u/BeautifulOk3142

I really can’t figure this out. I genuinely feel like I am the odd man out because I feel things so deeply. If my partner has a problem or they’re going through something I am right there with them. I want to make sure they feel supported and not alone. Because I don’t think we should face our problems alone, especially things that are obviously having a big impact on us.

Is this just a my person thing, is this a man thing? I just don’t get it. I’m massively struggling at the moment. I haven’t slept in days, I have not had a moment without gut wrenching anxiety and fear for so long. And I swear I feel like an asshole because I expect my partner to be there in it with me?

I don’t expect or even want for him to feel it this deeply, I just want to feel supported and validated. I am trying so hard to communicate, and it feels like it’s falling on deaf ears. In my brain, if my partner told me they were struggling with something I would make it my mission to be there in any capacity that would help them. But I swear this whole team I have been made to feel like I’m being a burden for going through something?

And of course there is resentment! He asked about going out to drink with our friends for the World Cup while I stay home (my baby kit has been having seizures so I have been living on my couch with her for 5 days straight with no sleep) . I told him of course I would be upset because I’m completely overwhelmed and feel alone. He has actively been going in our room to watch tv, eat, do things because he doesn’t want to be on the couch with her.

So yes, I have been alone doing this. And it’s my one day off work for a new job. I have a million things stressing me the hell out. But some how, I snapped and told him to just go because at this point I don’t want him at home right now because I’m not going to bear the weight of his resentment for me “not letting him go”. And I apologized! Within 5 minutes I told him I was sorry, that that wasn’t okay to say and it had come out of a place of anger.

I took accountability, apologized, and added clear context and information on how I am really struggling and the pain this is causing me. How I feel completely alone . And he ignored me. (I texted him because he huffed off to our room and slammed the door, I can’t leave the living room to have a talk bc I can’t leave her alone that long).

I just feel like that whole saying of , “ if I had been in your shoes in this exact situation I still would’ve never done what you did to me “ is all I can hear ringing in my ears. Do I have a right to be upset about this? I understand this has been stressful for him too. I dropped a ton of money on an emergency vet visit (we have separate finances, he did not pay a penny) and my car had a flat and he has a lifted truck I am not comfortable driving especially at night and when it’s raining (it was both) so he came with me to the vet, but stayed in the car the entire time and barley checked on me)

I was in the vets office alone for almost 7 hours. And I’ve maybe slept 45 minutes at most at one time since . My new job has me training hours away, and it’s my first week. If it were up to me I would’ve pushed my training back a week to focus on her. But that wasn’t an option , he would have absolutely lost it at me if I had even suggested it. (I’m the breadwinner despite him making more than me now, I have always paid the vast majority of bills: rent, phones etc.)

I’m just so incredibly frustrated and desperately trying to find a logical answer for why he would act like this. I even told my mom I couldn’t believe he would make something like this about himself. Like his feelings and the impact on him mattered more than mine. It’s not a competition! We can both be impacted by things. The difference is, where I look for reasoning , it feels like he actively chooses to make this a character flaw for me . As if I’m choosing to let it impact me or I’m being dramatic.

I have never and will never understand the idea of choosing to let something impact you or not. I’ve never had the luxury of being able to make that decision. I’m so exhausted . I just don’t know what to do. Am I doing something wrong? Am I the problem?

I struggle severely with rumination and going over the same things over and over. I sit in anxiety at virtually all times if something is on my mind. With my adhd meds I can usually move on much quicker, but recently some incredibly stressful situations have occurred and I’m finding myself stuck. It’s something completely out of my control (my pet has started having seizures, hoping it’s a temporary issue) and I have to continue working so I can’t be the one home with her all the time. (Someone is home at all times) Does anyone have any advice on calming down and being present? Is that even possible?

Im 25F looking for some clarity here. Had my first real strip club experience for my 25th birthday with my husband. First time at a club together, only seen stage work myself, never gotten to do the dances. I got us a couples dance, I’m into women but we’re monogamous and seemed like a super fun experience for the both of us. Dancer was amazing, so sweet and professional. We ended up in a private room, I think it was a VIP or champagne room? But she asked me to take my top off. Hubby said yes so I did. But didn’t know if this was normal? I was happy to do so, just wanted to see if this was common place or not. Will be checking out more clubs!

Has anyone else received this feedback? I’ve struggled with hearing this my entire life. I am diagnosed ADHD, recently got my official diagnosis . And leaning towards taking an autism assessment. This phrase, or similar sayings like “it’s not the message it’s the delivery” or implying my tone is rude or condescending.

I’m a 25/F working in resturant industry, I’ve held management positions since I was 18, including being a GM at 21 and have continued to advance in my career. But this feedback is getting to me. I am a very direct communicator, I go into detail to ensure this is no room for misunderstanding or misinterpretation. Because that’s how I would like to be communicated to. I want to point out that I have never had issues with the employees I manage, I’ve always been told I’m a great boss. I’m a very shoulder to shoulder manager, not an office manager. Only issues I’ve had are with other managers regardless of hierarchy.

