u/CalligrapherFull3038

I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts for most of my life.

I lost my mom in 2020.

I recently realized most of my family is toxic as hell, fake, or only cares about themselves, so I’ve had to distance myself from almost everyone.

Looking back, I also realize my family set terrible standards for what relationships looked like. I grew up thinking unhealthy behavior was normal, and I can see now how that influenced the people I chose. I wish I’d had healthier examples because I don’t think I would’ve chosen my son’s father if I had. That’s one of the hardest realizations I’ve had to come to.

I’m raising my autistic son mostly on my own.

I’m living with my cousin while trying to save enough money to get my own place.

I work Amazon Flex and I’m in school studying psychology.

I finally bought a car, big amount of cash down for it. Now it’s having electrical issues right before my son’s birthday trip. The Airbnb i booked for his trip is non-refundable, and I still don’t know if I’ll even make it. My car has been to like 3+ shops now and still not fixed, i have warranty but … does that even matter.

My ex and I still have a good relationship. Her daughter calls me “Mommy,” i moved around a month ago, and I’ve been telling her we’d see each other again for my son’s birthday. Now it looks like I probably won’t make it.

I thought about just dropping my son off with my ex, but her daughter is going to ask where I am, and that doesn’t feel fair to her.

It just feels like every time I solve one problem, three more show up. Every week there’s another setback, another expense, another disappointment, another another a fucking nother

I’m tired. I’m still getting up every day and doing what I have to do, but im tired. Just feels like life has been throwing punches nonstop for years, and lately it hasn’t let up at all. I made another post about 3 days ago on how overwhelmed i am with my son, now this. Ive been thinking heavily on just ending it all, i would take my son with me too of course because i know how it is to have no mom. And i dont want him growing up thinking i left him, if i leave him he has nobody

I know he will be with god, i want to go to god too but idk if killing myself will take me there. Im tired of going through stuff, im 26, im only 26 and im so tired

I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts for most of my life.

I lost my mom in 2020.

I recently realized most of my family is toxic as hell, fake, or only cares about themselves, so I’ve had to distance myself from almost everyone.

Looking back, I also realize my family set terrible standards for what relationships looked like. I grew up thinking unhealthy behavior was normal, and I can see now how that influenced the people I chose. I wish I’d had healthier examples because I don’t think I would’ve chosen my son’s father if I had. That’s one of the hardest realizations I’ve had to come to.

I’m raising my autistic son mostly on my own.

I’m living with my cousin while trying to save enough money to get my own place.

I work Amazon Flex and I’m in school studying psychology.

I finally bought a car, big amount of cash down for it. Now it’s having electrical issues right before my son’s birthday trip. The Airbnb i booked for his trip is non-refundable, and I still don’t know if I’ll even make it. That was $1000. My car has been to like 3+ shops now and still not fixed, i have warranty but … does that even matter.

My ex and I still have a good relationship. Her daughter calls me “Mommy,” i moved around a month ago, and I’ve been telling her we’d see each other again for my son’s birthday. Now it looks like I probably won’t make it.

I thought about just dropping my son off with my ex, but her daughter is going to ask where I am, and that doesn’t feel fair to her.

It just feels like every time I solve one problem, three more show up. Every week there’s another setback, another expense, another disappointment, another another a fucking nother

I’m tired. I’m still getting up every day and doing what I have to do, but im tired. Just feels like life has been throwing punches nonstop for years, and lately it hasn’t let up at all. I made another post about 3 days ago on how overwhelmed i am with my son, now this. Ive been thinking heavily on just ending it all, i would take my son with me too of course because i know how it is to have no mom. And i dont want him growing up thinking i left him, if i leave him he has nobody

I know he will be with god, i want to go to god too but idk if killing myself will take me there. Im tired of going through stuff, im 26, im only 26 and im so tired

I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts for most of my life.

I lost my mom in 2020.

I recently realized most of my family is toxic as hell, fake, or only cares about themselves, so I’ve had to distance myself from almost everyone.

Looking back, I also realize my family set terrible standards for what relationships looked like. I grew up thinking unhealthy behavior was normal, and I can see now how that influenced the people I chose. I wish I’d had healthier examples because I don’t think I would’ve chosen my son’s father if I had. That’s one of the hardest realizations I’ve had to come to.

I’m raising my autistic son mostly on my own.

I’m living with my cousin while trying to save enough money to get my own place.

I work Amazon Flex and I’m in school studying psychology.

I finally bought a car, big amount of cash down for it. Now it’s having electrical issues right before my son’s birthday trip. The Airbnb i booked for his trip is non-refundable, and I still don’t know if I’ll even make it. That was $1000. My car has been to like 3+ shops now and still not fixed, i have warranty but … does that even matter.

