more helpful tips.

Some context: My husband is WFH and gets a good amount of family leave (6 months). My oldest is 6 (going into 1st grade) and my youngest is 1.5 (in full time daycare) I would continue to work part time after being on leave with baby for 6-9 months.

If I struggle with 2, should I even have 3?

I have always thought that parents of 3 are a special kind of person. The kind of person that can roll with the punches, not take things too seriously, be ok with chaos, noise, and mess. The kind of person who says: this is a circus but I love my monkeys (or however that saying goes).

I don’t think I am that kind of person.

I deal with CPTSD. I often feel anxious and overstimulated as a mom of two (6yo and 1.5yo). I have to work so hard to stay calm when my 6yo is demanding me to read him something, my husband and I are packing lunches, and my 1.5yo is crying for more breakfast. I love them so much but there are times when I want to (and actually do) scream. I know this is normal but I also hate it about myself.

I never thought of having 3 (I am an older sister to 1 brother and my husband is an only child, so it was never our dream to have 3).

We had to work really hard for our two kids (IVF), I was never able to get pregnant naturally. We thought we were done. But now I’m pregnant. And I’m scared.

Do I terminate out of fear that I can’t handle a 3rd child?

My husband and I are very unsure. He is leaning towards having a 3rd, he is willing to adapt and take on the extra work of a 3rd in favor of growing our family, but also doesn’t want me to get buried by it all. He sees my fear and my hesitation. I feel supported by him.

I feel like we would need to make big changes to get the emotional support I need. Like commit to weekly therapy and taking time to do something to maintain my sense of self. We’d need to tighten up our communication, team work, and parenting skills.

I feel inklings of desire to know who this 3rd child could be.. but those feelings are drowned out by my fear/shame of who I am as an overwhelmed mother. I also am scared to terminate and feel like I gave up out of fear.

Financially it would be a stretch but we can do it.

I have my mom close by and she can offer some help.

I have a close community of mom friends that are also here for emotional support.

But there are moments when I lose my control, I get angry and scared and don’t cope well at all. My oldest sees it. And I just know that having a 3rd will increase the stress and my stress tolerance is already so low.

I know no one can answer this for me. But I just wonder how parents of 3 handle it, especially if you have had a traumatic childhood and/or CPTSD as well.

Edit: Should also add, I am 40.

Mom of a 6yo and 1.5yo here. My oldest is strong-willed, he will rarely cry, get scared, or back down when my husband or I lose our temper and yell at him. He just digs in harder. He's smart and verbal, so he pushes and argues. I'm working on holding boundaries calmly ("my answer isn't changing"), and sometimes I manage it.

But lately I've been losing my shit over stuff that doesn't warrant it. This morning it was missing soccer shorts while we were already running late. By the time we found them, I had zero time to get myself ready, and I was livid. I was frustrated with him, but I was also just really mad at myself for not being able to just let him be upset and walk away.

I went and screamed repeatedly in my room, deep guttural screams. (family definitely heard). It didn't make me feel better. Neither did the wave of self-hate after.

I'm in therapy, working through my own stuff (grew up with a volatile dad and an emotionally unavailable mom), and I think I overcorrect by being hyper-attentive to my kids' needs until I burn out and flip my lid.

Does this happen to other parents? Why does it feel like it's getting worse? How do you manage your meltdowns? How the fuck am I going to handle teenage years?

Mom of a 6yo and 1.5yo here. My oldest is strong-willed, he will rarely cry, get scared, or back down when my husband or I lose our temper and yell at him. He just digs in harder. He's smart and verbal, so he pushes and argues. I'm working on holding boundaries calmly ("my answer isn't changing"), and sometimes I manage it.

But lately I've been losing my shit over stuff that doesn't warrant it. This morning it was missing soccer shorts while we were already running late. By the time we found them, I had zero time to get myself ready, and I was livid. I was frustrated with him, but I was also just really mad at myself for not being able to just let him be upset and walk away.

I went and screamed repeatedly in my room, deep guttural screams. (family definitely heard). It didn't make me feel better. Neither did the wave of self-hate after.

I'm in therapy, working through my own stuff (grew up with a volatile dad and an emotionally unavailable mom), and I think I overcorrect by being hyper-attentive to my kids' needs until I burn out and flip my lid.

Does this happen to other parents? Why does it feel like it's getting worse? How do you manage your meltdowns? How the fuck am I going to handle teenage years?

Curious how many here have both Hashimotos and Rosacea. I'm scanning this medical paper about how rosacea could be an auto-immune response to the demodex mites....? I am not a medical professional by any means, but i'm just curious about this auto-immune perspective.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

I am working with kuretake gansai tambi watercolors (48 colors). This set has a handful of opaque colors. The opaque colors aren't considered gouache.... are they?

I'm painting a big family portrait (36" x 24") and it's mostly transparent colors right now. As I begin to refine the faces and other details, I am starting to use more opaque colors to layer and correct shapes.

First photo is all transparent watercolor.
Second photo I've started to rework the face with opaque colors.

Do opaque colors dry darker than transparent colors? I'm struggling with how dark they're drying. Can I get "brighter" lights with gouache tubes vs. these kuretake gansai tambi watercolors I'm using?

Questions:
- What are some good examples of opaque and transparent watercolor together?
- Is the painting going to feel less cohesive to have some areas really built up in opacity while others are very transparent?
- I can't seem to get the opaque lights to feel BRIGHT, like where i let the paper act as white (the t-shirt is a good example). It feels like the opaque lights are drying darker (particularly the nose/upper lip). Is this because I'm not mixing it thick enough? Too thin? Or do the opaques actually dry darker?

https://preview.redd.it/13k419hp2l6h1.jpg?width=501&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=55c27bb2e75c8098993945b601a0a566c8f2866f

https://preview.redd.it/angezahp2l6h1.jpg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=734883fd98ef15e657c3256c6b2461c9048b725f