I always make sure to smile and if I realize I’ve come off the wrong way or too harsh I apologize and communicate that that was not my intent and I’ll explain myself. I feel like I am always proving perspective , saying thing like I realize my tone is flat but it’s just because I prefer not to involve emotion in communicating professional matters when making a point. Or I realize that this may sound argumentative, but I am just providing a dialog as you asked for opinions.

I have had to turn into this completely different version of myself to be palatable for mostly men but also the women I work with who are typically older. I don’t understand how my tone, which is never condescending or rude, it’s just even , could take away from valid points I’m making? Especially when I have been open about my communication style and why I do things the way I do. I have always been in the high performer category, it’s why I have been able to advance so fast and far at this age. I used to wear it as a badge of honor but I’m still running into the same issues.

Another struggle I have is character judgment, I clock these under performers immediately. I don’t mean not doing well / struggling or not taking the job as seriously as me, I mean intentionally not doing the basic aspects of their job which results in others ,usually me, taking on the extra work to keep things going. This is intentional behavior that goes without consequence for “office politics” reasons.

I absolutely HATE drama in the workplace, this isn’t high school. We’re all here for a paycheck, so why are we bullying and targeting people? But once I’ve clocked the individuals, I find it increasingly hard to work with them. Doesn’t help that the way my brain works is talking about the same things over and over again until I’ve fully processed them , much to my partners chagrin .

There are other things that weigh on me, I’m the breadwinner , I pay a huge portion of shared bills (rent, phones etc.) and I have always moved jobs within a 1-1.5 years. I get burnt out when the job doesn’t match what they have set for expectations. Work drains me, I find it hard to move on from things until I can find a logical reason why someone did something or something happened. Especially when it comes to saying one thing and doing another. I mask at work to hide these feelings , this only comes out at home or in my head.

Is anyone else struggling with this? I know I’m great at my job, the feedback has never been about my work ethic or quality of work. It’s always come down to people not liking me , usually because I have confronted them on inconsistencies or not played kiss-a** with them. I’ve always fallen in with higher ups, usually someone in a head corporate position who defends my position etc. which upsets off coworkers / bosses even more.

I just feel like at this job I gave it my all. I swallowed every feeling, put on a smile and even hugged people. (Which I despise 🤮) just to try and fit in. I did everything right. Part of me knows it’s because my quality of work put a spot light on where they were lacking. Their work was not matching up with mine and I also made the same as my superiors.

Salary is relevant because my salary became public, not by me, and it upset a lot of people who instead of asking for more , felt I was somehow at fault for what I was being paid. (My counterparts made about 2/3 of what I was making) Factual, not bragging. Money is unfortunately the main reason I stay in this industry but I don’t look down on others for making less, why would anyone? I believe in wage transparency and have been part of several unions in my years . I am pro working class people and believe conversations about salary prevent people from being underpaid.

I just always feel like the moment I start making strides someone comes along and pins a target on my back. And I hate the idea that that makes me sound like a victim. I have a strong sense of justice, and understand that a lot of this could come down to me being a young “attractive” woman in a male dominated field. But I hate corporate politics , and I’m sick of my tone or directness being labeled as argumentative or combative. If I’m giving context how are you actively choosing to ignore it and make decisions that fit your narrative? If anyone has any advice, I could really use some. Thank you!

Has anyone else received this feedback? I’ve struggled with hearing this my entire life. I am diagnosed ADHD, recently got my official diagnosis . And leaning towards taking an autism assessment. This phrase, or similar sayings like “it’s not the message it’s the delivery” or implying my tone is rude or condescending. I’m a 25/F working in resturant industry, I’ve held management positions since I was 18, including being a GM at 21 and have continued to advance in my career. But this feedback is getting to me. I am a very direct communicator, I go into detail to ensure this is no room for misunderstanding or misinterpretation. Because that’s how I would like to be communicated to. I always make sure to smile and if I realize I’ve come off the wrong way or too harsh I apologize and communicate that that was not my intent and I’ll explain myself. I feel like I am always proving perspective , saying thing like I realize my tone is flat but it’s just because I prefer not to involve emotion in communicating professional matters when making a point. Or I realize that this may sound argumentative, but I am just providing a dialog as you asked for opinions. I have had to turn into this completely different version of myself to be palatable for mostly men but also the women I work with who are typically older. I don’t understand how my tone, which is never condescending or rude, it’s just even , could take away from valid points I’m making? Especially when I have been open about my communication style and why I do things the way I do. I have always been in the high performer category, it’s why I have been able to advance so fast and far at this age. I used to wear it as a badge of honor but I’m still running into the same issues. Another struggle I have is character judgment, I clock these under performers immediately. I absolutely HATE drama in the workplace, this sign high school. We’re all here for a paycheck, so why are we bullying and targeting people? But once I’ve clocked the individuals, I find it increasingly hard to work with them. Doesn’t help that the way my brain works is talking about the same things over and over again until I’ve fully processed them , much to my partners chagrin . There are other things that weigh on me, I’m the breadwinner , I pay a huge portion of shared bills (rent, phones etc.) and I have always moved jobs within a 1-1.5 years. I get burnt out when the job doesn’t match what they have set for expectations. Work drains me, I find it hard to move on from things until I can find a logical reason why someone did something or something happened. Especially when it comes to saying one thing and doing another. Is anyone else struggling with this? I know I’m great at my job, the feedback has never been about my work ethic or quality of work. It’s always come down to people not liking me , usually because I have confronted them on inconsistencies or not played kiss-a** with them. I’ve always fallen in with higher ups, usually someone in a head corporate position who defends my position etc. which upsets off coworkers / bosses even more. I just feel like at this job I have it my all. I swallowed every feeling, put on a smile and even hugged people. (Which I despise 🤮) just to try and fit in. I did everything right. Part of me knows it’s because I genuinely made them look bad, their work was not matching up with mine and I also made the same as my superiors. (My counterparts made about 2/3 of what I was making) I just always feel like the moment I start making strides someone comes along and pins a target on my back. And I hate the idea that that makes me sound like a victim. I have a strong sense of justice, and understand that a lot of this could come down to me being a young “attractive” woman in a male dominated field. But I hate corporate politics , and I’m sick of my tone or directness being labeled as argumentative or combative. If I’m giving context how are you actively choosing to ignore it and make decisions that fit your narrative? If anyone has any advice, I could really use some. Thank you!

