u/Choice_Inspection_50

I used to be someone who didnt really pray regularly but now allhumdillilah i found peace in salah and when i miss my prayers i get anxious missing a prayer makes me restless and what really helped me with it was the dua i would make after the salah where i share everything that worries me or is in my mind with allah so now allhudmullilah with Allah's help now i dont really struggle with my prayers a lot but there is one thing i am currently struggling with is reciting quran regularly i even started a tafseer video series because i didnt just want to read quran but also understand it but i still dont watch it as regularly i dont really look forward to the recitation and tafseer the way i do to sallah i want to make myself love quran too and recite it daily aswell has anyone of you struggled with this aswell what helped you.

This is kind of a hot take, but today I saw a post on Instagram about how purity culture creates rape culture, and because both of these ideas stem from the same underlying mindset, I genuinely couldn't agree more.

I've seen a lot of posts on Reddit complaining about how there aren't many virgins left who haven't been in a physical relationship, and how some people feel like they won't be able to find a "pure" wife. A lot of these posts are made by men specifically talking about women. For some reason, I've always found this mindset odd. Even though I myself have never been in a physical relationship, I've never really understood why someone's past should determine their worth.

And before anyone says it, I obviously understand that when people talk about wanting a virgin partner, they aren't necessarily talking about women who have been raped or sexually assaulted. But I think the bigger question is: why do we treat virginity as something that determines whether someone is "pure" or worthy of respect in the first place?

Someone who has had consensual sex in the past is still capable of changing. They aren't permanently defined by something they did years ago. And as a Muslim, I find it strange to think that we should consider ourselves morally superior simply because Allah protected us from certain sins or relationships. If Allah can forgive someone's past, who are we to act as though we are inherently better than them because of it?

And this is where I think purity culture becomes particularly harmful for rape victims.

When society places so much value on a person's sexual "purity," victims of sexual assault can become afraid to disclose what happened to them because they fear being viewed as impure, damaged, or somehow less worthy. Sometimes families may even pressure victims to stay silent—not to protect the victim, but to protect the family's "honour."

And when victims are discouraged from speaking about what happened to them, the person who committed the assault can escape accountability. The rapist learns that the victim may be too afraid or ashamed to speak up, while the social consequences fall disproportionately on the victim.

Obviously, purity culture isn't the only reason rape happens, and I'm not saying that having a preference for a virgin partner automatically makes someone supportive of rape culture. My point is that when we turn virginity into a measure of someone's morality and worth, we create a society where victims can be shamed for something that was never their fault, while perpetrators can benefit from that silence.

Maybe instead of asking whether someone is "pure," we should be asking whether they're a good person now.

(Used ai to fix grammatical errors and sequence.)

Those who can hug their parents joke around with them sit with them and have fun yall are genuinely so privileged . I would trade anything to make my family such.

I dont know if this really is the perfect place to ask this but its been a while since i have left a seemingly perfect haram relationship for the sake of allah and ever since then I have not been able to overcome the loneliness that followed

I have been trying different azkhar making prayers for Allahs help but i cant help but feel this loneliness sometimes today is one of that day sometimes i am able to overcome these emotions and focus on my life i tell myself how Allah will not want me to get back to him but other times i fall for the loneliness i assume this being a test from Allah. I want to turn this loneliness into solitude and make it my power instead of weakness

I want to follow this path of sufism to seek closeness to Allah but i feel kinda stuck maybe there is something i am doing wrong. Has anyone here felt something similar?

Would appreciate any advice anyone can give

I know there is a concept of mediation in islam but i never got to learn how to do and whats the technique recently someone who does yoga told me about Vipassana meditation if which you have to focus on air touching your nostrils. I am scared of trying any such things because of shirk what they told me seems harmless but i want to try meditation the way our religion teaches us

I know there is a concept of mediation in islam but i never got to learn how to do and whats the technique recently someone who does yoga told me about Vipassana meditation if which you have to focus on air touching your nostrils. I am scared of trying any such things because of shirk what they told me seems harmless but i want to try meditation the way our religion teaches us

I know there is a concept of mediation in islam but i never got to learn how to do and whats the technique recently someone who does yoga told me about Vipassana meditation if which you have to focus on air touching your nostrils. I am scared of trying any such things because of shirk what they told me seems harmless but i want to try meditation the way our religion teaches us

I know there is a concept of mediation in islam but i never got to learn how to do and whats the technique recently someone who does yoga told me about Vipassana meditation if which you have to focus on air touching your nostrils. I am scared of trying any such things because of shirk what they told me seems harmless but i want to try meditation the way our religion teaches us

