u/Additional_Sand_4174

**My (36f) partner (38m) just told me he wants to just be friends after he initiated contact after I went no contact following very little contact from him following reconciliation after infidelity. I keep getting stuck in this mental loop feeling guilty for my reactions to his behavior although his behavior is what’s in conflict with our relationship and my reactions are just reflections of the pain of the conflict. I don’t understand why we’d get back together just for him to breakup with me and I don’t see why if I was no longer contacting him he felt the need to tell me we should just be friends.**

**This period of conflict and repair has been going on 9 weeks, and I cry nearly every day and spend lots of time consumed by what has gone wrong. I feel I cannot live without this man and feel absolutely stuck about what to do.**

**Background:** We dated from 8/2023 until I went no-contact in 7/2024 after an extremely tumultuous, on-and-off relationship. From the first date, I was pressured into drugs and intimacy, but I went back because the private version of him didn’t match the highly professional, intellectual, socially conscious, successful, and seemingly devoted-father image he presented publicly.

By November 2023, I had identified what I saw as narcissistic traits: grandiosity and lying about his job while projecting wealth; lack of empathy when he ghosted me and focused on my reactions instead of his behavior; gaslighting and compulsive lying, including rewriting an incident in which he was physically violent with me as though we’d had a good time; false or embellished stories about his child’s mother; controlling/devaluing behavior around where I could sit, what I could say, and what we could discuss; and intense idealization/love-bombing alternating with complete disinterest.

He was also a highly functional heavy drinker who drank throughout the day and used hard drugs at least weekly, while maintaining an active social life of expensive dinners and sporting events that I was never invited to.

The majority of our visits involved us scrolling phones, a lecture from him about my behavior, and bdsm and other fetishized s3x that I never consented to or liked.

In 2/2024, a newborn child came into the picture; he claimed he hadn’t known the mother was pregnant and barely knew her, which I believed at the time. By 4/2024, the repeated ghosting, love-bombing, breakups, and reconciliations had left me severely depressed enough to enter a PHP program. At this point I was completely convinced I was dealing with a narcissistic person.

I finally ended things in 7/2024, after numerous failed attempts because the attachment was so strong. At that point, I believed I’d figured out the dynamic and concluded that I had essentially been reduced to someone who provided him sex/attention and narcissistic supply. Afterward, he repeatedly contacted me through different platforms, although I ignored all his messages, despite thinking of and missing him every day.

**2026:** In 3/2026, I unexpectedly responded to one of his LinkedIn DMs. We quickly began constant texting and long phone calls daily. For the first time, he seemed genuinely curious about me, apologized for his past behavior, and claimed he was changed through therapy. He said he rarely went out, drank, or used drugs and mostly worked and spent time with his kids. We had playdates with our boys, coworking/coffee dates, movie nights, karaoke, bar hopping, and he came to my home. He became increasingly open and affectionate, and our conversations and sex felt much more intimate than before. I started believing something really had changed.

But the inconsistencies returned. He continued going out almost every weekend, often left plans with me unconfirmed until the last minute, and his communication between visits gradually decreased. He was still drinking every day and using drugs every weekend. He was even sometimes drunk while working from home. When I told him I was losing interest because of the inconsistency, he said I was lucky he had forgiven me for saying that.

Then he abruptly disappeared for more than 24 hours while remaining active on social media. I blocked him and later found his child’s mother’s social media, where she had his photo pinned.

When I confronted him, he focused on how invasive it was that I’d looked her up and said she was crazy. We reconciled, but he ghosted again about 2 weeks later for a day. I drove to his child’s mother’s house that night and found his car there. He lied about where he was, then claimed he was there to see his son because his foot was badly swollen and he’d fallen asleep there. I didn’t believe him.

The aftermath was chaotic. I expressed how hurt and betrayed I felt, while he focused on my lack of sympathy for his injured foot and the sudden death of an uncle. He continued denying that he’d slept with his child’s mother and gave me another explanation for why he was at her house, revealing even more things he’d lied about in regards to their relationship.

