u/CelestialFlower15

I often find myself imagining how much comfort I would find in knowing that, even though my life was/is hard, one day it would be over and I would be surrounded by genuine love.

I don’t have much luck here on earth but I'd have someone who loved me just because.

It makes me cry to think I might never get the opportunity.

Hi :)

I’m crying as I'm writing this, so I'll apologise in advance if it comes off as scattered and messy. I'll try my best to explain myself.

I'm really tired of being me. Sometimes all I wanted was someone to hold my hand and walk with me.
I've accepted I'm hard to both like and love, and I don’t blame anyone anymore. I’m old enough to know how to handle it myself.

I struggle with seeing myself as someone worthy of being treated with tenderness. It feels so foreign. Sometimes I have to turn movies off because someone is being taken care of in ways I never was and it breaks my heart.

I hear people's stories about their first heartbreak in silence because I was never pursued by anyone. Life broke my heart before love ever could.

I know being loved is a human need/desire. I'm trying to find a way to trick my brain. If I learn how to self-love well enough, I can stop feeling like this.

Some days it’s harder than others. Sometimes I just randomly remember that I'm no one’s favourite person. It’s a weird thing to feel… like you’re invisible even though you’re right there.

Any tips?

I was never enough. For anyone. But, most importantly, I wasn’t enough for myself.

The way others treated me growing, shaped how I treated myself. I was the last one to be picked for teams in P.E. so, I ended up choosing myself last every single time I needed to make a choice. Never having any romantic interactions (both growing up and now), made me decide I wasn’t worthy of being treated as kindly or softly as other women.

I was always “too chubby”, but then I lost weight and now I'm “slim enough, no need to lose more”. Before I “trusted the wrong people too easily”, but now… “You’re always in your room, you’re never going to meet anyone like that”.

Nothing about me is easy (Not my words). I'm either too much or nothing at all. I'm somewhere between “too reserved” and “omg can you please just slow down and shut up?”.

I should “smile more”, but not too much. Oh and I'm also “so funny expressive” but “too grumpy”.
I talk “too fast” and need to slow down but why am I always “so quiet and not even try making conversation with people”?

Understanding I could never win gave me a new perspective on life… Changing who I am for people will only make me feel more detached from myself. More miserable… I will make everyone uncomfortable either way so I might as well learn how to accept this flawed version of me.

Maybe one day I'll believe I'm deserving of the tenderness and love I've never gotten from others… but until then, I will simply be and, it will have to be enough for now.

I'm introverted.

If I'm in a group with a lot of people I don’t know, I will take a while to warm up. I'm naturally a really chatty person if comfortable but, I become more reserved in new situations.

I've had people (especially people older than me) say in my face and behind my back that I should smile more, talk more, be more…
It bothers me a lot because I am polite and respectful as much as I can, I just can’t force myself to be fake (I just don’t have the energy for it) and I also don’t ask anyone to tone it down because they are too much (I don’t think it’s my place to do so).

This said, I don’t think I should change. I’m closed off, I don’t deny that (and I will say I need to work on it) but, I don’t trust easily (shaped past experiences and my overall personality) and I take my time to feel comfortable to be myself in most settings.

What is your opinion?

… and they wasted it.

I know many people will disagree with what I'm about to say but I understood Melek in the beginning (until they absolutely ruined her character). I don’t know a single person who wouldn’t feel betrayed (and hurt) if they found out their husband had a “double” life and another woman promised to him.

The rivalry between Melek and Yildiz is so forced. They love putting women against each other because of men. Melek's actions are so different from the Melek they showed in the very beginning of the show (I know she went through a lot but still).

Serhat is not a good person. I liked him the first few episodes but things went sour pretty quickly. The way he handled his marriage with Melek (who is pregnant with his child) rubbed me the wrong way.

Yildiz has a traumatic past (I hate the frequent abuse towards women in Turkish dramas) and I hoped from the beginning she could reach her goals of studying and becoming a teacher (correct me if I'm wrong, I don’t watch it as much anymore). They turned the focus away from that and the toxicity just skyrocketed.

The fandom is also very toxic (from some comments I saw online), and I don’t think it helps. People are very passionate about which side they’re on (which they’re allowed to be) but I don’t understand why it’s okay to bully the actors because of a drama. It’s never that serious

The first female character that comes to mind is Zerrin. Can they give her a break, please?

She has suffered for most of the drama and she continues to suffer immensely. They always find a way to have her either crying or mistreated.

The whole situation with Kaya is getting so boring… I liked them as a couple but now they’re putting him against her and forcing Ipek into the situation, without clearing up all the lies and misunderstandings (blackmail from Demir). Zerrin always ends up being the one at fault, as if the men around her didn’t act like raging lunatics.

I think the actress is genuinely doing an amazing job portraying Zerrin. Her acting is so raw and believable.

The other character I'd like to mention is Nare. She would make such a loving mother. It’s so sad. She is such a sweet character and I don’t understand the point on focusing her storyline on (mostly) tragedy/trauma. She deserves a break.

“Love” is probably one of the most used words ever. Love is everywhere.

If I turn on the radio at work, it’s all I listen to.
If I watch a movie/show of any kind, it’s woven into them. I can’t watch them anymore because 9/10 times I end up in tears, hugging my knees.

When people say love is all around, they mean it. Go sit at any busy park and people watch, it’s undeniably everywhere. Everywhere but with me. When I do it, it ends in tears behind my sunglasses, biting the inside of my cheek to stop me from resembling a chronically lonely main character in a 2000s movie.

I pretend I'm ok because others' worry is only about how my loneliness makes them uncomfortable.

Is being loved really that magical? Does it make you feel like your existence is not just a random act of chance but, part of something else? Does it feel warm inside?

