u/Available-Thought860

here’s the original story. scroll down for the update

oops. accidentally posted this from my main account and don’t want it traced back to me so let’s try this again. so if you feel like you’re seeing this again that’s why! my bad!
i’ve been openly child free by choice for many years now. my ex lied to me. he told me he didn’t want kids. then a year into our relationship he suddenly demanded i have his children and he wasn’t okay with not having kids and actually wants a large family. i broke up with him. he kicked me out, bad mouthed me to everyone, and was just over all super horrible about the situation when it didn’t need to be what it was. we just wanted different things.

through this my best friend was by my side. she saw all the pain and betrayal. we were best friends. for years at that point. i also thought she wasn’t real fond of the idea of having kids. i also thought she likely couldn’t have biological children either. but maybe i heard her wrong.

we started to grow apart. she started behaving kinda shitty and male centered. around a month ago i noticed she was following this ex on social media, and had unfollowed me. i confronted her about it. and how ive been feeling very hurt by her recent actions. she totally tried to flip it on me saying i refused to talk to her about the issues she has with me and “i’m not gonna be painted as the bad guy here”. i apologize to her for making her feel like i didn’t care about her. i saw at this point she took the time to block me, but she was still following my ex. so i cut off contact and told her i wouldn’t have any conversation with her while im blocked and she’s following a man who hurt me so deeply to the point i feel broken and like i don’t deserve to be a wife because i don’t want kids.

well they’re dating. and i’m so confused. i thought she was child free and didn’t want kids. i thought we shared a lot of ideas like that. so now im so lost. my ex is an extremely religious alcoholic who wants a huge family. i didnt know her to be religious, she didnt like alcohol or being around drunk people, and i thought she didnt want kids. but all it took was him being persistent for a week for her to jump ship.

i know this kinda may not fit the subreddit. i am extremely confused by her sudden flip on all of these things i thought we were aligned on. i have literally zero support in my life. i dont know where else to go. i’m not supposed to know any of this information and can’t really speak much about it. my parents, just told me to get over it and im basically being dramatic for not just wishing them well and moving on. my bf is just telling me to move on and told me to stop speaking about my ex when i opened up about what’s going on. i feel like i have zero emotional support. i feel so unseen hurt and confused.

UPDATE
well i finally have an update. this weekend my ex best friend was supposed to go hang out with my ex and his family. leading up to this, maybe a week or so ago, her situationship from back home was “sleeping on her couch” while he was in town for an event. which personally i don’t believe but that’s another story. but my ex believed her and tried to defend her to the ends of the earth.

my ex sounded like he was already in love with her. he claimed he really liked her and was really happy to be dating her and for what the future holds for them.

but they never had to have the kids talk because my ex best friend dumped my ex for HER EX. she flew all the way to see my ex, spent the night with him and picked up a car u think she bought, and then left his ass. saying life’s just so complicated right now and her and her ex are going to try again. she was supposed to stay with him all weekend and go celebrate the 4th with his family. but she left a day in for her ex. i genuinely have no words for this situation. but here’s the update for those who asked for one!

hey guys! so recently i ended a 5+ year friendship after finding out after everything she started following my ex on socials. there was a lot of other issues with her ditching me, putting more value into hookups, and making nasty comments to my boyfriend. but i just knew in my gut seeing her follow my ex on socials was more than just her forgetting to unfollow him or something.

i have posts detailing more of the big issues on my page if you care to read about those. but now im realizing smaller cracks and weird encounters that are sticking in my head.

the main one right now being her nasty comments to my boyfriend. me and her are into cars. and that’s how our friendship started. my ex she’s dating is part of a smaller subculture in the car community that a lot of people would describe most in that community as egotistical, fake, and materialistic. my boyfriend is also part of this subculture, but very down to each and not the typical kind of person you’d find in this subculture. when she met him and i showed her his instagram she started what felt at the time like full on bullying him and trying to paint me as a person i am not. her comment was along the lines of “oh, really OP, another guy from this subculture??? you said you were done with these guys” and her come to him was “oh my god you’re so cringe your post are typical for this subculture and you’re so cringe for that”

understandably it hurt my boyfriends feelings and made him feel lied to about me. he though i was someone who just “got around” inside the subculture. which isn’t true. not shame to those who do like to hook up with people. that just does not represent me.

now i’m looking back and thinking was she trying to neg him and drive a wedge between us with that? should i have seen that as more concerning. now thinking about it, anyone i was romantically involved with she had to make weird comments about.