My ex and I still have a good relationship. Her daughter calls me “Mommy,” i moved around a month ago, and I’ve been telling her we’d see each other again for my son’s birthday. Now it looks like I probably won’t make it.

I thought about just dropping my son off with my ex, but her daughter is going to ask where I am, and that doesn’t feel fair to her.

It just feels like every time I solve one problem, three more show up. Every week there’s another setback, another expense, another disappointment, another another a fucking nother

I’m tired. I’m still getting up every day and doing what I have to do, but im tired. Just feels like life has been throwing punches nonstop for years, and lately it hasn’t let up at all. I made another post about 3 days ago on how overwhelmed i am with my son, now this. Ive been thinking heavily on just ending it all, i would take my son with me too of course because i know how it is to have no mom. And i dont want him growing up thinking i left him, if i leave him he has nobody

I know he will be with god, i want to go to god too but idk if killing myself will take me there. Im tired of going through stuff, im 26, im only 26 and im so tired

I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts for most of my life.

I lost my mom in 2020.

I recently realized most of my family is toxic as hell, fake, or only cares about themselves, so I’ve had to distance myself from almost everyone.

Looking back, I also realize my family set terrible standards for what relationships looked like. I grew up thinking unhealthy behavior was normal, and I can see now how that influenced the people I chose. I wish I’d had healthier examples because I don’t think I would’ve chosen my son’s father if I had. That’s one of the hardest realizations I’ve had to come to.

I’m raising my autistic son mostly on my own.

I’m living with my cousin while trying to save enough money to get my own place.

I work Amazon Flex and I’m in school studying psychology.

I finally bought a car, big amount of cash down for it. Now it’s having electrical issues right before my son’s birthday trip. The Airbnb i booked for his trip is non-refundable, and I still don’t know if I’ll even make it. That was $1000. My car has been to like 3+ shops now and still not fixed, i have warranty but … does that even matter.

My ex and I still have a good relationship. Her daughter calls me “Mommy,” i moved around a month ago, and I’ve been telling her we’d see each other again for my son’s birthday. Now it looks like I probably won’t make it.

I thought about just dropping my son off with my ex, but her daughter is going to ask where I am, and that doesn’t feel fair to her.

It just feels like every time I solve one problem, three more show up. Every week there’s another setback, another expense, another disappointment, another another a fucking nother

I’m tired. I’m still getting up every day and doing what I have to do, but im tired. Just feels like life has been throwing punches nonstop for years, and lately it hasn’t let up at all. I made another post about 3 days ago on how overwhelmed i am with my son, now this. Ive been thinking heavily on just ending it all, i would take my son with me too of course because i know how it is to have no mom. And i dont want him growing up thinking i left him, if i leave him he has nobody

I know he will be with god, i want to go to god too but idk if killing myself will take me there. Im tired of going through stuff, im 26, im only 26 and im so tired

I don’t even know where to start.

I’m a 26 year old single mom, and I feel like I’m drowning.

I grew up surrounded by dysfunction and chaos, and I’m scared that I’ve recreated the same life for myself and my son.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a mom. I imagined giving my child the kind of life I never had. Instead, my son is autistic and has a speech delay, and parenting has been so much harder than I ever imagined. I love him, but I also carry a lot of regret for becoming a parent, and I hate admitting that because I know people will judge me. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I emotionally shut down, and then I feel guilty because none of that is fair to him.

After my mom died in 2020, I felt like I had to become the parent in my family. I stepped into that role for my older brother and younger sister because I didn’t want them to feel alone the way I did. In the end, my brother used me, and my sister stole money from my son (his ssi). Losing my mom was already devastating, but feeling abandoned by the people I tried to take care of made everything so much worse.

Now I constantly question every major decision I’ve made. I left a relationship. I moved to Ohio. I’m living with a cousin who I don’t know if I should have moved in with. She is the only person in my family I talk to though. I spent a long time praying and thinking through those decisions because I wanted to follow God. But now that life feels so heavy, I keep wondering if I misunderstood everything. I don’t know if I made the right choices or if I’ve just been trying to convince myself that I did.

The hardest part is how alone I feel.

I don’t have my mom anymore. I don’t have a support system that actually makes me feel supported. I have people around me, but I don’t feel understood. It feels like everyone needs something from me, but nobody really asks how I’m doing or notices that I’m barely holding myself together.

Every day I’m trying to juggle being a single mom, working, taking care of my son’s appointments and needs, dealing with finances, car problems, school, and everything else life throws at me. I keep pushing through because I have to, but inside I feel like I’m drowning.

Sometimes I wish I could disappear from everyone for a while. I miss the version of me that had hope. I went from 145lbs to barely hitting 100, and i hate to see myself in any mirror.

