u/Artistic_Breath_5388

You guys. I'm so exhausted by the dogma! Apparently I'm a centrist when it comes to many parenting issues and I guess I just need to vent that it's hard out here to be open to multiple POVs lol. I know the only real answer is to get off Reddit altogether but the sleep deprivation has truly decimated my attention span for anything else.

Why is it so hard to have nuanced conversations about baby sleep? On one end of the spectrum, even questioning the effectiveness sleep training with my particular baby gets me banned in one sub, while acknowledging the existing research on sleep training has me attacked in another sub.

Honest question, is there a centrist-friendly sub about baby sleep that I'm not aware of where you can have open discussions about this stuff without so much extremism?

I can't be the only person who craves a space like this???

For those of you who have successfully sleep trained, how strict are you with the schedule?

Long story short, the 4 month regression hit (at 5 months) and our baby who has been sleeping in a Snoo since 6 weeks (before we got that, he was a contact only sleeper) started refusing the transfer 90% of the time regardless of the sleeping surface. Sometimes I can side nurse him to sleep in bed (which we put on the floor) but it’s extremely difficult to unlatch and roll away without waking him. Otherwise, my husband can walk him around for 30 mins as he wails full volume and cries himself to sleep. But even then, the crib transfer is not guaranteed. The real issue is that every failed transfer results in a huge amount of crying that can be very hard to stop. He’s rejecting being put down in a serious way.

So after a couple weeks of chest sleeping and baby waking constantly to root for the nipple leading to extreme fussiness during the day, I’ve come to the very difficult conclusion that we need to sleep train. I feel pretty wrecked by this decision tbh. I don’t let my baby cry ever. I feel like a failure. But I’ve been experiencing so much rage and I know something has to give.

Ideally, our schedule is 2/2.25/2.5/3.25 with a 6:30 am wake-up and 8 pm bedtime and 3.5 hrs of daytime sleep. However I’m having a very hard time sticking to that schedule because erratic nights are causing him to sleep more during the day.

Here are my questions:

What’s the best way to transition to a regular schedule in prep for sleep training when nights are unpredictable?

Does sleep training only work if you can adhere to the schedule strictly forever?

How can we be sure he isn’t teething? (He just cut two teeth a couple weeks ago which coincided perfectly with this sleep regression so I was thinking that was the cause. But the teeth are in and sleep is still bad.)

I know you start with bedtime, but do you also continue with CIO during all wake-ups that very first night? (Planning to feed him around 2 am and 5 am as these were his regular feeding times when he was sleeping in the Snoo.)

I hate this part of being a parent and honestly I will never have a second baby because of it. I’m have to cosleep because baby is rejecting the crib and I simply do not sleep for longer than an hour at a time while cosleeping. He wakes up so often to comfort suckle when I’m near and often will not fall back asleep unless I hold him which means i have to fully wake up and it take forever to get him back down next to me and for me to then fall asleep again. (In the crib he will sleep for 3 hours at a time sometimes.)

He’s only 5 months old and I feel like it’s going to be an eternity before I get to sleep again. I also have to go back to work in 2 weeks and I’m so worried I’m just going to lose my job for being incompetent due to lack of sleep. Im the financially stable partner in our relationship so that would be very bad for our family.

And while I’m ranting, biologically it makes no sense that babies destroy their caregiver’s sleep because that means their caregivers are less able to take care of them. It’s so dumb.

My 5-month old has slept in the Snoo until yesterday when he learned to roll back to belly. He's now rejecting the Snoo. I'm going to buy a crib soon but won't be able to set it up until husband gets home in a few days, so we're safely co-sleeping until then.

I sleep so poorly in the c curl all night so I was thinking of putting an air mattress next to the bed and letting baby have the big bed. He can't roll off yet because he can only roll back to belly. But is it dangerous since he can roll onto belly but can't roll onto back? He has very good neck control (he was 2 weeks late so he's ahead of the curve) and I suspect he'd just cry once he got to his belly. The risk of him rolling would still apply even if I was in bed with him so I feel like there isn't much of a difference but am I missing anything?

I work remotely in a career that I believe will eventually be decimated by AI. I'm looking to switch careers to something that is more AI resistant and I'd like to work in-person to meet more people and leave my house more. I'm open to all sorts of fields but I do need to make more 75k to maintain my quality of life here. Curious to hear from all kinds of people!

I'm considering switching careers to nursing. We have kids in school so I would need to take a job locally after finishing school. I'm especially curious what the working conditions/culture are like for nurses at the local hospitals: St. Joe's, Mad River, and Redwood Memorial. But also open to hearing about any nursing experience (outpatient, public health, ect.) in the area as well. Thanks!

I’ll be WFH when I return to work in a month. We’ve set up a garage desk for me. Baby will be with dad or part time nanny during the workday. We made this plan specifically so that I wouldn’t have to pump because I hate it. Plus baby doesn’t even take a bottle and I’d prefer not to stress over making this happen.

My therapist and a friend of mine made me feel like this is a crazy plan. I know it’s not the norm these days but I feel like I’m privileged to even have this as a choice.

I guess I’m just looked for validation from those who prefer not to pump. Isn’t it relieving to not have to worry about the pumping math and all the dishes? Will it really be so bad to have to take little break throughout the day to feed my baby?

Baby currently sleeps swaddled in a bassinet as both he and I sleep a lot better in separate spaces. However, he needs to transition out of the swaddle soon and neither me nor my partner can transfer him to the bassinet without the swaddle while still asleep. His arms wake him up every time.

