u/ButterflyNo6998

I feel like recently I have realized situations from 3 years ago that have influenced me far more than I realized. I lost my virginity at 18, and it was completely consensual and no feelings attached. I just wanted to lose it to see what the hype was about.

Ever since this happened I’ve had 3 encounters where I did not consent. One of which was genuine rape, and I hope he rots in hell.

Another one was coercion, where I said no for 2 hours and just let him use me because I was sick of him asking. I just dissociated as he tried to finish. I blocked him on all social media.

Another one was a couple weeks prior, where my friend was involved and we were beyond drunk. He tried to assault her and successfully assaulted me. I started to puke which caused him to leave.

I have been spiraling because I was recently asked my body count, and I have no idea how to answer that question. I didn’t want to have sex with any of these people. I didn’t ask to. I was forced to. I suppose I can see the one where I was drunk because I never said no, but he was completely sober.

I just feel so disgusting. I feel like I’ve been used as a human fleshlight and have been violated. For years I just blocked this out. But I don’t know how to feel anymore.

3 years ago I went to a party. I was really drunk and I had texted a guy I wanted to come over. I told him I was not going to have sex with him over the phone before I even came up.

When I get there I can’t really remember everything that took place. But what I do remember is that he initiated sex with me and I completely froze up. I just let it happen. He immediately kicks me out and I said I just needed a moment because I was really drunk and couldn’t process what happened.

I left this party and started to vomit and told people I was raped and I was crying to these girls on the hall. They all laughed at me instead of helping me. I go to my friends dorm and tell them I was raped, no one helped me again. I just accepted that it happened. But everytime I see him I get visibly ill. I didn’t report him because I feel like I would have ruined his life. We both were so young.

I should have screenshotted those messages. He reached out a couple of days later saying “he felt bad”. I just blocked him and never responded to him again.

I am confident that if I was sober I could have pushed him off of me. He also has other allegations against him.

TRIGGER WARNING: SA

This is based off my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ogXN1F7ntf

This is the text message I sent him: Mind you, before this, I said that I was cutting (N) off:

Like a long text message and everything. It is a very long story that I do want to tell you in detail but basically she was complicit in my sexual assault three years ago and we were both taken advantage of by a sober ex classmate when I was incapacitated, but she was in a different room when it happened. She continuously makes jokes about it and I have been coming to terms with it for a very long time but I did want to tell you about this in the instance so that you can better understand

He was nothing but supportive on text. I did have to send a text because we are long distance. I don’t know how to tell him about the experience, but I am finally ready to. I am sick of running from it and confiding in the very person that was complicit in my assault.

I do appreciate the initial responses. I have found that people having more anger for the initial experience than I did is eye-opening. I am sick of sitting in silence and I am now prioritizing my relationship and not letting my friend dictate me or my sexual experience anymore.

Of course I will take accountability for being drunk and putting myself in that position, but my friend not protecting me when she herself was more sober than I was is disgusting and I should have treated it as such. I have nothing but love for my partner and although I do not want to trauma dump to him, I can set some true and real boundaries to my experience and my relationships in my life.

To clarify, he does know I slept with this guy. So it’s not about a numbers thing. I actually didn’t consider him in my experience for a long time.

TDLR: my best friend makes fun of a traumatic situation that I did not consent to and spreads it around, having a conversation with my partner about it on Friday and am unsure how to frame the experience. Do I go in detail? Do I be vague?

TRIGGER WARNING: SA

This is based off my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\\\_advice/s/RjW8U6cUt3

This is the text message I sent him: Mind you, before this, I said that I was cutting (N) off:

Like a long text message and everything. It is a very long story that I do want to tell you in detail but basically she was complicit in my sexual assault three years ago and we were both taken advantage of by a sober ex classmate when I was incapacitated, but she was in a different room when it happened. She continuously makes jokes about it and I have been coming to terms with it for a very long time but I did want to tell you about this in the instance so that you can better understand

He was nothing but supportive on text. I did have to send a text because we are long distance. I don’t know how to tell him about the experience, but I am finally ready to. I am sick of running from it and confiding in the very person that was complicit in my assault.

