u/Angelia_the_Nephalem

This is my first Post on r/BestofRedditorUpdates so please have mercy on me. Part one you can find here. made by u/tequilitas.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Runawaybrother

Originally posted in r/AmItheAsshole

>!Warnung: mention of Suicide, death and false accusation of abandoned and abused.!<

2023 Catch Up (05.18.2023)

Hello Reddit!

First, as it’s tradition:

*We now have 2 cats.

*Sam moved in with his gf and we just love that he’s happy again.

*Dad is semi moved in with Rita.

*It has been bittersweet but overall we remain positive and supportive of each other.

Let’s do bad news first. It turns out that there was indeed cancer on our Mother’s side, just not hers. One of her stepchildren actually had it and passed away at the beginning of the year, she is milking it for all it’s worth and we are disgusted by her as usual. While we can empathize with the loss, we are not changing our stance on being NC with her and her whole family.

Daniela had her baby, a very cute boy that is NOT Sam’s (not that we ever doubted that). She did try to make him recognize him and sign stuff but he refused and after the test there was nothing she could do. She did LOOOOSE her shit when she heard Sam was seriously dating and ever worse when he moved in with his gf. She still believes he is the one for her and is fixated on it, tried to cyberbully the gf but this woman is made of something else. Oh, and yes the father of her child is the married coworker in his 50s which is another shitshow from what we’ve heard but not ours.

Sam moved in with his gf, he’s still in therapy (we all are) but doing much better. His gf is a very well liked and beloved member of the family, she understands everything that has happened and integrated perfectly. He is also doing great in other areas and he did run his first marathon, not the best timing but hey! HE DID IT!!!!!

Joe+Ana+Baby are very happy, they are still on the list as interested to adopt since they would like to have at least another one. I also wanted to explain something again: in my country the adoptions are not done by agencies, you get on a list after some tests and interviews to see if you are a good candidate and when it happens that you match you get the baby, that baby is yours and that’s it. I know I am still a bit vague but please remember we are not from the US and things are different in each country. Apart from that, Baby is just the best Baby ever (yes I might be biased) but she algo gets told NO a lot because we all agree that she should not be spoiled, or well, too spoiled. She has a room at our house, Rita’s and a playing pen at Sam’s (because they are looking for a permanent house and they do home office).

Dad is basically living with Rita, she is pretty happy about it and they took a couple trips recently. They love being grandparents and are very hands on, they now claim 3 grandbabies since the cats sometimes go there too. It is hilarious because my Dad was not so warm on the idea of cats at first but now he even takes photos of all his babies and he prints the best ones because "that’s what he’s used to". He also shares progress updates with his friends and sometimes they are confused if he’s talking about the cats or Baby since he gets so excited about anything they do and he buys them all too many toys in my opinion but apparentely that’s what a grandpa does. LOL

We did get married in December, my Dad walked me down even if we did non traditional stuff for my country, Joe was Matt’s best man, Sam was my Bestmaid (he insisted on being called Julio the whole planning process when it was about the wedding), Mother did try to come and tried to convince Ana’s Mom about it but she would not tell her anything, some of Mother’s relatives said it was undignifying (unsure if it’s the right word) to have Rita there instead of my own Mother but well, I think it is disgusting to condone her actions so to each their own.

We had a blast and it was not stressful at all. Nobody ran away, nobody cried (of sadness), nobody tried to made a scene.

We are remodeling a part of the house to make it more ours and not to be at my childhood bedroom anymore. But so far everything is going very good for the cult. Sam got slightly less Julia Roberts gifts but he wears his t-shirts with pride all year round.

On a last bit: Sam’s gf has approached us with the idea of proposing to Sam when the time is right so, who knows….. Maybe this time he actually makes it to the altar!

Comments

onelazypiggy😄

Love hearing from you and about the rest of the cult! I gotta ask, how did Sam’a gf dealt with Daniela 😂?

Runawaybrother:

Hi

She simply made screenshots of everything and just kept posting and posting. We know form the grapevine that Daniela was extremely upset about it and thought gf would just shrink and be scared, but she wasn't!!!!

Sam said he would support whatever decision she took and Daniela stopped due to her not backing down and her own shitshow of a life due to the marital status of her kid's Dad and her Grandma disowning her for being a bad person. Which it is kind of sad since that's the line for her family and not all the crazy stuff she did to Sam and my family.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A Bittersweet Update (01.17.2024)

Hi cult, to all you 10 or so people interested I come bringing you a bit of everything we went through.

As usual some points:

*We got a dog and my Dad is a "greatgranpa" now.

*My Dad is one of 6, I didn't mentioned it before because it was not relevant (it is for this one).

*The proposal was not ruined.

*It has been a rollercoaster but the cult is going strong.

