Hi there!

I created this subreddit so authors and readers of the queer and neurodivergent communities could network.

I imagined book recommendations, announcements and promotions of books with representation.

I realise I do 99% of the posts here, to keep this community lively.

But I‘m also quite tired.

I work a corporate job, write every evening, and try to share my thoughts online, on different social media.

Only those posts on AI and apparently piracy here generate interactions, and not necessarily positive and supportive responses, though I was not here for that. I am here to read more queer and neurodivergent representation and to help you find it more easily.

This community will now face a challenge.

I know there are so many of you here for the same reason, and I want this space to be yours, not mine.

I can learn much more from all of you than from myself. More than once, some of you came forward and showed me one different perspective. I wish there was more than that.

I want to be the one who, among many others, will come to tell you when also my book is out, or send some free copies to those who need them. I want to see what you’re reading and writing and get excited about it.

One of you once told me, my posts are too „feel good“. Well I do want that. I like kindness, I like support, and I don’t want this subreddit to be another source of frustrated drama.

And I want to be the one who makes sure this place is safe so you can express your opinion without judgment.

I‘ll take a step back now, if I manage to fight against the fear of seeing this project slowly die.

Your contributions, comments, posts will shape this community going forward.

Let me know, always, the type of initiatives that would bring it to the level that you need, or produce that level with your own posts.

Little interactions, upvotes or comments on mine are a sign to me that I don’t write to the standard of reddit users. Or that I haven’t found a way to write to hit the purpose of this community. I was maybe ambitious in creating a subreddit after being only on reddit for a year.

There are so many hidden rules, and so much ruthlessness. Navigating it is still confusing, so instead of hindering this subreddit, I want to ask for you help to make it the place you want.

Take care.

Alexein

Edited: typos, though I‘m sure I didn’t find them all 😂

I know how piracy feels as a consumer.

I want it, but can’t afford it. That was my first thought when I was a kid and the first pirated CD flew under my nose.

But as a creator of art, from paintings to books, I don’t support it, and not for the reasons you think.

It’s not about the money.

It’s about the channel. Especially with Indie authors and creators, it’s so easy to get your book for free.

Here are some ways, from what I’ve learned so far:

ARC Campaign

You can find campaign for advanced reader copies, and read for free in exchange of honest reviews on your preferred channel.

Beta read

If you are a beta reader you can read books before anyone else and contribute to their success. It’s not like reading a popular book, I know, but I assume you read because you like it, not because of a trend

Ask

Pride aside, reaching out to me and ask for a free copy, watermarked maybe, would be totally okay. I can’t speak for all of us, but I would be pleased to know someone wants to read my book but can’t afford it. I’d gladly send you an epub.

Local library

You can ask your libraries the book you want. If it’s available widely (e.g. not only on Amazon) the librarians can add it to their catalog.

Second hand

There are second-hand buying options.

Lending

Ask someone you know to lend you their copy.

Platforms like AO3

You don’t find THAT book, but you find a lot of free writing of any genre.

Low prices by default, heavy promotions

Indie authors often have low prices, especially for epub versions, but they will often launch their books at 99p/99c or have long promotional periods. You can follow them for updates.

I can’t think of anything else, but this helps art being spread in a wholesome way that keeps the creator fairly recognised.

I know someone will come for me, but call it sense of righteousness from autism, or being naive, I think piracy doesn’t hurt anyone more than the creator of the art. Even when you think you’re “fighting the system” you’re actually ignoring hours, months, years of work and not only of the artist, but of the cover artist, editors, and all the money invested to make the book perfect for readers.

I am confusing myself so I need reader‘s advice.

There’s this demon, a woman, who can take shapes of people to influence your mood and mind.

When she turns into a man, I switch the pronoun to he/him. When she turns into a woman, I use she/her.

Should I rather always keep ”she“ because it’s always the same character? Is it confusing if in some paragraphs she turns into several people of different sex and you need to keep up with the changes of pronouns?

Maybe I should post examples but I‘m too self conscious on this draft still.