Assalamalaikum i want to ask for help regarding nazar and depression

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‎So a while ago i started doing dikhr praying regularly building my tawakul and completely surrendering to Allahs will it really helped me become a better person feel closer to Allah and also helped with my depression. But all of a sudden i started to miss prayer not because i didnt want to pray it was either i completely forgot or delayed getting myself busy with something else until the time passed from five times a day i came to praying once of twice a day i also happened to lost my counter because of which i stopped doing my dikhr all day regularly and now i am getting depressed again and having su*cidal thoughts . I dont understand what happened to me i think i also have nazar as i used to carry the counter everywhere with me and pray on time and am on a visit to my village so socializing and meeting relatives

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‎I want advice on how to get rid of nazar what can i recite to free myself from it and how to come back to praying regularly doing the dikhr and getting rid of this depression again.

Assalamalaikum i want to ask for help regarding nazar and depression

‎

‎So a while ago i started doing dikhr praying regularly building my tawakul and completely surrendering to Allahs will it really helped me become a better person feel closer to Allah and also helped with my depression. But all of a sudden i started to miss prayer not because i didnt want to pray it was either i completely forgot or delayed getting myself busy with something else until the time passed from five times a day i came to praying once of twice a day i also happened to lost my counter because of which i stopped doing my dikhr all day regularly and now i am getting depressed again and having su*cidal thoughts . I dont understand what happened to me i think i also have nazar as i used to carry the counter everywhere with me and pray on time and am on a visit to my village so socializing and meeting relatives

‎

‎I want advice on how to get rid of nazar what can i recite to free myself from it and how to come back to praying regularly doing the dikhr and getting rid of this depression again.

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When we think of rapist most of us would imagine someone in dirt unmaintained clothes dirty face an evil smile with a perverted eyes someone you get bad vibes from someone in the dark alley which you should always avoid, its because that is how media has always presented such men we call them monsters because it is unbelievable to think that a human can ever act this way. But for most of unfortunately it was not a guy in the dark alley, not stranger you unfortunately encountered, not a low class uncivilized servant who worked for your family rather the someone who shared the same blood as you proud of belonging from a respectable family educated well mannered well behaved guy someone their parents trusted. How could they not they were perhaps raised by the same parents ate the same food shared the same roof. Who would believe your brother could be such a danger to your own child? Who would think i have to keep an eye on my kids when they are playing with my brother? Who would believe my kind brother can also be rapist?

‎So my rapist is my mothers brother every year for vacations we would come to my nanas home it was and kinda still is my favorite place to be in. All my uncles loved me very much,I had the best nanihaal one could ever have. They all spoiled me very much. My parents didnt have a good relationship so i knew how much going to my grandparents home meant to my mother. All year round the only time ill see her actually being happy was when we were here.

My one uncle who took the most care of my grandparents my own mother started being inappropriate with me. I was a child i dont remember how old i was i may be around 4 to 6 that too i am judging by my size against him. I dont even remember how long it happened, how long it lasted but i do remember what happened. I have forgotten most of my childhood though i am still cursed to carry these memories. At that time aswell when i had no idea what it was my intuition told me whatever he does to me is very wrong and you should avoid being alone with him but i was a child and he was a grown adult I couldn't have avoided it. After every such encounter i would blame myself for letting myself be alone with him i never told my mother because for some reason i knew that if i told her it will bring chaos, my parents might separate or my mother and siblings would never be allowed to come to my nanihaal our favorite place ever again along with that i also thought of my rapist fiance whom i really liked. I used to tell myself whats her fault think of her she shouldnt bear all of this little did i know i did the worst to her by hiding all this .‎I only visited my nanihaal once a year as they lived far away from us that's why i couldnt help but think that this uncle of mine must have other victims who could be my own cousins and i never could help but blame myself for it for everything they might aswell have been through

‎Today he is married with sons. God didnt give him any daughter and i think i know why. His sons are around the same age as i was back then and he loves and adores them and they love him back. He is not your conventional desi father rather really involved in his childrens upbringing. He showers them, changes their diapers love their mother and is very kind to everyone around him. He is such a great person to everyone that i cant help but doubt my own memories sometimes but i am very sure it all happened he thinks i remember nothing but i actually do i remember everything he ever did to me and it really has effected so many parts of me especially my relationship with men. I have a very strong fear of marriage because of this and seeing my parents relationship aswell.