*I think this one needs a TW: Suicide

Well, let's get to it shall we? I will start with the sad and down things because it actually has to do with everything that has happened. One of my uncles got a stroke and it was what started it all. For my Grandma it was such a shock that the youngest of her kids was the one who had it, he was recovering slowly but depression and frustration were too much for him and he took his life. It was one of the worst deaths we have had in the family since he was so healthy just months before it happened and we all thought he would get better. My Dad broke down and it was just too hard for all of us to see him like this and my Grandma's health took a turn, she is old but was otherwise very healthy before this.

We were very scared for Dad but he got better with the months and by the end of summer he was more himself. Grandma passed away in late November from natural causes but we are all believers it was of broken heart since she would repeat over and over that parents are not supposed to bury their own children. The holidays were bittersweet as you may imagine but we pulled through as usual. Sorry for the sad portion but it is needed for the rest of the catch up.

Our Mother being her usual monster self tried to come to both funerals and talked to us but it did not work so well for her. On my Grandma's funeral everybody was off guard and we didn't notice her inside the church, she came up to me and grabbed my arm saying we needed to talk. She said she didn't want to wait until one of us is dead for the family to reunite again and as the women of the family it was our duty to solve it all since afterall her family "desintegrated because of me". I just told her to let me go and when she didn't and kept talking stupid stuff about how much of a horrible human I am and how I am going to go to hell if I don't fix things before it's too late I told her that "if we end up in the same level of hell I will apologize otherwise I hope she dies soon". She kept screaming and crying and making a scene but got kicked out. Am I proud of my words? Yes, maybe I will end up in hell with her but I don't care.

The dog we got was my Uncle's, my Aunt asked if we could take it in for a bit while he had rehab but after his passing she requested we kept it because it was his special buddy and she could not bear to see it anymore. The dog is very friendly and the kittens got used eventually, after many fights and cries they are finally behaving and sometimes take naps together.

Joe+Ana+Baby are doing great! They are considering getting pregnant since they don't want Baby to have a big age gap with her future sibling and the adoption process is uncertain. They know we will support whatever they decide and so far we all babysit and meet up constantly as usual. Joe has also decided to start running with Sam so now they are running buddies and since they are very competitive it is hilarious to see. They actually happened to be with Grandma when she passed, which was peaceful and while she was sleeping. She was so happy to spend time with Baby since she was her only great grandchild so far. Baby also got the last handmade things made by her so it is very special.

Now, in my last catch up I mentioned Sam might get proposed but I promise I did NOT spoil it!!! He said yes and he's actually married. It seems very fast and he planned on a long engagement but Grandma asked if he would consider doing it sooner than later, he couldn't say no to her. His wedding was actually the last large family event she attended. Despite everything it was a very happy wedding and HE MADE IT TO THE ALTAR!! Not that we doubted it but it is still a bit funny to us. Dad was his goofy self and decided to take family pics at the family home, only of us of course. He now has one of his kids, his grandchildren, and great grandchildren since one of the cats had babies. Sam is extremely happy and his now wife was amazing during the planning, such a different experience from last time.

Matt+I are doing pretty well all things considered. We have decided to start a family soon, apart of our feline and canine children. We try to host family gatherings as much as possible because of the space and so far are doing very good at being hosts although we messed Christmas dinner since someone (cough cough cough me) forgot to buy some crucial ingredients and got frustrated but thankfully Rita and Matt went on a hunt for them and saved the day. Since then I am on booze duty for a while which to be honest I can't complain about.

We are still trying our best and yes there have been bouncing castles in a couple meets (seriously more adults need to try it).

Fingers crossed for a 2024 better than 2023 for all of us.

Comments

FlygonosK:

Dear OP

First of all let me tell you that yes you are very interesting as always and i hope to hear from you again soon as i was after last year where i saw your story on YT, came to REDDIT and found the post plus 2 updates. And now this one.

Glad to hear you all (cult) are doing ok in a grand part, also sorry for your loses and glad that at least your Grandma could assist to Sams wedding, and glad that he and his now wife wanted to fullfill your Grandma wish to do it sooner rather than later.

Happy for him that he finally could walk down to the altar and made it, and that he get to marry a good woman that trully care for him. And also for his family and most of all respect your boundaries.

I can't say anything that you don't know about your mother, but she is a very persistant woman (as well as pathetic), i doubt that this year will change that(she will find a way to mess with all of you again) and probably in the 2024 catch up Update you will have a paragraph dedícate to her like usal in the last updates.

Like you can tell i am new to the story and would like to join the cult, like i said before glad to hear from you and best wishes and best new year for all of you and the cult.

UPDATEME

Ps. Hope you luck in the baby made, to You & Matt and to your brother Joe & Ana.

Also baby is not a baby anymore maybe toddler? Just Kidding you name her like you want.

Runawaybrother:

That is very sweet of you. I know she isn't a baby anymore but can't help myself!

FlygonosK:

That is ok, we always see our kids as babys even when grow up.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Late 24 Update (09.03.2024)

Hi Reddit! I hope this post finds you well. LOL

Clarifications per tradition I guess:

*If you want to share anything we are perfectly fine with it, I use mainly fake names after-all.