So I'm weighing a floor bed versus a crib with a door. With the former, I was thinking I could continue feeding to sleep in my arms (he won't feed to sleep in a lying position) and I can slither down into a lying position to lay him down and then escape to my own bed until his first wake up. However, I'm curious how this works when he can crawl. Is he going to crawl all over the room in the middle of the night?

A crib with a door could work as it would allow us to do the transfer from a kneeling position which sound better than standing but I wonder how realistic it is to transfer sleeping baby to crib in the long-term as he's already a 98th percentile baby and getting bigger every day.

Anyone have experience with either of these options?

Has anyone extended their postpartum disability (SDI/PDL) after having finished bonding time (PFL)? I'm 4 months PP and suddenly dealing with debilitating night anxiety/insomnia that causes extreme tiredness during the day. Can't imagine being able to do my demanding corporate job in this condition. I already used all my bonding time and just started 6 weeks of PTO so return to work is supposed to be Sept. 1.

My LO has been a contact/nipple in mouth sleeper from Day 1. This is lovely for naps but stressful for nights. (Cosleeping is a nightmare for me as he insists on being latched all night and wakes constantly to relatch. He won't sleep on dad so we can't do shifts.) Since there isn't really a safe way to sleep with an infant on top of me overnight, we bought a used Snoo and started double swaddling. This gave us 1.5 months (4 to 11 weeks) of regular bassinet night sleep. 2-4 wake-ups a night, but putting baby back down was relatively easy. It was manageable.

We were hit with a sudden regression at week 11. It's taking over an hour to get him in the bassinet at night, swaddled or unswaddled. He will sleep for 3 hours during this first stint, thank god as I'm living on those 3 hours. Then after 1 am he pretty much insists on contact sleeping. If I do manage to put him back in the bassinet, he wakes up in one sleep cycle. So, because I literally do not know what else to do, I've been sleeping for a hour here and there holding him slightly propped up in bed with pillows under my arms. (Please do not tell me this is unsafe, I'm more than aware!)

While I know that this is completely normal baby behavior, it doesn't make it easy or even manageable. He has a serious nipple/sleep association (again, normal, I know!), so when he wakes up and nipple is gone he protests until nipple comes back. I am trying to layer on shushing as he falls asleep in hopes of dropping the nipple association eventually, but I'm highly skeptical this will work. (No, he doesn't take a binky!)

I never thought that I would even consider sleep training my baby, but there's also the reality that a) I am beyond exhausted and it's leading to postpartum anxiety and depression and b) sleeping sitting up in bed is not safe for my baby. So I find myself considering needing to do some form of sleep training, unless this behavior somehow magically solves itself in the next month or so.

I'd love to hear from people who have been through this specific issue. Also to those of you who are able to cosleep while baby is latched -- how are you doing this?! Please be gentle with your advice!

I love breastfeeding my baby. It was easy from day 1 and we quickly built a great relationship. He has always gained weight like a champ. He's 3.5 months and I exclusively breastfeed directly because the logics of pumping have never been worth it for me. The big downside is that this means I'm not able to do shifts with my partner at night.

Last night, I hit a breaking point after being up from midnight to 5 am. So today, I decided to give pumping another shot. I've managed to pump twice today so far (after he fed) and I got an ounce each time, which I know is normal. I expect to get less throughout the day, so I'm not sure I'll even make it to my 5-oz bottle goal before we need it tonight.

But the bigger problem is that after I pumped the second time, my little guy woke up from his nap and wanted to feed. (He doesn't feed on schedule, he's just snacks throughout the day because boob is his happy place. Also very normal!) However, this time I didn't have any milk left and he became very upset. Had to put in the carrier to force him back to sleep.

How is everyone pumping 5x or 6x a time day minimum and not running into this problem? After pumping for a while, will my supply eventually increase to the point where I only need to pump a couple times in the morning? I suspect that I would get more milk if I pumped throughout the night since that's when he does his big feeds, so probably my supply is higher then. But that isn't going to help my overall goal of sleeping more!

It feels like I'm being forced to choose between breastfeeding success and sleep. And I really love breastfeeding. But I need sleep to survive. Ugh.

Edit: Baby has no interest in formula, so combo feeding isn't a good solution!

A good night in the Snoo for our 12-week old is a 4 hr stretch followed by a 2-hr, and then a 1-hr, at which point dad does an early morning stroller walk so that I can sleep another couple of hrs. Some nights are far more chaotic than this.

During the day, he regularly naps for 2 hours at a time in my lap. I try to cap at 2/2.5 hrs for fear of it messing with nighttime sleep but I’m starting to wonder if that is even too long. I also try to do at least one Snoo nap a day, which is never longer than 40 mins (I know this is developmentally normal).

I really love our contact naps. I’m taking online courses so I have a lot of couch time to spare. He’s a super clingy boy who loves to sleep on me, and since he can’t do that all night it’s nice to give that to him during the day.

Somehow, I’m coping with the lack of sleep fine. The system is working. But in 2.5 months I’ll be back at work and I would really like to be down to 1 wake up a night by then (or fewer but trying to be realistic).

So do I proactively stop contact napping now in preparation for going back to work, even though we both enjoy those naps currently? Or do I soak it up for as long as possible and risk it being a harder habit to break come September? I hate that being a working mom creates these decisions!