u/Charming-Act0507

(Yes, I’ve posted iterations of this in r/friendship and r/FriendsOver50 and r/penpalsover50, so rolling the dice again)

Hello! 51F, married, living in Scotland who is in the quieter stage of life. Being all too familiar with the comfort of solitude, I find myself wanting to rebel against it and quietly hoping I’m not the only one. What probably makes this “finding a friend”malarkey more challenging is moving across an entire ocean in the prime of adulthood, and leaving behind the things which would make it less quiet.

I genuinely enjoy meeting new people and learning about what makes them tick, and I prefer a slow exchange of information and revelation. The tendency to share everything all at once, creates the illusion of “connection”, but anything meaningful and worthwhile comes with patience, time and understanding. We all have our trials and tribulations in life, and having someone who can understand, uplift and encourage can feel like an oasis in a desert.

Some of the things I enjoy are listed in my profile, perhaps we’ll find common ground as a starter for ten? So, subreddit gods, please be kind and connect me to people who: are seeking **platonic** **SWF** friendships & understand the struggle and occasional frustrations of being caught in the same loop; are **aged 48-55** (we’ll probably have more in common); can help carry a conversation (I ask questions for a living, but sometimes I’d like someone else to ask the curious questions); and **in the UK** for ease of communication.

By the way, 100% human and no AI was used in the making of this post, I can string coherent sentences together!

Thank you for your time and attention. After all, a friend is a stranger we haven’t yet met. 🫶🏼

(Yes, I’ve posted iterations of this in other subs, so rolling the dice again)

Hello! 51F, married, and have entered the quieter stage of life. Being all too familiar with the comfort of solitude, I find myself wanting to rebel against it and quietly hoping I’m not the only one. What probably makes this “finding a friend”malarkey more challenging is moving across an entire ocean in the prime of adulthood, and leaving behind the things which would make it less quiet.

I genuinely enjoy meeting new people and learning about what makes them tick, and I prefer a slow exchange of information and revelation. The tendency to share everything all at once, creates the illusion of “connection”, but anything meaningful and worthwhile comes with patience, time and understanding. We all have our trials and tribulations in life, and having someone who can understand, uplift and encourage can feel like an oasis in a desert.

Some of the things I enjoy are listed in my profile, perhaps we’ll find common ground as a starter for ten? So, subreddit gods, please be kind and connect me to people who: are seeking friendships & understand the struggle and occasional frustrations of being caught in the same loop; are aged 48-55 (we’ll probably have more in common); can help carry a conversation (I ask questions for a living, but sometimes I’d like someone else to ask the curious questions).

By the way, 100% human and no AI was used in the making of this post, I can string coherent sentences together!

Thank you for reading and wishing good luck to all in their quest! After all, a friend is a stranger we haven’t yet met. 🫶🏼

(Yes, I’ve posted iterations of this in r/friendship and r/FriendsOver50 and r/penpalsover50, so rolling the dice again)

Hello! 51F, married, living in Scotland who is in the quieter stage of life. Being all too familiar with the comfort of solitude, I find myself wanting to rebel against it and quietly hoping I’m not the only one. What probably makes this “finding a friend”malarkey more challenging is moving across an entire ocean in the prime of adulthood, and leaving behind the things which would make it less quiet.

I genuinely enjoy meeting new people and learning about what makes them tick, and I prefer a slow exchange of information and revelation. The tendency to share everything all at once, creates the illusion of “connection”, but anything meaningful and worthwhile comes with patience, time and understanding. We all have our trials and tribulations in life, and having someone who can understand, uplift and encourage can feel like an oasis in a desert.

Some of the things I enjoy are listed in my profile, perhaps we’ll find common ground as a starter for ten? So, subreddit gods, please be kind and connect me to people who: are seeking platonic SWF friendships & understand the struggle and occasional frustrations of being caught in the same loop; are aged 48-55 (we’ll probably have more in common); can help carry a conversation (I ask questions for a living, but sometimes I’d like someone else to ask the curious questions); and in the UK for ease of communication.

By the way, 100% human and no AI was used in the making of this post, I can string coherent sentences together!

