FINALLY!!! :P
(it was in the house I haven't returned to for 5 months and my father gave it to me today :D)
(Tagged gear because nine of my kintypes have a sword, and swinging at random ahh stuff with this sword unlocked a memory as Yanqing (one of the 9 sillys (yes ik I spelled it wrong)))
I literally bought this to dress up as my persona last halloween so this is tooootally kin related
What I mean for the kinda unrelated thing is that I'm stopping the drawing my kins for practice thing to lock tf in and study, I'm failing this school year-
Imo it'd be better if I failed it, I could start anew and get better grades at the end bc this was NOT my year, trauma and insomnia got 100 times worse and I could NOT focus on ANYTHING sooo yea lol no way I'm saving this school year, but I'll make it look like I'm trying to save it because my mom will kill me otherwise <3
Bc of that I'm stopping the thingie I was doing these past days. (I swear this is kin related, most of my kins are supposed to be smart and able to focus on things so why can't I do the same /hj)
ANYWAY, back to what I was gonna say first. I'm just CONVINCED that Hiccup is an ID atp. In my school there's a guy with a Toothless-themed schoolbag and I kid you not there's been a few days straight that I just get super homesick and find myself ABOUT TO CRY just by looking at his schoolbag D:
I've always known I liked girls. Like, genuinely. My first crush was a girl, when I was around 10. She was my best friend and one day, when I complimented her, she said "Are you a lesbian?" and I didn't know what to say!
But some fucked up stuff happened to me as a child and I became "detached" from the fact I'm AFAB as a result (even to the current day, I still am, in a different way) and I thought I was a trans guy for around three years and a half. Even then, I still knew I liked girls. Whenever someone, usually those related to my trauma, told me, "but once you grow up you'll get married and have kids", I had "flashbacks" of what led to me hating being associated with being AFAB. I'd always say "I won't have a boyfriend and I don't want kids" but internally thought "Because me and my girlfriend will waste ourselves on videogames and never have children"
Three years and a half after the worst of my trauma was over, this January, someone told me her own experience with very similar trauma without knowing anything about me. She didn't know my name when she told me, and neither did I know hers. I still don't know her name, and I have never seen her again since that. I don't know how or why I did it, but I told her what happened to me too, after some hesitation. Legal process was started and I've never seen that man again, thankfully. My mother said something that made me think twice about my gender. "Have you thought that maybe what you told me was because you hated that it happened to you because you're a woman, so you wanted to be away from that?"
And I realized that I felt detached from female identities, but I wasn't attached to a male identity either. I liked using they/them pronouns online more than he/him. In real life, I actually felt a bit weird with being called male names. Same as online. I'd go by the name of a character I created, by the name of my persona (who has always been a male), but I didn't feel like myself. And I would always think "why do I want to become the same thing that broke me?" whenever I was called by those names, either irl or online.
By mid-february, I was sure I'm agender. I was also a bit in denial about my sexuality by then, but before february ended I realized there was no denying it. I like women. I always did.
So I came out as a lesbian. My IRL friend group is equally queer and afaik one is a lesbian too (and I think a bi friend might be a lesbian in denial, but idk), so they were supportive, same as my online friend group. All are queer in some way too.
Currently, my mother doesn't know I'm a lesbian but she does know I'm agender. I'm way more confident now, and I even started wearing dresses and skirts again!
I probably wouldn't have realized this if that nice woman hadn't told me her own trauma. I think of what she told me every day, and while it breaks my heart, she helped me be, well, "me" again? I don't know how to explain it.
Thanks for reading this kinda long post, I needed to let this out. I also plan on coming out as a lesbian to my mom and dad on my 16th birthday. I really feel a lot more confident now that I've figured myself out.
Tomorrow's drawing (kinda to no one's surprise, because I certainly was NOT surprised): Hiccup! I lowkey had a feeling he'd be chosen somewhere in the first 5 days, same as Anakin.
Same as yesterday, I'll draw a maximum of 2 of yall's kins (preferably humanoid, I think I fucked up the one I got yesterday TwT)
(I was lazy to draw hands, can you blame me tho? Hands are DIFFICULT asf to draw and I fuck up pretty often when drawing em so I just skip if I can)
Same as yesterday, to make it harder I will draw a maximum of 2 of y'alls kins (comment an image of one of ur kins and I'll choose two ppl's kins to draw)
Tomorrow's drawing: Anakin. I somehow knew he would be chosen today, idk how.
(I'm just now noticing I drew the right arm weird as fuuuuuck- that's what drawing in class with a 1 hour deadline does to a mf ig)
I've recently gotten more interested in drawing, and I'm pretty proud of how this turned out! I know I didn't get some of the colors right, but I currently do not have the proper colors.
Give me a clear image of your kins and I will choose 1 or 2 of them to draw alongside the wheel results of today! (because I genuinely want to practice and doing one daily I won't do much tbh...)
I think I'm starting to like my artstyle.
