My man had a drinking problem, but was otherwise a loyal and caring man as far as I could tell.
When we started talking about moving in together I checked his phone for the first time - expecting nothing... I immediately found messages to his coworker about him wanting to cheat on me and asking her if it was bad. She was known at his work as someone who sleeps with a lot of men so I don't think him asking her was innocent- especially after she said she regularly cheats so "it cant be that bad".
When I confronted him he convinced me it was nothing - that I was overreacting and that he loved me, wanted me, wanted to marry me and live with me and eventually I started believing I was the problem for reading his messaages when he was just "talking shit".
The sti checks came back clear and I decided to try seeing him again with extreme caution, but the trust was broken he started to drink more and act more aggressively when we disagreed about stuff.
I felt like he couldn't handle even small disagreements without blowing up - and he had a shitty misogynistic housemate in his ear all the time which didnt help. I still believed he wasnt a bad man at heart and was just in a stressful time in his life and that he loved me. I know, I was an idiot.
One night I had a gut feeling he was still lying about cheating so I went to his house and didnt even get through the door before hearing him loudly having video chat sex with a stripper next to an open window.
My heart broke and I collapsed on the cold tiles and listened as they planned their motel room and laughed at my naivety...
fuck it hurt.
Hearing him say he'd only stayed with me because he felt sorry for me and had been "looking for an out" for ages. It just completely broke me. His words played in my head over and over, it was like listening to an entirely different man, not my man. I couldn't take much more and left and threw up.
He'd been telling me he wanted to get married and have kids and I believed every word. We were going to live together. I was ride or die. My vision of the future was with him, he was my best friend and I thought we were happy together.
Afterward he blamed me for his cheating - first saying my insecurity had pushed him away - Later he claimed he'd only been talking rubbish.
By then I had seen enough to know I couldn't trust him anymore and that he had probably been doing this often if the two times I checked stuff I essily found stuff.
When I left him - he threatened to drink himself to death. I went to check on him and he ended up pulling a large knife on me before he collpased from drinking and passed out. I panicked and left - and he later turned up angry at my unit that night. The police became involved as he had been threatening to kill me and I was absolutely terrified that he would break in and do it.
The hardest part is the greif. Grieving someone who's still alive. Feeling the emptiness of where he used to hold me. Having no one to cook with and laugh with and watch new things and plan for the future with. He is gone. Im not sure he ever existed in the first place or if it was truly all lies.
I know he never actually cared, I know I was just an easy target, but fuck man I wish I hadn't fallen so deeply. Grief and fear is terrible and Ive lost nealry 3kg from stress already. It feels like someone has suddenly died and I have no emotional support and am expected to just keep going.
I thought I'd found the person I'd spend my life with. Losing the person I trusted most has left every day feeling like walking through thick mud, with no fire in my heart. I can't even eat.
I just needed to rant
My cat Eddie is booked in for surgery tomorrow and I truly can't thank everyone enough for donating and helping me when everything else in my life had gone to sh*t.
Words can't express how grateful I am for these donations, I have been sick with worry and now I know he is going to feel a lot better very soon and I wish I could express how much this means to me.
Bless you all. Truly. I will never forget this.
I honestly never thought I'd be in a position where I'd have to ask strangers for help but I'm completely out of options and desperate.
My cat urgently needs surgery, and the thought of him being in pain is killing me every day. I'm doing absolutely everything I can, but I just don't have the money.
I recently left a relationship that ended violently, my rent has doubled, and everything has kind of fallen apart at once. I've been selling my belongings on Marketplace, asking old employers if they have any work for additional income, and applying for every job I can find but it's still not enough and I dont know what to do.
I'm so sorry to even be asking this, but if anyone is able to spare anything at all i would be so incredibly grateful. Every cent will go towards his surgery and getting him out of pain. If you can't donate, sharing my fundraiser would mean the world
The vet said its $800AUD (around ,$530US) to put him under and clean his teeth and then remove the infected fang and for his medicine to take home after the surgery.
I wouldn't be doing this unless I genuinely had no other choice. Thank you so much for reading.
He is my baby boy and the only good thing in my life right now and I feel like a complete failure.
I have read that getting seed samples from successful local trees means a better chance of survival- would anyone be willing to share a spare orange, mandarin, tangerine, apple, tomato or berry or anything else that grows well in your garden so we can try to start our own? We would be forever grateful!
He claims he was asking his friend (a younger coworker he had described as slutty) about her perspective on cheating and says nothing happened - even though he continues to say he is trying to find someone to hook up with.
there's a 2am message from her later the same night asking for help for her uber home... they had each others numbers and he was texting me that he missed me while also texting her this stuff. even if nothing happened to me its pretty clear he is fishing to see if she would hook up with him and that hurts so bad.
He is quite angry telling me I am delusional and overreacting and keeps making me feel insane and like I am abusing him for having being upset or not believing him.
There were "wyd" messages to her every day we werent together since that date too but he claims he is like that with all his friends, but I think its all because he is upset and embarrassed I found the messages and is trying to spin stuff now to save face.
i feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest
edit
Im female, I worded it confusingly.
I saw the messages because he was using an older phone of mine while his was broken.
We have broken up but he has been trying to tell me it was innocent and he was naive - but he has also been insulting my intelligence for saying I cant trust him anymore and claiming I am being cruel by not wanting to try to figure things out because nothing came of it.
He is very convincing and I do love him a lot but this couldn't be clearer to me, so I just need some 3rd part perspectives to make sure I am not somehow crazy and that this is as devastating as jt comes across. I havent slept or eaten much so it's difficult for me not to mix between rage and pure grief over losing him and losing trust in people in general