also looking back she did do a lot to be similar to me. she changed her user name to match mine when we had rival cars. which i at the time thought was cute. she also ended up buying a car to match my daily. mine was white with black wheels and hers was black with white wheels. i wrapped my car in a very specific way and she had me buy her wrap to do hers the same way to twin with me. i got into a ldr and was going to move. and she ended up getting into a ldr too and moving before i did. that guy also told her to her face that he wanted to be with me but i wouldn’t give him the time of day so he went for her instead because she was my friend. and she thought that was funny…????

i want to know if my thoughts here are valid or if im looking too deeply into this because now she’s with my ex.

long story short, my ex and best friend are now dating. my now ex best friend is posting quotes on instagram that say “i hope watching me win is like acid on your tongue”. i also know my ex dating her is premeditated. this isn’t something that could just naturally happen. they in no circumstances would just cross paths as they live in different states probably about 600 miles apart or a 9 hour drive. i know for a fact they started dating because he persistently messaged her on instagram. my ex ranted to a mutual friend saying he so desperately wants me out of his life. i moved on the second we broke up though.

my question is where did i personally go so wrong that my best friend would do something like this to me, and that even after 3 years my ex is STILL (from what i assume) trying to get back at me.

here’s my possible thoughts and points with my friend
\- she made a nasty comment to my current boyfriend that hurt his feelings and i called her out on it
\- while she was visiting me she claimed she felt i was on my phone too much. i did apologize and addressed it with her.
\- she claims she has a ton of issues with me and that i refused to listen to her. but i personally cannot find any examples of her trying to talk besides the phone issue and her asking if we could try and speak more
\- she said she was sad because it felt like we didn’t talk as much as we used to. i tried my hardest to talk to her more. but i always felt like she was uninterested which pushed me away
\- she ditched me for a two week trip she was supposed to stay with me for to hook up with a mutual friend

here’s maybe where i went wrong with my ex bf
\- when i could tell the relationship was ending i was beside myself and spend an hour sobbing trying to calm down to talk to him
\- i left him because he lied to me about wanting kids and being okay with my untraditional life style
\- im still friends with his brother and sister in law
\- i called him out for watching alpha male bs online
\- there was a mix up where i thought he stole my awards and passport when he kicked me out and packed up all my stuff for me

where did i go wrong to deserve this?

long story short, my ex and best friend are now dating. my now ex best friend is posting quotes on instagram that say “i hope watching me win is like acid on your tongue”. i also know my ex dating her is premeditated. this isn’t something that could just naturally happen. they in no circumstances would just cross paths as they live in different states probably about 600 miles apart or a 9 hour drive. i know for a fact they started dating because he persistently messaged her on instagram. my ex ranted to a mutual friend saying he so desperately wants me out of his life. i moved on the second we broke up though.

my question is where did i personally go so wrong that my best friend would do something like this to me, and that even after 3 years my ex is STILL (from what i assume) trying to get back at me.

here’s my possible thoughts and points with my friend
- she made a nasty comment to my current boyfriend that hurt his feelings and i called her out on it
- while she was visiting me she claimed she felt i was on my phone too much. i did apologize and addressed it with her.
- she claims she has a ton of issues with me and that i refused to listen to her. but i personally cannot find any examples of her trying to talk besides the phone issue and her asking if we could try and speak more
- she said she was sad because it felt like we didn’t talk as much as we used to. i tried my hardest to talk to her more. but i always felt like she was uninterested which pushed me away
- she ditched me for a two week trip she was supposed to stay with me for to hook up with a mutual friend

here’s maybe where i went wrong with my ex bf
- when i could tell the relationship was ending i was beside myself and spend an hour sobbing trying to calm down to talk to him
- i left him because he lied to me about wanting kids and being okay with my untraditional life style
- im still friends with his brother and sister in law
- i called him out for watching alpha male bs online
- there was a mix up where i thought he stole my awards and passport when he kicked me out and packed up all my stuff for me

where did i go wrong to deserve this?

my sister got pregnant before she turned 21 and had her first kid at 21. my parents are very hell bent on the idea that people need to be having children as early as possible. they’re very happy about my sisters choice. my sister still lives with them, is doing everything in her power to not go back to work, and keeps applying for every trump cash thing she can for having a baby.

at dinner the other night a family friend told us some big life news (not a baby). but we got on the topic of big life events and ofc my parents had to rant about how my sister is “so laid back and a care free mom” because she’s so young. and they tried to argue having kids older makes you a crazy controlling helicopter parent and a ball of stress that destroys children.