I know it’s not perfect but it can’t be worse than this emptiness I've always felt.

I don’t know what the future holds for me.

I don’t know if I will still be crying because I realised that I was getting left behind.

I don’t know if time heals this particular wound or if it's one of those that keeps reopening until you are too tired to put a band-aid on it and just let it bleed out.

I know there are many more like me. Maybe reading this silly vent I just wrote. My words might not mean much but they’re all I have to offer.

Love isn’t something outside of our reach. It’s within us. Just because it’s muted doesn’t mean we don’t carry it everywhere too.

As the title states, I find belief to be extremely hard.
Reading the Bible doesn’t make me believe. Prayer doesn’t make me believe either. I don’t feel loved or held. I just feel lost.

I look around and I see children in terrible situations. Hungry, cold, ill, mistreated… How are they to blame for others' poor choices? You can tell me “That's mankind’s doing”, but I don’t understand why God doesn’t simply help them.

You can start by explaining the original sin. I understand that and I don’t. God created everything, which means that He created sin?

The world is unfair, that much is undeniable. But if God is all powerful, why doesn’t He intervene?

Sometimes I see people say things like “God helped me get this brand new car”; “I prayed for a specific job and I got it”, but I see many people who prayed to God for healing of their loved ones, their children, themselves, and didn’t get healed.

God can love everyone and still have favourites. What makes a person favourable to Him? I don’t understand.

I'm sorry, once more, if I wasn’t able to express myself to the best of my abilities. Please help me understand.

What do I have to do?

Hi,

I don’t know if this is the right subreddit for this but, I need help.

I don’t have much luck with people. I think I’m the problem. I just don’t know if this is some sort of consequence for something I've done, or a punishment. I'm not very familiar with the Bible but I read somewhere that God punishes those He loves. I don’t if He loves me or if He is helping me learn a lesson.

I'm often excluded. I've been for many years. I thought I would get used to it as I got older but, it still hurts. I still cry. I feel so lonely sometimes but I just keep going. I'm getting familiarised with it.

I'm no saint. I make many mistakes. I know I do good things for others but I also recognise my mistakes. My mistakes are usually things I say. Either to the person, or worse, behind their back. I know this is an awful habit. I grew up surrounded by it and it was pretty normalised in my brain. I used it as a way to connect because not everyone wanted to be friends with me growing up. My impulsivity during conversations doesn’t help. Who am I to say anything about anyone?

Over the years I began loosing a lot of people. Not to gossip but because they just started deciding they didn’t like me (I'm sure they have their reasons). I don’t have it in me to throw others under the bus and so I kinda handle the consequences alone. I was heartbroken about this loneliness for a long time. I still am in many ways.

I think there is something in me that is hard to like. Or maybe God is protecting others from me. I don’t really know.

I just don’t know what to do. I was hoping to get some advice. I would really appreciate it. I just don’t want to be disliked.

The title is pretty self-explanatory. I've always gossiped. Ever since I can remember. I did it mostly with friends and, from what I can recall, almost everyone gossiped around me( It doesn’t make it right, it’s just a fact), which normalised it in a way, but it shouldn’t have.

I've always owned up to the things I said, if confronted. On the few instances where I got consequences from my actions (which I deserved), I never felt the need to throw others under the bus with me (even if I knew that they were just as guilty) because my conscience didn’t allow. I always ended up owning it alone and being excluded alone. It taught me a lot.

As a late-diagnosed woman with ADHD, gossip was a way to connect growing up. I didn’t struggle to make friends (I do now) but, it was far too easy to get into this awful habit once comfortable with someone. I don’t blame it on my ADHD, although impulsivity could be the culprit, but I do think it’s a flaw of mine I really need to work on.

No matter what I do for others, I often end up alone. I don’t blame them, I can be a little intense. I take medication now and I think it’s helping me.

I'm often excluded from things by people who use me as a backup friend. It’s a recurring issue in my life, since childhood. I never had enough self-esteem to understand that I wasn’t supposed to be treated like a doormat. I never knew how to stick up for myself. It never stops hurting, no matter how old I get (I thought it would). Even if gossip isn’t the problem in those particular relationships, I want to stop giving people more reasons to dislike me.

I'm not trying to victimise myself, I promise. I just need help on how to be better.

If anyone has any tips, I would really appreciate it. :)

Did I meet my future daughter in a dream?

A few years ago, when I was 20, I had a dream where I was a mom. She couldn’t have been older than 1/2 years old. She was sitting on my lap the entire time.

We were at a restaurant and I was sitting on a very small chair in a kids' area, holding her while some random children ran around. She was super quiet and focused on the cartoons playing on the TV. I was simply content because I knew she was mine and I just had never felt that before.

Fast forward, we were sitting at a big table with all of my family. I saw her face and I saw mine. I was definitely more mature (not old but older). She looked so much like me (not exactly but you could definitely tells she was mine if you saw any of my baby pictures). She was super introverted and serious. Such a quiet one. I smiled the entire time because I loved her so much.

My uncle yelled a name across the table, I don’t think it was hers and a man I don’t know was sitting next to me (maybe her dad).

Did I meet my daughter? Has anyone ever had a similar dream that came true? What other explanations could come from it?

A few years ago I had a dream where I was a mom to a little girl. I just knew she was mine. I loved her. I felt so content just holding her.
She looked just like I did at that age, but I knew she wasn’t me. She was so serious and quiet, and I just smiled the entire time. I also saw a more mature version of myself.

It felt like I was meeting her before she would ever come to me in real life. I'm not a mom yet but, that was the best dream I’ve ever had. I felt so content with her. I woke up wanting to go back to her. Such an odd feeling. But such a sudden gift.

Did anyone here dreamt about their children before they were even born? Was this a premonition?