u/AnimalAvailable5092

My (29f) boyfriend (34m) says I’m his best friend and he loves me, but he’s not in love. He has always maintained I’m the person he’s most sexually attracted to and probably always will be, even if we break up. So I know it’s not entirely the platonic versus romantic love discussion.

I obviously cannot change how he feels and this relationship has likely run its course, but I am curious for myself going forward.

I know he always compares “loves” to his only long term serious relationship, which was in his “youth” (beginning towards the end of college and ending by his late 20s), and he always describes butterflies and fireworks. I do question if he just believes love is the lighting in a bottle you get in the honeymoon phase or when you’re young and before you need to face what a serious adult relationship looks like — choosing the other person and choosing love beyond a feeling.

For me, I don’t have those fireworks with him, but he’s my best friend, hanging out feels easy and fun and like he understands me most completely out of anyone else in my life. I want to share everything with him first, and I want to protect him. I don’t feel blindly drunk in love, but that calmer sense of commitment and care. Perhaps I should also be striving for more?

Thanks in advance for your stories

My (29f) boyfriend (34m) says I’m his best friend and he loves me, but he’s not in love. He has always maintained I’m the person he’s most sexually attracted to and probably always will be, even if we break up.

I know he always compares “loves” to his only long term serious relationship, which was in his “youth” (beginning towards the end of college and ending by his late 20s), and he always describes butterflies and fireworks. I do question if he just believes love is the lighting in a bottle you get in the honeymoon phase or when you’re young and before you need to face what a serious adult relationship looks like — choosing the other person and choosing love beyond a feeling.

Obviously I can’t change how he feels, but I am curious to hear what the difference is for those of you that have also felt this way. For me, I don’t have fireworks with him, but he’s my best friend, I want to share everything with him first, and I want to protect him. I don’t feel blindly drunk in love, but that calmer sense of commitment and care. Perhaps I should also be striving for more?

Thanks in advance

Saw a dating app come up in my partner’s recent apps on his phone. I asked about it. He didn’t deny it, said it was just like doom scrolling Instagram. Never met anyone, didn’t care about anyone, claims his conscience was clean and it’s not that serious.

I find it unacceptable, but I do believe it’s a really shitty form of doom scrolling. He’s addicted to his phone and I know it’s just one more dopamine hit. Obviously there’s the deeper question of how to get over this disrespect. Anyone ever encountered and successfully dealt with this type of cheating where it’s a betrayal but nothing physical ever happened? What do you ask, how do you really move forward? I don’t want to just break up, I know that’s still a feasible and likely realistic outcome, but I want to still put this/him to the test.

I did ask to see his account if it was so innocent as he claimed. He refused and started to get a little gaslighty / blame shifty and claimed he was sure I was also on the apps, that he doesn’t like anyone looking through his phone. Tbh I never want to look through anyone’s phone either, but I feel like if I were the one getting caught and needing to defend myself, I’d fess up and show my page if I was innocent. Surely he’s not.

In the past when feeling “cornered” over bad behavior (less serious stuff like bailing on plans or being insensitive with jokes) he could get REALLY defensive and combative, and this time despite some pockets of defensive behavior and rhetoric, he was apologetic and trying to soothe me. I know that’s the bare minimum, but truly not in his character to just appease, so I do think he had some remorse. I know it all sounds bad and I know the likely outcome but I’d really appreciate any advice to navigate the near term before just pulling the plug. My reason being I’m not overly sensitive to flirting in person, attraction to others, etc. because I think with implicit trust between partners, it’s actually great to know your partner gets attention and still chooses you. Dating app feels way too personal because there’s no plausible deniability about intent like there is in person/in real life. But I honestly do believe he’s painfully addicted to his phone. It doesn’t make it any less humiliating and disrespectful, and I am doubtful I can in good conscience let this slide, but I would still love any advice navigating this next phase.