u/Aromatic_Mouse88

Yeah it’s almost comical at this point - I’m not sure if I should cry or laugh. This man is 42 years old, father to 3 kids, and this is how he behaves. Why do they sexualize everything?!

I know they like to push boundaries and it often starts with small things. Then one day you realize every boundary you had has been crossed. If I could give one piece of advice, it would be to keep a personal bank account that they cannot access. If you don't, every transaction can and will end up being monitored, questioned, and scrutinized. Before long, your savings may be funding their gambling, shopping, alcohol use, or whatever addiction they happen to have. Mine would always say that in a relationship you shouldn't hide anything, and that "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine." The irony was that he didn't work and didn't own propert, I did. Thankfully, I made sure to protect my assets. Looking back, that's the one boundary I managed to hold firm.

Other than the obvious advice to run, what's the one thing you would tell someone entering or stuck in a relationship like this?

I honestly don’t know how to deal with the grief of losing the dreams and hopes I had for us. I met him after the end of a decade-long relationship, at a time when dating was the last thing on my mind. We started as friends, and then everything developed so quickly. He was everything I had ever wanted, and in many ways, this ending has hurt me even more than the end of my long-term relationship. Before anyone says, “Those dreams had nothing to do with him—you can still have them,” please don’t. I know that perspective comes from a good place, but it oversimplifies what I’m feeling. The reality is that we want what we want. The future I imagined wasn’t just about milestones or experiences; it was about sharing them with him. What I’m struggling with most is grieving all the things that were supposed to happen—the plans, the possibilities, the life I thought we were building. I just don’t know how to let go of that. Was this all future faking, do they do that?

I hope it’s okay I post this here. I’m at a breaking point and I don’t know if I’m being unfair or if I’ve just reached my limit.

For the last year I’ve been in a relationship with a great man. I’ve never felt this connected and loved. However he was deeply betrayed by his ex, the mother of his children. A few years later his recent ex also cheated on him and after that relationship he hasn’t dated for years. He has PTSD from the past relationships and he carries a lot of unresolved trauma from what happened to him.

I went into this relationship with empathy and patience because I understood that betrayal changes people. But over time I feel like I’ve slowly disappeared inside the relationship.

His fear, distrust, anxiety and constant hypervigilance have become part of our daily life. I constantly feel like I’m being viewed through the lens of what someone else did to him. I feel like I’m always having to reassure, explain, prove, calm, repair, or avoid triggering him. Even when I’ve done nothing wrong, I still feel like I’m carrying the consequences of another person’s betrayal and I feel so much anger towards these people who wounded someone so great.

I know trauma explains a lot of his reactions, and I don’t think he’s a bad person. But I also think people underestimate what it does to the new partner. Living inside someone else’s unresolved betrayal trauma can become emotionally exhausting and incredibly lonely.

I’ve started feeling anxious, emotionally drained, resentful, and broken down. I feel guilty even writing this because I know he’s hurting too, but I don’t know how to continue.

Do you have any advice on dealing with a partner’s betrayal trauma/PTSD? Was it affecting the relationship to this extent? How did you know when compassion turned into self-abandonment? Unfortunately therapy isn’t an option at the moment and even though I don’t want to let go I don’t know how to continue

Why does everything - even the smallest most innocent mistakes become huge groundbreaking issues with them?! A small, harmless things can turn into hours of questioning or insistence that you must have meant something or wanted to hurt them specifically…. I sent him a picture of the view from my balcony and accidentally unsent it and then resent it right away. He questioned why I did that, and I told him it was just an accident, but he kept insisting that it couldn’t have been unintentional. He just wouldn’t let it go and I feel like I am so damn afraid right now do anything at this point because everything is going to get me in trouble

He (41) won’t admit that he has a serious alcohol addiction, and it feels like he’s choosing an early death and completely okay with it. At this point, I honestly don’t know what else to do other than accept that this is his choice. I know addiction is cruel and complicated, but watching someone seem so indifferent to the fact that they may never see their children grow into teenagers is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever witnessed….