He continued to initiate contact to discuss every day things like nothing happened. I eventually told him I wouldn’t speak to him anymore unless he took accountability, and he stopped contacting me. I felt devastated that he seemed willing to let me go rather than give up the secrecy.

I eventually contacted him again, he became emotional and told me how much he loved and missed me, but pointed the finger at me for my “actions”—which was checking for him at his baby’s mother’s house and being so heated about the situation. I ended up apologizing for not giving him enough space to grieve his uncle but refused to apologize for anything else.

The next day, he invited me to dinner to discuss our relationship. It started out warm but quickly turned into a lecture from him about how I was crazy, the first year of our relationship meant nothing, and we’d only been on three dates. My mind was blown and I was extremely hurt. It was mentally exhausting and I’m pretty sure people were looking at us. When he asked me why I thought he valued our relationship, I tapped my phone aggressively, referencing his texts where he literally said so. I eventually left before we got the check because it genuinely didn’t seem he even wanted me there. He then called and insisted I get out of my car and walk back to his apartment with him, and yelled at me about how he’d spent $100 on dinner.

I refused his calls for a few days, but eventually missed him immensely and called to let him know I was thinking about him. He invited me over the next day, where we went out for food and drinks again. He was much warmer and affectionate and we had tons of fun and also shared very personal stories with each other. We went for a lakeside bike ride and made love for hours. He expressed how he stopped drinking during the week and reduced his drug use and was working out regularly. He said he wasn’t going out and was just focused on work and his kids. We agreed we’d be exclusive and that we’d spend more time together to build trust.

The day after, communication dropped significantly, to the point it felt we had no relationship at all. We were not seeing each other yet he was going out with others. After several days when I called him out on it, he said he was still afraid id disturb his peace. I took that to mean he was doing things that would cause me to want to disturb said peace, so I said maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore. He was then puzzled as to why.

A few days later, he invited me over to his dad’s, which is closer to my house than his, and is bigger and nicer. We had a fabulous time together—even more personal and intimate than before. But after we had s3x he immediately started a fight with me. he showed me a photo of one of his nights out from the week before to show there were no women there and I wasn’t fully satisfied by it. He then questioned the legitimacy of my feelings against the label of our relationship, which led me to storm out. The door closed harder than I expected it to, and it apparently woke the neighbors, who complained to his dad who complained to him. Honest to god, this was not the type of slam to shake a house or wake anyone up—it was audible but it was not an intentional slam.

I then got a flurry of texts from him that said he loved me so much but that he found me “dangerous” and felt I’d “destroy” him if I ever found a reason to. I hadn’t even interpreted the fight to be that big of a deal and was surprised when he refused to talk to me the next day saying he was upset with me.

He invited me over the day after that where we had another great time with lots of affection, laughs, and deeply personal and intimate conversations. We made love all night long.

The next day, it was back to practically no contact. After several days of this, I asked what was going on. He explained that it was due to tapping my phone loudly and slamming the door. I expressed confusion by this, and he invited me over. Then he changed his mind. The next day I asked if he was still not talking to me, and he said as long as I still wasn’t taking accountability, he wasn’t. I acknowledged how my behavior affected him and there wasn’t much else I could do. He didn’t speak to me the rest of the day. He called and texted in the middle of the night, and when I called back in the morning, I got no response. I tried again in the evening - no response. I got the feeling that this whole time he was seeing or talking to other people, and that’s why he didn’t feel the need to talk to me. When I didn’t get a call back, I blocked him, because the silence made me so uncomfortable and I felt stupid participating in a relationship where I was being ignored.

A few days later, I unblocked him. He texted me that night not saying much of anything. Then called me in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. Then when I returned his call the next day, never called me back. I shared how hurtful the confusion was in a text that night. In the morning, he responded that he told me he doesn’t keep in touch like that, and that he told me he doesn’t do girlfriends, and that’s what I want. He then went on to say how I had blocked him and refused my attempts to be warm with him. He then said we should just be friends.