they make this argument because my sister just hands her baby off to anyone. let’s people kiss the baby (the baby has had no vaccines yet he’s too young). she just sends him off to family members houses. co sleeps when her and her bf nap. and so on, that she’s so chill and carefree because she’s 21.
while my aunt had her first baby in her mid to late 30s and is a crazy helicopter mom who is constantly dragging her son to events and trying to cram all the life experiences in. they claim she does this because of her age. not because of her personality

i feel these things aren’t an age thing. and i voiced that to them multiple times. and they over and over told me im wrong and its age and why people need to have babies very young. i’m curious what others think. what would you guys say in these arguments. my parents also claim to be okay with me being child free then go on rants like this making me feel like they don’t like me being child free.

oops. accidentally posted this from my main account and don’t want it traced back to me so let’s try this again. so if you feel like you’re seeing this again that’s why! my bad!
i’ve been openly child free by choice for many years now. my ex lied to me. he told me he didn’t want kids. then a year into our relationship he suddenly demanded i have his children and he wasn’t okay with not having kids and actually wants a large family. i broke up with him. he kicked me out, bad mouthed me to everyone, and was just over all super horrible about the situation when it didn’t need to be what it was. we just wanted different things.

through this my best friend was by my side. she saw all the pain and betrayal. we were best friends. for years at that point. i also thought she wasn’t real fond of the idea of having kids. i also thought she likely couldn’t have biological children either. but maybe i heard her wrong.

we started to grow apart. she started behaving kinda shitty and male centered. around a month ago i noticed she was following this ex on social media, and had unfollowed me. i confronted her about it. and how ive been feeling very hurt by her recent actions. she totally tried to flip it on me saying i refused to talk to her about the issues she has with me and “i’m not gonna be painted as the bad guy here”. i apologize to her for making her feel like i didn’t care about her. i saw at this point she took the time to block me, but she was still following my ex. so i cut off contact and told her i wouldn’t have any conversation with her while im blocked and she’s following a man who hurt me so deeply to the point i feel broken and like i don’t deserve to be a wife because i don’t want kids.

well they’re dating. and i’m so confused. i thought she was child free and didn’t want kids. i thought we shared a lot of ideas like that. so now im so lost. my ex is an extremely religious alcoholic who wants a huge family. i didnt know her to be religious, she didnt like alcohol or being around drunk people, and i thought she didnt want kids. but all it took was him being persistent for a week for her to jump ship.

i know this kinda may not fit the subreddit. i am extremely confused by her sudden flip on all of these things i thought we were aligned on. i have literally zero support in my life. i dont know where else to go. i’m not supposed to know any of this information and can’t really speak much about it. my parents, just told me to get over it and im basically being dramatic for not just wishing them well and moving on. my bf is just telling me to move on and told me to stop speaking about my ex when i opened up about what’s going on. i feel like i have zero emotional support. i feel so unseen hurt and confused.

long story short, i just found out my best friend is dating my ex.
my ex lied about wanting kids and i broke up with him and him and his family kicked me out with no where to go 2300 mile from home in the dead of winter.
my best friend, we’ll call her sandy, was of course there for emotional support since we both lived so far apart at that point. i ranted to her, cried to her, told her everything. i then helped her through a break up shortly after too.

we had some issues at the end there. i won’t lie. she ditched me for another boy, refused to se me while she was in town, made nasty comments about my current boyfriend and so on. the last straw was i saw her following said ex. i confronted her and told her i was going to take a little break from our friendship. she then turned it around on me and said im the problem and i refused to talk to her about her issues (im neurodivergent. i didnt ever get any hit she was upset or was trying to talk to me). i noticed then she blocked me, but still continued following my ex. so i ended the conversation with an apology for hurting her feelings and saying im done with the conversation until she removes my ex.

well they’re dating. and she was flying out or was out with my ex around the time i sent those messages. i’m not supposed to know this information yet as they have only told close friends and family. they even BRAGGED to his parents they met through me.

i’ve never gotten over anything in my life. situations like this leave me traumatized and hurt for ever. i don’t know how to move forward. i keep thinking about our friendship. i drive past the place she used to work and my heart just sinks in my chest. i go to places we used to go and i feel my heart shatter. i think about them together. how all it took was him dming her for a week straight for her to jump ship.

how did you guys get over friendship betrayal? everyone just keeps telling me to “get over it” and i don’t know how.

