u/Adventurous-Brain-36

In advance, I want to apologize if this is all over the place and long, I’ve written most of this out of anger over the last two days and edited and deleted over and over and I need to know if I’m over reacting or what I should do

I, (28f) attended my brother’s (27 m) wedding 2 days ago and I am so angry with how I was treated at the wedding and the morning after.

Let me explain my relationship with my brother,
N is an asshole and he thinks I’m a loser. We’re both kind of right. We fought A LOT but now as adults we just do mean joking banter and have the same sense of humor.

N has ALWAYS been the golden child. N is my mom’s favorite while I am my dad’s favorite.

As for s (SIL), I don’t really know her. She’s beautiful, quiet, intimidating and occasionally funny. I don’t think we’ve ever really had problems, in fact I liked her but after the wedding I genuinely want nothing to do with her or my brother.

I was asked to be a bridesmaid and I was ecstatic because I loved my brother and his fiancé and I’ve never been in a wedding party before.

I was practically ignored by all of the bridesmaids and my brothers groomsmen acted weird around me even though we were relatively close.

Apparently my dad was the person designated to make sure I “handle” myself and didn’t embarrass them.
In the past I’ve been known to go too ham when it comes to family gatherings but this was my brothers wedding and I wanted to make sure I could do what I can to make sure everything was perfect. I was on my best behavior but kept being approached that I’m being “cut off” or that I need to “chill out”. The only thing I can think of is that I tripped a couple times because my dress was sooooo long and was hard to hold if my hands were full.
Anyway, I made 4 jugs of an alcoholic beverage that a lot of people really loved so I hardly had any, and an extra one for my dad and my boyfriend and I after the wedding, 2 bottles of champagne that I shared with the girls still getting ready and 2 glasses of the wine provided at the wedding.

Left early because my dad was having a hard time (mom brought affair partner), I was bored and just wanted to hangout with my dad and boyfriend and actually get drunk.

Leaving the Airbnb in the morning I realized I had left a few things at the venue so we drove back and I’m legally blind so I didn’t see the dirty looks everyone was giving me but my dad and boyfriend did. I looked around for a sec and I asked if anyone had seen a blue backpack and from upstairs I hear S loudly say, “maybe it’s with the bottles you took” I asked what?
Silence.
So then I ask (I think the mother of the bride) if someone stole alcohol and someone else said someone stole 3 bottles of wine. So I say that it wasn’t me and that we got beer on the way to the Airbnb. I found my things and left.
My dad was livid. I was livid. My boyfriend was livid.

I’m still so upset because that was absolutely humiliating. So, I’ve written 2 draft texts to go to my new oh so lovely sister in law and I’m wondering if I’d be the asshole if I sent one and which one I should send or if anyone has any notes. I want to send it like, yesterday but I want to wait until at least after the honeymoon. These are the drafts.

I’ve been trying so hard to take the high road but I’m so upset and feel like I need to say something so I’m going to hopefully say this in way that it doesn’t come off as an attack.

I don’t need your wine. In fact I only had 2 glasses of the wine provided at the wedding because I actually brought 2 bottles of my own champagne and shared it with the girls coming in and out of the bathroom while I finished getting ready and brought 4 jugs of the alcoholic beverage I made and shared with everyone, and an extra one that I left in my dads cooler for when my dad and boyfriend and I got to the Airbnb where we also got a 12 pack on the way once we left.

I don’t appreciate being accused of stealing bottles in front of your family and a bunch of strangers when I obviously brought enough for myself and others and this could have also been a private conversation between you and me and even N. This misinformation was also obviously spread to what felt like everyone so now I feel like everyone just sees me as Nate’s shitty fuck up of a sister because I’m sure they’ve already heard enough stories.

This interaction wasn’t the only humiliating thing that happened, it was extremely degrading to have multiple people come up to me to tell me I’m being “cut off” or that I need to “chill out”.
I wasn’t drunk. I wasn’t embarrassing. I drank significantly less than I normally do at events and was running on absolutely zero sleep because I stayed up the entire night trying so hard to finish the painting for you two. I did nothing to deserve the treatment I received that night and the following morning. In total I had roughly 5 glasses of wine/ champagne and a small amount of the drink that I made and shared that everyone else pounded.
I left with boyfriend and my dad and I would think that you and N would know better than to think my dad would allow me to steal bottles, even if that would be something I would do.

I feel so humiliated and I hope you guys have a great honey moon or whatever but in my current feelings, the general vibe that was put out to me was so negative and toxic and I feel like you and N think so little of me that I don’t even know why you would have me as a bridesmaid let alone even invite me.

Last but not least, after talking to my mom about this she let me know that she grabbed a bottle of wine on her way out. So there’s your answer to at least one of the bottles i “took”.

An apology would be appreciated but in all honesty, it’s not going to change the fact that everyone thinks I’m some piece of shit for stealing alcohol from my brother and new sister in law’s wedding.
Again, enjoy whatever you guys are doing for your honeymoon.

I honestly don’t want to come off as attacking you but I feel like I am owed a massive apology. To automatically assume I stole wine is so fucking like, I don’t even have the right word for it. I understand now that you and N only see the worst in me. That is so weird that you would jump to that conclusion when I brought 2 bottles of champagne and shared it with some of the girls going in and out of the bathroom. I also brought 4 bottles of an alcoholic beverage that I made that I offered to everyone and an extra one that I kept in my dad’s car for when we left, and got beer on the way to the airbnb. So I obviously didn’t need your wine.
I also found it so degrading that I kept being approached by people saying that I was “cut off” or to “take it easy”. In total I had roughly 4 glasses of wine / champagne and a small amount of one of the drinks that I brought that everyone else pounded. I wasn’t acting drunk, wasn’t being embarrassing, I did nothing to deserve how poorly I was treated and then accused in front of people that I don’t even know. I left with boyfriend and my dad and I would think that you would know better than to think my dad would have allowed that if I had even tried to pull that. This misinformation was also told to what seems like everyone so now I just get to be N’s shitty fuck up of a sister to all of these people and your family. I hope you guys enjoy your honeymoon or whatever but the general vibe that was put out to me was fucked up and I genuinely hope that I can forget the entire night and you humiliating me in front of total strangers the following morning. You guys obviously think so little of me and don’t want anything to do with me and it was made very, very clear the night of the wedding. Btw when I told my mom about this she mentioned that she had taken 1 bottle of wine. So, there’s your answer to at least 1 of the bottles “I took.”