*We are at 4 kittens, 1 dog, and a fish tank. There might be an upcoming turtle.

*It has been a very interesting year so far: some great, some good, some awful.

*Dad+Rita are married.

*Our Grandma's stuff was settle now and we all got something from her. No bad blood from anybody but it had to be amended since my Uncle was named on the will and he obviously died before her.

*Daniela can still go fuck herself.

Well there's no time to waste. I will start with the awful since it was ridiculous and still enrages me. Daniela decided that since her life was a garbage she would try to drag Sam to it. She accused him of abandoning their kid, not his kid, she accused him of being abusive, never been, and then she accused him of trying to groom some of her relatives when they were together, never happened. This was such an stressful thing for Sam and his wife "Lola" since not everybody knows or is up to date with all the drama she has surrounded herself with. They obviously immediately went on the counterattack and this delusional ghoul said she would back off if Sam went back to her since he was the only one for her.

Lola did the same as last time and published the screenshots and not only that but exposed all the dirty laundry she knew from her family, including but not limiting that one of her sisters used to be a sugar baby. Was this nice? No. But I assume all gloves are off when someone accuses your husband of grooming. At the end Daniela backed off, deleted all her claims, and eventually was sued by Sam because he is tired from her shit. It seems like she still wears the engagement ring, she needs help. Her family made a huge drama out of everything but Sam+Lola told them to zip it or they go lower.

As a 2.0 of awful news, Mother tried to reach out to us since her brother is sick. We checked, he is, we still are not interested on having any relation with any of them. We are aware it sounds heartless but we can't bring ourselves to give even a bit since we know what would entail with her.

Apart from this, they are doing great, they complement each other and Lola is a great person we love and support. Sam+Joe+Lola all go to run together and it makes me very happy there is positiveness instead of walking on eggshells with an in-law.

Dad+Rita are doing great, at some point Rita had to put her foot down on how much stuff Dad was bringing so they compromised and they both kept part of their things and put the rest on a storage unit or pass it to relatives. That was their biggest issue and it was hilarious looking at their sort through stuff with a whiteboard behind them. However, Dad is still not at 100% due to last year's family losses but Rita is there for him no matter what. It is scary to see him break down from time to time, we just hope he doesn't get as bad as Grandma because it terrifies us.

Joe+Ana are as strong as ever. Baby "Sofia" is doing amazing and it truly has a village. Ana's Mom is not doing great though and we are a bit scared she might have dementia but we are crossing our fingers is not something that hardcore. Thus all baby plans are on hold for them, if they get matched again it will be different but they are not seeking it at the moment. Their focus is on Sofia, Dad's health and Ana's Mom's diagnosis.

Matt+I are fine with our furry babies, we added a fish tank because Sofia loves fishes, Sam apparently always wanted one, and well why not. We all got the tiny things from grandma and it was great, we got to share stories and lovely memories from her. Matt has decided to get his Phd and I am very proud of him. Right now I am the main Sofi babysitter but not gonna pretend I don't love it. We walk the dog, play with the kittens, read books, feed the fishies, talk a lot (yes I know how I sound but I love our conversations LOL), and discussing getting a turtle since apparently it's the coolest animal in the world. We went camping and she hated it with a passion so I guess never again.

I wish I said I see a lot of positive in our immediate future but I just hope our loved ones are safe and healthy.

Thank you for being here so I don't feel I scream into the void. We have taken into advice what to do for the drawings on the wall.

And I want to take a special time to mention this: Some of you have told me your stories with toxic/abusive family members. I hope you are doing better now, if our weird convoluted story has helped you in any way I am glad, I am sorry I have not replied to your message but please know I've read them all. It gets better, there are a lot of good people in the world.

Comments

Professional-Fact157:

Daniella has nothing to lose and people with nothing to lose become dangerous. maybe it's a wise move for sam to think about moving

Runawaybrother:

I agree. What I share is a summary, but Sam+Lola dealt and are still dealing with a lot. Daniela is not/has not been winning by any means but they want to have legal paperwork.

Koi112_12:

I agree. What I share is a summary, but Sam+Lola dealt and are still dealing with a lot. Daniela is not/has not been winning by any means but they want to have legal paperwork.

SnooWords4839:

Ugh, when will Danielle find a rock to hide under.

Glad everything else is going basically well. I hope Dad and Ana's mom are as comfortable as can be.

I'm with Sofia, unless it's a really nice cabin, camping is out.

Runawaybrother:

We want her gone, like puff..... under a rock is not enough anymore!

Thank you for your wishes, we are keeping close and good care of both of them.

Also LOL Sofia seems to be open to the idea to more camping if everybody comes: meaning all family members human and otherwise.

onelazypiggy:

I stopped everything to read this update, I love hearing from you and your cult! I had to double check but my god its been two years, Daniela STILL is cray, like that woman needs to sit down.