**Tl;dr: lover previously believed to be very narcissistic turned sort of non-narcissistic but continued narcissistic behavior. I now don’t understand why we’re broken up or who was wrong or why we got back together just to break up for no reason. Is it because that is exactly what narcissistic abuse does, or am I just overthinking, or am I/are we just nut cases in general?**

Does anyone know if Facebook will respond this way simply because someone reports your profile? Ir would there need to be another reason?

I got the notification Facebook took steps to protect my account since it appeared I was hacked, but all comments were authentic and nothing seemed suspicious. Luckily I was able to get back in despite not knowing my current password.

I recently posted a photo that someone called me about today, and 18 mins later was when I got the notification from Facebook.

**My (36f) partner (38m) just told me he wants to just be friends after he initiated contact after I went no contact following very little contact from him following reconciliation after infidelity. I keep getting stuck in this mental loop feeling guilty for my reactions to his behavior although his behavior is what’s in conflict with our relationship and my reactions are just reflections of the pain of the conflict. I don’t understand why we’d get back together just for him to breakup with me and I don’t see why if I was no longer contacting him he felt the need to tell me we should just be friends.**

**This period of conflict and repair has been going on 9 weeks, and I cry nearly every day and spend lots of time consumed by what has gone wrong. I feel I cannot live without this man and feel absolutely stuck about what to do.**

**Background:** We dated from 8/2023 until I went no-contact in 7/2024 after an extremely tumultuous, on-and-off relationship. From the first date, I was pressured into drugs and sex, but I went back because the private version of him didn’t match the highly professional, intellectual, socially conscious, successful, and seemingly devoted-father image he presented publicly.

By November 2023, I had identified what I saw as narcissistic traits: grandiosity and lying about his job while projecting wealth; lack of empathy when he ghosted me and focused on my reactions instead of his behavior; gaslighting and compulsive lying, including rewriting an incident in which he yelled at me, pulled my hair, and slapped me as though we’d had a good time; false or embellished stories about his child’s mother; controlling/devaluing behavior around where I could sit, what I could say, and what we could discuss; and intense idealization/love-bombing alternating with complete disinterest.

He was also a highly functional heavy drinker who drank throughout the day and used cocaine at least weekly, while maintaining an active social life of expensive dinners and sporting events that I was never invited to. In 2/2024, a newborn child came into the picture; he claimed he hadn’t known the mother was pregnant and barely knew her, which I believed at the time. By 4/2024, the repeated ghosting, love-bombing, breakups, and reconciliations had damaged my self-esteem and left me severely depressed enough to enter a PHP program. I don’t remember every example I had documented then, but I was completely convinced I was dealing with a narcissistic person.

I finally ended things in 7/2024, after numerous failed attempts because the attachment was so strong. At that point, I believed I’d figured out the dynamic and concluded that I had essentially been reduced to someone who provided him sex/attention and narcissistic supply. Afterward, he repeatedly contacted me through different platforms, although I ignored all his messages, despite thinking of and missing him every day.

**2026:** In 3/2026, I unexpectedly responded to one of his LinkedIn DMs. We quickly began constant texting and long phone calls daily. For the first time, he seemed genuinely curious about me, apologized for his past behavior, and claimed he was changed through therapy. He said he rarely went out, drank, or used drugs and mostly worked and spent time with his kids. We had playdates with our boys, coworking/coffee dates, movie nights, karaoke, bar hopping, and he came to my home. He became increasingly open and affectionate, and our conversations and sex felt much more intimate than before. I started believing something really had changed.

But the inconsistencies returned. He continued going out almost every weekend, often left plans with me unconfirmed until the last minute, and his communication between visits gradually decreased. He was still drinking every day and using coke every weekend. He was even sometimes extremely drunk while working from home. When I told him I was losing interest because of the inconsistency, he said I was lucky he had forgiven me for saying that.

