u/ApprehensiveVideo932

one of the studios I teach at is a large 20 reformer studio (I know, I know, but it pays well and I do my best to be as thorough as possible with everyones form).

I have a ton of consistent regulars, which makes my life easy because I know their body habits and what to look out for. there is one regular though who is consistently out of sync with the rest of class. she’s older, overweight (stating this an objective challenge for herself in certain set ups, not as a moral failing), has severe arthritis, can’t be on her wrists or knees, and I could handle all of this easily if she would LISTEN TO ME but she doesn’t listen well and gets her lefts and rights confused. I had to talk to her recently about how she need to follow along with my set ups for exercises because she almost fell off of the reformer by not listening to me and I’m scared she’s going to get hurt. if this studio offered privates, I would suggest her to talk them, but it doesn’t and she throws off the class for me and other people are getting upset with her because I’ve had to stop class to keep her safe multiple times on pretty simple moves.

ive tried to tell her her alternative movements that are easier for her, but she doesn’t remember them and she’s a danger on the reformer.

what would you do in this scenario? I’m not allowed to ban her from classes, but I don’t think she’s safe. also this studio requires all classes to be ALL LEVELS so I can’t shepherd her to a beginner class because they’re all supposed to be all levels.

id love any and all advice regarding this liability who’s taking time away from everyone else.

im trying to maintain some privacy, but I also want to give as much context as possible, so excuse the moments where I am vague.

Weve been married for 3 years together for 7. no kids and no plans for children.

my husband has always been bad with money due to sheer mathematical ignorance and lack of education on the matter, and I’ve always been the breadwinner for us.

the long story short is that over the past two years my husbands industry has taken beating after beating, and he’s refusing to consider a career pivot though it’s looking like it’s time. he’s gone 20k into debt trying to keep his business alive, but he’s completely neglecting our home and isnt acknowledging how much effort I make into our life. I work 3 jobs and am keeping things afloat, while also doing 80% of the household labor and cleaning and I had to take over the budget because he didn’t realize how bad his debt became and I don’t trust him with money anymore.

the past few months I’ve gotten really into ballroom dancing and I think it’s because when I’m following the leader I don’t have to be in control and I don’t have to do any of the thinking. I’m just supposed to move as I am told and I’m finding it really freeing. I’ve started spending 4-5 nights a week at the dance studio and my husband is hating this because he thinks I’m not prioritizing him anymore.

ive told him multiple times what I need from him (more cleaning, more effort, more intimacy, ect) but he doesn’t act on any of this. it’s like he thinks im being irrational or something for asking for more. he says I do too much and am being too needy and expecting too much from him. I just want my partner back.

in our discussion I hadn’t told him point blank yet that he needs to find a new career, but I’m getting close to it because I can’t keep juggling everything forever. I’m just afraid of telling him to give up on his dream.

when I threw out the idea of couples therapy he said he’d rather divorce because he thinks all couples therapy leads to divorces. I don’t want to divorce because I’m the one with assets between us and I’m afraid divorce would take away so much of what I’ve worked so hard for in giving myself stability.

I feel like im at an impasse. I want my partner back, but I don’t know what else I need to say to make him understand. I tried to tell him I feel like SpongeBob when he’s in Sandy’s house and Im begging for water because I’m so thirsty and he keeps telling me I dont need water. that seemed to maybe get to him but I’m just not sure. please, any suggestions for how to communicate the severity of this without causing him to shutdown would be amazing.

I’m curious if this is just a me problem, but one of my studios is very senior dominated. it’s only my seniors, but they’ve gotten into the habit of arriving 10-15 minutes early to privates and group classes both and demanding we start the second they arrive, or they’ll want me to give them physical therapy style Q and As before class starts.

i know I should be flattered they like me and trust me enough to want more of my opinions, but I am DRAINED when they do this and it throws my timing off for privates because a 50 minute private has become a 60 minute private for no reason other than they arrived early and insisted. in group classes when people arrive right on time the seniors act like they made the whole class wait even though they did t.

i started locking the door before my first client of the day arrives because she always shows up too early and thinks we should start right away and I can’t handle her doing that anymore.

any advice? is this a common problem? am I just experiencing burnout and am getting unnecessarily frustrated at my old ladies?

note: none of them would know this drives me crazy. I have a good poker face but I’m TIRED of this early arrival and special focus unpaid 10-15 minutes shit.

Together for 8 years, married for 3. No kids and no plans on kids + physically unable to due to cancer treatments.

I (33F) thought my husband (40M) was the perfect man for so long. He's always been a good partner, but after overcoming some major events in our life together (I went through a career change, cut off toxic family members, and survived a cancer scare and major surgery all in the same year) I'm feeling like I've grown from this time period and he hasn't.

I've been working out like crazy and have also been extremely health focused (not that I wasn't before, but now it's become more of an active daily interest rather than passive "best attempts"), and have also been focusing on our future plans for retirement and making sure our retirement portfolio is optimized.