Runawaybrother:

I hope she leaves my family alone. She is OBSESSEDDDD with Sam it is ridiculous are creepy. We are all in the same circle kinda and she has targeted her as the psycho es gf now.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/nathaliebeta

Me [31/F] with my Fiance [33/M] Fiance best friend [33/F] have a weird relationship, driving me insane

BoRU 1

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Stalking, obsessive behavior, controlling behavior!<

Editors Note: because of character count and length, all previous posts will be summarized. The previous BoRU has all full posts

Original Post  May 3, 2015

In the original post concerns OOP and her fiancé regarding his lifelong best friend, Sandy. Who he selected to be his female "best man" at their upcoming wedding. While OOP tried to accept their exceptionally close bond which included daily contact, late-night phone calls, and open expressions of love, she became increasingly uncomfortable with their history, lack of typical boundaries, and a tip from a friend hinting at a potentially sexual past between them. The final straw came when the fiancé admitted that during a past trip to Jamaica when they were both single, they participated in a "couple swap" with another married pair. Though he insisted that he and Sandy never actually slept with each other.

Update 1  June 6 2015 (1 month later)

OOP confronts her fiancé, demanding that Sandy be replaced as best man and cut out of their lives entirely. When he refuses to abandon his best friend but offers to ease contact and skip the bachelor party, she gives him an ultimatum to choose between them prompting him to immediately call off the wedding and end the relationship stating that if she cannot trust him after years of complete honesty, it isn't worth the trouble. Before leaving, he confirms the Jamaica story but clarifies that while they were all naked and swapping did occur, he and Sandy only slept with the other couple's respective partners and never with each other. In the aftermath, OOP realizes she acted out of jealousy and regrets sending harassing texts to Sandy, and desperately tries to win her fiancé back only to find he has packed his things, left his keys and cut off all communication completely.

Update 2  Dec 29, 2015 (6 months after last update)

In update 2 OOP reveals that months of stalking and harassment towards her ex and Sandy led to a meeting with Sandy, where OOP realizes how everything is messed up and she went too far. Things such as following the breakup OOP repeatedly tried to corner her ex-fiancé at his workplace, tracked his movements and flooded him, his sister, and his parents with messages leading her ex to block her and change his phone number twice. Sandy eventually met with the OOP to deliver a final warning that the ex-fiancé was preparing to file a restraining order if the harassment did not cease. OOP tried to downplay her behavior as a series of misunderstandings and blamed Sandy for being toxic and threatening, the intervention OOP to come to terms that the engagement was permanently over and that she needed to cut contact, focus on her own therapy and attempt to move on with her life.

New update

10+ years update consequences and lesson learned  June 22, 2026

Have not been in reddit for a while here is the original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/34r6ah/me_31f_with_my_fiance_33m_fiance_best_friend_33f/

Hello

I am Alive...well, it has been a little over 10 years from my last update.

The other day I was listening to some facebook reel, and what do I find? My old story, I haven't been on reddit for a while and had a hard time tracking my old account and my password, I have some news, this is going to be long.

First let me tell you I am doing much better, I had to move in with my mother as her health has not been the best, I am a single mother and have a wonderful daughter unfortunately due to circumstances she lives with her father. My sister is not doing so good, she has struggled with weight issues and depression , things are improving for her and she has some lovely pets to keep her company.

I am in a much better place now, I have had a lot of therapy and it has helped me cope with a lot of issues, understand things differently, making me a better person. My life has been a lot tougher than I expected, I am trying to focus on being a good mother, a good daughter and good sister.

I have some nice co-workers. Sometimes we go out and hang out after work, just a shade of the old social life I used to have. It has been humbling.

I have not been lucky on the dating scene.

I will be as honest as I can, it's been a long time so I can't remember every detail, however I believe it to be therapeutic to get this out.

I did get served with criminal charges for stalking and harassment, it was a lot of trouble for me, it is too long and painful, but the highlights are.

My sister and I could not contact my ex in any way.

I had to stay some distance away from him, I could not contact him via third parties nor use anyone else to get messages to him.

His family was off limits

I could not contact his work

I could not go to his house

I did not see him in person again, it was all through his attorney.

I had to get a lawyer, at first I thought I did not need one, in my hubris I believed I was in the right and had nothing to fear, I was angry and felt wronged, however my ex's  lawyer contacted me and told me I needed one asap because this was no civil court, the charges were coming from the state, he told me I would most certainly go to jail, my mom helped me pay for one, it was not cheap.

It was humiliating and very eye opener, we met with someone from the prosecutor’s office (can't remember the title) they presented a large number of printouts of the messages I had sent my ex, sandy and his friends. There were prints out of the social media post I made, there were recordings of the voice messages me and my sister left him, his sister, Sandy and a couple of our friends, there were call logs of when I contacted his work, recordings of said calls, statements from our old group of the people who I believed were my friends, from his family, from his sister including the ones in which I was just venting, emails I had sent, emails my sister had sent, even some from fake accounts in which I pretended to be someone else. They did not paint me in good way, now all these years later I admit they were too much, in particular the ones were I threaten him.