TDLR: my best friend makes fun of a traumatic situation that I did not consent to and spreads it around, having a conversation with my partner about it on Friday and am unsure how to tell him.

I am a 22F, went to a really big party school.

I was r*ped my first semester, and included this in my body count. Que to me being SA’d 2 more times the upcoming semester, one time of me being way too drunk to consent to a sober man and then another me being coerced for 2 hours. I’ve always had an issue with answering the body count question.

Do I have to include people who assaulted me in my count? What if my partner finds out? Am I liar? I did tell my partner my actual count but I just am fearful that if I had to start over I’ll get judged for a bodycourn that I truly didn’t want.

ADDING A TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE

3 years ago, me and my “best friend” had a really weird sexual experience. I would like to clarify that we were freshmen in college in our second semester, and that we are both now 22. She was 19, I was 18.

My best friend and I were drunk and went to a dorm party. It was with a guy we were class friends with. Now, we both had drank a lot (a 4 LOKO, in 8 minutes). We were stumbling on our way to this dorm party.

My friend and I would drunkenly kiss at this dorm (mind you, no one was drinking except for us). I don’t remember why, but we have always been platonic. Then, we went to the bathroom, where I tried to vomit. I was SO drunk. She pulls me to his room where me and the guy start to talk, it’s purely platonic.

We go into a dorm room and we are talking to said guy friend. He starts kissing her. I start to kiss him. He pushes us together? I have no memory. My friend tells me this.

Then, he orders an uber to her apartment. I am blacked out. I have no idea what’s going on. I don’t remember getting there, but then he and I have sex and she leaves the room. I don’t remember having sex with him, I don’t remember anything. I remember laying there as my friend comes back in the room and then he tries to have sex with her on the desk. I can hear him clearly trying. I start to vomit all over myself, and he looks scared and leaves and Ubers home.

I have never been into women or been into threesomes. I do know that the extent of what happened was that me and her kissed. I do know that she didn’t have sex with him. He was completely sober, or at least, a lot more sober than we were.

I am so disgusted by this experience. My partner doesn’t know. My friend will make jokes about it. I was not in the right state of mind to consent, I don’t view sex casually at all. My friend remembered it all. I didn’t, and I feel like in a way she also was complicit in this assault? Am I just pretending this is assault?

I am so disgusted. I hate my friend now. We have been friends for years but she brought it up recently and I can’t help but hate her. I know that she probably was a victim too, but she has told SO many people about it. For years I didn’t really care, but I am dating an amazing man right now.

I want to cut off our friendship to truly forget that this ever happened. I feel like I was degraded that night, and that I was just floating. I don’t even remember how he and I started to have sex.

I would love advice. My friend is moving to Dallas with her boyfriend. He does know, but because someone told him about it. This disgusts me even more.

EDIT: I would like to clarify that I don’t remember consenting to anything, or how he even initiated sex with me. My friend was on the phone in the bathroom when he and I had sex. I do not think he tried to use protection with either of us. I have since gotten STI and STD tested, I have been clean and honestly, thank god.

Also, this is a repost, my original post got taken down. Sorry if you read this again! I appreciate the original replies!

ADDING A TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE

3 years ago, me and my “best friend” had a really weird sexual experience. I would like to clarify that we were freshmen in college in our second semester, and that we are both now 22. She was 19, I was 18.

My best friend and I were drunk and went to a dorm party. It was with a guy we were class friends with. Now, we both had drank a lot (a 4 LOKO, in 8 minutes). We were stumbling on our way to this dorm party.

My friend and I would drunkenly kiss at this dorm (mind you, no one was drinking except for us). I don’t remember why, but we have always been platonic. Then, we went to the bathroom, where I tried to vomit. I was SO drunk. She pulls me to his room where me and the guy start to talk, it’s purely platonic.