i’ve been dating my partner for almost a year now. and i think im starting to grow tired of the distance. or atleast the fact theres no time line set in place.

some important context. both me and my partner are into cars and child free by choice. i live in a blue states and he lives in a red state. i also previously moved to another state for an ex and he lied to me and kicked me out when i refused to cave to his demands.

i told him from the start i would not move to a state with any sort of abortion bans. i live in a start with zero restrictions, and (knock on wood) i don’t see that ever changing here. so i do not want to leave. he’s said in the past my state is a place he’s always dreamed of living since a child. he said he wanted to move by his birthday, but no plan was ever set and that did not happen.

as of recently he’s been saying now he doesn’t want to move do to restrictive laws in my state on cars. i have two modified cars. one which is pretty loud, and i haven’t had issues. there’s ways around it and it always seems more dramatic online than it is in real life. i know he’d be okay as he has a car that’s pretty popular to build here.

but he keeps bringing that up as an excuse. and it’s starting to register in my brain as an excuse not to move.

i understand the move isn’t easy. i’ve done it myself. but i will not live in a state that has laws on my bodily autonomy. i wont live in a state that would try to prosecute me if i had to travel across state lines for care. i feel like when it comes to laws on my body vs laws on a car, my body and rights should be the priority.

i feel like it’s making me push away from him a bit. like he’s not as serious about me as i am about him. i feel like having no plan or date in place or anything is making me feel disconnected. i keep asking around for potential places for him to work as im well connected, but he’s put zero effort into any of it.

i’m frustrated. am i fighting a losing battle? is he not as serious as i am? what do i do from here.

hey guys! i’m a girl in my mid twenties. i’ve had an extremely hard time with friendships all my life. and i feel i’m the past month i’ve actually found a good group of people to hang out with. we all have a shared interest in cars and end up at the same shows and events. we also have started having little parties and get togethers on the weekends.

everyone is fantastic and has been super welcoming to me. besides on guy. i’ve from the beginning gotten an off feeling about him. and that was confirmed when a girl i sorta know in the car scene shared some pretty bad allegations about him going after young women. i asked my closer friends in the group and they gave me a different story saying there was some projection going on and this guy (im gonna give him a name so this is easier to follow) jake, actually only dated older women. i proceeded with caution because he was just kinda everywhere with this group.

well one of our last get togethers we were playing a game and some political stuff got brought up. the first topic was abortion. he lost his mind. he started telling everyone this topic is extremely personal to him, he’s offended and that the “most anti feminist answer should win”. i’m pro choice. and i know for a fact the majority of the group is. it’s only jake and austin that aren’t, and they say it’s due to their culture, which im not 100% sure what the culture is, but that still to me doesn’t justify wanting to take abortion rights away from everyone.

the next topic was illegal immigrants. i had to read it out and one answer was about deportation. all i said was “that’s a bit too real”. and again jake exploded and starts interrupting “oh this cards about a guy you hate. he makes you so angry huh you hate him so much you must be so triggered”. i just said “im not his biggest fan and tried to move on and he just kept going saying i was triggered. it’s a game. i wasn’t.

after that i felt off about it and asked a couple people in the group their thoughts and everyone said they feel off about him. so why does he keep coming? idk to be completely honest. i know austin is the one who invited him and they’re joined at the hip. but no one else cares for jake.

after that, we ended up swimming. jake got water in his ear and asked how to get it out. we told him jump up and down with your head tilted to the side. and someone made the mistake of saying he looked silly. he flew off the handle and said “you know who looks truly funny? all you females, you make 70 cents for every dollar i make. how silly do you guys feel now? huh?? that’s really silly isn’t it”

we also found out he’s dating a teenager (legal, but still a teenager) and we all said it’s weird directly to his face and he just kept saying it won’t be in a few years and that people in their 60s have 20 year age gaps and it’s not weird. then proceeded to say she has a curfew and need to get her home….

i know this is a lot of rambling but how do i deal with this. i can’t demand him be removed from the group since austin and jake are joined at the hip. calling him out just makes for a hostile environment. but no one else cares for this dude. what do i do??

hey guys! i’m a girl in my mid twenties. i’ve had an extremely hard time with friendships all my life. and i feel i’m the past month i’ve actually found a good group of people to hang out with. we all have a shared interest in cars and end up at the same shows and events. we also have started having little parties and get togethers on the weekends.

