u/Background-Bell-1276

DISCLAIMER: I'm not fully gay, I'm bisexual but with a preference towards men (like, 80-20)

I'm genuinely fucking tired of being alone because no matter what I have no one to comfort me. I might unironically be the only queer boy in my city of 60k people. Lately I've been feeling so lonely, weak and ugly that I was about to relapse after almost 3 years of being clean from self harm. I feel like I'm doomed to be alone because I have terrible interests and just look like shit. I have a lot of affection to give but if there's not a single mlm guy in my city or around who do I give this affection to. Not to mention that coming out here would be impossible considering all the other boys here are Nike tech electric scooter roadmen and that my friend group is made up EXCLUSIVELY of far right, like, Vannacci supporting people (boys AND girls) there's genuinely no one I can talk to about this except a German friend I have. I'm in a terrible mental state right now I feel like I could do something dumb could anyone please reach out to me? I just wanna talk because the only solution to my worthless life rn seems the rope.

Lately I've been overthinking way too much. I'm never chosen. Am I just too ugly? I'd genuinely be okay with anyone who loves me for who I am, but not really, because she exists. When I think of her my world lights up, her smile is amazing, she's absolutely stunning, her soul shines brighter than the sun... She's never been loved and I would love to be the first. We've texted for a long ass time but stopped a few years ago (I've liked her for 5 years), I even confessed once but nothing really happened. That was when I was 14 tho, now I'm 18, I've changed. When I tell anyone about this they just go "Text her if you wanna clap her cheeks". Fuck no I don't want to, she's too perfect, I feel like even a touch from me would ruin her internal and external beauty. I hate when people bring sex into this. I wanna text her but I'm genuinely terrified to start things over, she likes tall, muscular, athletic men and I'm 172cm and barely muscular. If I start texting her I just want her to love me like I love her, but that's impossible, she's too perfect, she's an 11/10 to me and I'm an absolute chud, 5 at most (even though people say I am an 8.5, but probably just to boost my nonexistent confidence).

Should I text her? Should I make it clear that I don't want sex but I want her love? Please help.

I'm 18, 172cm, barely muscular. She wants a tall, muscular, athletic guy. Basically I'm completely out of her league. Though she feels like she's not enough or she isn't beautiful or funny. To me she's perfect, like, more than perfect. She's got the same humor as me, she's athletic, she's absolutely stunning, she doesn't smoke or drink, she's got amazing taste in everything and just has no flaws. I hated seeing her getting bullied in school because I know damn well she's perfect and doesn't deserve any of this. I want to shoot my shot but I'm so out of her league, I'm a 5 MAX, she's a 10 who thinks is a 5 but wants other 10s. It's not like it's the first time we text either, we have known each other and texted for years, I even confessed years ago but nothing really happened. I wanna try to get back in contact and hopefully start something but I'm just not enough for her or just any girl. Please I need advice.

I'm an 18 year old and I feel like it's already too late for me to get into this world (despite me considering myself an aspiring member of the community since I was 15). I'm basically in a situation of "it's now or never" and I'm conflicted. Should I go on and tell everyone how I feel or just accept my fate as an aspiring femboy that will never be able to come out before the infamous "twink death"? Please help.