Thank you for your time and attention. After all, a friend is a stranger we haven’t yet met. 🫶🏼

(I’ve posted this in r/friendship and r/FriendsOver50, but I’ve edited to prevent misunderstandings)

Hello! 51F, married, living in Scotland who is in the quieter stage of life. Being all too familiar with the comfort of solitude, I find myself wanting to rebel against it and quietly hoping I’m not the only one. What probably makes this “finding a friend”malarkey more challenging is moving across an entire ocean in the prime of adulthood, and leaving behind the things which would make it less quiet.

I genuinely enjoy meeting new people and learning about what makes them tick, and I prefer a slow exchange of information and revelation. The tendency to share everything all at once, creates the illusion of “connection”, but anything meaningful and worthwhile comes with patience, time and understanding. We all have our trials and tribulations in life, and having someone who can understand, uplift and encourage can feel like an oasis in a desert. I’m very much the sort who’ll ask you to tell me about your day; encourage you to share the highlights and the lowlights, because speaking for myself, having good news and someone to share it with, or facing a challenge and getting a fresh perspective can make a difference.

Some of the things I enjoy are listed in my profile, perhaps we’ll find common ground as a starter for ten? So, subreddit gods, please be kind and connect me to people who: are seeking platonic friendships & understand the adult struggle; are aged 50-55 (we’ll probably have more in common); can help carry a conversation (I ask questions for a living, but sometimes I’d like someone else to ask the curious questions); and my final ask (which I don’t think is unreasonable), is that post and comment histories are visible so I can get a sense for you.

By the way, 100% human and no AI was used in the making of this post, I can string coherent sentences together!

Thank you for reading my plea. After all, a friend is a stranger we haven’t yet met. 🫶🏼

Hello! 51F, married, living in Scotland who is in the quieter stage of life. Being all too familiar with the comfort of solitude, I find myself wanting to rebel against it and quietly hoping I’m not the only one. What probably makes this “finding a friend”malarkey more challenging is moving across an entire ocean in the prime of adulthood, and leaving behind the things which would make it less quiet and lonely.

So, subreddit gods, please be kind and connect me to people who: are seeking platonic friendships & understand the adult struggle; are aged 50-55 (we’ll probably have more in common)** **; based in the UK (and kind subreddit gods, if you’re being extra generous, ideally same location because in all honesty, I’d like to get together with someone for the occasional coffee or trawl around an art gallery or museum to beat the humdrum of life); can help carry a conversation (I ask questions for a living, but sometimes I’d like someone else to ask the curious questions).

Some of the things I enjoy are listed in my bio, perhaps we’ll find common ground as a starter for ten? I’m very much the sort who’ll ask you to tell me about your day; share the highlights and lowlights because I think loneliness comes from a place of having good news and not having someone to share it with, facing a challenge and not having a fresh perspective to help reframe your thinking. We all have our trials and tribulations in life, and having someone who could understan, uplift and encourage can feel like an oasis in a desert.

By the way, 100% human and no AI was used in the making of this post, I can string coherent sentences together!

Thank you for reading my plea. After all, a friend is a stranger we haven’t yet met. 🫶🏼

Hello! 51F, married, living in Scotland who is in the quieter stage of life. Being all too familiar with the comfort of solitude, I find myself wanting to rebel against it and quietly hoping I’m not the only one. What probably makes this “finding a friend”malarkey more challenging is moving across an entire ocean in the prime of adulthood, and leaving behind the things which would make it less quiet and lonely.

So, subreddit gods, please be kind and connect me to people who: are seeking platonic friendships & understand the adult struggle; are aged 50-55 (we’ll probably have more in common)** **; based in the UK (and kind subreddit gods, if you’re being extra generous, ideally same location because in all honesty, I’d like to get together with someone for the occasional coffee or trawl around an art gallery or museum to beat the humdrum of life); can help carry a conversation (I ask questions for a living, but sometimes I’d like someone else to ask the curious questions).

Some of the things I enjoy are listed in my bio, perhaps we’ll find common ground as a starter for ten? I’m very much the sort who’ll ask you to tell me about your day; share the highlights and lowlights because I think loneliness comes from a place of having good news and not having someone to share it with, facing a challenge and not having a fresh perspective to help reframe your thinking. We all have our trials and tribulations in life, and having someone who could understand, uplift and encourage can feel like an oasis in a desert.