My husband hasn't grown alongside me in this and it's causing distance between us. His health has gotten bad while mine has gotten better. I was setting us up for life insurance and we found out he's pre diabetic, is overweight, and has very high cholesterol. He's much more casual about finding things out then I am.

He also isn't aggressive about paying off his credit card debt, and isn't prioritizing maximizing retirement. His industry is changing a lot due to AI and tech, and the writing on the wall says it's time for a career change, but he's to prideful to do so, but it's effecting our income and I've been the breadwinner our whole relationship, and I want to no longer be the breadwinner.

The last thing, is that because my husbands health has worsened and he's mentally struggling work wise, his libido has diminished a lot (I was always higher libido, but the gap between us has gotten worse - we are only intimate once or twice a month and that's not enough for me). We haven't talked about this yet, and I'm afraid it would hurt his feelings if I told him I want more, because I don't want to keep emasculating him.... but he needs to step up and take care of himself in all of these ways.

How do I have the conversation with him about ALL of this without further emasculating him?

Note: he's anti therapy (especially couples therapy, which I threw out and he said he thinks that's a recipe for divorce and he refuses to go because of that), but is open to testing for ADHD and seeing if he needs ADHD medication, and we've already talked about the financial stuff (but not in depth about the career change) and a little about the health stuff (I've gently brought it up but he clearly evades the conversation). We haven't talked at all about the intimacy issue.

TLDR: Husband's industry is changing and he needs to do a career change and he also stopped taking care of his health which has effected his libido, and I'm trying to encourage him to do better and take care of himself without hurting his feelings further.

My husband is a freelance camera guy, and last year was the worst year he's ever had. If you follow the film industry at all, times have been rough for all positions.

He's deeply in debt and I can't keep covering our life forever. I'm already working 2 jobs and went through my own career change (without any financial support/while still helping support my husband financially) a year ago,

My husband seems optimistic that work is coming back because he's working more gigs again (but the rates are much lower).

I used to be so good at going along with his work, and understanding the feast or famine of it all, but because he's been in famine for over a year, I'm getting burnt out and don't know if I can keep supporting his dream. I also feel like he's not doing any of the side hustle type of things that would help his career (filming his own shorts, building a website, reaching out to make videos for companies, ect.).

We've been fighting a lot recently about money, and about how I want him to work him harder to get out debt so he can contribute more financially to the house and to our retirement and future, because I'm the only one who's covering retirement right now.

The problem is that he doesn't understand money as a tangible thing, and he's never been out of debt, so he doesn't know what that other side feels like. I've told him as much, and he understands, but I'm getting so tired of worrying about his work.

He doesn't know what else he would do if not film. I think he'd be a great bartender while he figured out something else, but he thinks service work is beneath him even though I worked service for a decade and paid our bills with service money.

How do I know when it's time to tell him to give up? Is that even my position here? How do I tell my husband to give up on what's always been his dream? He wants to work in film, but I think I'd rather him just be a hobbyist.

Title says all!

I'm looking for a personal trainer (ideally female but open to any expert) to do 3-5 sessions with to reallllllly learn how to lift dumbbells and kettlebells properly and how to correct some of my postural imbalances (and build a bigger butt).

I'm on the westside, so obvi looking for someone on the westside, but I'll drive as far as Mid City or South Bay as well! If they are REALLLLLLY good, I'll drive even as far as the Valley or East Side for the 3-5 sessions.

a couple months ago my (32F) husband (38M) revealed he had 20k in credit card debt that he didn’t know about. hes been in debt our entire relationship (and his entire adult life), and I’ve given him over 70k over the years to help pay off student loans, or cover rent, ect ect.

i thought he was going to be out of debt this month and he could start contributing to the retirement accounts with me, but when he revealed the debt I realized we are two years away from my dream of being financial teammates and I’ve been grieving that since. he says I’ve been shorter and more distant with him since the reveal. I’ve also been micromanaging the budget and forcing him to show me every account app every week.

last night we had a huge fight because I told him I don’t trust him with money and that it’s going to take time to rebuild my trust. he was appalled by this and said if I don’t trust him then why are we even married. I suggested marriage counseling to talk about financial infidelity (a term he doesn’t like) and he said he’d rather divorce than get marriage counseling. he also kept saying how things would’ve been better if he just didn’t tell me and just paid off the card in secret. this was during the height of the argument, and it seems like he doesn’t mean what he said about divorce, and though we’ve hugged and kissed this morning, inside I’m still really shaken.

i dont have any family, and I’ve planned my whole life around this man who has been a great partner until now and this man whom Ive loved soooooo much. I’m afraid though this financial bomb has changed us completely, and that he’s not willing to hear what I need now (time, consistency, transparency, and more affection honestly because I need to be reassured way more while I’m handling the house and working multiple jobs). are we cooked? he doesn’t believe in therapy, and im all twisted up inside and I’m not sure where to go from here?

