u/Any-Percentage5369

I’m a trans man and for most of my life, I’ve had a toxic relationship with my body. Focusing too much on what I can’t do, my body will never do, never look like, etc. Pilates has caused a total shift for me. I love seeing results in terms of focusing what I CAN do and CAN accomplish. Every workout I do, I find some amazing new advancement. Like, wow, I can’t believe my hamstrings got so strong, etc. Or it’s a new move I can do. I posted in here a few months ago asking for rollover advice. Well, now, I can almost do a rollover.

I have a history of chronic pain and it’s made my pain so much better. I have a history of stiffness and my mobility is drastically improved. My muscle imbalances are completely gone now. The most noticeable differences is improvement in my posterior chain strength, hip strength, and of course, ab strength. My gait is the best it’s ever been. And thats saying something since I broke my leg in my teens.

I do have heel pain and I noticed in reformer class that calf raises are hard for me. So I’m working on that now. I’m really trying to do my own rehab and sticking to it. I feel like the magic of Pilates is that areas you need to work on are easily revealed and become apparent without a lot of mystery or guessing. I like that Pilates is so simplistic in this way in a world where exercise and health are increasingly viewed in overly complex ways.

I began my practice a little over a year ago when I ordered one of those mini boards. And I just began ordering more props. I now do reformer classes occasionally but mostly do mat at home with Move With Nicole or Amanda Blauer subscription service.

I sometimes do overdo it. I am trying to find that sweet spot and stick to a practice of 2-3x per week, just as Joe Pilates recommended. I am also trying to throw in some resistance band training and cardio.

Pilates is amazing. I feel like I found a movement that will keep me moving well for the rest of my life. And that I love this way of moving, this way of being.

My Mother is a Universe

My mother was a universe—
She was the stars, the sky.
Her heart for me was as big as the Milky Way,
And as small as the atoms, the molecules, The protons, and the electrons;
Each a universe in itself.

She was the vastness and the smallness: The scent of fresh laundry,
A warm baby blanket gently caressing my cheek,
A nap on her chest by Nanny’s pool.
Her heartbeat lulling me to sleep—
My total safe space.

She was meaningful conversations on long car rides.
“Don’t surround yourself with yourself,”
The classic rock song advised.
“Life is about relationships,” she would say,
“It’s all about family. I love being with my family.”
Through thousands of lunches and shopping trips,
Together, we were giddiness personified.

She was the constant, her devotion unmatched:
No sporting games, no school band concerts
Ever missed.
The sparkle in her eye for Dan and Jo,
Her laughter that lit up my heart.
Her pride in me was my sun.

“I love you a million,
billion
To infinity,”
Became my mantra as the cancer grew.
A love like the sky, countless as the stars, Making my heart expand like the cosmos.
“I have to complete the chemo for Micah and Sammy,” she vowed.
Her love, as wide as the ocean.

“If I don’t make it, tell my family I love them with every fiber of my being.”
Fibers as small as atoms,
Fibers as small as molecules,
Love as big as the Milky Way.
My tears streamed through those lonely days in late June,
And her quiet absence marks my life.

Then I realized—my mother is a universe.
My universe.
I hear her voice all the time,
Calling to me, advising me, cheering me on.
A Wheatley cheerleader both in life and in death.
The memories are a constant;
“May her memory be a blessing,” is a truth.
She is within me every day—in my voice, my mannerisms.
I hear her speaking through me.
Because my mother is my blessing,
my gratitude,
My everything.
My universe.