Hi 👋 my 24/F husband M/40 and I have been together for 6 years. Our relationship has had its ups and downs but at the end of the day I love him. I struggle with my own mental health issues, BPD and ADHD as well as depression and anxiety. All fish in have been diagnosed by professionals and I am medicated for . My biggest concern is his refusal to charge. I thought my recent diagnoses would give him clarity and perspective on my rational and decision making. But he admitted to not believing any of my diagnosis’s. I am the breadwinner , although not willingly for the last 4 years. I pay majority of shared bills, rent , phone bills etc. something I have brought up causing me extreme discomfort and anxiety as I am not a stable job person, I work restaurants and typically don’t stay more than a year at any job. I have taken on progressively more stressful and trying positions through the years, each offering a step up in income. Recently I made a substantial amount of money that left me with nothing left to give. I was away for 5 months of travel, maybe got a couple days home every other month. This has culminated in me leaving this job due to illegal actions taken by the employers toward hourly staff, we went through 3 CEO’s in less than 9 months. Basically, this has been hell. No matter what i do, how much money i make, it’s never enough. I am by no means perfect, I make mistakes, I have my own issues. But in the same fight he told me he didn’t believe my diagnosis’s , he also called me a narcissist. And by my understanding, anyone who is terrified of becoming a narcissist can’t be a narcissist for the most part. So I’m just wondering, there is much more lore to this relationship but based off of this, am I married to a narcissist? I would love for there to be another reason for this behavior. What do you think?

Hi , I’m 24F, and my husband is 40M. I recently received an official diagnosis for BPD as well as ADHD from a psychiatrist. I was semi diagnosed several years ago after I joined an app based medication platform for depression and anxiety where I was reached out to by a provider encouraging me to get officially diagnosed as I checked all of the boxes for BPD. I didn’t have the money to pursue it at that time. I had a very traumatic childhood, physical, mental, emotional and sexual trauma. I grew up in a controlling religious home, with very cult like beliefs. My husband and I have been together since I was 19 and he was 35. After getting this official diagnosis several months ago it provided a sense of relief for me personally. I felt like I had clarity and understanding. In a recent fight with my partner I asked if he believed that I had BPD as he has been less than supportive. He said that not only did he not believe I have BPD but said he thinks I got the idea I do from watching Instagram reels. I have a background in psychology as many damaged people do, we tend to look for answers. One of the main reasons I sought out official diagnosis’s was because I wanted to provide my partner with understanding. I thought it would be the perspective missing from how I react to things. I just didn’t want to be blamed for everything, made to feel like my reactions or responses were inappropriate or worst of all, a burden. My love language is being heard, something I recently learned through therapy. That’s all I have ever wanted. I’m the main provider, I pay the vast majority of shared expenses, and work by far the most. This has been the standard for 4 years now. I’ve brought up my feelings but to no avail. The refusal to believe a legitimate diagnosis really struck a cord with me. I had all of the proof but it still wasn’t enough. I asked if he knew what the main symptoms were, the criteria to diagnosis, associated environmental contributing factors and he didn’t know any of it . I walked through it explaining how parts of my life and my way of thinking matched up. He just laughed. He is someone who believes in mental health, he’s not religious, and has no realistic reason to not believe me other than he doesn’t want to… I’m at a loss of what to do here and could use some advice. What do you do when your partner doesn’t believe your diagnosis? Is there a way through this? I don’t want to get a divorce, I want to make this work. It just doesn’t make sense to me.