‎I know its all a test from god to me but i really dont know what should i do , am i even doing good by staying silent about the past as it seems like he has changed. I noticed the change since his marriage i dont even know why i am writing this today after staying silent for so long never being able to talk about it ig i am just feeling suffocated today because i am living in the same house as my rapist i might delete this later.

When we think of rapist most of us would imagine someone in dirt unmaintained clothes dirty face an evil smile with a perverted eyes someone you get bad vibes from someone in the dark alley which you should always avoid, its because that is how media has always presented such men we call them monsters because it is unbelievable to think that a human can ever act this way. But for most of unfortunately it was not a guy in the dark alley, not stranger you unfortunately encountered, not a low class uncivilized servant who worked for your family rather the someone who shared the same blood as you proud of belonging from a respectable family educated well mannered well behaved guy someone their parents trusted. How could they not they were perhaps raised by the same parents ate the same food shared the same roof. Who would believe your brother could be such a danger to your own child? Who would think i have to keep an eye on my kids when they are playing with my brother? Who would believe my kind brother can also be rapist?

‎So my rapist is my mothers brother every year for vacations we would come to my nanas home it was and kinda still is my favorite place to be in. All my uncles loved me very much,I had the best nanihaal one could ever have. They all spoiled me very much. My parents didnt have a good relationship so i knew how much going to my grandparents home meant to my mother. All year round the only time ill see her actually being happy was when we were here.

My one uncle who took the most care of my grandparents my own mother started being inappropriate with me. I was a child i dont remember how old i was i may be around 4 to 6 that too i am judging by my size against him. I dont even remember how long it happened, how long it lasted but i do remember what happened. I have forgotten most of my childhood though i am still cursed to carry these memories. At that time aswell when i had no idea what it was my intuition told me whatever he does to me is very wrong and you should avoid being alone with him but i was a child and he was a grown adult I couldn't have avoided it. After every such encounter i would blame myself for letting myself be alone with him i never told my mother because for some reason i knew that if i told her it will bring chaos, my parents might separate or my mother and siblings would never be allowed to come to my nanihaal our favorite place ever again along with that i also thought of my rapist fiance whom i really liked. I used to tell myself whats her fault think of her she shouldnt bear all of this little did i know i did the worst to her by hiding all this .‎I only visited my nanihaal once a year as they lived far away from us that's why i couldnt help but think that this uncle of mine must have other victims who could be my own cousins and i never could help but blame myself for it for everything they might aswell have been through

‎Today he is married with sons. God didnt give him any daughter and i think i know why. His sons are around the same age as i was back then and he loves and adores them and they love him back. He is not your conventional desi father rather really involved in his childrens upbringing. He showers them, changes their diapers love their mother and is very kind to everyone around him. He is such a great person to everyone that i cant help but doubt my own memories sometimes but i am very sure it all happened he thinks i remember nothing but i actually do i remember everything he ever did to me and it really has effected so many parts of me especially my relationship with men. I have a very strong fear of marriage because of this and seeing my parents relationship aswell.

‎I know its all a test from god to me but i really dont know what should i do , am i even doing good by staying silent about the past as it seems like he has changed. I noticed the change since his marriage i dont even know why i am writing this today after staying silent for so long never being able to talk about it ig i am just feeling suffocated today because i am living in the same house as my rapist i might delete this later.

Usually i just do my istikhfar and salawat i am not really a sufi or have a shiekh asking here bcz you guys do know dikhr

as above

Today i have decided ill take the matters in my hand ill work my ass off if i need to and when i succeed i will support my mother to leave this prison and find happiness it eats me to see her this sad and depressed i will make it happen inshallah it will take me quite long but inshallah ill make it happen allah has showed me how i can manage doing so and i will ill succeed for her i hope allah makes her live long enough to see it happen ill help my mother set free i am leaving this here as i reminder it is now my only motivation to work hard and everytime i lose motivation ill come here to get it back ill remind myself what forced me to make this post and inshallah ill make it happen everyone reading this please pray for me

For long i believed being a daughter puts me in the disadvantage of not being able to help my mother but it is not like that i can still help my mother who gave her everything for me ill make it happen inshallah you all will bare witness

Can you question your shiekh? What if he says or tells you to do something you dont want to do? Do you have to blindly follow them? How did you find your shiekh and what makes you trust them?

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Is anyone here who got themselves out of depression whithout therapy or external support?

How did you do that? What advice will you give?

Is anyone here who got themselves out of depression whithout therapy or external support?

How did you do that? What advice will you give?