If you have opinions, let me know!

Authors.

You're here because you write divergently, right?

Let readers know what have you released lately, so they can browse the thread and pick their next read.

I suggest you give

- Title

- Link to pre-orders or orders page (or free website/platform where you publish)

- One paragraph pitch

- Type of representation

Go!

The rush to create often makes me less attentive to details, therefore ruining things. But also, I never know what’s the best choice. Is it from the one from the hype or the one from the counter-hype?

Contradictions one after the other:

- You should write a book
- You have no talent to write a book
- Do character art
- You can’t draw like others why do you try?
- Share the first chapter
- It’s not edited why did you share it?
- Talk about your book
- No one likes that post because your book is shit
- Create the book page on Amazon so you don’t do everything at the last minute but don’t sponsor it
- 5 minutes later: check the pre orders. None? You’re delusional and talentless
- Post something
- It wasn’t interesting why did you post it?
- Check your notifications
- You have no notifications you should quit social media
- Talk about world building and your idea behind
- No one cares about that stuff
- Rest today you’ve written nonstop you need a break
- Why are you on a break? This book won’t write itself
- You wrote two books in English that is great
- Your vocabulary is so small it’s going to flop

🤯We are 185.

Happy to see the Weekly Chat: Reading is attracting more and more people out of their shells to talk about their current reads and recs.

Remember, every Mondaz, both Weekly Chat: Reading and Weekly Chat: Writing are automatically posted and pinned to the community.

I'm also happy to celebrate the first new posts from non-mods authors.

Which reminds me: are you of legal age and would like to become a mod? Let me know.

We also like to host AMA for authors to engage with readers. The first attempt was unfortunately not high in engagement. Drop a comment if you want to give it a try, especially if you are a reader interested in chatting with authors in this community!

Thanks for being here and remember: if the content isn't yet inspiring enough to engage you, make your own inspiring content, this is your place to shine!

The lore in Barriers of Lies is based on metaphors of people who aren’t accepted in modern society but have a place where their minds, behaviours, and wishes are free to manifest and are even key to save society!

On the basis of how society points at marginalised communities like queer and neurodivergent people as things weird, in the world of Noor, their different brain chemistry and functioning is what makes them special.

These five talents, that people known as Elp‘da had before going extinct, represent for me the different coping mechanisms we have.

- Swapping, or the Crafter, is the talent of those who find solace in crafting, creating, making things using anything

- Mixing, or the Alchemist, comes from the maladaptive daydreaming. Imagining things that aren’t there gave me the idea of mixing things from different worlds into one. So trees pop up in a building.

- Disguise, or The Mask, is what all of us do to blend in society. In my book, disguising means taking the face of other people from other worlds to silently perform your mission or achieve your goals.

- Portal, or the Wayfinder, represents our way to find the places where we can function. Sooner or later, we find our spot, sometimes even losing our blood family to build our safe space.

- Vision, or the Seer, because we feel deeply, see patterns where others don’t. Our trauma forces us to stay vigilant and aware.

So what is your talent?

You can find it out at https://www.ahcolt.com/#introtalents

Take care ❤️

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Defining joy is easy for most, hard for those with trauma. Often, they are judged for how they find joy.

A person obsessed with dinosaurs, funko pops, dolls, or video games is a child.

One who reads hundreds of books doesn't have a social life, therefore is a sociopath.

The person who defines joy not by having children and partners but by simply waking up quietly, with the right amount of light, and making coffee, is a loser.

What is joy for you and is it a form that is negatively perceived or judged by the majority?

Based on a post from yesterday, I decided to re-phrase this so it’s open to everyone.

As per title.

Do you expect less mistakes? More inventive tropes? Higher quality? Get more mad if they use AI?

Do you think, representing minorities, they have more responsibility in doing things right?

I live in the periphery of a German city, in a place where in a one kilometer street there's everything, from supermarkets, to bakeries, to restaurants, and outside of it there are only rich people's villas and cute houses and parks.

One of the shops is now close, and an author has installed a pop-up venue (not sure that is the right English word) where they showcase their books.