By the way, 100% human and no AI was used in the making of this post, I can string coherent sentences together!

Thank you for reading my plea. After all, a friend is a stranger we haven’t yet met. 🫶🏼

Hello! Finally plucked up the courage and these are the questions I’ve been pondering lately: What does it feel like to have someone actively checking in with you? What does it feel like to have someone you can share life’s highlights and challenges with?

As an adult in the quieter stage of life (dependents doing their own thing), who’s all too familiar with the comfort of solitude, I think loneliness comes from a place of having good news and no one to share it with; facing a challenge and no one to help reframe your thinking. I’m probably not alone in reaching this stage of life and wanting to rebel against it.

So, subreddit gods, please be kind and connect me to people who: are seeking friendship & understand the adult struggle; are *aged 50-55* (we’ll probably have more in common); based in the UK (communication is easier and ideally same location because in all honesty, I’d like to get together with someone for the occasional coffee or trawl around an art gallery or museum); can actually carry a *fluid* conversation over consecutive days (takes time to get to know someone and at my big age I ain’t got the time for breadcrumbs); have the presence of mind to *read a bio* which lists interests before messaging and wasting both our time.

By the way, 100% human and no AI was used in the making of this post, I can string coherent sentences together!

**Note: if your comment and post histories are hidden, I will not respond because I want to get a sense for you.**

Thank you for reading/ answering my plea. 🫶🏼

Hello! Finally plucked up the courage and these are the questions I’ve been pondering lately: What does it feel like to have someone actively checking in with you? What does it feel like to have someone you can share life’s highlights and challenges with?

As an adult in the quieter stage of life (dependents doing their own thing), who’s all too familiar with the comfort of solitude, I think loneliness comes from a place of having good news and no one to share it with; facing a challenge and no one to help reframe your thinking. I’m probably not alone in reaching this stage of life and wanting to rebel against it.

So, subreddit gods, please be kind and connect me to people who: are seeking friendship & understand the adult struggle; are *aged 50-55* (we’ll probably have more in common); based in the UK (communication is easier and ideally, same location because in all honesty, I’d like to get together with someone for the occasional coffee or trawl around an art gallery or museum); can actually carry a *fluid* conversation over consecutive days (takes time to get to know someone and at my big age I ain’t got the time for breadcrumbs); have the presence of mind to *read a bio* which lists interests before messaging and wasting both our time.

By the way, 100% human and no AI was used in the making of this post, I can string coherent sentences together!

**Note if your post and comment history is hidden, I’m not going to respond because I want to get a sense for you.**

Thank you for reading/ answering my plea. 🫶🏼

Hello! I hope everyone is having a relatively chill Sunday (pun not intended for those in south UK currently melting!). New here and seeking some human interaction. I could list my interests (they’re in my bio), but I’d prefer we discover common ground. We all know making friends as an adult is challenging asf and I understand no one owes us engagement nor friendship.

I’m going to be real: I’m at a stage of life where it’s become a little quieter- grown up child, quite possibly a disinterested spouse; the people I do spend a lot of my time with, well…let’s face it, I get paid to do that. So, what am I trying to do here? I’m attempting to make my social dot into something approaching a circle. It’s my firm belief adult friendships/ connections, whatever you want to call it are chosen; they’re based on shared experiences, deep trust and understanding. When I think of building a meaningful connection, the mental image of a garden in full bloom is called forth. Time, consistency and effort are the elements which bring that garden to fruition; and I can bring those elements to the table. To be clear, I’m not looking to replace anything in your life; I think my previous attempts at doing this have led to this impression. All I’m asking for is a little reciprocity of that time, effort and consistency. My hope is for some engagement which doesn’t fizzle. I’ll admit it takes me a while to warm to people but I can be quite chatty when the vibe’s right. I genuinely enjoy meeting people, learning about what makes them tick and I’m easy to talk to.

So if you’re UK based, share a similar situation and this blurb catches your attention, feel free to get in touch. By the way, I’m 100% human!