We go into a dorm room and we are talking to said guy friend. He starts kissing her. I start to kiss him. He pushes us together? I have no memory. My friend tells me this.

Then, he orders an uber to her apartment. I am blacked out. I have no idea what’s going on. I don’t remember getting there, but then he and I have sex and she leaves the room. I don’t remember having sex with him, I don’t remember anything. I remember laying there as my friend comes back in the room and then he tries to have sex with her on the desk. I can hear him clearly trying. I start to vomit all over myself, and he looks scared and leaves and Ubers home.

I have never been into women or been into threesomes. I do know that the extent of what happened was that me and her kissed. I do know that she didn’t have sex with him. He was completely sober, or at least, a lot more sober than we were.

I am so disgusted by this experience. My partner doesn’t know. My friend will make jokes about it. I was not in the right state of mind to consent, I don’t view sex casually at all. My friend remembered it all. I didn’t, and I feel like in a way she also was complicit in this assault? Am I just pretending this is assault?

I am so disgusted. I hate my friend now. We have been friends for years but she brought it up recently and I can’t help but hate her. I know that she probably was a victim too, but she has told SO many people about it. For years I didn’t really care, but I am dating an amazing man right now.

I want to cut off our friendship to truly forget that this ever happened. I feel like I was degraded that night, and that I was just floating. I don’t even remember how he and I started to have sex.

I would love advice. My friend is moving to Dallas with her boyfriend. He does know, but because someone told him about it. This disgusts me even more.

EDIT: I would like to clarify that I don’t remember consenting to anything, or how he even initiated sex with me. My friend was on the phone in the bathroom when he and I had sex. I do not think he tried to use protection with either of us. I have since gotten STI and STD tested, I have been clean and honestly, thank god.

When I was 18, me and my female friend went to a dorm party. I was incredibly intoxicated, and one thing led to another and another guy left with us to go to our friend’s apartment.

This guy and my friend didn’t have intimacy and she left the room when I had sex with him. Here’s the issue: I was so drunk that I was puking. I was never sexually attracted to him, I didn’t want to have sex with him sober, let alone do stuff in my friends bed while she “waited her turn”? He ubered home after he tried to have sex with my friend. This is the 3rd person I ever slept with. Me and my friend both regretted it, but she will joke about it.

Here’s the kicker; she refers to it as a threesome. We maintained our friendship, nearly 3 years later. I do not feel like I could consent to sex - I didn’t even know what was happening in the moment. Me and her were kissing as a joke, and this man both took advantage of our lack of sobriety. She will tell me people Willy-Nilly.

I am dating an amazing man now, but he doesn’t know about this incident in detail. Problem is, she told her BF (seemingly everyone) but I feel like my side of the story is often overlooked and not spoken about. I keep bringing it up to her, about how I genuinely didn’t know what was happening. I felt assaulted and taken advantage of, and the fact that she can recount the scenario (ex: her being in a different room when I had sex with him) but I have no clue makes me feel even more shame. I feel like if I end my friendship with her, she will blackmail me.

I love my partner, and our intimacy is so special to me. But I feel like in a way I am using a mask - I am 22 now, I no longer get myself in those dangerous situations, but she continues to use the situation like I was active and willing.

I am in the process of getting therapy, going sober, and slowly fading out the friendship. My issue is that I love my partner and I don’t want him to view me differently. He is religious (as am I). The main consensus from close friends is to not tell him. I told him that I was too drunk to sleep with a man (yet I did) and that he and my friend also did stuff. I didn’t clarify that if she let him, we would’ve had a full blown threesome, and that I was fading in and out of consciousness.

I’m just at a loss - I know this incident is beyond Reddit. What disgusts me more is that at 18, I would joke about it, maybe as a trauma response? I just feel like maybe in the moment I was into it, and I feel like I am pretending to be someone I am not to this day. I feel like a degenerate, a whore, and someone not worth this amazing man who loves and values intimacy, and loves me.