I’m not posting this because I want pity or for people to tell me I’m a terrible mom. I already criticize myself enough.

My son is 4 and turns 5 this month. He’s incredibly smart, and I love him. I just want to know if anyone else has ever felt this broken, this overwhelmed, or this full of regret and actually made it to the other side. If you did… what helped?

I don’t even know where to start.

I’m a 26 year old single mom, and I feel like I’m drowning.

I grew up surrounded by dysfunction and chaos, and I’m scared that I’ve recreated the same life for myself and my son.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a mom. I imagined giving my child the kind of life I never had. Instead, my son is autistic and has a speech delay, and parenting has been so much harder than I ever imagined. I love him, but I also carry a lot of regret for becoming a parent, and I hate admitting that because I know people will judge me. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I emotionally shut down, and then I feel guilty because none of that is fair to him.

After my mom died in 2020, I felt like I had to become the parent in my family. I stepped into that role for my older brother and younger sister because I didn’t want them to feel alone the way I did. In the end, my brother used me, and my sister stole money from my son (his ssi). Losing my mom was already devastating, but feeling abandoned by the people I tried to take care of made everything so much worse.

Now I constantly question every major decision I’ve made. I left a relationship. I moved to Ohio. I’m living with a cousin who I don’t know if I should have moved in with. She is the only person in my family I talk to though. I spent a long time praying and thinking through those decisions because I wanted to follow God. But now that life feels so heavy, I keep wondering if I misunderstood everything. I don’t know if I made the right choices or if I’ve just been trying to convince myself that I did.

The hardest part is how alone I feel.

I don’t have my mom anymore. I don’t have a support system that actually makes me feel supported. I have people around me, but I don’t feel understood. It feels like everyone needs something from me, but nobody really asks how I’m doing or notices that I’m barely holding myself together.

Every day I’m trying to juggle being a single mom, working, taking care of my son’s appointments and needs, dealing with finances, car problems, school, and everything else life throws at me. I keep pushing through because I have to, but inside I feel like I’m drowning.

Sometimes I wish I could disappear from everyone for a while. I miss the version of me that had hope. I went from 145lbs to barely hitting 100, and i hate to see myself in any mirror.

I’m not posting this because I want pity or for people to tell me I’m a terrible mom. I already criticize myself enough.

My son is 4 and turns 5 this month. He’s incredibly smart, and I love him. I just want to know if anyone else has ever felt this broken, this overwhelmed, or this full of regret and actually made it to the other side. If you did… what helped?

I don’t even know where to start.

I’m a 26 year old single mom, and I feel like I’m drowning.

I grew up surrounded by dysfunction and chaos, and I’m scared that I’ve recreated the same life for myself and my son.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a mom. I imagined giving my child the kind of life I never had. Instead, my son is autistic and has a speech delay, and parenting has been so much harder than I ever imagined. I love him, but I also carry a lot of regret for becoming a parent, and I hate admitting that because I know people will judge me. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I emotionally shut down, and then I feel guilty because none of that is fair to him.

After my mom died in 2020, I felt like I had to become the parent in my family. I stepped into that role for my older brother and younger sister because I didn’t want them to feel alone the way I did. In the end, my brother used me, and my sister stole money from my son (his ssi). Losing my mom was already devastating, but feeling abandoned by the people I tried to take care of made everything so much worse.

Now I constantly question every major decision I’ve made. I left a relationship. I moved to Ohio. I’m living with a cousin who I don’t know if I should have moved in with. She is the only person in my family I talk to though. I spent a long time praying and thinking through those decisions because I wanted to follow God. But now that life feels so heavy, I keep wondering if I misunderstood everything. I don’t know if I made the right choices or if I’ve just been trying to convince myself that I did.

The hardest part is how alone I feel.

I don’t have my mom anymore. I don’t have a support system that actually makes me feel supported. I have people around me, but I don’t feel understood. It feels like everyone needs something from me, but nobody really asks how I’m doing or notices that I’m barely holding myself together.

Every day I’m trying to juggle being a single mom, working, taking care of my son’s appointments and needs, dealing with finances, car problems, school, and everything else life throws at me. I keep pushing through because I have to, but inside I feel like I’m drowning.

Sometimes I wish I could disappear from everyone for a while. I miss the version of me that had hope. I went from 145lbs to barely hitting 100, and i hate to see myself in any mirror.

I’m not posting this because I want pity or for people to tell me I’m a terrible mom. I already criticize myself enough.

My son is 4 and turns 5 this month. He’s incredibly smart, and I love him. I just want to know if anyone else has ever felt this broken, this overwhelmed, or this full of regret and actually made it to the other side. If you did… what helped?