I've never been someone considered extremely attractive, and all my life I've wondered what it would be like. As I've aged, I've gone through the end of a marriage with a wife who told me, "You're so stupid you don't even know how ugly you are!"
I started working out, lost 100 pounds, hired a gym trainer, learned everything about skin and hair care, grew a beard that I keep groomed, and I really thought I was becoming...not gorgeous or anything, but maybe in the 6-8 range? Sometimes, I despise what I see in a mirror, and sometimes I actually feel pretty decent--"Hey, not bad! I've got good muscle tine in my arms and chest!" But every time, it's me facing the memories of being told I'm disgusting and ugly by a woman I had loved.
Tonight, I was told very directly by someone that I am not considered attractive. I can tell myself that this was only one woman's conclusion, but it took just one person saying "nah, not attractive" to bring back all the decades of feeling fat, plain-looking, chubby-faced, big-nosed, unathletic, and uncool. The comment wasn't made cruelly; it was actually just a clarification along the lines of, "I wish you well, but you're not someone I consider attractive", at the very start of a conversation.
I'm already past my prime, as far as age. I've always wondered what it would be like to be a guy who turns heads, like "Wow, look at him! I wish...!", the way Chris Hemsworth or Jason Momoa can do every day. I can't decide if I feel like giving up, or trying harder, but I don't have many "potentially attractive" years left now.