u/BunnyDoesGames

Tw: su*cidal ideation.

How do I love myself when I want to die so bad? How do I move on from the bad when the future always looks so dark? How do I even talk to someone about my feelings without getting sent to a hospital again? Hospitals don’t help. I feel like im doing everything in my power to feel better but I guess im so comfortable with my own depression that I just can’t escape from it. I’m doing the therapy work, im taking the medications, I fixed my sleep schedule, I am functioning as an adult human in this world, I can put on a mask every single day and pretend to be happy for other peoples sakes, I have a job, my sleep schedule is fine for someone with insomnia, I take care of myself most of the time and I take care of my animal. But every single night without fail, when I take off that mask and im laying in bed, I split. I get angry, I get depressed, I get so su*cidal. I feel like I just keep getting worse and worse despite all the effort I put in to get better. I want to go into remission. I want to feel joy that’s not faked. So much of my effort goes into working on myself and my mental health and my physical health but it’s just not enough. Maybe im not doing this right. Maybe im just not meant to get better. Maybe I was born to be a traumatized depressed anxious mess of a human. I don’t even know how I can talk to my therapist without getting sent to a psych ward. I can’t go back to a psych ward, I have living beings that rely on me for their survival and I have bills I need to pay and mental hospitals just don’t help. I don’t know how to talk to my close people about this because they would get so concerned that they would push me away. It’s happened before. So I scream into the void that is this subreddit. I’m not sure if im looking for advice, reassurance, comfort, or just an ear to listen to me ramble. I don’t know what I need. I know what I want but that’s not helpful or productive. Maybe I should just go to bed.

Thank you for listening, if you did read all of this.
-🩶

How do y’all feel about people that yumeship/selfship with your kin?

I know it makes me feel weird and uncomfortable af if it’s a self insert cause like “hey that’s me, im not your partner!”, but when someone yumeships my kin because they kin their source partner it’s fine.

Eg.
I Kin Marcille and someone selfships with Marcille it makes me uncomfortable

BUT

I kin Marcille and someone yumeships because they kin Falin it’s fine.

I don’t feel like this is just a me thing

-🩶

This is in my bio but idk if anyone actually goes onto my profile so here’s my pronouns.cc, completely updated!

Let me know if there’s anything I should add or change!

https://pronouns.cc/@BunnyDoesGames

I’m not really sure what to title this.

I was recently diagnosed with OSDD (like a year and half ago) and I’ve been struggling to figure out the source of it. I can’t remember my childhood and all my family members say I had a “happy childhood” but I definitely have flashbacks to some pretty bad stuff that happened to me as a kid, I just am not sure about the ages those things happened or if one or more of those incidents is the source of my OSDD. Does anyone have any advice on how to figure out my source? Any therapies I could try? Anything would be helpful at this point.

I legit have no idea where to post this so im posting it here. It’s semi related to the sub cause it involves one of my kins.

I keep getting recommended Ai subs. Anti ai, pro ai, the whole lot of it. I have muted every single one that pops up cause I don’t wanna see any AI at all. And the worst part is I keep seeing AI of my kin Sayori and the other girls from DDLC and it’s just pissing me off. I even got an ad for ChatGPT as I was muting all these ai related subs. I don’t wanna see ANY Ai, especially of my Kins. Like wtf man im so tired.

Sorry if this is too unrelated to the sub I just needed to vent before I scream -🎀

Here are the facts I learned about BPD today:

1. the mental pain one experiences with BPD is the same as the physical pain of having 3rd degree burns all over your body

2. only 1.6% of the world population has BPD

3. 90% of BPD patients experience su*cidal ideation, 75-80% attempt, and 10% succeed.

4. crisis mode never ends thanks to the hyperactivity of the amigdul (the emotion/instinct center of the brain I just can’t spell it)

I don’t know why this makes me feel more anxious about my condition. Like why do I have to be in pain and crisis mode all the time? Why do I feel so bad and su*cidal all the time? Why are my emotions always in extremes? I do know the true answers to these questions, but I don’t want to believe them.

Idk man shits rough.