Then he abruptly disappeared for more than 24 hours while remaining active on social media. I blocked him and later found his child’s mother’s social media, where she had his photo pinned.

When I confronted him, he focused on how invasive it was that I’d looked her up and said she was crazy. We reconciled, but he ghosted again about 2 weeks later for a day. I drove to his child’s mother’s house that night and found his car there. He lied about where he was, then claimed he was there to see his son because his foot was badly swollen and he’d fallen asleep there. I didn’t believe him.

The aftermath was chaotic. I expressed how hurt and betrayed I felt, while he focused on my lack of sympathy for his injured foot and the sudden death of an uncle. He continued denying that he’d slept with his child’s mother and gave me another explanation for why he was at her house, revealing even more things he’d lied about in regards to their relationship.

He continued to initiate contact to discuss every day things like nothing happened. I eventually told him I wouldn’t speak to him anymore unless he took accountability, and he stopped contacting me. I felt devastated that he seemed willing to let me go rather than give up the secrecy.

I eventually contacted him again, he became emotional and told me how much he loved and missed me, but pointed the finger at me for my “actions”—which was checking for him at his baby’s mother’s house and being so heated about the situation. I ended up apologizing for not giving him enough space to grieve his uncle but refused to apologize for anything else.

The next day, he invited me to dinner to discuss our relationship. It started out warm but quickly turned into a lecture from him about how I was crazy, the first year of our relationship meant nothing, and we’d only been on three dates. My mind was blown and I was extremely hurt. It was mentally exhausting and I’m pretty sure people were looking at us. When he asked me why I thought he valued our relationship, I tapped my phone aggressively, referencing his texts where he literally said so. I eventually left before we got the check because it genuinely didn’t seem he even wanted me there. He then called and insisted I get out of my car and walk back to his apartment with him, and yelled at me about how he’d spent $100 on dinner.

I refused his calls for a few days, but eventually missed him immensely and called to let him know I was thinking about him. He invited me over the next day, where we went out for food and drinks again. He was much warmer and affectionate and we had tons of fun and also shared very personal stories with each other. We went for a lakeside bike ride and made love for hours. He expressed how he stopped drinking during the week and reduced his drug use and was working out regularly. He said he wasn’t going out and was just focused on work and his kids. We agreed we’d be exclusive and that we’d spend more time together to build trust.

The day after, communication dropped significantly, to the point it felt we had no relationship at all. We were not seeing each other yet he was going out with others. After several days when I called him out on it, he said he was still afraid id disturb his peace. I took that to mean he was doing things that would cause me to want to disturb said peace, so I said maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore. He was then puzzled as to why.

A few days later, he invited me over to his dad’s, which is closer to my house than his, and is bigger and nicer. We had a fabulous time together—even more personal and intimate than before. But after we had sex he immediately started a fight with me after he showed me a photo of one of his nights out from the week before and I wasn’t fully satisfied by it. He then questioned the legitimacy of my feelings against the label of our relationship, which led me to storm out. The door closed harder than I expected it to, and it apparently woke the neighbors, who complained to his dad who complained to him. Honest to god, this was not the type of slam to shake a house or wake anyone up—it was audible but it was not an intentional slam.

I then got a flurry of texts from him that said he loved me so much but that he found me “dangerous” and felt I’d “destroy” him if I ever found a reason to. I hadn’t even interpreted the fight to be that big of a deal and was surprised when he refused to talk to me the next day saying he was upset with me.

He invited me over the day after that where we had another great time with lots of affection, laughs, and deeply personal and intimate conversations. We made love all night long.

The next day, it was back to practically no contact. After several days of this, I asked what was going on. He explained that it was due to tapping my phone loudly and slamming the door. I expressed confusion by this, and he invited me over. Then he changed his mind. The next day I asked if he was still not talking to me, and he said as long as I still wasn’t taking accountability, he wasn’t. I acknowledged how my behavior affected him and there wasn’t much else I could do. He didn’t speak to me the rest of the day. He called and texted in the middle of the night, and when I called back in the morning, I got no response. I tried again in the evening - no response. I got the feeling that this whole time he was seeing or talking to other people, and that’s why he didn’t feel the need to talk to me. When I didn’t get a call back, I blocked him, because the silence made me so uncomfortable and I felt stupid participating in a relationship where I was being ignored.