everyone is fantastic and has been super welcoming to me. besides on guy. i’ve from the beginning gotten an off feeling about him. and that was confirmed when a girl i sorta know in the car scene shared some pretty bad allegations about him going after young women. i asked my closer friends in the group and they gave me a different story saying there was some projection going on and this guy (im gonna give him a name so this is easier to follow) jake, actually only dated older women. i proceeded with caution because he was just kinda everywhere with this group.

well one of our last get togethers we were playing a game and some political stuff got brought up. the first topic was abortion. he lost his mind. he started telling everyone this topic is extremely personal to him, he’s offended and that the “most anti feminist answer should win”. i’m pro choice. and i know for a fact the majority of the group is. it’s only jake and austin that aren’t, and they say it’s due to their culture, which im not 100% sure what the culture is, but that still to me doesn’t justify wanting to take abortion rights away from everyone.

the next topic was illegal immigrants. i had to read it out and one answer was about deportation. all i said was “that’s a bit too real”. and again jake exploded and starts interrupting “oh this cards about a guy you hate. he makes you so angry huh you hate him so much you must be so triggered”. i just said “im not his biggest fan and tried to move on and he just kept going saying i was triggered. it’s a game. i wasn’t.

after that i felt off about it and asked a couple people in the group their thoughts and everyone said they feel off about him. so why does he keep coming? idk to be completely honest. i know austin is the one who invited him and they’re joined at the hip. but no one else cares for jake.

after that, we ended up swimming. jake got water in his ear and asked how to get it out. we told him jump up and down with your head tilted to the side. and someone made the mistake of saying he looked silly. he flew off the handle and said “you know who looks truly funny? all you females, you make 70 cents for every dollar i make. how silly do you guys feel now? huh?? that’s really silly isn’t it”

we also found out he’s dating a teenager (legal, but still a teenager) and we all said it’s weird directly to his face and he just kept saying it won’t be in a few years and that people in their 60s have 20 year age gaps and it’s not weird. then proceeded to say she has a curfew and need to get her home….

i know this is a lot of rambling but how do i deal with this. i can’t demand him be removed from the group since austin and jake are joined at the hip. calling him out just makes for a hostile environment. but no one else cares for this dude. what do i do??

so i have a rare car part up on marketplace. it’s been up for months now. i bought it for $550ish dollars brand new. it just doesn’t fit my car, so i listed it and bought the right part.
i’ve again had this up for months. i’ve only gotten offers for 350 dollars and under which i’ve said no to. well call the buyer jake to make this easier.

jake originally lowballed me $350 back in february and kept pushing me to take his offer and i said no. he messaged me again and said he’d pay $390, which i accepted because i just want it gone at this point. i told him to pick it up yesterday, but unfortunately i was left planning a baby shower single handed with next to zero help. unfortunately i didn’t see his text for a few hours.

when i did open my text a had almost 10 pretty nasty messages from him. demanding i answer now, calling me a flake and so on. i admitted i was wrong. i said my bad. explained my situation and said he could come later that night or in the morning. he kept chewing me out saying “this whole thing could be done by now, i’m doing all this driving and paying you”
which he agreed to and set up in the first place. he never asked to meet half way. he set the price.

eventually he texts me saying “i’m a morning person. the earlier the better” so i said 10 am. he said okay i’ll text you when im leaving. jake informed me he had an hour and a half drive earlier in the messages.
so 9 am rolls around and i still have heard nothing so i shoot him a message asking if he’s on the way and he says no. i’m getting gas and then i’ll leave. eta 11 am is that okay. i take less than 5 minutes to try and make sure 11 would work with my father as im a young woman meeting up with a strange man who’s been aggressive towards me already.

in those 5 minutes i get multiple nasty messages from jake demanding to know yes or no. my exact words were “sure, i did say 10 am. let me move stuff around”
jake then proceeded to message me “never mind, ill just go buy the whole kit, they’re only 30 min away and won’t flake like you”
i said “im not flaking, i said sure, let me move stuff around so it works” and he lost it even more.
he started hurling insults, calling me a flake, telling me he hates the whole kit and just wants the piece i have available but he’d rather pay for the whole kit than deal with me, called me a scammer and then said he’s reporting me with screenshots for being a flake. i gave him a one star review detailing everything he said. and he instantly got mad and kept hurling insults at me. he also kept getting mad that i didn’t offer to meet him half way and that he’s paying me.
both my dad and boyfriend are convinced if this didn’t go the way it did he wouldn’t have showed up or would have tried to low ball me more in person. so am i wrong???