Did my psychiatrist just completely fuck me up?
My former psychiatrist who was treating me completely refused to get me off an antidepressant. I had other issues with her quality of care so I fired her and saw a new doctor.
This new doctor agreed to try to get me off the antidepressant to see how I’m doing without it since I was doing fine while on it, I didn’t think it would be harmful process. Well… I had a brutal brutal relapse once I got off the antidepressant that turned me actively suicidal for months and caused me an intensity of depression I never ever felt before in my life.
In hindsight, my abusive former psychiatrist was totally right about refusing to get me off the “scaffolding” medication and my current doctor seemed to have no wisdom and knowledge about whether it’s safe to get me off an antidepressant I totally needed.
I still haven’t recovered from the relapse that happened summer of 2025 and I am still experiencing really bad depression with suicidal ideation. I had to start TMS because it just got so bad. I’m at session 12 and it worked the first week but I think I’m experiencing a dip currently.
This all would have never happened if I never got off my base antidepressant which was welbutrin 150mg. Now even welbutrin 300mg and rexulti (which is used as an adjunct if the antidepressant isn’t strong enough) is not working well, it works a bit though in alleviating anhedonia a bit.
I have a suspicion that my new psychiatrist might have completely fucked me up (maybe intentionally) to get me into TMS, because his clinic has been marketing it to me since the first time I ever started going there. This is totally fucked up. But this is just a suspicion I have informed by my knowledge of the US healthcare system being a system that values profit over patient well being.
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Medication history:
I (22M) was on antidepressants since age 17. I got on welbutrin 150 mg (I’m on welbutrin 300mg currently) at some point when I was 18 and I was taking it alongside Rexulti. I was doing well on this combo from age 18 to 20.
I got off Rexulti because it made me gain a lot of weight and I was just doing okay with Welbutrin and an SSRI that I started i was using to treat my OCD but it was always treating my depression somewhat simultaneously.
I didn’t like the effects of the SSRI so I got off of it as well with a fast taper: took half a pill of lexapro for 2 days and then stopped. I experienced bad anxiety as part of the withdrawals of SSRI because I was on it for a year.
I don’t know what the fuck to do. I’m in a lot of pain and I’m losing hope. I’m just riding out the TMS at the moment to see if it does anything. Still, the relapse last year completely obliterated me.