A few days later, I unblocked him. He texted me that night not saying much of anything. Then called me in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. Then when I returned his call the next day, never called me back. I shared how hurtful the confusion was in a text that night. In the morning, he responded that he told me he doesn’t keep in touch like that, and that he told me he doesn’t do girlfriends, and that’s what I want. He then went on to say how I had blocked him and refused my attempts to be warm with him. He then said we should just be friends.

**Tl;dr: lover previously believed to be very narcissistic turned sort of non-narcissistic but continued narcissistic behavior. I now don’t understand why we’re broken up or who was wrong or why we got back together just to break up for no reason. Is it because that is exactly what narcissistic abuse does, or am I just overthinking, or am I/are we just nut cases in general?**

A month and a half ago I discovered my boyfriend of several months spending the night at his baby’s mom’s house, whom he had claimed to hate, although he’s an active father. He claimed he fell asleep there after taking pain killers for an injured foot and was there to see his son because he couldn’t leave with him due to his foot injury. He denies sleeping with her but there are so many inconsistencies in his behavior and communication that I don’t buy it. Like why do you think I had to go see in the first place?

He and I rekindled our relationship earlier this year after nearly 2 years no contact (which I initiated). We were first together about one year.

It was during that first leg of the relationship I found out about the child. As in, about 4 months in, he announced he had a child born by a woman he barely knew and didn’t know of the baby til it was born. Idk why I believed him but during the new leg of the relationship (this year) he told me he did actually have a history with her and he was very sorry for lying.

Anyway, I generally prefer not to go “woman to woman” because I don’t need to be going back and forth with some strangers feelings when I’m trying to handle mine and also his to an extent. So I didn’t say anything to her initially. He also told me he had a court date coming up to get partial custody of his son and that he was worried the drama would mess it up.

But, I don’t want him to feel like he can just get away with this, as I’ve learned more information since then that fundamentally changes what our relationship has stood on since 2023. That’s hurtful and he shouldn’t be able to just continue living his life with this woman pain free.

I’m curious to know the cheaters confronted philosophy, if any, on this.

I’m having surgery next week after over 21 years of a very weak and geographically changed vaginal canal which followed the forceps delivery of my child, which resulted in a 4th degree tear.

I’m afraid that after the surgery, it will feel like my 4tj degree tear. I just remember my vagina aching a lot for about two weeks. At that time they advised I sit on a donut (I realize they don’t tell you this anymore). I was also given Valium, which I took for the first 3-4 days.

Is this how bad the surgery will be, or a little better? I was just sore down there a couple or days after the births of my next kids, where I had a 2nd degree tear, a first degree tear, and then no tear.

I’d like to replace my two front teeth with veneers for a faster and more cost effective way of straightening my teeth. The two front ones are the ones needing the most correction and obviously are most visible. I came up with this idea from a cosmetic dentist years ago that I saw for an Invisalign consult.

My dentist said i may still have crooked teeth since the ‘root’ (my term not hers) itself is crooked. She said I could have a mold developed for $200 to see if it’s possible.

What do you guys think?

Fwiw in terms of alignment, I’ve been told my bite is fine, and the correction would take 9-18 months with clear aligners for a little over $5k. I’m being quoted $800 as copay for veneer caps.

Side note: I recently had one of my front teeth filled with composite due to staining in the middle and feel it bubbles or something in the middle now and couldn’t get the dentist to correct it. Also I think she chose the wrong color.

Tl;dr my bf and I fell out of love after doing drugs together. Is it just a coincidence?

My bf (M38) and I (F36) did a couple of dabs of Molly last weekend. Mine were very small as it was my first time and I was scared. He’s done it plenty of times so not sure how much he had but he said he took about the same amount as me. Each dab was spaced several hours apart.