I know that most people argue “not every sexual experience needs to be shared” - I agree. But this friend is INVOLVED in my life. He has met her multiple times. We were roommates, he follows her on instagram, ect,. With past boyfriends, she never brought this up. My friend argues that it is to “humble” me. I suppose I can see that perspective. But I think the primary issue is that I have buried this so deep, so close to me.

I broke down to my mom about it, telling her exactly what happened. She also thinks that it should stay private, but I just don’t want to hurt my partner..

When I was 18, me and my female friend went to a dorm party. I was incredibly intoxicated, and one thing led to another and another guy left with us to go to our friend’s apartment.

This guy and my friend didn’t have sex and she left the room when I had sex with him. Here’s the issue: I was so drunk that I was puking. I was never sexually attracted to him, I didn’t want to have sex with him sober, let alone do stuff in my friends bed while she “waited her turn”? He ubered home after he tried to have sex with my friend. This is the 3rd person I ever slept with. Me and my friend both regretted it, but she will joke about it.

Here’s the kicker; she refers to it as a threesome. We maintained our friendship, nearly 3 years later. I do not feel like I could consent to sex - I didn’t even know what was happening in the moment. Me and her were kissing as a joke, and this man both took advantage of our lack of sobriety. She will tell me people Willy-Nilly.

I am dating an amazing man now, but he doesn’t know about this incident in detail. Problem is, she told her BF (seemingly everyone) but I feel like my side of the story is often overlooked and not spoken about. I keep bringing it up to her, about how I genuinely didn’t know what was happening. I felt assaulted and taken advantage of, and the fact that she can recount the scenario (ex: her being in a different room when I had sex with him) but I have no clue makes me feel even more shame. I feel like if I end my friendship with her, she will blackmail me.

I love my partner, and our intimacy is so special to me. But I feel like in a way I am using a mask - I am 22 now, I no longer get myself in those dangerous situations, but she continues to use the situation like I was active and willing.

I am in the process of getting therapy, going sober, and slowly fading out the friendship. My issue is that I love my partner and I don’t want him to view me differently. He is religious (as am I). The main consensus from close friends is to not tell him. I told him that I was too drunk to sleep with a man (yet I did) and that he and my friend also did stuff. I didn’t clarify that if she let him, we would’ve had a full blown threesome, and that I was fading in and out of consciousness.

I’m just at a loss - I know this incident is beyond Reddit. What disgusts me more is that at 18, I would joke about it, maybe as a trauma response? I just feel like maybe in the moment I was into it, and I feel like I am pretending to be someone I am not to this day. I feel like a degenerate, a whore, and someone not worth this amazing man who loves and values intimacy, and loves me.

I know that most people argue “not every sexual experience needs to be shared” - I agree. But this friend is INVOLVED in my life. He has met her multiple times. We were roommates, he follows her on instagram, ect,. With past boyfriends, she never brought this up. My friend argues that it is to “humble” me. I suppose I can see that perspective. But I think the primary issue is that I have buried this so deep, so close to me.

I broke down to my mom about it, telling her exactly what happened. She also thinks that it should stay private, but I just don’t want to hurt my partner. I feel like if this is a dealbreaker, and he leaves, it will be the loss of my life. He truly means the world to me.

3 years ago, me and my “best friend” had a really weird sexual experience.

My best friend and I were drunk and went to a dorm party. It was with a guy we were class friends with. Now, we both had drank a lot (a 4 LOKO, in 8 minutes). We were stumbling on our way to this dorm party.

My friend and I would drunkenly kiss at this party. I don’t remember why, but we have always been platonic. Then, we went to the bathroom, where I tried to vomit. I was SO drunk.

We go into a dorm room and we are talking to said guy friend. He starts kissing her. I start to kiss him. He pushes us together? I have no memory. My friend tells me this.