I’ve been with my husband for 7 years and they’ve been generally very good. we’re extremely compatible, and my husband is a wonderful, kind, handsome, smart, funny, caring man who has been a great partner.

we’re going through our first major tough patch though in our relationship, because my husband revealed he had 20k of credit card debt I didn’t know about because of some poorly timed work investments (I want to stay vague, but my husband is a tradesman where gear is vital to his income, and he basically upgraded gear using his credit card and then hit a very slow year).

my husband has been in debt his whole adult life. Ive spent all of our relationship helping him budget, trying to help get him out of debt, I paid off his student loans, I helped him get out of a bad auto lease, ect ect.

we make the same amount of money, but because I’m a saver and avoided Accumulating debt I saw more of my money and was able to help him out all of these years.

i have never had financial support from my husband the way I’ve supported him for the entirety of our relationship, and though I wasnt previously looking for that, when he revealed the debt to me my heart broke because it made me realize we are still two years away from being able to mutually build our financial future together (I thought he would join me in saving for retirement together this year but now he has to pay off debt first and it’s thrown off my timeline).

my husband is working really hard to make it right, but the problem is that I’ve just been so disappointed in him about the debt that’s it’s dimmed my passion for him for the first time ever.

this is where the friend comes in. we have a friend in our circle who I’ve always thought was attractive and kind and smart, but I’ve always kept arms distance because I don’t want to cross any lines. Recently though, this friend and I were hanging out in a group setting, and he and I were talking about so many different topics and I realized how similar we are and how aligned we are on so many things (also I’ve always kind of thought that this friend was attracted to me as well because of subtle signs he sends in how he looks at me), and it’s absolutely made me start fantasizing about him and I feel so guilty.

both of these men are good people. My friend doesn’t know I’m attracted to him, and my husband doesn’t know either. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I have no intention of cheating.

i can’t just not see this friend though without it being weird or suspicious. What are my best actions from this point if I want to honor my marriage even during this rough patch? I’m sooooo deep in my fantasies about my friend, I just want to have some ideas about how to cool off. what are some good pathways to take here to be a good partner and try to quiet my lust and fantasies?

I was teaching a very basic class today, and I had this older woman come in who only ever takes my classes and only signs up through ClassPass. this woman has a million health issues and NEEEEEDS privates, but they aren’t in her budget.

every SINGLE cue I gave today she would ask for a modification, or tell me that move doesn’t work for her (even the most basic of basic moves), and then she got a few cramps and blamed them on me and I kept trying to give her modifications and make things easier but it was throwing things off for the rest of the class!

I had us set up the box at one point and she hit her leg on the footbar while walking around the reformer and was clearly upset with ME about it, even though I even mentioned that the footbar was there!

this woman at the end told me my class wasn’t for her and then started telling me how she fell recently and blacked out and started complaining about all of this other stuff that had nothing to do with pilates and I’m so tired I started crying the minute she left.

I just need to know how any other teachers would handle this type of client? I genuinely want to ask if they can block her on ClassPass because I never want to deal with her again. I’m legitimately crying because I’m so exhausted from her personality and imposition and aggression towards me

I’ll be in Manhattan and Brooklyn for a week, and I’m looking for pilates studios that work heavily with dancers. If anyone knows which studios NYC ballerinas frequent, that’s the type of training I’m hoping to try out while I’m there!! ideally group classes, but I’m open to scheduling a private with a master teacher (i teach pilates full time, so I’m looking for the kind of teacher who deepens my own practice and understanding if im booking a privats).

let me know what recs you have!

33F, married to a generally great 38M. Recently though, my husband revealed to me he had 15k in credit card debt he didn't know about (he's not lying - he's an anxious avoidant type and forgot about the cards due to years of avoidance). I'm not in debt, and I inherited a fair amount of money a few years ago and used some of it to pay off my husband's student loans. He feels guilty that I've given him tens of thousands of dollars, and he refuses to accept any more money from me to pay off his card.

Since this reveal though, I've been quietly quite upset with my husband for allowing his avoidant tendencies to allow for interest to spin out of control. My husband is seeing a psychiatrist now about that (as per my suggestion). I'm also frustrated that I feel like I do everything (I clean, I work more, I manage the money, I manage more of the emotional labor, ect.).

I love my husband dearly and we're getting through this with a plan, but I'm feeling like I want to do something selfish for once since I feel like nobody in my life takes care of me the way I take care of them. I love love love love love to dance, and was thinking about taking myself on a solo trip to New York City and taking as many dance classes as I possibly could for 48 hours and then come home. I can afford the trip financially, but I'm afraid it would hurt my husband if I told him I want to do this for myself and he's not invited. I also am absolutely terrible at doing things by myself, and I'm afraid I'll never commit to this trip because I see it as so frivolous and selfish.

Advice please, on whether I should do the trip at all, and if it is the right thing to do, how do I overcome feeling selfish about it?

eta: to answer some questions, my husband was able to ignore the debt because minimum auto payments continued and he hates checking his accounts (another thing I’m now managing for him and another reason I’m feeling selfish). He truly didn’t lie. He works in an industry that required some technical upgrades, he put it on the card, and then avoided looking at it for years. yes he’s been very irresponsible with his money (thus why I’m now micromanaging his accounts and why I’m feeling drained and tired), but truly there was no major deception.