u/Beneficial_Drama7878

I am a guy with bpd. There is that girl in uni that we have playful conersations with. But she became my favourite person and I pushed her away because I came off too strong. Now I get excited to go to uni just because she will be there but at the same time it's exhausting and I find myself suffering. This is unhealthy and I want this to end because I find myself struggling and spiraling about our conversations and how to win her back. I want to break free from that. I was thinkng to take a break from university for a few weeks but my exams are coming soon. All that harms my peace and mental health. I do not want to depend emotionally on anyone. In my country there is no dbt therapy and most therapists do not specialize in personality disorders. I am not going to therapy since september last year because my therapist told me that I have to find a job but he doesn't understand that it is so difficult to find a job and be consistent in it with this disorder. My mood swings impact me the most. Not to mention that I'm so scared of being judged and that is another reason for me to struggle with getting a job. But at the same time I believe that it will help me feel better and take my mind off from my favourite person and I won't be sitting at home spiralling about the smallest things that trigger me. Please help.

I am a guy with bpd. There is that girl in uni that we have playful conersations with. But she became my favourite person and I pushed her away because I came off too strong. Now I get excited to go to uni just because she will be there but at the same time it's exhausting and I find myself suffering. This is unhealthy and I want this to end because I find myself struggling and spiraling about our conversations and how to win her back. I want to break free from that. I was thinkng to take a break from university for a few weeks but my exams are coming soon. All that harms my peace and mental health. Please help.