Then, he orders an uber to her apartment. I am blacked out. I have no idea what’s going on. I don’t remember getting there, but then he and I have sex and she leaves the room. I don’t remember having sex with him, I don’t remember anything. I remember laying there as my friend comes back in the room and then he tries to have sex with her on the desk. I can hear him clearly trying. I start to vomit all over myself, and he looks scared and leaves.

I am so disgusted by this experience. My partner doesn’t know. My friend will make jokes about it. I was not in the right state of mind to consent, I don’t view sex casually at all. My friend remembered it all. I didn’t, and I feel like in a way she also was complicit in this assault? Am I just pretending this is assault?

I am so disgusted. I hate my friend now. We have been friends for years but she brought it up recently and I can’t help but hate her.

I was 18, me and my female friend went to a dorm party. I was incredibly intoxicated, and one thing led to another and another guy left with us to go to our friend’s apartment.

This guy and my friend didn’t have sex and she left the room when I had sex with him. Here’s the issue: I was so drunk that I was puking. I was never sexually attracted to him, I didn’t want to have sex with him sober, let alone do stuff in my friends bed while she “waited her turn”? He ubered home after he tried to have sex with my friend. This is the 3rd person I ever slept with. Me and my friend both regretted it, but she will joke about it.

Here’s the kicker; she refers to it as a threesome. We maintained our friendship, nearly 3 years later. I do not feel like I could consent to sex - I didn’t even know what was happening in the moment. Me and her were kissing as a joke, and this man both took advantage of our lack of sobriety. She will tell me people Willy-Nilly.

I am dating an amazing man now, but he doesn’t know about this incident in detail. Problem is, she told her BF (seemingly everyone) but I feel like my side of the story is often overlooked and not spoken about. I keep bringing it up to her, about how I genuinely didn’t know what was happening. I felt assaulted and taken advantage of, and the fact that she can recount the scenario (ex: her being in a different room when I had sex with him) but I have no clue makes me feel even more shame. I feel like if I end my friendship with her, she will blackmail me.

I can safely say me and her never intended this to happen when we went out. I’ve never wanted this to happen. I view sex as something you should only share with people you are at LEAST interested in. I’ve hooked up with 2 people including this event, and the rest (3 relationships, 2 talking stages). The other hookup was incredibly nonconsensual.

I am 22 now and have slept with about 7 people (including my partner). A lot were coerced and non-consensual. I just feel like my partner will leave if I tell him about this incident. My partner has had sex with 6 people, including myself. He recently had a one-night stand about 2 months prior to us meeting. I feel disappointed in myself for giving into the college culture and experience, knowing it goes against my values.

I want to tell my partner because he deserves to know. I don’t know if this classifies as a threesome, but I want to cut off this friend. I have for years - I have sinned exponentially with this friend and I can longer foster a relationship with her in a Godly manner. She is moving away so I know that this will never be brought up, but I think it is right to sit my partner down and tell him.

Any advice is welcome and I appreciate you reading.

I was 18, me and my female friend went to a dorm party. I was incredibly intoxicated, and one thing led to another and another guy left with us to go to our friend’s apartment.

This guy and my friend didn’t have sex and she left the room when I had sex with him. Here’s the issue: I was so drunk that I was puking. I was never sexually attracted to him, I didn’t want to have sex with him sober, let alone do stuff in my friends bed while she “waited her turn”? He ubered home after he tried to have sex with my friend. This is the 3rd person I ever slept with. Me and my friend both regretted it, but she will joke about it.

Here’s the kicker; she refers to it as a threesome. We maintained our friendship, nearly 3 years later. I do not feel like I could consent to sex - I didn’t even know what was happening in the moment. Me and her were kissing as a joke, and this man both took advantage of our lack of sobriety. She will tell me people Willy-Nilly.

I am dating an amazing man now, but he doesn’t know about this incident in detail. Problem is, she told her BF (seemingly everyone) but I feel like my side of the story is often overlooked and not spoken about. I keep bringing it up to her, about how I genuinely didn’t know what was happening. I felt assaulted and taken advantage of, and the fact that she can recount the scenario (ex: her being in a different room when I had sex with him) but I have no clue makes me feel even more shame. I feel like if I end my friendship with her, she will blackmail me.