These books have AI covers, and I am so bitter about it.

I never intentionally stir the pot about AI - there's plenty of ideas around - and I don't think my addition to the conversation can be anything useful besides "It's bad. I don't want it."

But this bothers me.

I'd like to go in and tell them about it, but it is their choice and I get mad about this choice and I wanted to say it out loud.

The reasons why it bothers me are two.

They are clearly a queer author

And I want queer authors to be the best representation of our creative community, not a shallow production of flat, emotionless designs.

There might be so many queer artists willing to create covers, and when a queer author can afford to open a pop-up venue to show their art, then why not invite queer artists to draw their covers and maybe even show their art? Lift the community in front of the quiet of this tiny German place, where families and grandmas go around with their carts and bikes.

A waste of opportunity.

Those who have the face to be loud seem always to be those who are less original

I am constantly afraid to talk about my books.

My biggest fear is to be accused of flat, emotionless and boring prose, maybe even AI prose, when in reality, my debut comes out of seven drafts (those I explicitely numbered, but sometimes one draft were two).

So why am I so afraid, and those who don't spend their time and efforts in creating, are so blatantly open about their thin creations?

I imagine this author screaming, "Look what I've done!" and I will never be in his place, never have the guts to be, and even say sorry when I will try.

Sorry to bother, like I always say.

If there's one thing I wish I learned in this short, unfair life, is that my voice matters.

Instead I'm just bitter about other's voices, but never use mine, and am always afraid that attention, in my case, can only mean rejection.

Sorry for the rant, I hope I don't get hate for this.

We all need it sometimes.

That auntie that said God loves you if you won’t be queer anymore.

That neighbour that complained about your parking.

That book that wasn’t worth your money.

That stimming that was blocked and left you angry.

That thing you never ever told anyone that haunts you.

What’s something you can only say to strangers and let go?

Rules: no judgment, no nsfw, no criminal activities

This is inspired by personal events, and backed by articles I read online.

If anything you read sounds odd, let me know so I can correct it.

My debut novel is called Barriers of Lies, and although the sound of it is catchy (at least to my ears) it came to me based on the theme of trust and untold truths that get repeated and perpetrated throughout the story.

The lies are different.

Lies about the protagonist to themselves, lies between characters, lies to keep a world numb and subject to the desires for control of a Palace.

If you go back to where I take this level of deceit from, you'll be surprised: I take it from my family.

The dynamic I have always seen perpetrated is the following:

1. One person - John - suspects something of person Tom
2. John insists or love bombs person Tom
3. Tom comes out, feeling safe and vulnerable, and admits the expected truth to John
4. Tom asks not to tell other members of the family
5. John accepts, but tells other members of the family, forcing them not to talk about Tom's secret
6. Tom suspects their secret has been exposed

I will stop here, because already you can see the loop and the fault in it, but it gets more complicated.

John is typically the holder of everyone's secrets, and information is currency for them. No one entitles them to the secret. The typical thing to do, even with daughters and sons as a parent, would be to accept that they are people and they are entitled to their privacy and secrets.

But John is insecure. They can't accept that someone doesn't trust them, so they coerce everyone to either feel safe and say things or they even threaten you with guilt. "If you don't say these things,..." or "It will be too late when..."

John isn't content with knowing the secret, they have to prove their worth in their circle - which typically isn't wider than partners and children, because external opinions are threatening to them. So John decides to share the secret, because "it's only right that you know this about Tom." But Tom gave them trust, so what moral high ground gives John the right to break it?

Of course, if Tom's secret is murder or life threatening conditions, the moral can be questioned. But what if the secret is being a lesbian, your son betraying your daughter in law, having autism, wanting to end a relationship but not being able to, a work failure that embarasses you? These secrets are complex enough to be unsure what to do with them, but they are a piece of life that probably takes up most of Tom's head space right now, and sharing them might be even more terrifying because they are out. They are precious to Tom. Sharing them, was proof of trust.

Let's keep the loop going. Remember, Tom at this point suspects their secret has been betrayed.

