(Only one of the multiple spot where I coughed blood) 20m smoke between 3 and 6 cig a day I already at the hospital but I’m stressed as fuck I would like if anybody could give a guess about what it could be
I just need to say how much of bad human she is
English is not my main languages sorry if it’s bad
We were together for 4 years. at the 6 month mark (I was 16) while I was on 5g of shroom (she just smoked weed which was basically sober for her )I came out as bi because I trusted her and felt confortable around her .later that night we had had sex and she did butt stuff to me but it felt horrible I cried while she was doing it and was way to high to be capable a speech and it took her a while before she noticed and stopped and when she did stopped she was mad that I didn’t like it and went to sleep. I bottle everything up and didn’t talk about it .
Fast forward last month, we broke up and I decided I should tell her because it was horrible to live with and I didn’t have the strength to keep it to myself I told her that it happened and how it made me feel she answered with absolutely no emotion or remorse(sorry I just want you to know I didn’t want you to feel this way) then I told her how I didn’t feel confortable in our sex live and that I couldn’t say no to her because i was scarred she would be mad again and she fucking answer that with (did you think I was pretty ) how could she answer that I’m talking about how feeling raped affected me and all she could answer is that. I can’t believe and lived with a person as shity as that.
Now I haven’t talk to her since the breakup but I’ve heard from close friends who talked with her that she’s putting herself in the victim position and that she told I was aggressive while I was telling her (I was crying) I’ve heard one of her friend tell that It was fucktop that I told her just to make her feel bad which wasn’t the point I don’t understand why I don’t have the right to be the victim fuck I mean my own body discust me I cut my thighs all over while going crazy because I hated my own body and wanted to make the filth disappear I tried to kms to escape this damned body of mine but she is seen as the victim and I can’t fucking live with that thought
It stopped bleeding and I feel nothing right now I’m trying something before cuting again
I feel so super fucking wack and this make me want to cut even more
My ex stopped me from watching anime because of sexualisation and now that we’re not together I’m trying to catch up on what came out any recommendations?
Sorry if my text is messy English is not my main language
When I told my gf I was bi my she wanted to try thing so we did but I was on 5g of shroom and I really didn’t like it and cried while she was doing thing but I was to high to talk and I kind of blocked the memory fast forward 3 years later we broke up and I told her I felt raped and how it affected our sexual lives and I couldn’t really say no to her. Then I heard about mutual friend that she thinks we had that discussion just so I could make her feel guilty. Idk how to feel my own body disgust me
Sorry if my text is messy English is not my main language
When I told my ex I was bi my she wanted to try thing so we did but I was on 5g of shroom and I really didn’t like it and cried while she was doing thing but I was to high to talk and I kind of blocked the memory fast forward 3 years later we broke up and I told her I felt raped and how it affected our sexual lives and I couldn’t really say no to her. Then I heard about mutual friend that she thinks we had that discussion just so I could make her feel guilty. Idk how to feel my own body disgust me
My text might not make any sense I’m just venting
It’s been 5 days since we broke up and we’ve been together for 4 years(we lived together for 3years and a half )the break up was kind of mutual she wasn’t sure about feels and I wasn’t feeling good with the way we were living our life so it made it kind of easy to let go but last night when I saw her leaving the bar with someone else it was just horrible it brought back lot of memories and feelings but at the same time she didn’t look pretty anymore and that felt good and weird I just feel so used she always told me it would take her a week to stop feeling bad and meet new people but I never believed it would actually be that fuck that shit I can’t believe i stayed for 4 years chasing her fucking love