There were incident reports from his HR department due to the harassment I had done, there were several police reports as well, video of me driving by his house, parking outside of his new place, he took the videos. He knew I was watching so we weren't as sneaky as we thought we were.

The final incident that made me think long and hard and convinced me to snap out of it was when me and my sister were following him in her car and we got pulled over by the police, we were detained, my ex had called emergency services... that was .. the moment that made me realize I had gone too far, that was of course included, it scared me.

My mom was devastated when she saw all the information. She was crying and weeping asking me and my sister on how we could have done this.

Believe me it was damaging, did not paint us in a good way, and there was no excuse for what me and my sister did, I can't believe how unhinged I was.

My ex's lawyer was not working for the state, he was the one who gathered everything, he was very friendly and not aggressive at all, he told us my ex just wanted this solved, and be done with it, very professional, not like they appear on tv or shows, he was like: you messed up bad, but we don't want to screw you 100%

At that time I asked my attorney if we could fight the charges or do something about it, he said we could but we would have to find someone else, he was not taking it. He told us this had been going on for a long time and we would be lucky if I stayed out of prison, he did not hold back, there were tears, fights and blames between my mom, my sister and me.

I contacted my uncle, my moms older brother who has always been a father figure, he met with the lawyer as well, when he saw all the evidence and heard all the story his eyes filled with tears, he could not believe what we had done, still 10 years later our relationship has not recovered, he looked so shocked, he said he had failed. The look of disappointment in his face is something that still haunts me

He told the 3 of us to take the deal, accept the restraining order, the probation, the misdemeanor, as it was the best we could get and it could get very ugly if we fought it, including possible jail time. We came to an arrangement, he would reach the prosecutor.

I had to go in front of a judge and admit to it all, the prosecutor was there, he was the one that recommended the terms. I would accept the restraining order, no contact... probation for 3 years, community service, a big fine, therapy, group therapy, my ex was not present, his lawyer was but said nothing.

The Judge was very harsh, she did not mince words, she told me people have done prison time for less, that I was lucky my ex fiance had spoke kindly about me to the prosecution otherwise she would have imposed a more severe punishment, she asked me directly if I knew the difference between a felony and a misdemeanor? - she explained it- She asked how would we feel if the roles were reversed and my ex had done all these things to me,how would my family feel about it? That one hit hard and we all cried. Terrible terrible things I did. She had me read out loud some of the emails, texts and transcripts of the voice messages I had sent my ex and Sandy, it was so bad that it still rattles me, she asked me what I was I thinking? My attorney several times tried to say something, telling the judge that it was summarized, but she told him to shut up and to keep reading, she said I had to be accountable for all this, I was crying so hard when I read the messages, it was terrible, even when I was sobbing, the judge made me pause, compose myself and then to keep reading, the ones we sent Sandy were the worst of all, she made me read them all, my mom, my sister and me were crying the whole time, my lawyer was shocked about the reaction of the judge, It was horrible, long, time consuming, expensive and it was all on me, the Judge said at the end that she was not pleased with the results and if it were up to her my punishment would be severe. My lawyer was rattled and told us we were lucky, as he had worked with this judge before and had never seen her so upset. I had to get a bank loan at terrible rates to pay my mother and all this mess.

My ex did not want any restitution, so he did not go the civil court way, which my lawyer told me that once again we were lucky because we would have to pay a lot of money due to the amount of evidence and the length of time it had been going on. We got a separate private agreement, the lawyer made it clear that this was not a reward for my actions but a generosity as he wanted to move on cleanly.

At the end my ex would let me keep the car (it was his, I was using it ) transfer the title to me, and he would pay for therapy.

I did not see this coming, I was so caught up with the drama and thinking stupid scenarios that it bit me hard, still at the end he was being the better person.

The Lawyer provided me with a list of therapists, the first 2 were no good, the third one was the best.

After the 6 months were up I contacted his attorney and asked if my ex would be willing to pay for more sessions, his lawyer said my ex agreed if I kept my part of the bargain and not contact him ever again, he paid for an additional year of therapy that was in 2016 - 2017

He got married in 2018, of course I was not invited to the wedding.

All of my old group of acquaintances who I thought were my friends, stopped contacting me and cut me off. That tells me something right?

The wife of one of my ex friends, let's call her Jenny, was pretty much the only one of that group that had anything to do with me, She got divorced from her husband shortly after my trial, even though she did not say, I believe it was related to all this Sandy ordeal. We meet every once in a while. Later on She was the one who showed me the posts and the pictures of my ex wedding.

His wife seems nice enough, however looks simple and bland. They have 2 kids now.

