u/Affectionate_Bat3241

I haven’t had this long clean outside of treatment in 5 years, but even with my last treatment center (MH not SUD treatment so staying clean wasn’t a priority) I am officially one week away from breaking my record. This month has been shit and life fell apart but without the drugs I have the energy and time to pick up the pieces.

I got injured, someone I loved OD’d, I lost my best friend of 10 years due to toxic behaviors, I was out of income for a month, and I did it all without getting drunk or high to cope.

Life is looking better. It’ll all fall into place.

Had to repost because my last post seemed like an ad for horseradish pickles apparently. So instead I have my last meal photo- birria ramen, lemon pepper wings

Edit: wanna also thank this community for being a part of my mental health/ substance use journey the last 2 months lol. It’s nice to vent to people instead of only journaling!

Added paper so u could see the blue better since my shirt is blue. Also it is normally styled like the last pics I tried a new curl mousse that is not it

I was coming into a pretty intense manic episode and checked myself in. The logic was that my antipsychotics would negate the effects of the mushrooms when I got on them again, and if I went to the hospital I’d have to get back on my meds. So obviously, you take the mushrooms so they don’t go to waste.

So there I was. The brought me into a room with dirty sheets. Then I tried to leave, but they said not to yet. Then I stayed and they put a single bottom sheet on. No blanket or pillow. Then the mushrooms kicked in, and the floor was moving and i actually felt quite chill. I feel like they made my mood swings actually lessen a bit but i was talking to myself for a few hours there. Helped pass the time though, since I didn’t bring a phone charger. Left against medical advice around 12 hours later because I still hadn’t seen a doctor and my parents were coming to get me. Had meaningless sex with a guy that called me a slut and then went to my hometown for a few days and got babysat by my best friend and parents.

Anyways though, I didn’t go to substance focused communities or take the benzos they offered me at the hospital. And I’m feeling more stable now. Only fucked up my job a little, spent $400+ dollars, missed my rent, and called out for a full week and missed class thanks to 3 days of mania lol.

Edit: hospitalized, got with safe people, met with my psych, got meds adjusted, called out of my job as a counselor bc that would be insane to work like this. Eating a lot and sleeping a lot and taking time. Pls be gentle. I’m doing everything I can rn.

Last edit: my supervisor knows exactly what’s going on, and said I’m strong and can return to work when I’m ready. She said she trusts my judgement. Thank u to all nice comments.

I have tried permanent dye from Sally’s but it’s never vivid enough or weirdly ends up just making my hair more faded. Pic attached is it bright vs faded. (About 1-2 mo difference depending on my activity level) I use unicorn hair rn every other month or sooner, but would really like a more permanent solution! (Also i did dye my bangs in the second pic so ignore those they’re supposed to be brown)