I mostly just felt relaxed and unbothered. I’d say I was a little happier and more affectionate than usual but nothing extreme like I’ve heard others describe.

Anyway, we had a great night, but ever since then, it feels the energy/vibe/chemistry etc between us is just gone. Could it be related to the “trip”? Or is it just a coincidence?

Fwiw we were getting back together after fighting all month over his suspected infidelity. We had been talking on the phone making up for about a week or two, then had dinner together, then the next week (last week) met up and talked and spent this “quality time” together.

So it could also easily just be that he’s still cheating on me and doesn’t really like me much anymore and that I just don’t find him trustworthy enough anymore to be attractive. Like I suddenly have no interest in him.

But we went through this whole process and we seemed to be making up. We had this extremely close night together and it’s almost now like I never knew him. It just seems odd.

I discovered my on and off again boyfriend of 3 years has been sleeping with someone else the entire time. I would like to inform the other person of our relationship but don’t know what claim to make.

I don’t actually know who was being cheated on—me or her. I’m thinking she was. He and I started dating August 2023. In February 2024, he informed me he just had a child born in January 2024, and claimed he didn’t know about the pregnancy until then, and that he’d just done dna testing to confirm the child was his. For some dumb reason, I didn’t question this.

In July 2024 I went no contact due to lots of issues in general with the relationship.

In March 2026 I decided to answer one of his DMs (he reached out on LinkedIn, where he wasn’t blocked). He explained he was a changed man etc. We resumed dating.

In April 2026 he finally admitted he had a history with the baby’s mother. I again did not pry much but should have.

Any time his child or his mother came up he’d discuss how much he hated her and how she trapped him etc which I just didn’t really respond to bc I don’t believe in ppl trapping ppl with kids.

In June 2026, I found his baby’s mother’s social media, where she had a single photo pinned to the top of her profile of him (back facing the camera). He’s not in any other photos or anywhere else on her profile, which is public.

Anyway, one night my bf wasn’t answering his phone, which was odd. I looked up the baby’s mom’s address and went to it to see if his car was there and surely it was—at 11pm. It was still there at 1am.

When I confronted him about this, he said he was visiting his son there bc he hurt his foot and couldn’t take care of him on his own. He stated he took a pain killer and fell asleep. When I protested this as an acceptable story, he added that he was friends with her cousin, who was also there that night, so he wanted to hang.

That gave me the context for the whole three years, because I have more background knowledge of this cousin of the bm and his relationship with the cousin—they go way back, and have spent lots of time together, which means he’s spent lots of time with this baby’s mama. It put other inconsistencies and difficulties in our relationship from the first year into perspective.

So, at first I felt I was being cheated on. Now, I feel she was being cheated on, which makes me feel really shitty. Not guilty but like I’m trash. I don’t want to just be like, “look what your boyfriend did”, nor do I want to say “stop messing with my man” because I don’t want him anymore. But don’t think just letting him get off Scott freee is right.

So, what exactly do I say to her? I plan to send her an anonymous letter with photos, screenshots, call logs, etc without my face, name, or phone number so I don’t need to do any follow up or be harassed by her or anything.

I had a 4th degree tear 21 years ago. I never knew about perineoplasty til recently. I have lots of scar tissue, including excess skin. My vagina is also very spacious and geographical. I tore from front to back that day and had multiple rounds of PT since then.

I’ve primarily sought perineoplasty to remove the excess skin but considered getting the tightening to see if that would improve sex. But I’ve read about it getting too tight. Are there any other risks? I’d consider vaginoplasty too but I think that’s for when you’re done having kids. I’m only 36 and have never been married.

I’ve always felt much looser down there since I gave birth that day. It’s hard to say how wide my vagina is exactly but I can easily move my fingers back and forth without reaching a wall.

I can’t enjoy a partner who is not large. I feel if I had a more “normal” vagina that my sex and love life would improve. Lmk your experiences!