I had a meltdown when I saw the pictures and it took me a lot to contain myself. Regarding Best friend Sandy, what can I say She was indeed the best man at his wedding, she wore a tux with bow tie and everything.

She seemed very close to his new wife, they had plenty of pictures together being friendly and going out, some at the beach. They had a bachelor party at San Diego instead of Las Vegas, I Believe for a convention or event or show of some sort, costumes and all that, a lot of pictures, some at bars smoking cigars and drinking,  couple of male friends with them as well, some I knew and recognized, some I didn't .

The old group was at the wedding.

I had a ton of question in my old posts that I could never answer so I will  do it now:

• I did not kill myself ,neither did my sister

• yes I  checked his phone, he didn't care about it, no he did not check mine, he could if he would have wanted , he did not.

• Yes I was honest, I did leave out some parts, like finding his new place and calling his work, following him around, and some more things I can't remember.

• Yes I lost my job at that time , that's the main reason I had so much time on my hands.

• The box of toys were not sex toys, they were some action figurines and some ships? cars?

• I stopped posting because my lawyer told me to shut it all down, I told my therapist about it and she said It was not the smartest move to take advice from stranger who only get a fraction of the story and even though it was a nice way to vent, it was not good to follow shitty advice

• Yes I was definitely a lot to handle and making demands were not the correct way to go. I can see it now, sad.. a very sad time for me. I have no excuse

• Yes I had feelings of abandonment

• Yes I have gotten help, a lot of help

• Yes I was angry, mostly angry with myself.

• Yes I was an idiot and got exactly what I deserved

• His family is not wealthy, they are maybe above middle class american, he did, does? very well in his work. He also has a younger sister whom I did not mention, she was nice to me at first then she just stopped interacting with me, I think she did not like me, this was way before the break up.

• I was immature and learned that ultimatums are not good unless you can live with the results of them.

• I was selfish and entitled, boy was I entitled

• Mom was very protective of me and my sister, I was kind of like the golden child so I felt I deserved things that were not my right.

• I was focusing on the wrong things

• My job was in retail, still is.

• Yeah she was always happy to see him

• No she was never rude to me , no she did not insult me

• No my Ex did not pay her things, not that I was aware, she was ok financially but I think that's because the father of her kids

• Pretty sure my ex was not the father of her kids, they are very similar to their father.

• I am not sure about the sneaking around when they were teens, she would sleep at his house, maybe in the same bed? His parents didn't care or didn't know, yes one time he was gone for about a week for something school related and she stayed at his parents house in his room while he was away,

• Yes when they were in collage she would stay in his dorm? apartment? cant remember

• He works in IT or worked in IT? made? makes? very good money. He was an expert in ZAP or SAP or TAP  (I remember he spoke about it all the time)

• I have to admit I was stalking him, I crossed the line and did not respect his limits, I was not thinking straight I noticed some of the messages were egging me on, and telling me I should confront him, find his new place, send him messages ..not to beg....that I would wear him down...that he would come crawling back ...not very bright on my part. Only a couple of people called me out and told me I was wrong and acting crazy, some offered help, some contacted me directly telling me to reach out to a professional, some let me vent, thank you from the bottom of my heart, The rest was just feeding my anger, my ego, my entitlement, I recently read all the crap I wrote, I can't believe some people would think it was ok or justified to act the way I did, it is not completely understandable to demand an answer or an apology from someone who has made clear that does not want to be contacted, Only one redditor posted that they were only getting one side of the story and that the community should stop enabling me, thank you.

Some things I did not mention, like the car was his, I was the one using it, he paid our rent and all the services at our apartment, when he left he removed himself from the lease and paid for the last 3 months I was on my own after that and could not afford it , that was the reason why I moved with my sister.

Yeah he left all the furniture and electronics when he moved, he only took his things even though he had purchased all the rest. I sold some, took some and gave a little bit away.

Jenny from the friend group, used to say Sandy wasn’t “one of them,” and at the time I didn’t question that the way I should have. I think that was the same reason my ex's older sister did not like her, she was always a little snobbish, she said Sandy was like a stray that her brother had adopted. When I asked her to elaborate  she said it was because her family was trailer trash (sandys), she was always at their house, that my ex would feed her, teach her manners, help her at school and then send her on her way back to the hood and for that reason sandy followed him around..hence a stray. My ex and his family grew up in a very nice neighborhood, sandy family was on the other side of the road.. if you get the meaning.

How did they meet? I think it was some kind of summer camp when they were 8- 9 years old? elementary school?

How did we meet? He was with some friends, I was with my sister at a bar and they bought us a round of drinks and invited us over to join them

He was very extrovert and friendly , very confident, I am kind of introvert and not so friendly

He was  handsome, was tall, wore thick rim glasses and that gave him a nerd look, he did not like to wear contacts, he was in shape and had a nice smile yeah in those days I would think that Sandy was way out of my ex fiancee league

Regarding Sandy ex, he was wealthy, older than us, a couple of times he took us on holidays all inclusive on his dime. I don't know the reason why he divorced, but at my ex wedding I saw him in the pictures.

