Confront other woman?
I discovered my on and off again boyfriend of 3 years has been sleeping with someone else the entire time. I would like to inform the other person of our relationship but don’t know what claim to make.
I don’t actually know who was being cheated on—me or her. I’m thinking she was. He and I started dating August 2023. In February 2024, he informed me he just had a child born in January 2024, and claimed he didn’t know about the pregnancy until then, and that he’d just done dna testing to confirm the child was his. For some dumb reason, I didn’t question this.
In July 2024 I went no contact due to lots of issues in general with the relationship.
In March 2026 I decided to answer one of his DMs (he reached out on LinkedIn, where he wasn’t blocked). He explained he was a changed man etc. We resumed dating.
In April 2026 he finally admitted he had a history with the baby’s mother. I again did not pry much but should have.
Any time his child or his mother came up he’d discuss how much he hated her and how she trapped him etc which I just didn’t really respond to bc I don’t believe in ppl trapping ppl with kids.
In June 2026, I found his baby’s mother’s social media, where she had a single photo pinned to the top of her profile of him (back facing the camera). He’s not in any other photos or anywhere else on her profile, which is public.
Anyway, one night my bf wasn’t answering his phone, which was odd. I looked up the baby’s mom’s address and went to it to see if his car was there and surely it was—at 11pm. It was still there at 1am.
When I confronted him about this, he said he was visiting his son there bc he hurt his foot and couldn’t take care of him on his own. He stated he took a pain killer and fell asleep. When I protested this as an acceptable story, he added that he was friends with her cousin, who was also there that night, so he wanted to hang.
That gave me the context for the whole three years, because I have more background knowledge of this cousin of the bm and his relationship with the cousin—they go way back, and have spent lots of time together, which means he’s spent lots of time with this baby’s mama. It put other inconsistencies and difficulties in our relationship from the first year into perspective.
So, at first I felt I was being cheated on. Now, I feel she was being cheated on, which makes me feel really shitty. Not guilty but like I’m trash. I don’t want to just be like, “look what your boyfriend did”, nor do I want to say “stop messing with my man” because I don’t want him anymore. But don’t think just letting him get off Scott freee is right.
So, what exactly do I say to her? I plan to send her an anonymous letter with photos, screenshots, call logs, etc without my face, name, or phone number so I don’t need to do any follow up or be harassed by her or anything.