In fact, Marie, John's partner (sorry, it's a straight couple, no rep today) has told Idi, their gay son (yay, rep) about Tom's secret. But Idi (weird name, stands for Idiot, because trusts everyone and their own secrets have been fucked already up multiple times) is unaware of the gravity of the secret's loop already, and calls Tom, sick of this mafia, and offers Tom moral support with a mere "Are you faring good? i'm here when you need."

Of course Tom says thank you, I'll remember that. You might argue Idi should have not been emotional for Tom and reach out. I agree. Instead Idi perpetrates the mafia, in the hope that Tom is aware that the mafia is playing tricks and to be careful who he shares the secrets with.

Tom calls John.

"Did you say something to Marie?"
"No," John lies. His heart pounds fast.

One second later, John calls Idi, "What did Marie tell you?"

Idi has learnt John's games, "Nothing, why? Was there something to know? I don't understand the fuss, I was worried about Tom because Marie seemed upset."

"Of course, Marie..." John complaints, "As usual."

Now stop right there. John's problem should be that a secret he was entrusted with has been shared without Tom's consent. Instead, he is angry at Marie, for exposing him. John begins to talk to Idi about how Marie always gives things away, she cannot be trusted, she's naive, you tell her not to say something... Wow. John, please, cut the crap, stop right there. Why does Marie know?

Idi is the example of an attempt of breaking a loop, Marie is the expample of gossip, John is the example of the controller. No one can gossip or break the loop, if he doesn't say so.

Narcissistic people need control of the narrative. All secrets come to them, by coercion or love bombing, and these secrets aren't protected, they are gossiped about and spread. The only thing keeping the narcissist safe is the fear everyone else has of him, because he shouts at people when they expose his faults, making them feel wrong.

This dynamic in families is a toxic one that has one result: no one in the family trusts anyone, except the narcissist who keeps on saying he's honest, worthy of your secrets, the only one who can understand you. Years after years, you stop talking to the others, you only talk to him. The others, in his narrative, are too silly, too naive, to selfish to care. It's hard to spot the real issue, in families like that. After all, John, was always there when you had a secret, ready to share the burden with you.

If you grew up not trusting your brothers and sisters, trusting only your parent, or if you find yourself isolated and trusting only one person, wonder if that was your decision or someone else's?

Many are the examples you could relate to, but the dynamic is always the same: if you trust only one person in the whole world, and this person belittles others constanlty, there is a problem with this person.

Some examples you can reason about:

1. Your friends will never understand you like I do
2. Friends go, family stays
3. You can trust me, have I not always cared for you? (Typically here you need to wonder if it was care trying to fix you or control)
4. When you criticize this person, do they overreact?
5. Have they ever given you the silent treatment until you said sorry?
6. Have they ever over professed honesty, but gossiped about everyone else?
7. Are they able to have relationships outside of their families that last for a lifetime?
8. Do they often mention how poor, unlucky they were?

Thanks for reading.

Yours,

Alexein

1. but you don’t look autistic: sounds like a cliche, but it’s true
2. ah, okay, you’re a little autistic it must be mild
3. ok so how will you improve?
4. but I have never seen you hyperactive (said the person who called me restless, soul in constant search of something, who told me to sleep when at night I kept moving my legs)
5. psychologists should go fuck off, live your life and stop finding excuses for your behaviour, you’re normal (said the man who sent me to a psychologist when he found out I was gay)

What are yours?

We‘re well beyond 100! Edit: holy shit 134!

Here are some tips on how you can make this sub what you need

1. Ask the mod: come to me and tell me what’s missing or your ideas of posts that would make you happier
2. Post your ideas freely as a proposal to the community
3. Break the ice and post what you’re currently reading
4. Tell us about your latest writing fail or success
5. Introduce yourself and let others get to know you
6. Propose yourself for an AMA
7. If you also draw, show us that character art

There are so many things you can.

Unlike other subs, we keep the space polite and respectful so don’t be afraid of judgement!

Happy posting.