He did not seem to care about my ex and Sandy relationship. He was really sophisticated guy and seemed like a good father to his kids

After Jenny's divorced all the friend group cut her off. I am still in touch with her every once in a while but would not consider her a friend

Yes, my ex paid for the holidays and the trips. We went to Germany once for some work training, I did not like it very much as I was alone for the whole time.

Yes I was judgmental and I think the social status clouded me

No I am not still stalking him, every once in a while curiosity gets the best of me and I snoop on his wife's social media or on one of his friends

My therapist mentioned one thing that the judge said, that has stayed with me. How would I feel or how would my family feel if my ex did everything I did? It would be scary..very scary and I would probably be traumatized.

I wanted to post this long update because it is very important to get the message  across, actions have consequences I faced and still am facing mine. We are only getting one side of the story, I must confess when me and my sister did all those things we felt right and justified, for some reason I believed I could change the outcome of something I had created, if it was a man doing these things to me, my sister or my daughter, I would be terrified. I have been to support groups, therapy session, victims advocacy, did a lot of community service, I heard horrifying stories, with horrifying results, justice was kind to me, I do not know what my ex told the prosecutor or if he spoke with the judge or sent a letter, but I was lucky, people have gotten more for less, my ex could have been cruel, he could have requested the judge for the maximum penalty, a felony charge that would most certainly have landed me in prison, he could of taken his car back, he could have not paid for the therapy, he did not, he just wanted to be left alone, The judge made it very clear that she was not happy with the end result, my lawyer told me so.

Help your friends, help your community if someone close to you is having trouble with obsessive behavior, anger issues, harassment, depression, trouble thoughts, get them help, listen to them, if you are in a dark place, it's ok to ask for help, there is no shame in it. Once in a relationship it is on you and on your partner how much you have to reveal about your past, honesty is good, but not a deal breaker, we all carry luggage and we all have a past that we cannot change.

No means No

This will definitely be my last update, I am done with this saga. It's been 10 years and that's enough, also I finally learned what TLDR stands for so

TLDR: Girl finds old reddit post, updates, gets what she wants, gets consequences, gets help, learns, and gets better.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Part 1 My roommate is a "Sick girl" and it's driving me nuts : r/badroommates

Part 2 My Roommate Is A "Sick Girl" And Has Locked Me Out Of The Apartment! [Update] : r/badroommates

Part 3 My Roommate Is A "Sick Girl" And Threatened To Call The Police So She Could Have The Apartment To Herself! : r/badroommates

Part 4 My roommate has decided, preemptively, to not pay Jan rent before moving out in Feb. : r/legaladvice

Part 5 My Roommate Is A "Sick Girl" And Is Telling Everyone That I'm Abusive! [Update] : r/badroommates

Part 6 My Roommate is a 'Sick Girl' and She is OUT OF MY LIFE!!! [March Update, FINAL!] : r/badroommates

Part 7 [New York, New York City] My old roommate is still on the lease, but doesn't live here - does she have unlimited rights to access? : r/legaladvice

Part 8 [1yr Update] My Roommate Was A "Sick Girl" And I Cut Her Out : r/badroommates

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/notyourdadjustadingo

I (34f) found a text thread where my fiancé (32m) told a friend he is worried about our wedding photos

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Body shaming!<

Original Post - rareddit July 19, 2020

My fiancé Dave and I have been dating two years and live together. Earlier today I was using his iPad to watch a show in our room because I wasn’t feeling well and we don’t have a TV in our room. We don’t use the iPad much, maybe a couple times a month.

While I was watching he was getting texts from a friend of his Mike. The banner just said “text message” so I kept swiping up but they were coming on so fast. At one point I accidentally opened the text convo.

So to start I’m not a beauty. It doesn’t mean I’m not confident though. There’s rarely a day that goes by where I look in the mirror and am unsatisfied with my appearance. How people treat women who do not fit any mold of “attractiveness” is a story for a different day but, I’ve often been referred to as a “starter girlfriend” or “stepping stone” and that my exes had no confidence since they chose to date me, or were closeted, and every guy I’ve ever asked out has always said no. I’m not someone to date just to date, I don’t chase guys anymore, generally I’ve stayed away from dating.

It took some time to trust that someone was interested in me and wasn’t going to drop me when someone “better” came along.

So the texts were Dave sending pictures of me to his friend trying to figure out what my “best angle” is. Mike said that my left side is “tolerable I guess, if anything you should tell the photographer to focus on that side.”

Dave expressed his frustration like “I think I do want to marry her but maybe you’re right just ask the photographer to edit some things here and there.” And Mike said, “it would make you both feel better. Maybe just have photos of her straight on since she looks best that way.”

I was more offended than hurt, and I’m still more offended than hurt. I know I’m not attractive but to say I need editing in my own wedding pictures is so rude and demeaning.