I can safely say me and her never intended this to happen when we went out. I’ve never wanted this to happen. I view sex as something you should only share with people you are at LEAST interested in. I’ve hooked up with 2 people including this event, and the rest (3 relationships, 2 talking stages). The other hookup was incredibly nonconsensual.

I am 22 now and have slept with about 7 people (including my partner). A lot were coerced and non-consensual. I just feel like my partner will leave if I tell him about this incident. I’m not sure

When I was 18, me and my female friend went to a dorm party. I was incredibly intoxicated, and one thing led to another and another guy left with us to go to our friend’s apartment.

This guy and my friend didn’t have sex and she left the room when I had sex with him. Here’s the issue: I was so drunk that I was puking. I was never sexually attracted to him, I didn’t want to have sex with him sober, let alone do stuff in my friends bed while she “waited her turn”? He ubered home after he tried to have sex with my friend. This is the 3rd person I ever slept with. Me and my friend both regretted it, but she will joke about it.

Here’s the kicker; she refers to it as a threesome. We maintained our friendship, nearly 3 years later. I do not feel like I could consent to sex - I didn’t even know what was happening in the moment. Me and her were kissing as a joke, and this man both took advantage of our lack of sobriety. She will tell me people Willy-Nilly.

I am dating an amazing man now, but he doesn’t know about this incident in detail. Problem is, she told her BF (seemingly everyone) but I feel like my side of the story is often overlooked and not spoken about. I keep bringing it up to her, about how I genuinely didn’t know what was happening. I felt assaulted and taken advantage of, and the fact that she can recount the scenario (ex: her being in a different room when I had sex with him) but I have no clue makes me feel even more shame. I feel like if I end my friendship with her, she will blackmail me.

I love my partner, and our intimacy is so special to me. But I feel like in a way I am using a mask - I am 22 now, I no longer get myself in those dangerous situations, but she continues to use the situation like I was active and willing.

I am in the process of getting therapy, going sober, and slowly fading out the friendship. My issue is that I love my partner and I don’t want him to view me differently. He is religious (as am I). The main consensus from close friends is to not tell him. I told him that I was too drunk to sleep with a man (yet I did) and that he and my friend also did stuff. I didn’t clarify that if she let him, we would’ve had a full blown threesome, and that I was fading in and out of consciousness.

I’m just at a loss - I know this incident is beyond Reddit. What disgusts me more is that at 18, I would joke about it, maybe as a trauma response? I just feel like maybe in the moment I was into it, and I feel like I am pretending to be someone I am not to this day. I feel like a degenerate, a whore, and someone not worth this amazing man who loves and values intimacy, and loves me.

I know that most people argue “not every sexual experience needs to be shared” - I agree. But this friend is INVOLVED in my life. He has met her multiple times. We were roommates, he follows her on instagram, ect,. With past boyfriends, she never brought this up. My friend argues that it is to “humble” me. I suppose I can see that perspective. But I think the primary issue is that I have buried this so deep, so close to me.

I broke down to my mom about it, telling her exactly what happened. She also thinks that it should stay private, but I just don’t want to hurt my partner. I feel like if this is a dealbreaker, and he leaves, it will be the loss of my life. He truly means the world to me.

3 years ago, I was really drunk after a party and was intending on doing stuff with a guy. Not intercourse, but getting with him.

I told him that I didn’t want to have sex and it was off the table prior to going to his dorm. He said that it was okay.

Long story short, me and him ended up having sex and he was completely sober. I told him “no” multiple times, before I even went, and he kicked me out the dorm leading to me sobbing profusely, telling everyone I was raped and girls laughing at me for it.

I never reported him to the police, nothing. I feel invalid. I told my partner my body count, but excluded this experience because it wasn’t consensual. Was this rape? Am I lying? I don’t remember the sex whatsoever.