I sent my dad the second one which in my opinion seems to have a lot more anger and animosity in it and this was his response
“Better to say "When you...(action they did), I felt (emotions you felt), I need you to (actions they can do to make up for it)”

Seriously please help me, I don’t want to be dramatic or cause a rift but I am so mad. My dad already plans on talking to my brother about it but I also want to say my piece.

Is anyone still believing this is anywhere near real? It’s so very clearly bs it’s astounding, they need to be far less obvious. It’s actually insulting.

For context, I'm a 29 year old single dad to two kids, my son is 7 and my daughter is 6. My ex and I split when the kids were young and she moved out of state for work, so it's mostly just been me raising them week to week. I work full time and can't swing the cost of an after-school program, so my mom has watched the kids every day after school for the last three years. I've always been grateful for it and honestly never had a reason to question how she handled things over there.

About a month ago, my son's teacher emailed me saying he'd fallen asleep in class twice that week and seemed unusually hungry at lunch, eating other kids leftovers. I asked him about it and he brushed it off, just said grandma's rules. My daughter, who's six and doesn't really filter anything, mentioned offhand that we have to finish all our chores before we're allowed to eat, even if it's really late. I didn't think much of it at first, figured it was just my mom teaching them responsibility, since that's kind of her whole personality.

Then two weeks ago I left work early to take my son to a dentist appointment. I got to my mom's around 6:30 and found him alone on the back patio in the cold, still scrubbing down her patio furniture with a rag. He hadn't eaten anything since a granola bar at lunch. When I asked what was going on, he said he'd talked back to grandma earlier and she told him he wasn't allowed inside or fed until every piece of furniture on the patio was spotless.

I went and found my mom and asked what the hell that was about. She said this is just how she raised us, that kids need consequences that actually mean something, and that I'm raising "soft" kids who've never had to work for anything. I told her four hours of scrubbing furniture in the cold on an empty stomach over talking back isn't discipline, it's just cruel, and she got defensive and said I was overreacting and twisting what she does into something it isn't.

I took the kids home that night and told her I wasn't comfortable with her watching them anymore, at least not without me there. She's furious, says I'm punishing her for caring enough to actually parent when I'm not around, and my sister is telling me I'm blowing this out of proportion since kids survive worse. The problem is I genuinely can't afford an after-school program on my income, and neither of my kids are old enough to be home alone for the four hours between school ending and me getting off work.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do here, but I also don't think I can un-know what I found out. So, AIW for cutting my mom off as their babysitter over this?

I am an admirer, but not very knowledgeable in this context. I had some dishes in my sink this morning and washed out a cup, only used cold water. I noticed right after that there was a beautiful wolf spider in there. I very carefully removed any dishes and she/he was trying frantically to climb out, but couldn’t.

I put a large piece of cardboard next to her/him hoping it would climb on so I could then move it back outside to a safe area. It made a threat display (moving its abdomen up and down several times) and then went very still with its abdomen still upraised and its legs splayed. I thought it might be dead or playing dead at that point and left it alone for a couple of hours. I checked again after and it had moved its abdomen back down and brought its legs in to a more normal countenance and I was so hopeful.

I left it alone until dark knowing they’re nocturnal. It still didn’t move and didn’t react in the slightest to gentle stimuli (blowing on it, very delicately nudging a leg). I very sadly assumed it was dead and used paper towel rolled up to gently put each leg and then its torso carefully on the cardboard, in case by some chance it was still alive, and moved it outside. I put it in a very shaded, pretty hidden spot on a deck with a wide, opaque mug over it propped up on one side for airflow.

Then I read that they can go pretty much unresponsive when moulting and seek out humid places?? Legs were not curled in tight at all, just normal looking. Should I not have moved it? Should I move it back? Apparently it’s dangerous for them to move them when they’re moulting? It’s also quite humid outside. I just feel awful and don’t know what to do; if it is alive, I want to give it the best chance of survival.

I’ve recently come across a theory that the culling of cats during the period directly before the Black Plague, due to the belief that they were witches pets, contributed to the severity and devastation. The claim is that had there been more normal amounts of both house and street cats during that period, they would have killed many of the rats carrying or able to carry the diseased fleas.

Is this a well researched theory?

Rant? Discussion? Both? I am currently on book 5 of the Tairen Soul series. It’s a great story. Lovely prose. Very good world building. Lush descriptiveness, which I quite enjoy. Characters that I’m invested in, many I want to see climb and achieve greatness and joy, others I hope are smote unto the fiery pits of hell.

But. My god. I am more and more convinced that any 4+ book continuous series (with only one exception that comes to mind) could have been made much better by condensing it into a trilogy. I really like this story. I’m also really over it at this point and it’s tainting the experience of the grand finale.

If Tolkien can achieve such utter magnificence in a trilogy, others can certainly cut out the inconsequential fluff to get their series down to three books, too. Enough with the 5, 6, 7+ continuous series when it’s not warranted. I really don’t want to dnf on the fifth and final book, but I also kinda want to.

Who would like to join me in raising fists and yelling at the sky?