The fury of the innumerable downvoters is consuming him
With my new watermark! (because I just realized I'm gonna post A LOT of my drawings here on reddit (usually for advice), so I thought I'd make one... Better safe than sorry. It's unlikely that it's gonna happen to me because my drawings aren't good, but if someone does steal my art, at least I got the watermark... (and next time I'll do it somewhere it can't be cropped off bc here it could be, though barely-))
Tomorrow's drawing: Columbina was wheel's result, so it will be her! The faces will be simplified because I genuinely can't draw eyes/mouth at all, but I'll still try to express their personality through the face. The clothes will usually be simplified unless it's easy.
I did Daisuke first because I'm on a shift, the rest will be random and I will post wheel results.
I'm also super bad at shading- Plus, I take the pics with my phone and with a weird ass lamp as my lighting source, and I'm nowhere near a drawing/photography expert, so if the quality is bad please tell me how I could improve it for the next time!
Cyaaa!! Hope y'all are having a good day/night/whatever!
Yea smth smth comment a pic of ur kins and I'll give em a silly headcanon (meaning it'll be unserious asf)
Also happy kin bday to those ppl whose kin bday is today!! :D
(idk feel free to give my kin a silly headcanon too (help me im stuck on a shift D:))
HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF OH NO *gets Hiccup flashbacks*
ISTG this felt more like a straight kinfirm than a kinsider, but bc I recently got the habit to only kinfirm when I have memories (because I have way too many kins imo) I thought I'd wait nd leave him in kinsider hell.
Well I rly should've known yesterday already bc I really have NEVER reacted the way I did when something bad happens to my other kins in their medias. I can fucking compare the reaction I had to my death to getting triggered by my trauma. Eh, well, maybe a bit less intense, but I still froze for a deadass 10 seconds while staring at my phone.
(Also, I'm pretty sure I kin SurvivorsAU!Daisuke too? Anyway Cas' out, I'ma sleep)
I just saw a pin abt mouthwashing on pinterest and a lot of ppl were going crazy in the comments, so I got curious, watched a playthrough and... yeah... well...
High kinsider. (genuinely not a kinfirm just because I'm missing mems to kinfirm, the heck is this-)
I didn't like, freeze or just stare at the screen like someone punched me at any moment of the video, except when Swansea said "close your eyes, Daisuke", moment when I felt REALLY anxious and then I fucking froze (the same way I do when something triggers me)
...I really should be banned from ALL sorts of media because wdym I have 20 kins. 14 if I exclude OCkins and low kins.
Emoji combo ☀️🎮 because I canonically liked videogames and the sun because I was a "useless ray of sunshine"
Again to uptading the prns.cc, yay...
I do yap a lot btw, specially about my hyperfixations... But any other time I'm realllyyyy introverted unless talking with my friends or my parents.
The "almost 16" is because I'm turning 16 in a month but I'm currently still 15.
Bigger fonts mean something I like more. Ex. I don't use discord so the font is barely visible.
Sampo is in least favorite but I don't hate him, it's just I like most characters equally and Sampo is a bit below my average. Argenti in overrated because I kinda don't get the hype for him? I mean sure he's pretty but I don't get the hype otherwise.
But I don't dislike any character per se. I also eventually ended up liking Firefly a bit (mainly because of SW999's trailer) though I'm still not a big fan of her but ye I can see why people like her.
I'm trying to get her C2 in the fontaine banner, but I have 50 pity and nothing so far...
I don't remember the DPS I reached in the miliastra dummy, but this team clears content comfortably.
If I need another healer, I switch Nahida for Xilonen (because her healing is insane)
I also wanted to know if Emilie's build is good enough to on-field her. I don't know if using Mavuika is cheating or not... I don't on-field Mavuika for longer than EQ, though.
Team rotation is usually: Nahida hold E (trying to mark all targets), Benny E, Emilie E, Nahida Q, Benny Q, Mavuika E Q, Emilie Q and start smacking enemies with her magical girl staff. Is it decent or do I need to change it?
Another probably silly question that's been in my mind-
I personally think it's a 50/50? Like it doesn't influence a lot but it does make me have the doubt in the first place.
But then again, I do share my MBTI (INFP-T) with three of my kins (two of my OCkins and Columbina, but I think only Columbina counts for lowk obvious reasons) and a possible(?) kinsider (Freminet from Genshin, who is pretty much confirmed to be an INFP-T and who from his first appearance in-game I thought "hold on, he's me" similarly with Yanqing)
~no idea who I'm shifted as (not SW though, still leaves 17 possibilities)
I hate being sick ughhhh
(let's not talk abt how I'm on reddit with a 38 degree fever (at least, but I don't think it's higher cuz I don't have a super bad headache, its kinda manageable), I'm too chronically online and I can't sleep bc insomnia gonna kick my ass)
Tho tbf why am I even surprised that I'm sick, pretty much a monthly (weekly in winter) occurence atp! (I get sick REALLY easily) :(
~🎭👾 (I also got small kin euphoria because I'm online even tho I'm sick, and it's smth I did A LOT as SW (if Kafka didn't take my screens away, ofc...) but I swear I'm not doing it on purpose rn I js don't know what else to do other than being online)
Probably a silly question but it's been in my mind lately. I only have one of these cases and it's Silver Wolf, and I feel like- I knew my real name at some point, but forgot it?
Eh yeah js this silly thing :D