Yet another post about dating a cancer man (I’m an aqua girl), sorry guys 🫠

I’m trying to make sense of a situation and I’m really struggling with it. We met online about a year ago and it felt like meeting a male version of myself (we’re both in our late 30s). We connected deeply right away and fell for each other quite fast. We live on different continents, but we made plans to meet last summer. He made me feel very seen, loved, and appreciated. I never had to guess where I stood with him.

But there were also a lot of challenges from the start. He has serious abandonment and trust issues, along with very serious ongoing health problems that often affected his mood and made him angry at times. I have my own history with abandonment and trust issues, so I understood where he was coming from and tried to be patient and consistent.

Over time though, things became more difficult. He started needing constant reassurance, if I went anywhere, I had to send photos and keep messaging him. But when he went out, he wouldn’t do the same. He’d say he had bad reception or just wouldn’t respond for hours. He didn’t go out often, but even short periods of no contact on my end would trigger arguments. I started feeling resentful because I was expected to be constantly available, while he wasn’t.

We began arguing more, and our plans to meet kept getting pushed back. He also didn’t take steps toward getting a passport and often had excuses. I know his health played a role, but I also started questioning whether he truly wanted to make it happen the way he said he did.

This weekend, things escalated again. He went to see a friend and I didn’t hear from him for about 6 hours. I called and messaged several times, but got no response. When he finally replied, he turned it around on me and said I was in the wrong.

He also referenced a message I sent in frustration—that I would wear whatever I wanted because he doesn’t answer me for hours and doesn’t get a say in what I do—which he interpreted as me being “threatening” and wanting attention from other men.

Then he said he “knows what I’ve done” and wished me luck dealing with my “karma.” I have never cheated or done anything inappropriate with anyone.

I’m really confused by the shift and the way things were reframed. He seemed so invested despite our arguments but the last few months it seemed like he didn’t truly care when he hurt me.

I recognize immature and unhealthy dynamics on both sides, but I’m struggling to understand how it got to this point so fast and why he’s acting like this. Any insights?

He controls everything I do, wear and say — he wants to know where I am at all times, asks for pictures while I’m at work, and even questioned whether I actually went to my grandfather’s funeral. I constantly feel like I have to prove myself just to avoid conflict. Tonight, he went out without telling me where he was going and he’s ignoring my calls completely. The double standard hurts. I’m sitting here angry, bitter, and disappointed in myself for how much I’ve bent over backwards just to keep the peace. Part of me wishes I could block him and erase him from my life entirely.

I spent the last six months reselling clothes, shoes, bags, coats, and accessories. I was proud of myself—like I finally understood my habits, my needs, and why I shopped the way I did. I cleared out so much and made around 4K, and it felt incredible to let go of things I never used. For a while, my home felt lighter and calmer, like I’d reset something in myself.

But now I’m realizing I’ve filled that space again. Different items, same pattern. And it’s overwhelming. The relief I felt is now replaced by guilt and I’m drowning in things all over again. After all that time and effort, ending up back here feels heavy, and the guilt is so hard to ignore. What’s worse is looking at these things I once thought would make me happy or fill some kind of gap—and instead of comfort, they just remind me of that cycle. It makes me resent them, and honestly, it makes me question myself too. Instead of paying off my debt I just restarted the cycle.

I am so confused by my whole situation…. We met randomly on social media a bit over a year ago. The plan was that he would come visit me first. There have been many obstacles (some I know are legit and other pure laziness) but matter of fact is that he still hasn’t applied for a passport. He’s very invested - we talk a lot, our families know about each other, I’ve met his kid over face time. There’s so much future talk but I can feel I’m pulling away because I don’t see him actually doing anything actively for us to see each other. Do I need a reality check? I don’t know if I’m going to end up hurt by someone who maybe just doesn’t take it seriously