I took screenshots with my phone and handed the iPad back to Dave so the first thing you see when you open it is the conversation.

He asked me how the movie was and I told him it was great, then we had lunch. I wear my heart on my sleeve and he knew immediately something was up and kept pestering me about it.

I kept saying I was still feeling off but he kept asking. So I told him he should talk to Mike about his concerns, since he and Mike have so many opinions about me. He kinda turned white for a second before asking me what I meant. I handed him his iPad and I went to our bedroom and shut the door.

He hasn’t come to talk to me for a few hours which is killing me. We usually talk things through but I don’t know what to do. I know he hasn’t left the apartment.

TL;DR: Caught my fiancé telling a friend he wants our photographer to post-edit my appearance in our upcoming wedding photos. I am so offended and don’t know how to approach this.

TOP COMMENTS

witty_punny_name

>Oh man. My heart broke for you reading this. You don't need to settle for someone who doesn't love you completely, and unconditionally. It's true when they say love is blind. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't be worrying about how you will look in your wedding photos, and he absolutely wouldn't be allowing his friend to put you down for your looks. I know the thought of spending your life alone is scary and depressing, but trust me, it is way better than spending your life in a bad relationship. You deserve so much better.

~

anonymys

> I've typed out the beginning of several replies, OP, hoping I could be reasonable, but honestly, I'm just so fucking pissed for you. > > You deserve someone who has more respect for you than to discuss behind your back how best to make you "palatable" in his wedding photos. You deserve someone who thinks you're gorgeous all of the time, regardless of what society at large thinks. You deserve someone whose only concern for your looks in the wedding photos (and every day for the rest of ever) is whether he's lucky enough to be the reason for the huge, lovely smile that's gracing your face. > > I don't know if you can forgive him, or whether you even should. But I do know you deserve better than to be treated like someone's accessory.

~

snortgiggles

>I "think" I want to marry her? What the hell does that mean?

toomanyrougneds

>> He's settling for someone he thinks is his inferior. Why that is I can't imagine, unless he was hoping she would be too afraid of being alone to leave him. >> >> His attitude is so, so "Mr. Darcy before Hunsford".

Update - rareddit Aug 16, 2020 (1 month later)

I posted this post about a month ago.

There were a lot of comments, but more often than not the comments told me to leave and how I don't deserve him. And all that.

We had a civil conversation (our first for a while) and he told me he had been wanting to break up for a while but didn't think it was right. Apparently he cares about me but had been wanting to break up for a while, but he felt bad. And said he doesn't know how to handle criticism about our relationship from other people.

So I took that advice and left.

It only took a few days, and I hired movers to take my things. We talked a few times but I was really busy with work and packing that we stayed away from each other.

I found an apartment for rent and here I am. It's a really nice place, and I'm happy it is. But I can't say that I'm much happier. If anything I might be a little worse off, I guess.

Like in my original post, I mentioned how I'm aware of how I look. And now that I'm alone it's all I can really think about. Talking about it with my family just leads to things like, "oh you're great, you're too beautiful to deal with someone so ugly," just kinda of made it worse. All my friends are pretty and the way we are treated in public is just a reminder. Going out in a group to a club is a photographer getting shots of them, and one asked me to take a picture of him with everyone else. I've generally paid for more than half of everything (I'm not saying guys should pay for anything, but my friends are always getting things from their boyfriends or husbands, even cars). And I'm definitely excited for them but it is just a reminder.

I've been trying to work out more because I gained about 20lbs since we started dating, so I work out some but more often I snooze my alarm. There is a novel I am trying to write and I've gotten some written but I am having trouble staying motivated. I read and then I get inspiration and write like 200 - 400 words once or twice a day which is good so far. I found my 360 and have been playing Oblivion again lol. And I draw a little. But my apartment is an absolute mess.

And like I don't miss him or anything, it's actually quite nice being on my own. But I am just so... sad? I don't have a distraction maybe? I can't really put my finger on it.

But overall I am doing well. Everyone was right about leaving him, because we'd both grown pretty agitated with one another and it was reaching a breaking point. Living alone has helped a lot.

TL;DR: Broke up with fiance over him saying he didn't think he wanted to marry me. Now I'm kinda going through a depression but I'll be ok.

TOP COMMENT

Mindtaker

> Look all your feelings are valid as fuck, so feel those feelings and I hope you get better regarding being depressed. > > I will just say this then let you get back to slaying monsters and kicking ass. > > I was my wifes first actual boyfriend. She is disabled and she doesn't think she is pretty (I think she is gorgeous). She was 36 when we met. > > You are never too old, you never don't have enough "Experience" lifes just an unfair bullshit game that we all have to play. Enjoy this time to yourself, use it to remember why you do kick ass, so that when you meet the right person, you love yourself, which is the only way you will be capable of fully loving someone else. > > Cheers. Oblivion is an awesome game.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7