Thank you for reading and wishing everyone luck in their search for connection. 🫶🏼

Hello! Player ID 646525, average word score =20- if anyone wants to play? Tired of playing the bots. Thank you 🫶🏼

I used to worship at your altar; the one we built on a foundation of words.
Morning and evening prayers offered up,
To a hope and promise of what a future may hold;
Silent mediations whispered in between in fervent hope.
But oh how quickly things turned fated alignment into the universe’s dissonance!
Prayers and meditations unheeded, until hope was lost.
Perhaps the lesson to be learned and embraced is the one which teaches us not to heed false prophets,
With their promises of hope and of futures shared, and dare I say it, salvation.
So now the altar has crumbled to dust,
Belief and hope abandoned; it’s a time for release and hope will now dwell in renewal.

… making online social connections.

Like most adults in the middle phase of this thing called life, I’ve had a fair go at trying to connect, and I’ll admit, deepen a connection so it can transform into something lasting. Perhaps, my naïveté fooled me into this being the case, and I know all too well, that for a very lucky few, they have struck gold and have formed lasting and meaningful friends which have stood the rest of time and maybe even distance; finally culminating in that face to face meet. The gold standard some of us aspire to and yet rarely achieve.

So yes, we are all too aware making friends as an adult is challenging as fuck, but why does it have to be this way? Is it down to thinking you want one thing, and then it turns out to be something completely different- expectations not matching reality, I suppose- and this is why things fizzle out? Is it that we just want someone to distract us for an hour… a day… a week or month, and then it’s on to the new flavour of the month? Is it we generally don’t consider online interactions as meaningful as an in real life/ real time interaction? Oh, I understand as adults we all have commitments and the dreaded responsibilities to meet and life generally gets in the way, but yet, time and again I’ve seen the posts in friendship making forums which continually complain about ghosting (the new communication style), or again, we come back to expectations not being met; so my observations have led to me trying to make sense of it all in the context of my own experience.

There are reasons I have gone on my own search for connection. I’m at a phase in my life where I have the opportunity to cultivate and tend to a meaningful connection because this is significantly lacking; to transform it into something which can span the realms of online into offline. So yes, my reality is that I have the time, space and I sure as hell can put in the effort to make something grow and flourish.

This is where things get tricky (or perhaps the more fitting word is disappointing) for me. When I think of making a connection, the mental metaphor of a garden comes to mind. A space once barren is slowly tilled and tended to; slowly you start to see the beginnings of something taking root; roots spring into shoots and leaves and gradually, you see blooms, some unopened yet filled with potential. For me, seeing that space take shape takes time, consistency and effort; for without those things, everything starts to fade and wither; the space becoming barren once more. I’ve had connections which started off with potential but then, over time, I’ve had to watch things slowly decay and die. Often feeling like the constant gardener who was putting in the effort and aware I lacked the green thumb required to tend something back to bloom. Perhaps, my naïveté is to blame- that despite knowing exactly what I want, that being honest and open about direction of travel and hope is too much to ask for. That I am all too willing to believe in the brief alignment of purpose and value these fleeting connections offer. Perhaps, it really is my fault for allowing myself to get caught up and carried away by emotions, and when the realisation hits that the other party no longer wants the same thing; we are no longer working towards the same goal, that feeling of “not again…” creeps in and I lose hope and faith once again- in myself most of all, but in finding that one special connection which really takes root and blooms in full splendour.

Oh, I recognise my own flaws and the things which contribute to these undoings, and I know I have to learn to break the cycle. But is it wrong to want make the time and put in the effort into something which has potential? Or am I enamoured with the idea of the potential of a thing? These are the questions I’ve been asking of myself and I know I’m the only one who can provide the answers.

Perhaps, the reality is simply accepting that online “connections” really are amophorous and fleeting. You may feel a spark but those soon fizzle. And I return to my mental metaphor of a garden in full bloom; perhaps the answer lies in making connections organically, where you don’t have to remind the other party, “hey! I’m a real person behind this invisible wall which separates us” because you are rooted in reality, space and time so the effort is worthwhile.

Wherever my further reflections take me in answering these questions, all I know is that for this moment, using an online space to widen my dot into a circle is not something I’m willing to try any time soon. And maybe if I do decide to pluck up the courage to try again, perhaps I’ll be shown the alignment is true with time, effort and consistency, for I’ll see a garden in full bloom.

🫶🏼